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ener in one of them i knew it would be there because the host kept pointing his camera towards one particular door thanks for reading i wish you all a blessed and above all else safe samhain a k a halloween what are elves december 23 2016 analyzerofmonsters 6 comments while watching the classic disney movie snow white and the seven dwarfs with my granddaughter an odd thought occurred to me if the plural of dwarf is dwarfs why is the plural of elf elves this of course changed my entire train of thought to elves in general why who knows honestly the little conductor living in my brain switches the tracks of my train of thought rather frequently i stopped questioning this phenomenon quite some time ago i simply go along for the ride now as a child i once concocted an elf trap in the hopes of catching a few so i could play with them rudolph the red nosed reindeer had always been and admittedly still is one of my favorite movies the little buggers always look so daggoned happy what child wouldn t want to have a few of them as friends you see it all began when daddy was reading twas the night before christmas to me one christmas eve it was a wonderfully illustrated version of the book when daddy got to the page with the picture of santa coming down the chimney i got rather concerned daddy we don t have a chim a lee how will santa come in our house well gin gin don t you worry santa has magic powder he sprinkles some on the rooftops of homes without chimneys this makes a big hole appear in the roof he just jumps down the hole delivers the presents then jumps back up the hole when he leaves then he sprinkles more magic powder over the hole and it disappears i was so impressed my daddy knows everything when he had finished reading the poem to me i asked him if the elves from rudolph were coming with santa yes gin gin the elves always come along to help santa out but daddy won t the elves hurt themselves if they jump down a big hole they re so little of course daddy knew the answer to this question as well elves are so little gin gin they re even littler than your brother ricky they can squeeze into a house just about anywhere in fact see that little keyhole in the doorknob over there yes daddy i see it well when i was a little boy i once saw an elf come right through one of those oh my daddy did you catch him no i tried to gin but he was just too fast oh that s so sad daddy i want to catch one then i leaped up off of daddy s lap and said daddy i have an ideal i went to the kitchen and grabbed a little brown paper bag out of a drawer i took the bag to daddy and told him i needed some candy daddy did not want to give me any candy at first after i told him it was for the elves instead of me he finally went and got 8 or 10 m m s from the candy cabinet for me i put the candy in the bag and tried to place it over the doorknob the bag kept falling off on every attempt oh daddy this is just not going to work oh gin gin don t be so quick to give up daddy grabbed one of my braids and pulled the hair tie off the end of it he wrapped the hair tie around the bag and voila my elf trap was now up and fully functional the next morning i sprung out of bed and dashed into the living room to check my elf trap i was shocked and dismayed by what i saw oh no oh no oh no oh noooooo daddy came running into the living room to see what was the matter what s wrong gin gin look daddy there s a big hole in my trap the elves got away they all got away oh i m so sorry gin are you sure they got away did you look inside the bag no not yet do you think there might be an elf in there daddy i don t know let s look and see gin we slowly and quietly crept up to the bag what s in there daddy well i don t see any elves i see a piece of paper or something let me look at it and see what it is it s a letter for you for me daddy yes it says dear gin thank you for the yummy candy merry christmas your friend elfie at the bottom of the letter was a stick figure drawing of a little elf girl oh daddy i have a friend who is an elf and her name is elfie and she wrote me a letter yes hey guess what there s something else in the bag too oh daddy is it elfie no it s not moving i think your friend left you a present daddy then pulled a little tiny rubber mickey mouse toy out of the bag oh my gosh daddy elfie gave me a mitchie mouse i believe i was the happiest little girl in the world that christmas morning i lost the mickey mouse toy not long after the memory of elfie soon faded from my mind as well the one thing i hope i never lose is the memory of my father s love for me after all this is the sort of thing that christmas is all about isn t it i guess one could say i ve always been curious about santa s little helpers i mean what precisely are they are they children perhaps orphans whom out of the kindness of his heart santa has adopted if so i should think that working in the toy factory would be rather a cruel fate to bestow upon the wayward tots i prefer to think of them as miniature adults who in exchange for room and board as well as all the free cocoa and candy canes they could ever dream of willingly accept positions as santa s toymakers it appears my assumptions about elves have been totally wrong all along i consulted with my trusted research assistant commonly known as google to seek answers to my elf questions i am now more confused than ever apparently elves have been around in one form or another for centuries one would have to be a historical scholar to fully comprehend the origin of elf mythology it would also help to be fluent in several different languages because most of the history of elves comes from several different countries the information has been derived from ancient textbooks most of these books are written in foreign and or archaic languages to fully understand the true origin of elves would require investing much more time to study them than i have available i will simply summarize what little information i do understand the earliest mention of the belief in elves comes from textbooks found in england iceland and germany these micro munchkin sized mistletoe in their caps wearing sometimes mischievous merry toy makers are even mentioned in historical medical texts please do pardon my annoying affinity for alliteration i know not from where it comes in the tenth century elves were described as being human like having magical powers which led some people to believe they were pagan divinities and it was widely believed they could either help or harm humans depending on what sort of mood they may have been in they were not the cute little green clothed creatures we envision them as being today either historical representations of elves depict them as looking quite different why would elves be mentioned in medical texts people believed several illnesses were caused by elves in the twelfth century many people believed elves were invisible demons who could shoot them with invisible arrows giving them a disease which was referred to as elfshot it was also widely believed that elves could make cattle and livestock ill it wasn t until the late 19 th century that elves evolved into the endearing little creatures we all think of at christmas as it turns out santa himself was the original christmas elf in the 1823 poem a visit from st nicholas more commonly known as twas the night before christmas santa was referred to as a right jolly old elf the other elves were added to the modern christmas myth a short time later believe it or not there is even controversy over the true identity of the author of this long beloved poem a man named clement clarke moore took credit for having written it several years after it was originally published yet many say it was actually henry livingston jr who wrote this classic literary masterpiece the origin of mr claus is also quite cloudy there are several theories yet no solid answers as to how the legend of jolly old saint nick came into being perhaps some things are simply better left a mystery i do however believe that elves tend to have an ornery streak from time to time every parent knows that freeing barbie and all her friends from their packaging on christmas morning requires having a degree in rocket science what is the purpose of stapling plastic tag holders through the inside of the doll s head and then through the package itself no matter how close you angle the scissors to the dolls hair line there is always one tiny little piece of plastic poking out of barbie s head that somehow manages to scratch your child occasionally ooh those naughty naughty little elves perhaps it s a blessing in disguise that elfie managed to evade capture one simply never knows thanks for reading i sincerely wish you all a beastly blessed yule a monstrously merry christmas a hauntingly happy hanukah and a ghoulishly great whatever other holiday i may have inadvertently neglected to mention cheers the empath scam september 22 2016 analyzerofmonsters 14 comments many people may get slightly miffed with me for writing this article yet i feel compelled to do so this blog post is not about cryptozoology but rather a purported paranormal phenomenon as a researcher i feel it is my duty to expose scams regardless of the consequences if you have fallen victim to this scam do not feel badly you are not the only one i almost fell for it myself although i am nowhere near smart enough to be an aerospace engineer i like to think i am a fairly smart cookie however we are all vulnerable to falling victim to scams regardless of iq i was recently conversing with a man on a popular dating website he told me he thought i may be an empath and gave me a link to click on i never click on links sent to me by strangers so i decided to do a google search for the word empath instead i m glad i took the time to research this topic what i discovered was that everyone who is not a sociopath is an empath it is no special ability empathy is a natural human emotion that you and i and everyone who is not a sociopath have empathy is nothing more than sympathy magnified for example if your child s pet dies you tend to feel just as sad if not sadder than your child feels empathy is simply the ability to understand and share the feelings of another there are some human monsters known as con artists who have cleverly albeit unethically devised methods to bilk money from people by using a perfectly normal emotion and turning it into some grand pseudo psychic power if i were to tell you you re a respiratory psychic because you sense that others around you are breathing you would look at me as though i were daft if i then told you i can teach you how to harness your super breathing powers for a small fee you would most likely tell me to take a hike it should be so obvious yet most people can be persuaded to believe a myriad of absurd concepts i have seen websites devoted to empath empowerment many of them offer free newsletters i would be leery of signing up for the newsletters because this would be a rather crafty way for these monsters to obtain your personal information to steal your identity i have also seen empath retreats for 5 000 or so you can go spend a week in a cabin and learn how to harness your empathic abilities big waste of money folks unless you are a psychology major writing a research paper on the dynamics of how easily people can be tricked into thinking they have super powers it s really quite simple we all tend to absorb the emotions of others throughout the day just go home have a glass of wine or in my case jack and soda soak in the tub for a while and watch a good program on television or read a good book it s all about letting go of the stress we are all empaths and we all need to have good coping mechanisms to deal with stress sorry to be the bearer of bad news but i have also debunked myself as not having psychic empath abilities i just really do not like to see people get scammed in 1968 the television show star trek aired an episode called the empath it was about a lovely lady who had the ability to absorb the emotions of others she soaked up all the bad energy of others and left everyone feeling rather happy the empath wound up dying because she had taken in too much negative energy i imagine this scam originated when some conman or woman was sitting on the couch watching a rerun of that show i can t say for certain hope this article was helpful thanks for reading apologies if i ve offended anyone just trying to be helpful please share a smile today moods really are contagious especially if you re an empath lol its head was as big as the boat september 14 2016 analyzerofmonsters 10 comments cooler nights here in indiana signify the swift approach of the fall season as summer nears its end i see many of my friends lamenting the loss of those leisurely summer days spent at the lakes this of course gave me an idea for a sea monster story lol sorry just the way my brain works but where to begin there are so many wonderful terrors of the deep to choose from my favorite as many of my regular readers may well know is the loch ness monster however every cryptozoologist and their brother have already written so very many articles about the old gal that any article i may write would seem rather blasé and insignificant i could write about the kraken yet i am reluctant to do so at this point i know i do not feel the kraken is a giant squid because all the historical artistic representations i have seen of him look far more like a giant octopus than a squid i think i will wait for more data to be presented before i delve into researching this fellow at least for now anyway this is my dilemma too many monsters too little time perhaps i could write about a cryptid or two that many people may not have heard of yes perhaps i shall in fact not much at all is known about one of my monsters of the day yet the other monster has been a hot topic of discussion for thousands of years i have decided to combine the two in one blog post both behemoths live d in the sea possibly during the same time period i find this very intriguing because i am a huge godzilla fan who loves monster versus monster matches a fight between these two beasts would have been a sight to behold to say the least the very least these two super sized sea dwellers also capture my attention because i personally believe they may still be amongst us anything is possible it all boils down to whether one chooses to want to believe or not unless or until scientists are provided with actual evidence of the beasts continued existence many will likely disagree with me and consider these magnificent monsters nothing more than remnants of the fossil record i honestly believe fishermen have a vastly undeserved reputation for telling tall tales although there may be a handful or two or more of anglers who enjoy embellishing stories of the catch of a lifetime that somehow managed to evade capture i don t think the ma...