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Text of the page (random words):
quences frying fish and other applicable clichés january 8 2010 dear fickle one enough is enough you know really three years of push pull are enough even for my legendary equanimity and patience yes you re cute yes you re witty and smart and can talk my pants off effortlessly yes blah blah blah remember though you are hardly unique i ve had my pants talked off by cuter wittier and smarter than you go talk to the allegedly dull one who is fucking you to death and the apparently insane one who just wants a good spanking and the obviously flexible one who will stand on her head for you then when you figure out what you really want come back and tell me all about it and i ll tell you all about those other fish there are plenty in the sea i hear and others to fry bye bye big boy posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne scuro war 2 comments an unhappy bondage aka merry fucking christmas december 26 2009 i am bound by the season and its trappings every shining moment can be turned over to reveal its lusterless reality each merry greeting secretly contains within it the shame of untimely solitude i smilingly pine for release behind gritted teeth i silently yearn for rescue while my brain boils in despair my apparent cheer and serenity are rewarded with lies more lies sneering lies and traps survival two weeks of keeping up appearances of soul killing sweetness and begrudging generosity are ended only by a return to normal normal is negligent and cold and often alone but it also means freedom and possibilities and secret conversations that sustain soon posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne scuro leave a comment torture september 15 2009 i try to identify the source of my anxiety in what we have this incalculable thing that has sprung up between us maybe it is the calibre of his words yes his words are his ammunition and i am slain no that doesn t work let s try again his words are the sun i am blinded i am burnt i am nicely tanned and it s time to turn over no no no this is it the source of my anguish his words his words they crash into me they cudgel they caress me they craze me they coerce me i feel helpless hapless hurt i m overwhelmed blissfully so and i can t fight back because he has everything and i have nothing the words are his never mine given but not received they turn me on they arouse me they pull me in i drown in them but they are never mine au contraire my words mine les miens are nothing become meaningless and empty in response because of in reaction to his i m left verbally naked and craving more words posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne chiaroscuro war tags navel gazing relationship self pity sex war 3 comments quiet d and other angsty goodness september 13 2009 a year and a half after promising to emerge from unintentional and occasional but still neglectful hiding followed by sudden self imposed and seemingly permanent blog exile i appear to have returned what can it mean why would la bohémienne have been satisfied to navel gaze in solitude all of this time and then without warning to herself or to others feel a need to share all that lint with all and sundry once more there is only one possible explanation i crave attention your attention the need has never fully disappeared it was there lurking barely beneath the surface waiting to emerge when my attention was elsewhere angst doesn t go away not really it just hides and attacks when defenses are low and now i feel as vulnerable to that attack as i have in many months if i must be honest must i i secretly enjoy that vulnerability it seems to me that every grand and intense experience occurs when i feel least able to handle the consequences that seems a fair trade off to a self identified drama queen so here i am ready to verbally wring my hands and wail my confusion in anonymous public once more i do hope that you will accept this implied apology i know that i ve taken you for granted and i really don t deserve a second chance i know you though and your legendary generosity if you take me back believe me read me tell me you love me i promise to be faithful to you only you only all of you or at least occasionally amuse you with my not so quiet desperation posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne chiaroscuro tags blogging navel gazing not hiding whining and complaining 1 comment emerge january 6 2008 hiding under the bed i became used to dust bunnies in my nostrils and weird shiny bits of paper occasionally floating by me still it was generally warm and the main point of being there quiet once a pair of fuzzy slippered feet hesitated not far from my nose and there was a distant and muffled noise that just might have been my name being called it s hard to say i ve rather forgotten the sound of my name there were the right number of syllables i think another time a wee mousie scurried under my bent knees on his way somewhere more interesting and less encumbered by my presence even had it been moving more slowly slowly enough to make eye contact before disappearing beyond the short range of my dimming vision i m not sure i would have invited it to stay i had little if any conversation left in me and what else does one offer a wee mousie when one is hiding under the bed generally i spent my time humming quietly to myself solving word problems that i set for myself in my head very simple ones of course i wasn t there to expand my intellect after all once in a while i would squint my eyes to examine whether my fingernails had become too long and if so i would chew calmly on them until all was right again i was content as content as one should be with no disturbing view of the outside world no distracting opportunity to flex muscles no annoying food or water no well no bathroom facilities honestly it was this last that motivated me finally to emerge the necessities of life and human contact can t be avoided forever apparently first i stretched out my right arm and wiggled my fingers beyond the shadow of the mattress the air felt a little cool but bearable i waited for a while for possible negative side effects or consequences nothing nothing touched my fingers no one yelled in sudden frightening awareness of my re emergence i waited longer finally i began to shuffle my body along the dusty floor pausing once to sneeze into my elbow as i have been painstakingly taught to do when i finally dragged my head out into the open i covered my eyes with one hand too much light too much too soon i began to hear street noises distantly in the background i eventually uncovered my eyes and looked toward the source of the light and noise a window blinds closed but not fully blocking the outside from intruding on the inside in time i gathered my courage and rolled over onto my hands and knees and slowly used my hands on the edge of the bed to pull myself into an unaccustomed upright position i shook my head patted my hair smoothed my clothes and here i am please don t make any sudden movements or loud noises i ve become unused to it i startle easily but here i am posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne scuro tags hiding not hiding 16 comments automated december 16 2007 this post is being written by an automated blogging device if bohémienne had any integrity as a blogger she would have updated this so called blog many days ago since that is clearly not the case the automated blogging system abs has been activated this blog will contain all of the required and habitual elements 1 navel gazing i am a most interesting blogger i have no doubt that you are fascinated by each and every one of my scintillating words today i choose to pass along the following tidbit of wisdom try not to take on too much over the christmas season or you may in fact run out of time to write 2 angst do you still love me even though i haven t been posting regularly have you decided to abandon me as a lost cause please i really can t get by without your attention i promise to do better don t leave me 3 self deprecation really it isn t as though anything i write is worth your time and effort i m awfully ordinary i m more than grateful for your attention and i take it with a grain of salt truly my talent isn t so great no no stop it i blush if bohémienne decides to get off of her ass and post again soon this abs will not need to be activated again in the meantime your patience is appreciated abs posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne chiaroscuro tags blogging lazy ass procrastinating 11 comments write it out december 6 2007 i wake up with a low rumbling at the edge of my consciousness i m not immediately certain whether this is a headache or the angst of the night making a last protest and grab at my attention before receding at the approaching day the sensation does not pass though it insists and takes hold until i am forced to recognize it it steals the tepid pleasure from the pale wintry sun trying weakly to push its sickly rays through the blinds across the room it resonates with the sound of the alarm shrilling suddenly as always 5 minutes too late i m already awake or the next thing to it the buzzing at the back of my head is now a throbbing it is pain but it is also memory a feeling that is hanging on too long according to my practical daily self and the practical daily people who tell me to move on let go get over it i placidly obediently agree i set my conditions double my efforts and refuse to give in it doesn t go away though it stays there buzzing rumbling throbbing ready for the next grey morning to remind me it always infiltrates slowly day after day this knowledge of my unhappiness i m running out of options though of energy for fighting it beating it down moving on letting go getting over it that s the easy part the thing though that presence that knowledge follows me through my day giving me respite only at night knowing that it is waiting hovering to push back in with my consciousness it memory has to let go of me and it hasn t i ve tried talking it out of me i can t do that any more i m the one who is talked out i have attempted to cry it out walk it out think it out it s stubborn it hangs on as if with the primitive understanding that once out it will not be welcomed back this is my next essay this time i will try to write it out if i get the words just right just write it will fly from me out the tips of my fingers with those words into space into emptiness i don t care where i need to type the magic words the sentence that will free of my self imposed sentence can it be as simple as knowing the incantation i suspect that even this apparently magical solution will not rid me of this burden posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne scuro tags self pity whining and complaining writing 4 comments border security november 28 2007 the first impression is that there are no limits all seems to be open and wild and free you may roam where you will if you step across an invisible barrier of any kind it isn t immediately obvious you could probably cross that line a dozen times without being aware that it is there it does exist though each time it is crossed it becomes slightly more visible gradually only very gradually it is as if the keeper of the border is almost infinitely patient almost if you choose to spend time here you need to watch carefully keep an eye on that line that at first doesn t even seem to exist eventually if you keep walking over it in your ignorance and haste it will become solid and you may trip on it take that as your warning the next time you trod carelessly toward it you won t be able to cross you won t even trip over it you ll find quite suddenly that it is a brick wall unclimbable you ll see the keep out sign if you persist if you push on the wall you ll realize it isn t even only impassible it s an electric fence and your stubborn insistence on trying to bypass it will only result in disaster for you much better to stay on the outskirts enjoy the appearance of freedom of access and resign yourself to the fact that some places are just off limits to you posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne scuro tags relationships 8 comments surrounded by twits november 25 2007 dear clueless one here s a secret if you like me if you want to impress me learn to spell it isn t luv it s love it isn t yr or u or r it s your you and are punctuation is nice beginning sentences with an uppercase letter is fun give it a try yours in frustration and disdain boh p s referring to yourself always with a capital letter doesn t actually make you my dom idiot posted by bohemienne filed in bohemienne scuro tags idiot doms idiots letters 10 comments oh ffs november 25 2007 dear dingbat magnet you ve really done it now haven t you as if the capslocking wasn t enough you may have succeeding in turning me completely dingbatty i don t know if that s what annoys me or you have annoyed me no it s probably you it is always all about you isn t it i know it s so out of character isn t it i m supposed to be all nice and rational and unemotional and mainly placid with just occasional outbreaks of stroppiness and you know i generally am i defend to the death your right to do anything you like and i enjoy the honesty but quite honestly i just have to say this fucking hell that really was a step or ten way over the line no wait that wasn t quite what i had to say i think maybe it was this you have really pissed me off and upset me now yes that was it very much doubting the yours bit melograna posted by melograna filed in war leave a comment older entries pages about us recent posts frying fish and other applicable clichés an unhappy bondage aka merry fucking christmas torture quiet d and other angsty goodness emerge archives january 2010 december 2009 september 2009 january 2008 december 2007 november 2007 october 2007 september 2007 august 2007 july 2007 june 2007 bohemienne chiaro chiaroscuro melograna scuro uncategorized war categories bohemienne chiaro chiaroscuro melograna scuro uncategorized war meta create account log in entries feed comments feed wordpress com blogroll a beautiful revolution absolutely miles away almost literary an unreliable witness and from these ashes annie rhiannon blogzira down in me emphasis mine forget me now grossly unimaginative little red boat my mental milkcrate norfolk village life exposed the boy who could but didn t the lilli pad the overnight editor twobluefish vesper in limbo from fuck up to fab recent comments bohemienne on frying fish and other applicab ylhf on frying fish and other applicab ylhf on surrounded by twits ylhf on automated bohemienne on torture search for blog at wordpress com complicity create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed complicity sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy complicity subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website 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