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lomid was a dud and did nothing round two of 100mg i ovulated and got my period and round three i got shira for me the when why where and how s of ovulation and pregnancy don t add up to normal questions about a general range of time i can expect my fertile window or when i will get a period the entire process is fraught with anxiety frustration and truthfully scary indications that there is something wrong with my body not getting a period is not something i m happy about and it really irks me when other women who have never battled with pcos comment on how lucky i am to not have to deal with bleeding every month they are speaking out of ignorance i know but i just wish more people knew that not getting your period is actually a symptom of a much bigger problem that can have long term effects on my body and my health insulin resistance high cholesterol and heart disease are also more likely in women who don t get a period personally i ll take a bleeding vagina over death by heart attack thanks anyhow i m writing with news to report a couple of months ago about 8 months post partum i got a weird sort of brown blood period that lasted on and off for over a week i didn t think much of it except to note that it most likely wasn t ovulatory and i could pretty well assume i wouldn t see another period for at least a year if my track record proved correct then about a month later i had another weird period that lasted over a week of sporadic bleeding again i chalked it up to coincidence but this time i started to feel those familiar yearnings to understand my cycle i started to remember how it felt to be back pre pregnancy yearning to finally get a grip on what was going on with my body i banished those thoughts from my mind until around 3 weeks later i started noticing what i thought was ewcm when i wiped i laughed clearly this was my body s form of some sick joke i fully expected it to be a fluke but the next day there was even more and the day after that it was all like so haha very funny body you expect me to believe i am ovulating on my own what a riot right around the day that the ewcm subsided i dusted off the math on my luteal phase which is usually 12 days on the dot i counted forward on the calendar and came up with tomorrow thursday the 12th as the date in which i would get my period if i happened to have ovulated which i haven t done on my own in over 3 years prior to starting birth control today wednesday i went to the bathroom all ho hum wiped and saw a massive quantity of blood on the toilet paper fuck hemorrhoids are at it again i thought wiped the butt nothing and then vagina hemorrhoids or as i like to call it my period sorry picard i m in shock this month i ovulated on my own i fucking ovulated i have no idea how i did it but i m proud 13 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink getting real posted on june 9 2014 by sunny welp it s official my last attempt at weight loss ended almost exactly where i began after three weeks of diligent calorie counting and staying within 1200 1400 calories a day i experienced an initial weight loss and then promptly gained back 5 pounds in the blink of an eye my thyroid checked out as totally normal so i don t think that s the problem the problem is i m not 22 anymore and i had a baby the sleep deprivation alone over the past 12 months has been enough to whack out my body for sure but enough is enough i m 15 pounds heavier than i was when i got pregnant and shira is almost a year old it s time i outgrew my maternity pants as much as i wanted to believe that i could lose weight on 3 pieces of cheesecake all day with no exercise i found myself increasingly hungry craving sugars and fats and feeling bloated an exhausted at the end of the day and oh yeah the whole weight gain thing it sucks i think i mentioned in my last post that i had heard about this diet plan called 21 day fix it s a 21 day plan that involves portion control properly ratio ed fats proteins carbs and 6 days a week of 30 minutes of exercise it is not a quick fix and it s not easy because every day takes a lot of thought about what i m eating but since my quick and easy plan basically blew up in my face i needed to try something different i began the diet plan yesterday and decided that this blog would be a perfect forum to document my progress i ll also be posting my menu plans the diet portion of this plan gives you different colored containers for different food groups green vegetables it s the biggest container purple fruit red protein yellow starch blue healthy fats orange nuts and seeds and you re allowed a couple of teaspoons of peanut nut butter throughout the day you find out how many calories you need to take and then the program gives you the amount of each container you need to eat per day for me i need to eat 3 green 2 purple 4 red 1 blue 1 orange and 2 yellow plus two teaspoons it sounds easy but unless you re content eating bland tupperwares filled with raw fruits veggies cheeses eggs and meats you need to make recipes that have all of these foods in them but still taste good this is where the hours of food prep come in thus far i ve made roasted veggies roasted sweet potato egg and avocado salad watermelon feta salad tropical fruit salad with shredded coconut homemade salad dressing and oatmeal cookies made with oats and applesauce i did most of this last night when shira went to bed it felt great to cook but man it s not easy the workout part of this plan is also challenging but not as challenging as looking at my instructor autumn calabrese my new nemesis this woman is my age has had a kid and wait for it isn t even annoying on the workout dvd s argh i want to hate her but she is making it so hard i took a before pic last night which was really difficult actually i haven t been confronted with the way my body has changed post baby and seeing the image was pretty shocking i feel like i don t even look like me anymore anyhow that s the report for now i will post my measurement stats my meal plan and some recipes throughout the week but for now i ll end with my starting weight 141 6 pounds goal 127 pounds 5 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink frustration posted on may 23 2014 by sunny anyone s metabolism take a huge turd after the baby i went into my weight loss challenge with such zest i counted calories and did a little happy jig when i saw i lost 6 pounds in a week then it just stopped the last three weeks i have not only stopped losing weight i have gained after eating 1400 calories a day i somehow managed to go from 138 to 140 shira bless her sleep trained little heart has been sleeping through the night for a good 2 months now so aside from the 50 60 hour work weeks i have no excuse not to start exercising again i think this is the only way i will ratchet up my metabolism from sloth to lazy cat thankfully hubs is in the same boat and we have decided to team up and do a weight loss program a program people it sounds so officially weight lossie doesn t it i caved and bought 21 day fix which is supposed to fix all of my weight loss problems and turn me into a ripped super model in 21 days of course duh i intend to follow this program to a tee and post on my results little did i know when i bought it that the diet portion of the program would be so detailed so i m going to have to do a lot of planning in order to have success the program comes with colored tupperware that you fill with certain food groups throughout the day there is no calorie counting but rather you eat whatever you can fit into the tupperware the infomercial made the tupperware look big and hearty little did i know the tupperwear for fats and dressings is about as big as a thimble the other sizes aren t much bigger than my fist so who knows how i ll do on this but it s worth a shot i start on june 2 until then i m living it up and ate mac and cheese for dinner 3 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink weekly weigh in posted on april 24 2014 by sunny i ve decided i m going to try and do a weekly weigh in of sorts to keep me accountable to my all new 1400 calorie per day diet and weight loss plan thus far the weight loss plan has not included a lick of exercise just hard core calorie counting and feeling hungry and cravy for carbs and sweets which i deny myself i have no off limit foods and am not trying to carb count or load up on protein just sticking to straight calories so if i wanted to eat three pieces of cheesecake as my only food all day that would fit into the plan in previous attempts to calorie count i had a tendency to over do it on trying to prepare fancy meals and monitor every nutrient in every morsel but that sort of vigilance has caused my downfall on more than one occasion where i get frustrated and give up motto for this round is keep it simple i downloaded a great new app called lose it and it s awesome i feel like i m playing a video game rather than counting calories week one weight 144lbs week two weight 138 lbs net loss 6 lbs i was in shock shock when i looked at the scale this morning not entirely sure how i lost 6 lbs in a week it s probably more like a few pounds plus water weight or something but i m feeling so positive about my progress it definitely motivates me aside from feeling hunger pangs in the middle of the afternoon the 1400 calorie diet feels do able for the next couple of weeks i m hoping to lose a few more pounds and then step up my game by incorporating my diet with a workout plan in a few weeks bottom line though is keep it simple what are some tricks that have helped you lose weight 13 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink how to lose 20 pounds without crying into a tub of ice cream posted on april 16 2014 by sunny my weight has been well weighing on me lately i ve always felt pretty good about my body and have had an athletic shape i loved running hiking and doing crazy workout programs i had no business attempting i ve held steady around 125 130 pounds for all of my adult life until pregnancy when i gained bum bum bummmm 55 pounds and went up to 170 now eight months post partum and i still don t have a hope and a prayer of fitting into my old jeans i have a stomach roll that is making me look and feel about 3 months pregnant and i saw a picture of myself taken recently and i truly didn t look like myself i looked like a pudgy extremely exhausted version of myself bottom line is i m done feeling this way and need to do something about it when i was breast feeding or in my case pumping i dropped weight very quickly to a point where i was at 137 i kept saying if i lost 10 pounds it would be perfect that felt manageable somehow in the 3 months since i ve stopped all pumping shit went south i went to the doctor recently to check on my amazing pcos hormones post pregnancy stepped on the scale and nearly had a heart attack in 3 months i gained 7 pounds and i went up to 144 they are checking my thyroid to make sure nothing crazy is going on there but the bottom line is i think the reason i m gaining is that i m still eating like a pregnant nursing lady and i m not doing any exercise i have downloaded an app called lose it which essentially takes your current weight and goal weight and tells you how many calories you need to consume per day in order to lose x amount of pounds per week basically if i want to lose 20 pounds by august i need to be on a 1400 calorie a day diet i m terrified to say the least i also know that i can eat a bit more some days if i exercise so that is providing me some relief although the thought of going into a gym or doing other sweaty activities that will make me feel my butt jiggle is hard along with my goal to lose weight i also want to run the la marathon again in march i love running and the course of this race is pretty awesome we ll see how it goes for now i m focusing on trying to make it through one day keeping to my calorie goal it s proving difficult i m pretty hungry right now and i only have 450 calories to go for dinner 3 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink the post about sleep posted on april 15 2014 by sunny i m going to preface this post by sharing a few things i ve learned along the way about infant sleep in my opinion sleep advice needs to be treated much like the advice you would give a woman in the throws of infertility treatments there is no right way there is no cure there is no one sized fits all when dealing with individual babies and their individual needs i will post what worked for me but i don t want to come across as some sort of holier than thou sleep sage who found a magic sleep formula that will work with babies big and small i can still feel my skin crawl when i was in the throws of sleepless night 187 and i had a fellow mom ask have you tried putting her to bed sleepy but awake yes bitch i ve tried putting my baby to bed awake and it will never work because she screams for two hours and by that time i have started drinking to numb the pain awkward point being i don t want to come across as that girl it s akin to someone hearing i was going through if and asking have you tried temping anyone who has struggled with infertility and has made it to the other side can attest to the fact that there is a lot of guilt associated around complaining once the infant comes into your world i think this is why i have resisted blogging much and especially resisted blogging about sleep shouldn t i be over the moon about waking up 2 3 times a night to feed and care for the baby i wished so hard for the answer is no no i shouldn t and that s ok getting up every 2 3 hours for 7 months straight is completely unbearable for anyone and unless you re one of those parents who knows from day 1 that you will sleep train the shit out of your baby from the moment he she is old enough to cry it out i ve found that many new parents myself included operate on a different philosophy initially i call it the my baby will train himself philosophy also known as the my baby is different or my way of parenting will defy everything philosophy sleep books pssshhh they re for parents who clearly don t have any idea how to get their babies used to a routine sigh i m embarrassed at how arrogant i was around the whole sleep business my own personal you idiots my baby will train herself inner monologue went something like this happy birthday baby you re a cute tiny newborn right now we re dream feeding and snuggling you re only 2 months old awww do you need a baba mama s here oh my goodness you slept 4 hours straight you re mama s good little sleeper right i mean you ll sleep longer than 4 hours some time soon right i should stop putting pressure on sleep it s only been 4 months and now i m feeding her cereal of course sleep will get better this will absolutely be the night she sleeps through the night no seriously you re up again she s 5 months now should i be getting worried sho...