Meta tags:
description=;

Headings (most frequently used words):

and, you, is, to, of, re, what, me, common, comfort, life, in, the, for, just, it, out, my, from, or, do, but, be, sweet, potato, bread, new, film, make, being, ve, can, down, all, recipes, about, here, by, an, that, up, 4pm, able, read, always, shipwreck, izzy, rael, years, later, art, survival, burn, like, making, food, saving, among, uncertainties, stay, calm, rewind, light, ebbs, flows, counting, blessings, people, reels, want, back, if, honest, moved, recently, been, minimalism, watching, things, when, eat, lot, stuff, slow, maximize, pleasure, uncertain, times, hear, words, photography, short, films, cool, finds, found, artists, moodboards, wishlist, travel, contact, soot, space, aka, visual, digi, circa, 2014, dark, hallway, devoid, fellow, roommates, lots, hammocking, reading, intermittent, napping, don, mind, late, night, ice, cream, excursions, bakery, runs, galore, support, local, businesses, beet, scallion, sesame, bagel, belle, 11, 30pm, self, tuck, ins, usually, accompanied, episode, veep, now, finally, finished, its, entirety, 8am, wake, 15am, coffee, matcha, kcrw, 9am, breakfast, 30am, ish, zooming, with, lunch, somewhere, between, dance, rsizing, dancing, exercising, 5pm, baking, cooking, snacking, dinner, 7pm, fresh, air, 9pm, movie, tv, while, simultaneously, looking, tomorrow, need, acknowledging, still, growing, appreciating, this, moment, knowing, actively, writing, too, will, sad, eloquent, also, very, hopeful, bittersweet, our, plans, mean, contextualize, dwell, on, old, thoughts, draw, meaning, significance, them, we, break, into, aquarium, have, ourselves, take, deep, breath, prioritize, most, important, today, weird, day, wanted, reach, let, know, how, much, care, whenever, feeling, ll, best, thing, hangovers, grease, thanks, mom, dead, end, underdogs, at, 26, billie, eilish, makes, music, differently,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (226), and (201), that (148), 2014 (98), for (81), 2015 (75), been (71), with (64), this (61), what (59), you (58), have (57), was (57), blah (56), 2018 (53), 2016 (51), apr (44), 2017 (43), 2019 (43), all (43), just (43), things (42), myself (42), now (41), like (41), but (41), mar (40), out (40), from (37), new (36), jun (36), can (35), more (35), dec (34), may (33), about (33), here (31), jul (30), think (29), aug (28), sep (28), day (28), how (28), izzy (27), make (26), when (25), back (24), oct (24), rael (24), feel (24), has (24), want (23), feb (22), nov (22), being (22), had (22), not (22), are (22), time (21), found (20), art (20), life (20), posted (20), filed (20), under (20), don (20), home (20), past (19), 2020 (19), into (19), where (18), school (18), jan (18), food (18), #minimalism (18), comment (18), get (18), one (18), alone (18), few (17), artists (17), own (17), lot (17), other (17), week (16), really (16), stuff (16), years (16), need (16), only (15), people (15), days (15), going (15), down (15), take (15), every (15), these (15), trying (15), some (14), little (14), photos (14), better (13), there (13), share (13), know (13), com (13), still (13), friends (12), film (12), space (12), after (12), doing (12), feeling (12), thought (12), weeks (12), again (12), high (11), while (11), making (11), self (11), way (11), even (11), love (11), too (11), made (10), creative (10), right (10), friend (10), los (10), angeles (10), bit (10), health (10), find (10), something (10), see (10), months (10), most (10), never (10), those (10), world (10), much (10), best (9), than (9), almost (9), watching (9), hard (9), didn (9), come (9), until (9), last (9), felt (9), through (9), ago (9), they (9), http (9), kind (9), good (9), baking (9), change (9), could (9), writing (9), summer (8), eat (8), happy (8), because (8), slow (8), mind (8), took (8), keep (8), less (8), why (8), https (8), weird (8), seems (8), our (8), able (8), before (8), everything (8), city (7), great (7), over (7), cool (7), your (7), video (7), month (7), stay (7), getting (7), comfort (7), thinking (7), them (7), help (7), thoughts (7), cooking (7), different (7), their (7), its (7), also (7), who (7), around (7), together (7), york (7), off (6), hello (6), recently (6), honest (6), sweet (6), photography (6), common (6), lately (6), seeing (6), will (6), head (6), work (6), mental (6), small (6), starting (6), ways (6), would (6), having (6), makes (6), apple (6), videos (6), both (6), lifestyle (6), were (6), said (6), used (6), bad (6), view (6), fullsize (6), since (6), wanted (6), halle (6), sugar (6), tsp (6), ever (5), friday (5), design (5), break (5), very (5), say (5), okay (5), then (5), first (5), free (5), moved (5), light (5), potato (5), music (5), thanks (5), show (5), couple (5), already (5), long (5), minute (5), april (5), stronger (5), easier (5), between (5), listen (5), realize (5), her (5), during (5), parents (5), house (5), big (5), instagram (5), hopefully (5), end (5), next (5), buy (5), ones (5), same (5), mattdavella (5), word (5), any (5), spent (5), write (5), night (5), hours (5), job (5), projects (5), feels (5), oil (4), room (4), white (4), raw (4), exciting (4), links (4), dark (4), chia (4), yeah (4), let (4), mom (4), color (4), post (4), news (4), august (4), october (4), pleasure (4), blessings (4), bread (4), 2025 (4), later (4), movies (4), album (4), full (4), repeat (4), anxiety (4), moment (4), got (4), called (4), couldn (4), old (4), attention (4), away (4), many (4), recovery (4), soon (4), try (4), eating (4), though (4), physical (4), slowly (4), today (4), billie (4), entire (4), process (4), brother (4), often (4), willdarbyshire (4), instead (4), learn (4), another (4), lines (4), solo (4), listening (4), read (4), psychological (4), term (4), live (4), ness (4), sort (4), form (4), use (4), saw (4), watch (4), finally (4), started (4), longer (4), emotional (4), blue (4), sometimes (4), drive (4), living (4), figure (4), hope (4), middle (4), thing (4), important (4), maybe (4), reading (4), loaf (4), means (4), social (4), healthy (3), cookies (3), weekend (3), butter (3), easily (3), ginger (3), papa (3), hey (3), super (3), stress (3), thankful (3), list (3), yes (3), pancakes (3), gone (3), breakfast (3), cake (3), thank (3), did (3), wonder (3), study (3), happiness (3), learning (3), maximize (3), ebbs (3), flows (3), rewind (3), among (3), uncertainties (3), burn (3), email (3), recipes (3), words (3), toro (3), single (3), his (3), peace (3), sit (3), state (3), taken (3), conscious (3), entirely (3), become (3), errands (3), kept (3), half (3), habits (3), sibo (3), asked (3), does (3), note (3), context (3), honestly (3), overwhelming (3), changes (3), seemed (3), problems (3), eilish (3), seemingly (3), second (3), year (3), given (3), age (3), sharing (3), describe (3), twitter (3), two (3), song (3), step (3), hole (3), www (3), game (3), well (3), purity (3), virtue (3), kondo (3), acknowledge (3), pretty (3), truly (3), sense (3), personal (3), support (3), newsletter (3), nice (3), point (3), fashion (3), without (3), spaces (3), place (3), whenever (3), talk (3), anything (3), least (3), random (3), fix (3), done (3), miss (3), filmmaking (3), family (3), june (3), ready (3), feelings (3), face (3), changed (3), adjusting (3), working (3), enjoy (3), playlists (3), sign (3), posts (3), breathe (3), moving (3), fact (3), wasn (3), possibly (3), once (3), told (3), reel (3), wrote (3), hallelujah (3), leave (3), inside (3), constantly (3), joy (3), struggling (3), initially (3), resist (3), yet (3), far (3), semester (3), always (3), late (3), person (3), safe (3), everyone (3), movie (3), sesame (3), cup (3), coconut (3), along (3), connect (3), brain (3), either (3), ____ (3), outlet (3), media (3), buckwheat (2), rainy (2), blondies (2), link (2), loves (2), brownies (2), awesome (2), inspiration (2), finds (2), vegan (2), bars (2), wrong (2), simple (2), announcement (2), transitions (2), photographs (2), fifteen (2), pumpkin (2), muffins (2), rad (2), oui (2), orange (2), toast (2), xmas (2), wish (2), style (2), chocolate (2), doubt (2), cookie (2), three (2), grey (2), martin (2), evening (2), minimalist (2), happened (2), office (2), dear (2), street (2), positive (2), cut (2), oats (2), ice (2), cream (2), whole (2), went (2), biggest (2), black (2), becomes (2), nut (2), yellow (2), updated (2), reels (2), counting (2), calm (2), saving (2), survival (2), address (2), travel (2), wishlist (2), moodboards (2), short (2), films (2), older (2), february (2), ordinary (2), dancing (2), him (2), outer (2), moi (2), glad (2), despite (2), sun (2), march (2), hearing (2), control (2), bigger (2), moments (2), bed (2), ate (2), walk (2), putting (2), boxes (2), breakdown (2), fear (2), nagging (2), breaking (2), knew (2), matter (2), stop (2), dipping (2), draw (2), should (2), morning (2), incredibly (2), disordered (2), sure (2), impact (2), check (2), containers (2), acknowledging (2), progress (2), deal (2), look (2), lose (2), weight (2), beginning (2), matters (2), dealing (2), four (2), haven (2), chronic (2), call (2), she (2), everywhere (2), success (2), breaks (2), behind (2), bury (2), recording (2), pictures (2), sad (2), solemn (2), hopeful (2), provided (2), tumblr (2), saying (2), favorite (2), chance (2), products (2), animated (2), dead (2), angular (2), vewn (2), sound (2), content (2), ourselves (2), sustainability (2), doesn (2), moral (2), fundamentally (2), emissions (2), follow (2), won (2), lost (2), human (2), product (2), consumption (2), ghgs (2), gas (2), benefits (2), comfortable (2), confident (2), entitlement (2), marie (2), podcast (2), looks (2), reality (2), isn (2), must (2), clean (2), remember (2), extreme (2), architecture (2), air (2), professor (2), contemporary (2), type (2), flavin (2), untitled (2), judd (2), andre (2), itself (2), unnecessary (2), belongings (2), hear (2), wanting (2), store (2), market (2), singing (2), bookmarks (2), internet (2), midnight (2), wake (2), 30am (2), balance (2), stir (2), spend (2), therapy (2), finished (2), classes (2), party (2), roommates (2), talked (2), tonight (2), nyc (2), man (2), paying (2), functioning (2), mine (2), mini (2), july (2), foot (2), isolated (2), pain (2), rest (2), earthquakes (2), grounded (2), prepared (2), current (2), anxious (2), coming (2), zone (2), turning (2), escape (2), created (2), choices (2), someone (2), normal (2), reflecting (2), written (2), grown (2), somehow (2), director (2), cinematographer (2), graphic (2), directed (2), shot (2), september (2), ohwonder (2), lnk (2), production (2), executive (2), producer (2), precious (2), frequently (2), count (2), relying (2), dangerous (2), directly (2), care (2), enough (2), december (2), believe (2), calling (2), abby (2), appreciating (2), sick (2), grade (2), needed (2), college (2), mean (2), meaning (2), shipwreck (2), negative (2), green (2), dad (2), which (2), believed (2), thoughtful (2), nights (2), games (2), dog (2), puzzles (2), stuck (2), tough (2), realizing (2), quite (2), might (2), dinner (2), talking (2), comments (2), sliced (2), persimmon (2), turbinado (2), seeds (2), vinegar (2), milk (2), ground (2), fresh (2), cinnamon (2), soda (2), powder (2), flour (2), medium (2), mashed (2), minutes (2), parchment (2), paper (2), top (2), tin (2), bowl (2), whisk (2), line (2), times (2), looking (2), tomorrow (2), 4pm (2), possible (2), connected (2), screen (2), literally (2), include (2), freedom (2), grateful (2), open (2), quarantine (2), consolation (2), affliction (2), ease (2), equally (2), pause (2), unfortunately (2), finding (2), enforced (2), blog (2), taking (2), void (2), realized (2), class (2), comparison (2), homework (2), afternoons (2), became (2), brooklyn, maple, clusters, wants, wishes, clementine, honey, roasted, cayenne, almonds, walnuts, olive, oatmeal, moodboard, oat, nib, probably, flourless, zucchini, almond, peanut, adaptable, snapshots, illustrations, stephanie, tart, snickers, laugh, neapolitan, squarebar, review, pdx, brownie, bites, porridge, sponge, autumn, elle, luna, donuts, french, drew, tyndell, goldy, locks, tree, tech, snickerdoodles, subwaves, wong, guana, progression, lorraine, loots, raspberry, questions, answers, book, wehmer, farms, portland, learned, jazz, camp, breakfasts, spiel, scandinavia, dough, photoville, freaking, stressed, hal, rebecca, sunday, birthday, vsco, sonnet, joji, baratelli, tyler, spangler, blizzard2016, hideaways, arists, gabriela, hansolo, blanca, switch, h0me, collide, ben, clement, parallels, absurdity, snow, javier, riba, eggs, steel, halvah, accidentalwesanderson, banana, win, seniors, eighteen, woman, loud, quiet, documentary, twenty, seventeen, blackest, jonathan, higbee, sucker, avocado, seeded, crackers, ricotta, keto, hemp, seed, bliss, balls, carrot, crispy, chewy, chip, polaroids, goodbye, alex, proba, fargo, 1996, diary, spice, overnight, hiller, goodspeed, pencils, aka, visual, digi, circa, soot, contact, newer, bye, released, exemplifies, visually, satisfying, dream, studio, expert, level, showing, dancer, chaz, addicted, novo, debut, hyperbolic, addiction, began, dazed, near, window, bits, awhile, carpark, records, reacts, bouts, caged, picture, entrapping, minuscule, distracted, cleaned, pounded, bikeride, run, checking, helped, reached, bright, flowers, clicked, monday, pent, enclosing, anxiousness, bubbling, deprecating, stinging, ounces, critical, revulsion, agonizing, boxed, depressive, younger, reminding, overanalyze, details, coping, fluctuating, dorm, document, meals, proud, proven, whatever, test, previous, disorders, dismiss, enter, practice, mindful, struggles, facing, restrict, labels, heavily, recommended, minor, return, cannot, happen, frustrated, setbacks, push, accept, gets, distinction, improvements, bouncing, diets, opposite, restrictions, diet, limiting, certain, foods, relapsing, doctors, regularly, cycle, antibiotics, explaining, prove, five, present, relieving, abrupt, instantaneous, happening, cure, six, diagnosed, disease, intestinal, bacterial, overgrowth, received, saturday, incredible, facetime, nytimes, reporter, tooth, drill, dentist, appointment, childhood, bedroom, differently, fastest, rising, pop, star, writes, kilter, hits, model, wished, youtube, reflects, complement, experienced, fail, soothe, musicbed, trial, below, mscbd, sent, anti, aesthetic, sums, skit, ads, real, christmas, underdogs, colleagues, employees, business, nature, fights, hauschka, 2ttlqdi, profit, graduate, rabbit, unnerving, camera, shots, pastel, palettes, evoke, lifeless, atmosphere, counselor, shop, vewn_, josh, yeung, voices, ari, goldberg, philip, stilwell, loving, thrones, endgame, theatres, hbo, endlessly, part, essay, educational, unbiased, format, core, adhere, principle, concept, promotes, eco, mindfulness, owning, alleviate, harmful, broaden, scope, truest, selves, final, destination, decluttering, road, source, royalty, dudes, epidemic, epidemicsound, tsscr, obvious, tendency, planet, contributes, accumulate, contribute, global, greenhouse, underscores, changing, environmental, poses, order, throwing, socks, handbags, arielle, bernstein, atlantic, socioeconomic, issue, accessible, financial, cushion, discard, crafted, leads, fulfillment, according, activist, indicates, standards, artistic, connotation, correctness, patreon, channel, unlisted, wednesday, groundupshow, unstuck, gear, kit, misconceptions, typical, artist, guilty, emulating, trend, luxurious, physically, aesthetically, fad, posting, pristine, interior, designs, buildings, sterile, discomfort, blogs, dedicated, followed, throughout, brow, endured, adopted, spheres, considered, pure, david, raskin, history, institute, chicago, viewers, assume, implying, insincerely, opportunity, preconceptions, dan, barbara, lipper, 1973, donald, 1965, carl, lever, 1966, studying, origins, aging, 1960s, primes, praise, previously, scorned, critics, mundane, pieces, rid, perfectly, organized, glass, jars, jfk, accumulating, mitigate, plastic, waste, coffeemaker, milks, buying, grocery, huge, plastics, cheap, solves, chelsea, artisan, cheeses, sold, essex, groceries, items, finish, else, wait, move, date, granola, jacob, collier, concert, swayed, entrance, cry, bookmarking, relevant, 3hr, difference, craziness, marking, checklist, pants, hanna, tasks, relieve, improving, exams, getty, ramen, cohort, roof, downtown, mores, fire, pit, dim, sum, trampoline, preschool, doctor, flew, mother, napped, aura, reminder, interesting, ified, fitting, doubts, uni, totally, drained, sheer, volume, producing, pushed, limits, cook, kitchen, hang, anywhere, creating, unum, invigorating, tired, processing, slap, abruptly, suddenly, electricity, shell, shock, independence, responsibility, 5th, transferred, 716, haus, officially, seriously, formally, hitting, harder, fragile, susceptible, complete, pivots, within, fractured, accident, hospitals, hurt, wheelchair, difficult, purple, thrown, acclimated, scenarios, keeping, looming, california, disaster, uneasy, event, funny, informed, events, bear, messes, lonely, edge, spam, send, updates, infrequent, disappointed, drop, nothing, wouldn, shall, wanna, breathing, using, conversations, explosive, gut, wrenching, problematic, assumed, adjustments, eventually, begged, proves, originally, excited, contrive, facet, importantly, expanded, injuries, concerns, explained, weren, expected, therapist, aware, cognizant, start, building, playlist, generally, dig, yesterday, plane, sophomore, editor, animation, writer, izzyrael, commoncomfort, highlighting, edited, featured, sony, a7sii, iphone, hallelujahid, produced, socialsid, gregory, ohrel, dop, ashley, barrons, asc, company, luke, tierney, mahaga, choreographer, supple, nam, 1st, alina, yatsyk, 2nd, jenya, shtuchka, whether, genuinely, rut, earlier, give, seized, sustainable, suffocating, locked, introspection, scrutiny, fighting, generate, aren, falling, pits, foresee, pitfall, problem, worry, minimal, temporary, empty, rooms, atmospheres, flood, rushing, anymore, faltering, weighs, body, staggering, spreading, thin, update, promise, november, sailing, above, tuesday, disentangled, tower, teenage, adultdom, ebbed, flowed, effort, releasing, firm, grasp, depressions, rely, focusing, mornings, npr, digging, fall, traps, seven, entries, downcast, admit, leading, reflections, attitude, worth, value, mimicked, fully, opened, 9th, gives, smallest, glimpse, early, teenagedom, perceived, hopeless, inducing, ultimately, satisfactory, period, courage, capacity, publicly, cacophony, third, eight, hangovers, grease, reach, deep, breath, prioritize, aquarium, contextualize, dwell, significance, plans, eloquent, bittersweet, growing, knowing, actively, ephemeral, kid, reflect, shifted, affect, culminate, resonate, beautiful, reflection, upon, objects, shape, creates, colors, complements, juxtaposes, apart, january, vague, unproductive, objective, opinion, subjective, situation, grow, conversation, revealed, underlying, truths, reconsider, situations, interactions, rekindle, repeating, themselves, assured, superficial, strong, append, impulsive, hazy, fog, blinding, blind, name, backtracking, steps, mature, overestimating, matured, managed, stressful, lemonade, lemons, advantage, silver, linings, drinking, wine, homemade, pasta, playing, depressingly, laying, front, books, gifted, 1000, piece, catching, watchlist, crazy, troubles, optimistic, hunker, slumber, coronavirus, parties, somethings, nothings, existing, loved, overthink, brown, cider, cashew, salt, nutmeg, tbs, grated, cups, 200g, purpose, potatoes, steamed, skinned, serve, warm, lifting, refrigerator, slice, bake, inserted, comes, sprinkle, lovely, desire, pour, thick, batter, spread, fold, wet, ingredients, dry, combined, wheat, spices, large, preheat, oven, 350, spray, 4x8, sides, uncertain, manageable, sanity, evoking, schedule, 9pm, simultaneously, 7pm, 5pm, snacking, dance, rsizing, exercising, ish, zooming, lunch, somewhere, 9am, 15am, coffee, matcha, kcrw, 8am, looked, computer, skyrocketed, access, education, anyone, dial, completely, transformed, daily, distance, peripheral, radius, subside, itch, nose, touching, latex, glove, surreal, waking, such, block, couch, restaurants, closed, others, lives, save, feed, deliver, mask, soap, clorox, wipes, pajamas, nutter, butters, shouldn, privilege, accountable, similarly, systems, similar, mentality, stretching, ends, spectrum, echoing, phenomenon, brings, worst, parts, caught, slipping, overly, labeling, subconsciously, guilt, defeated, amid, productivity, flow, tastes, pride, battle, orbits, devil, angel, shoulder, topic, joyous, solaces, mentioned, enemy, tangible, disorder, quick, search, leaned, side, patience, comfortably, preserve, collaborative, culinary, imposed, cultivated, devoted, adapted, navigate, solitude, beneficial, hobbies, arts, explain, supposed, ironic, cliché, sentence, leisure, huh, trombone, piano, middays, adding, epitomizes, sentiment, remind, otherwise, spinning, existential, loop, drifting, future, stray, spiraling, envision, wear, masks, wash, hands, sing, abcs, chorus, harry, watermelon, lull, pretend, true, 30pm, tuck, ins, usually, accompanied, episode, veep, entirety, bakery, runs, galore, local, businesses, beet, scallion, bagel, belle, excursions, lots, hammocking, intermittent, napping, hallway, devoid, fellow, images, summarize, niblets, fill, decade, tells, turned, assignments, intention, motivation, questioned, extent, gaining, experience, forward, someday, returns, version, normalcy, faces, pixels, close, mouths, lagged, dialogue, glued, devices, attempt, each, communicate, span, caring, begging, vent, vomit, hopes, lukita, photo, moca, geffen, america, reclaiming, multi, journal, figuratively, roots, sorts, constant, scrolling, continued, somewhat, afflicting, double, edged, sword, impromptu, portfolio, lured, applications, infinite, craving, motivated, inspired, response, grades, affected, twice, conceptualizing, ideas, fulfill, prompts, forgone, idea, original, figured, prefer, represent

Text of the page (random words):
ou will either both good and bad covid truly redefined what it means to be connected in enforced isolation the only thing that could safely connect us was the www and more specifically the platforms that were already becoming increasingly compulsive and opaquely divisive i feel wound up in it all stuck in the inescapable puzzle of digital connection sourcing inspiration sharing my work i chuckle when i realize that i ve been dealing with the same problems since i was 14 y o and here i am still making art about it we are in an age where we have never been more personally socially and professionally intertwined with social media i ve been asking myself where i can turn to instead i had been wrestling with what my own answer was until i realized it was here this personal archive effectively what i ve called me talking into the void all these years it s the special place i created for myself all those years ago where there was no other noise just me and that was all that mattered in high school my outlet was photography and film i d spend afternoons doing homework and nights finding cool contemporary artists i liked or making mood boards or taking street photography when my outlet became my course of study in college there was no need for me to make art on my own my passion became my job since i ve graduated high school art making had been fed to me taught for me filmmaking was once this beautifully nebulous art form that didn t have structure or rules it was my perfect art form that could synthesize all the things that i love storytelling photography and graphic design but in film school filmmaking is given incredibly rigid definition i wasn t used to having a school grade attributed to my authentically me creative outputs grades never affected what i thought of my work but it did make me think twice when conceptualizing ideas to fulfill prompts or projects maybe i had forgone a better idea for a less original one that i figured my professor would prefer but didn t represent me as well i ve come out of school craving those high school homework afternoons where i was motivated by own want to find something cool that inspired me making something in response in my own way i don t think that i m alone in saying that now my free hours are easily lured by applications of infinite consumption even functioning as an impromptu portfolio of sorts for many social media and my constant scrolling of other people s work has continued to be somewhat self afflicting the double edged sword it is hard to resist comparison and now that art is my job it is hard to resist comparison of success and here i am 5 years later trying to figure out what to do literally and figuratively trying to find my roots again so i m reclaiming what has been here all along what i ve come back to time after time to keep me grounded this 11 year old multi media creative journal just mine more to come p s this is what america feels like right now p p s lukita took that photo of me at moca geffen at the top posted on february 13 2025 by izzy rael and filed under blah blah blah i take photos comment burn out hello world it s only been 5 months i m back in a way i think after all of these months my brain is begging for a writing outlet i use this space to vent and brain vomit everything that i may feel and think in the hopes that someone out there might feel and think it too everything personal creative has been on pause since school has started and only half way through the semester i m starting to burn out bad class for 8 hours a day watching faces in small boxes made of pixels open and close their mouths with lagged dialogue sometimes it seems like there are no breaks from the screen we are fundamentally glued to our devices in an attempt to connect with each other like we used to after almost 8 months of this all i m not sure if it s still possible to communicate in this way with the same emotional and psychological attention as before i know i can t i feel like i m beginning to lose my short attention span and caring less about paying attention at all i told abby that this semester is the first one where i ve turned in class assignments late with little intention or motivation to make it great or even good i ve questioned to what extent i feel like i m learning or gaining any experience in the things i want to learn it feels like i m just trying to get by day by day doing only what is asked of me right now and moving on starting tomorrow like i started today just looking forward to that someday when life returns to some version of normalcy i m struggling with some new mental health things that s been hard it s a new process that i ve never had to deal with before despite all that i ve gone through in the past decade i ve realized that that process is ok i m not alone as much as sometimes my head tells me i am i know that i needed the break to just live now i m not living so i need to write posted on october 15 2020 by izzy rael and filed under blah blah blah i take photos 2 comments what life is like hello from the void first off i m starting a newsletter it ll have more little niblets than i include in blog posts so if you want to sign up for that fill this out here are some random images that best summarize the past week or so 1 a dark hallway devoid of fellow roommates 2 lots of hammocking reading and intermittent napping i don t mind 3 late night ice cream excursions 4 bakery runs galore to support the local businesses here s a beet scallion sesame bagel from belle s 5 11 30pm self tuck ins usually accompanied by an episode of veep that i ve now finally finished in its entirety i m still slowly adjusting to this new sense of normal at this point it s hard to envision a world where we no longer wear masks and wash our hands while we sing the abcs or for me the chorus of harry style s watermelon sugar i m starting to ease into the social lull a bit more it seems more comfortable now that summer is finally coming around i just pretend that i can t see my friends because they ve gone for the summer i mean that s true it s been that sort of week where i have to remind myself to count my blessings otherwise i find myself spinning in an existential loop of drifting what if s what if ____ in the future what if i don t do ____ now what if the world ____ it s been hard to stray away from those lines of thought and i know that i m not the only one spiraling through them often one thing i ve been turning to is music unfortunately i don t have my trombone with me or a piano but i have spent the middays listening to some of my playlists on repeat here s the one i ve been recently adding to that epitomizes the sort of happy solemn sentiment that i ve had these past few months some weird ones in there too like these weird times huh enjoy at your leisure posted on may 13 2020 by izzy rael and filed under blah blah blah i take photos 1 comment making food is saving me food means a lot to me that s not supposed to be an ironic or cliché sentence food means a lot of different things to me this blog was once devoted entirely to food posts and recipes that i made up or adapted in a time in middle and high school where i felt most alone making food and taking photos was my way to sort of navigate new spaces of freedom and solitude both cooking baking and photography are equally as beneficial to me as social hobbies arts as they are solo ones a lot of the time doing either on my own makes me feel not alone in some way that i can t entirely explain as i m writing this i think it has to do with the fact that the end product of both is something i always want to share photos food photos of food in quarantine i ve leaned back into my more creative side of cooking lately i have the time and the patience the space to do so more comfortably now during this new context of reality it feels good i m glad i have the drive to preserve my creative drive from film photography production collaborative projects which is on pause unfortunately to culinary solo projects i m finding a lot of the same joy that i felt all those years ago when the solo ness was less enforced but still self imposed i ll get to that in a second it s a comfort that i ve already cultivated for myself it s there i just had to find it again again back to the food means a lot of different things to me topic yes food is all of these joyous things and solaces that i ve mentioned it also used to be an enemy for me i honestly can t remember if or when i ve talked about food being a tangible fear anxiety i e eating disorder for me note after a quick search this is the only one i ve found being honest with myself here it was during those same years of middle high school that cooking was equally my consolation as it was my affliction it was a dangerous creative game for me i d like to say that i m now at least 95 out of recovery from that past self but i ve felt myself dipping into a similar mentality of cooking a lot again during quarantine i m stretching out the ends of the very positive and the very negative spectrum again does that make sense echoing that consolation and affliction phenomenon it s the time and the overwhelming space to think that brings out both the best and the worst parts of my brain i have caught myself slipping a bit being overly conscious about food labeling things good and bad subconsciously feeling guilt feeling defeated feeling all those things amid all the good that i feel from it too productivity creative flow awesome tastes pride ease peace these past few weeks i ve been in a little bit of a battle between these two orbits of thought like the devil and angel on either shoulder i ll be okay writing this makes me feel accountable i ve never been super open about this stuff but i feel like now is the time to share if people have ever or do feel similarly now it s something i m still working on i m grateful to have support systems to help me through it okay that was a tough one thanks for hearing me out posted on april 20 2020 by izzy rael and filed under blah blah blah i make food i take photos 1 comment among uncertainties sweet potato bread we are living in a weird time it s been surreal waking up every morning realizing that i no longer have such a freedom to walk classes every day that i no longer can go down the block to watch a movie on a friend s couch that restaurants are closed that people are sick that others are putting their lives on the line to save the rest of us to feed us to deliver the things that we need that i m grateful to be able to have a mask whenever i leave the house that soap and clorox wipes are precious that i don t have to change out of my pajamas but i should that i could eat nutter butters all day but i shouldn t that as much as i don t want to be inside all day it is a privilege to be able to do so life has transformed itself into a daily game of how far of a distance i can keep from every person in my peripheral radius the mini games include how many different ways i can subside an itch on my nose without touching my face or how much i can maximize the use of a latex glove my computer time has skyrocketed to 12 hours a day as of this week how is that possible i feel like i m constantly connected to its screen it s quite literally now how i access my education how i talk with my friends and my parents and my brother or connect with anyone really so how could i possibly dial back on it without feeling completely isolated it s something i m still trying to work on to balance at least this is what days have looked like lately 8am wake up 8 15am coffee matcha and kcrw 9am breakfast 9 30am 4pm ish zooming with lunch somewhere in between 4pm dance rsizing dancing exercising 5pm baking and or cooking and or snacking and or dinner 7pm fresh air 9pm movie tv while simultaneously looking up recipes to make for tomorrow and repeat it s been a manageable and sanity evoking schedule it s good for now and that s enough baking has been my escape this is my current list of things i want to make so among all these uncertainties here s sweet potato bread that i made a few weeks ago sweet potato bread for uncertain times makes 1 loaf what you do preheat oven to 350 f spray a 4x8 loaf tin with coconut oil and line with parchment paper along the sides whisk together white whole wheat flour baking powder baking soda and spices in a large bowl in another medium bowl whisk together mashed sweet potato oil milk vinegar and sugar fold wet ingredients into dry until just combined pour thick batter into loaf tin and spread until it s even sprinkle with sesame seeds and turbinado sugar place sliced persimmon along the top in any lovely fashion that you desire bake for 60 80 minutes until an inserted into the middle comes out clean leave to cool for 15 minutes before lifting out the loaf with the parchment paper store in the refrigerator until ready to slice up serve with butter cinnamon sugar warm what you need 2 medium sweet potatoes steamed skinned mashed 1 2 3 cups 200g all purpose flour 1 1 2 tsp baking powder 1 2 tsp baking soda 1 tsp ground cinnamon 1 tbs fresh grated ginger 1 2 tsp ground nutmeg 1 4 tsp salt 1 3 cup coconut oil 1 2 cup cashew milk 1 tsp apple cider vinegar 1 2 1 3 cup brown coconut sugar sesame seeds turbinado sugar sliced persimmon stay safe everyone posted on april 9 2020 by izzy rael and filed under blah blah blah i make food 2 comments stay calm i m home for now all together with my family i don t know how to feel or process things other than just existing minute by minute and being thankful for being with my loved ones trying not to overthink things i think that s healthy i had a little bit of a breakdown the other night realizing that with everyone going home because of the coronavirus it quite possibly might be the last time i see any of my friends for a while working on projects having little dinner parties just being together and talking about somethings or nothings initially the only thing i wanted to do was stay in los angeles i thought we could all hunker down together and tough it out have a 2 week long slumber party or something i thought that was important it took me the last 2 days to realize that all i want to do is just be with my family stuck at home doing puzzles or just reading with the dog that is important i want to be home i m trying to come up with ways to not get stir crazy inside for long hours as i know i ve had troubles with in the past i m optimistic here are some things i ve come up with so far catching up on my movie watchlist doing a couple 1000 piece puzzles baking a cake with my mom reading some of the books i ve been gifted in the past couple of years writing anything playing games with the dog she s just depressingly laying in front of me right now making homemade pasta with my brother drinking wine important to everyone out there stay safe as my dad wrote last week when things were seemingly a bit less stressful may we all be safe an...