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a thousand joys skip to main skip to sidebar a thousand joys my life ever ordinary tuesday october 25 2011 annual disorientation this post is a repeat of last october and then the october before that but i can t help it i cycle through this emotion each year that i live in arizona it s my sad but every fall i become disoriented in both time and space with the static weather i m still running my air conditioner even though the simpson s halloween specials are running during the 10 o clock hour at no other time of the year does the shimmering heat of this city in the sun bother me i soldier through the stickiness of late july and august with the best of them and a smile on my face but just as everyone else is thinking of hot apple cider fall leaves and pumpkin donuts i m thinking holy shit why is the pool closed i still operate as if it is summer but it s actually nearly november and autumn is firmly in place cewg saw fall leaves for the first time when we were in virginia last week for roommate barbara s wedding we walked outside on a drizzly day and she saw the orange leaves floating along in the gutter a beautiful red maple caused her to shout look mommy that tree is on fire autumn is my favorite time of year i love the smells of wet leaves damp earth the chill in the air as the sun sets earlier and nights grow longer the smell of woodsmoke curling through the trees bringing memories of marshmallows cold noses and frost on a windowpane every year the holidays sneak up on me i have elaborate plans to decorate bake craft and carve but every year as i continue to sweat my way through november i forget because it still feels like august and suddenly it is too late this year it will be different i am going to try to put effort into making the season one to be jolly to hold those i love close to find something to celebrate in a big way to remember to turn my face up to the blinding sun and say a prayer of thanks that despite 90 degree heat through november at least i don t have to scrape ice off my windshield in the morning posted by eewill at 11 46 am 7 comments monday october 24 2011 inside and out a very dear friend has recently introduced me to the idea of inside clothes and i have embraced it wholeheartedly the idea of different clothes for different things isn t a completely new idea growing up we had a strict dress code that required dress clothes longer skirts or dress pants nice shoes blouses so every day coming home we put on play clothes standard jeans t shirts tennis shoes my parents also changed when they came home ties exchanged in favor of periodic table shirts pantyhose shed for socks and sneakers but it was never clothes only meant for inside not to be seen by others outside your family the idea of inside clothes is completely different than simply having dress clothes vs play clothes inside clothes are lounge clothes soft shirts knit pants not sleepwear exactly but not something you d wear out in public only those closest to you get to see your inside clothes inside clothes are your private persona your most intimate wear i ve dug out some old comfortable clothes as well as purchasing some new ones as soon as i get home i put on my inside clothes to vacuum cook nap paint play or write if i go out to run an errand i change even if it s changing into casual clothes when i get return home i immediately put my inside clothes back on i wear inside clothes several days in a row before washing them who cares if they smell like last night s dinner i like the idea of inside and outside a public me and a private me a comfortable persona that exists underneath the skirts and high heels of the office i do often think of clothes as a form of protection i dress a certain way to invoke a certain image but every so often it s good to remember just me to shed that external skin of appearance and take a deep breath to just exhale the inside me in my inside clothes can relax enough to know just where i am at this moment in time even if it s in lounge pants posted by eewill at 11 59 pm 4 comments monday september 26 2011 taking care recently someone posed the question how do you take care of yourself the first thought that popped in my head was work and i realized that it s true work is a way for me to take care of myself not every day of course some days are exhausting and hard but eight mornings out of ten i wake up excited and ready to go to work i feel privileged that i have a job i love i know not everyone does i feel so thankful that i do what i do and with whom i do it i m honored to be surrounded by individuals who have dedicated their lives to helping others i forget sometimes that any one of them could be working a better job making more money in the private sector and yet here they are next to me striving to help people help themselves how fortunate i am posted by eewill at 1 46 pm 6 comments sunday september 25 2011 dirty beautiful i love seeing my daughter dirty i love when she has dirty bare feet and flushed cheeks slightly damp sweaty hair smelling like the outside the joys of childhood run deep and it is a beautiful thing to watch her unselfconsciously exist in this magical moment of complete freedom posted by eewill at 11 55 am 2 comments sunday september 18 2011 vocabulary lesson the last few days i ve been caught up in reading a popular ya trilogy about war and revolution in a futuristic time it s nothing mind blowing and it s a quick easy read but i am absorbed in the story line when i get focused on a good book i have a hard time doing anything else but sitting and reading in fact even as i sit here the other part of my mind s eye is pulling me towards my nook to rush through whatever i am doing asking to refocus on the story to reach the conclusion sooner rather than later it s a good thing that i m an incredibly fast reader my one skill otherwise i d be bogged down for weeks every time i opened a book but as i started the third book last night a word i see every day jumped out at me on the first page refugee staring at me and for a minute i was overwhelmed at the meaning of that word i know what it means every day i say the word refugee see it written a thousand times at least once a week i m explaining to a stranger the nature of my work the individuals whose lives i am privileged to be a part of even for a brief moment the weight of that word is so heavy war pain loss grief dehumanized fear desperation flight i live in a world of privilege where i am allowed to look how i want speak the language i know practice my religion how i see fit i ve seen poverty sadness but truly i don t know what it means to lose everything the individuals i have met have endured the most horrific things imaginable wars sometimes continuous over decades wars that never end just a different group in power persecution because of their ethnic group their language their religious beliefs watching people die rape tortured for what they know or don t know aggressors stripping them of what makes them human fleeing what they knew leaving behind homes towns family members and friends knowing they will never ever go back illness in camps deaths of children from diseases that no longer exist in other parts of the world discrimination in their nation of asylum because they look different their skin is darker their accent is odd arrests interrogations simply because they don t quite fit into the norm always on the run the defensive waiting for the next blow never quite being safe every story unique every story different but somehow every story the same heartbreaking refugee the weight of that word is so heavy strength resilience safety forward ahead future hope people come here sometimes with one bag holding the only belongings that anchor them to this world they come here with only the family they have left or they come here alone leaving their families behind they pick up the pieces of their lives as best they can and keep walking forward because it s all they can do sometimes they do it for themselves sometimes they do it for their children and sometimes once they get here they can t do it at all they are finally safe and that s when they give up go under and just let go i know most of my clients would think i m ridiculous for having these overwrought thoughts about them and their experiences i m just here i do what i have to do you would too i am certain that several of my colleagues who were refugees themselves if they ever read this would outright laugh at my wonderment at their experience you just have no idea how the rest of the world is this is how it is but truly the meaning of the word refugee is so far beyond my comprehension of reality that when i really stop to think about it really dwell on what that would mean for me now to become that word to put myself in their shoes i don t know that i would be one who made it i mean i white whine when i m told the restaurant i m dining in is out of ranch dressing how could i possibly deal with the reality of fleeing for my life i m humbled to know these individuals my clients my coworkers my friends their lives are a testament to the sheer will of humans to survive their lives are a reminder to give thanks for what i have and continue to give back to those who have not you are forgiven for your happiness and your successes only if you generously consent to share them albert camus posted by eewill at 11 44 pm 4 comments thursday september 15 2011 rewriting before cewg was born and during the time i stayed home with her i wrote a lot short stories novellas full novels tiny memoirs in abq i had a fantastic group of writer friends and each week we came together to read each other s stories share ideas and laugh about bad plot points but after moving to the valley of the sun leaving my writing group rejoining the workforce and juggling mothering and working meant all that writing went by the wayside except it shouldn t have i have no other creative outlet in fact i would argue that i m not a creative person at all i can t paint draw sketch play an instrument read music or sew i blame my private school upbringing where there was no art class or opportunity to stretch oneself creatively however i can write but even in my writing i find that i m not particularly creative i ve reconciled myself to the idea that i lack an artist s soul even so it s nice sometimes to sit down and have actually done something with my time not just worked to produce education knowledge or behavior change as in my day to day work but actually have a product something i can hold wave about as proof of my existence see world here i am i am real i have no excuse for not sitting myself down at least once a week and just doing it the doctor s nighttime work schedule means i have ample evening time to write after cewg is in bed it s just a matter of choosing to put words on paper so one night a week i am going to start choosing to write instead of reading celebrity gossip websites lingering on facebook and doing work posted by eewill at 12 27 pm 3 comments sunday september 11 2011 secret fulfillment i love being domesticated leisurely weekends cleaning cooking and making my house a home are my favorite weekends it is my secret fulfillment to center myself around my home even for just one day a week busy weekends are enjoyable of course catching up with old friends dinners out nights out play dates and pools but i love sundays when i wake up slowly drink coffee around the house in my pajamas catch up on reading i sort the mail in my bare feet plan out my menu make lists of what i need to do i love to do the wash make the bed with clean white sheets put out fresh towels for the week i wear my inside clothes all day put on my apron and cook meals for both tonight and later in the week there is something sacred about a day of creating order in preparation for the chaos of the week knowing that as the busy days march forward i have groceries stocked in the refrigerator my counters are clean and i am ready to start the week posted by eewill at 2 42 pm 2 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom blog archive 2011 10 october 2 annual disorientation inside and out september 5 august 1 may 1 march 1 2010 43 december 1 november 2 october 2 september 3 august 14 july 6 april 6 february 2 january 7 2009 36 september 1 may 1 march 2 january 32 2008 15 december 3 november 5 june 3 may 1 april 1 march 2 2007 41 december 4 october 1 september 2 august 2 july 4 june 2 may 3 april 9 march 7 february 6 january 1 2006 52 december 5 november 6 october 4 september 5 august 6 july 3 june 7 may 4 march 4 february 4 january 4 2005 66 december 1 november 4 october 1 september 2 august 4 june 8 may 3 april 8 march 3 february 16 january 16 2004 44 december 21 november 11 october 11 september 1 stalking material nurse lindsay mamartist donations rachel mawls nurse cathy lawyer megan saki sorority sister cristin about me eewill view my complete profile