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so because i have this blog i m going to write what i feel because i can if you know me irl please please don t take this the wrong way this blog is my outlet there s no need to call me and check up on me b c i m truly alright i just need to vent and i prefer to vent here because somehow it s where i truly feel understood i don t have to censor myself or act like a good person or a good christian or a good anything i can just let it out and in doing so perhaps eventually let it go hubby is still talking to the university in the south folks i do not fully understand why they haven t budged and have yet to even send an offer in writing because they won t give hubby any of what he has asked for i m confused as to why he doesn t say some politically correct form of kiss my ass and walk away from it all i don t know why he doesn t feel immensely insulted i think he still wants to go there and i don t know why he would want to work for people who think that offer is what he is worth i ve asked him and his responses are brief polite and vague i ve tried asking clarifying questions but the answers don t change it s always some form of i m going to wait and see what they do next um they re not going to f in do jack i asked him if this isn t a big red flag and his response was there are red flags everywhere you could go sure but big huge crimson and grey ones that read we think you should take a pay cut and drag your entire family here in a terrible economy for no good reason ones come on now i just want this all behind us i m ready to move on he s talked to people he s called he s emailed and nothing has budged ok one little sentence in which someone said maybe they could go 2k more making his pay cut 3k as opposed to 5k uh huh yeah even little things like a computer for home were denied simple things we get here that we take for granted they ve said no to it just makes me so livid so now i ve decided to stop talking with hubby about it altogether that s what i have to do to stay sane but then we go to church and loving well meaning folks ask him in front of me of course have you heard from southern univ yet greaaaat i think and all he says is we re still in negotiations on the offer um no no you re not negotiations would be where they make another better offer which they have not done i m just f in sick of it so i did some retail therapy at stein mart and bought 4 very cute tops for a total of 53 so cheaper than a therapist and i bought new lamps for the master bedroom which is looking more and more cool every day and we re going to hire the same guy to paint the last unfinished room in our house hubby s office which may eventually be a girl s bedroom when they need their own spaces and then i baked brownie bites and don t tell me they don t make you feel better because darn it they were awesome and i was in hog heaven so starting today i am erasing the tide from my vocabulary with hubby no more questions period if he brings it up i will listen period i will not respond i will not offer an opinion i ve given it and i m done it s ultimately his choice but i m officially done at least i have this blog dunno where i d be without my buddies posted by tamara at 10 53 am 5 comments thursday february 5 2009 the university in the south got the offer they attempted the low ball i was livid and insulted i don t know what michael was they actually offered 5k a year less than he makes here wtf then they had the cahones to say that he could make up that lost income by teaching in the summer i am so tired of cussing that i just don t have the energy to write about it their loss i am glad we are happy here on a positive note our master bedroom looks so flippin goregous window treatments are next posted by tamara at 11 27 am 6 comments friday january 30 2009 the tide begins to roll well i don t know how public my dh wants the news to be at this point but what they hey university in the south emailed yesterday to let him know they would be making an official offer sometime next week the wheels of university bureaucracy often spin slowly especially when there is possible promotion and tenure in question or a significant amount of muhlah compared to the minimum wage of course no matter what happens i m proud of him please pray that the decision is relatively easy for both of us i love a lot of things about lexington and about our life right here but i also know that to everything there is a season and our season here may be coming to a close our work here may be done or not we really need wisdom and guidance and peace in the weeks ahead if an offer rolls in next week we may very well know within a couple of weeks where we will all be living come this august which is merely 6 shorts months from now our master bedroom is being painted next week which means it will either be in perfect shape to sell or the perfect bedroom i ve always wanted for myself i m at peace with either staying or going but between me and the blogosphere if i were a gambling woman i d bet on red meaning we re going and i ve always been pretty good at roulette just not the russian kind if you re into signs we had a monstrous ice storm here last week that wiped out the city for days while in the other city it was warm and sunny i also look better in red than in blue oh and if you are praying for specifics tenure promotion an affordable house to buy and a salary with a lot of 8s in it i won t be more specific than that but think pray 8 remember 8 is great to everyone reading thank you a sincere thank you for the prayers and for caring about lil ol us we are honored to be in your thoughts and prayers posted by tamara at 7 46 pm 6 comments sunday january 25 2009 you know there is a recession when you transfer your prescriptions all over town in order to get gift cards so you can buy milk and bread there so far we have transferred from cvs to rite aid 3 30 gifts cards for each of us for a total of 180 in gift cards to walgreens and now to kroger i think the kroger deal was the best so far 20 gift card for each transferred rx up to 3 of them that s grocery money right there next month will be target they only offer a 10 gift card but hey 10 is 10 and i have the coupons to transfer to k mart as well but i still have to find out if ours has a pharmacy anyone else done the prescription shuffle posted by tamara at 10 38 am 6 comments saturday january 10 2009 how it went hubby thinks all went well was talked about and promotion and the possibility of tenure all things that certainly wouldn t be talked about were he not under serious consideration and had made a great impression over the 2 day interview palooza my co parent returns tomorrow afternoon and his oldest child will be so glad to see him as she has really really missed him in sad news it looks like one of my classes for spring didn t make so that s less income however it very well may be god making more time for me to get the house together and to make preparations for a move who knows i m just trying to trust any idea how sexy your husband becomes when he is successful and everyone knows it dang just dang posted by tamara at 12 01 am 3 comments thursday january 8 2009 in the loo well hubby is safely at the interview destination and i m off to have my hair done while the kid os are at daycare it s been quite a while and i m trying out a new stylist who is about 30 cheaper than my normal stylist which should tell you how much i ve been over paying the kids were up when daddy left at 5 30 this morning and i let them watch dora until it was daylight and then i dressed them and took them to daycare i did the wic grocery store run bright and early which apparently is senior citizen time at kroger who knew i then took a hot shower which i d also not had in far too long and watched a few insipid style makeover shows i m now blogging of course and about to head out to get my new doo hubby should be touring the city we call the loo about now tonight is dinner with the retiring faculty member who could be called the aretha franklin of our field i m jealous the first time i met her i felt faint what a cool woman she is later i ll get the kid os and see what cookie wants for dinner she barely eats so what she wants is usually what we have maybe tonight we will do girls manicures i wonder how bit bit would like that posted by tamara at 2 33 pm 1 comments tuesday january 6 2009 interview day after tomorrow hubby leaves for his interview at big southern university well medium sized really considering its only 17k students i don t know about an elephant as a mascot and a chant referencing polluted water that and i graduated from florida working there just seems well let s just hope they pay well i can be bought we ve looked at houses on line in small southern city just east of mississippi i even found a cute one on a lake houses seem affordable the only catch is a big one we d have to sell our house here and there s no way we could carry two house payments i also feel like we just got our house here looking the way i wanted it most rooms re painted all new lighting etc i find the thought of moving downright invigorating most folks loathe the idea but i think grad school and the academy made me more flexible in that area i m not looking forward to being a single mom for the 3 days michael will be gone i m a wimp i like our routine with the kids and how much he does with them i can t imagine how i m going to get both of them to sleep usually he gets bit bit to sleep and i lay down next to cookie as she drifts off it s a good balance michael won t know for a while the outcome of his interview as the other candidate isn t coming in until the end of january there is also another faculty line being filled in the same department and those candidates are also interviewing this month so the faculty there won t likely make their decisions and have approval to extend the offers until the beginning of february it will be a long hard wait for me i like to have answers yesterday i was not blessed with the gift of patience until then we will focus on our teaching and the new semester and our family we ve purchased new bedroom furniture for ourselves and that will arrive this month we re also getting our master bedroom painted a very very light aqua and purchased new bedding i ve gone for the spa feel so hopefully that will also motivate me to get the oldest child out of our spa bed it also won t hurt for showing the house to prospective buyers all that should keep us busy i m working on getting my vita updated so we can potentially try to land me some teaching in the department as well should michael get an offer that he can t pass up rest assured it would take a fabulous offer to get us to leave all we have here we are pretty certain the offer would have to involve promotion to associate professor which there is a good chance of promise of tenure in a year which there is a slight chance of and a nice bump in salary who the heck knows the chances of that one it really needs to be a dream offer so what do we think we want at this moment we want an offer that is all of the above so if you are the praying type we d love for you to pray with us this week and this month if god wants us to roll with the tide then pray we follow his will if we are to stay pray we know for sure we need to be here we are grateful to be in this position especially when so many others are suffering without jobs of any kind we are excited that god might be telling us it is time to move on to the next great adventure you know i had no clue as to why i we was were supposed to move to lexington ky but i have two beautiful reasons that are now crystal clear i m so proud of michael and in my previous marriage i was never proud of my husband what a difference it is to have someone to be proud of such a cool feeling his big interview day is friday relaxed day thurs getting shown around and wined and dined big interview day and his research presentation on friday and he returns sat morning so big prayers needed friday posted by tamara at 11 23 pm 7 comments conversation with cookie in the bathroom water is warming up in the tub before she gets in c i don t like my vagina she says sitting on the rug and giving it a close inspection me oh you have a very nice vagina i like it i have one too and i like mine i attempt to be very vagina positive lest she grow up thinking its anything short of wonderful c but i have a little bitty vagina when i grow up i m gonna have a great big vagina shouted while throwing her arms up in the air me trying not to pee myself oh sweetie how about a nice medium sized vagina posted by tamara at 11 54 am 4 comments friday december 26 2008 enormous thanks to everyone who prayed for me and for my husband and for my family thanks just isn t enough i am doing better i am relieved that the semester is over and am anxious for the chance to do a better job next semester with 4 classes on a mwf only schedule this past semester tanked and for someone who puts her heart and soul into her teaching that was a big letdown marriage is interesting things are going well right now but hopefully you ll pardon the skepticism anyone can make short term changes the big news is that michael will be interviewing at big southern university in a very southern state roll tide we are both very excited to see if that is where god wants us to go next if not we are cool it is nice to be ok with whatever happens his interview is the 2nd week on january and we should know within a few weeks after that if there is an offer to consider that being said we ll likely know by march if life is going to dramatically change or if life will go on here in the bluegrass mia turned 3 last week my baby is no longer a baby she s tall and thin and can carry on a conversation better than most adults i know she is so intelligent that is scares us most days and challenges us constantly rebekah was baptized on the sunday before christmas and my parents and brother and sister in law drove all the way from florida for it all she got to wear her sister s baptism gown and was absolutely beautiful in it she even waved at the audience from up on the stage she is still quite small just getting into size 18 mo clothes at 17 months of age she is still quiet and not using words but quietly babbling about all kinds of things even though we have not taught her baby sign language she has picked up quite a bit of it from other kids in her room at daycare so it s funny to see her do all the little signs for things even when she doesn t speak the word here s a couple pics i ll try to get better at posting it seems that now many folks i know irl and in my church know about my blog so i imagine posts may be more tame i wish i could post more anonymously and therefore more freely but i m more than a bit embarrassed to discover so many folks who read my blog it s likely that this scared me away from posting for so long i may start an...