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and it s a rainy day tiny steps tuesday august 28 2012 8 42 am i really shouldn t start the day being so negative but being at work when it s deliciously rainy and cold outside plus fasting it s really putting me in a not so good read foul mood plus some other things that i ve done that s just plain stupid time and time again i tell myself it s fine yet i know that it s not and i ll never know when it will be so it s back to taking one day at a time one step after another for today i shall just concentrate on completing this work i have try to be a more cheerful betty in the office and spend lunchtime looking for a gift for a friend who just gave birth let s just try all that first ok 5 syawal 1433 thursday august 23 2012 9 03 am so what can you do in the city on the morning when the usually hectic city is humming peacefully with not more than 3 cars in front of you about a kilometer apart you can 1 drive up to buy tangling nasi lemak something you ve always wanted to do but cant because a there s never an available parking spot or b you re late which is most of the time but this morning you find that tangling is still on raya break dang 2 drive up to klcc which would be a breeze really because who else is going to work except for you you can go and have a yummy boost juice the smoothie ones with lots of weetabix bananas and strawberries or you can have those breakfast yoghurt in the cup with some cereal for topping then round the whole breakfast up with an expensive sandwich from o brien s or something but you re afraid you won t get a sweet spot at the parking lot behind the new office and sweet spots are so crucial towards maintaining a mud free interior sigh 3 or maybe explore that corner of the city on your own perhaps try that nasi kandar place where you might get a decent nasi lemak after all that kakak who mans the corner nasi lemak stall is still on leave but then someone tells you that that nasi kandar place is under renovation so what s a girl to do in the city that is still on raya break she looks for a new colleague shamelessly asked if she can have breakfast together and goes off to discover a nearby thosai and idli place aah don t you just love how your life turns out sometimes now what can this girl do during lunchtime hmm tuesday august 21 2012 6 16 pm this is when i get melancholic more like pms y you know that scene in meet joe black where the older sister of the character played by claire forlani showed anthony hopkins a series of mini cakes samples of the actual birthday cake meant for his grand birthday bash and he snaps at her and dismisses her gesture the whole of today felt like that scene played in rewind tomorrow can t come quickly enough tuesday april 03 2012 10 34 pm you know how you sometimes come across a particularly annoying person comment fb status tweet and most times like me you remember all those motivational inspiring things you read about being a totally lovely person who chooses to love all beings and sends her light and radiance across the universe by her actions well turning 32 may just give you the license to do otherwise why not eh you have done the above for a long time and despite being the bigger person it might not have given you the right satisfaction ok for me it might just signal that i m a vengeful person but you know what i think it s allright to not feel love for everyone every single time we are far from perfect beings aren t we so go on do it do the very opposite thing that you may have been tempted to do say post tweet you ve got nothing to lose i may regret saying all these one day it s prolly just me being bitter about something but you know what i discovered upon turning 32 whatever that is clouding your day today is just clouding your day today tomorrow is insya allah a brand new day for you to start all over again on a side note i did 30 sun salutations in yoga yesterday i didn t count them the instructor did i was too busy huffing and puffing away and my shoulders and chest are still sore and stiff but hey wow 30 i am still mightily impressed that totally killed any monday blues i had as i mentioned to the instructor anything else can t be as bad as that of course i m going back tomorrow wednesday march 28 2012 2 35 pm i had one of the best sleeps ever last night i went to bed at around 11pm switched on the air conditioner tucked myself in nice and tight in between a couple of pillows and slept soundly till the alarm rang at 6am this morning and woke up feeling absolutely at peace i did wonder as one does over the act of brushing my teeth what was different about last night that yielded such a feeling this morning could it be because of the air conditioner i rarely sleep with it switched on preferring to throw open the windows wide at nights instead as the cool night air is equally as delicious prissily i also find it more energy efficient and more so it alleviates my guilt for having a night light on all night hah or perhaps it was due to the unexpected answer i was seeking for a question that bugged me all weekend an intimate conversation with close colleagues over hot tea was all i needed actually i have always grappled with silly internal conflicts of burdening my close friends with the same worries that sometimes i find it easier to seek validation from others it is probably not so much validation but more justification of my actions somehow i think i knew unconsciously the answer to my question i just needed the catalyst to grab it and hold on to it according to a friend who is big on numerology this year is year no 5 in my cycle apparently it is a year for change and freedom as soon as i heard that i felt hopeful the previous year seemed like a year where everything seemed stagnant for me as much as i hate to say this it even felt like a year of disappointments i hate saying that and actually believing it as last year was when i did most of what i love to do travelling albeit locally so it shouldn t be a disappointing one for me right i love the idea of ending up somewhere else tomorrow i actually like the trips to the airports the short flights bus train rides and the new places i get to see and smell the different people i get to meet and the food that i get to sample it never gets dull so yes i had a good travelling year last year but not as good for achieving my personal goals i guess that s where most of the disappointments come from i had wanted to change jobs and went to many interviews but none were fruitful that made me even more disappointed in myself last year was also a rather quiet one for me socially although i did manage to organize a few things i supposed i was a little more senyap last year preferring smaller companies and gatherings and saw less of my friends it made me feel a little lonely too financial wise it was also a year where i started to save seriously i know right and started to pay my bills responsibly therefore it wasn t a good year financially for me as well as in i could hardly indulge add to the fact that i gained weight earlier that year which made dressing up for work extremely difficult i remember swallowing my pride as i recycled the same outfits over and over again as i didn t have enough to splurge on a new wardrobe and was not in a better shape either because of all the factors above i made a few slight changes to my lifestyle i started to seriously go to yoga at 7am at least twice a week because of that i had to leave home much earlier which enabled me to escape the crazy morning traffic i consciously spend and tried to make do with what i already have i saved every skincare sample that i got and used them as well as vouchers and whatever membership club points i stopped sending out resumes and looking at jobstreet emails i forged a closer friendship with my colleagues at work whom i now turn to for a lot of advices as such it was a much quieter and tamer lifestyle that i lead towards the end of the year it was as if i was resigned to the fact that nothing much is going to change and that everything were to remain status quo it forced me to take one day at a time one decision after the other earlier today i googled the numerology thing as i wanted to be certain of what is said about year no 5 and i read about year no 4 year no 4 is actually a year for setting foundation for the coming year it didn t come as much of a surprise to me although i had thought that perhaps it s more of a year for waiting but wasn t all that had happened in the previous year a foundation for the future i remembered that i aimed to do a headstand on my own when i first started yoga and i achieved that at home alone once and in class during the last week of the year i remembered that my intention to save was so that i d have enough for rainy days and true enough i had to dive into my savings when i got into a mini accident earlier this year and all that yoga has made me be able to squeeze back into some of my old outfits nothing too profound nothing too extraordinary but those tiny tiny changes have happened so yes this is year no 5 for me and it s supposed to be a year of change and freedom and yes i am again hopeful this year hopeful there ll be some changes and hopeful that i ll remain as open to the new challenges that will come poyo yeah but true and yes last night s peaceful sleep was definitely a very nice change for me confessions we are shaped and fashioned by what we love johann wolfgang von goethe journals aftotz nonz amy i r a prof idlan leen sabbs safurah ilish nads faren ninie kak yong huda cik kieli diva deen kak ngah dilla kownz azures najah nasseri elisa taufik yameentos magic freshness factor 5000 experiences april 2003 may 2003 june 2003 july 2003 august 2003 september 2003 october 2003 november 2003 december 2003 january 2004 february 2004 march 2004 april 2004 may 2004 june 2004 july 2004 august 2004 september 2004 october 2004 november 2004 december 2004 january 2005 february 2005 march 2005 april 2005 may 2005 june 2005 august 2005 september 2005 october 2005 november 2005 december 2005 january 2006 february 2006 march 2006 april 2006 may 2006 june 2006 july 2006 august 2006 september 2006 october 2006 november 2006 december 2006 march 2007 april 2007 july 2007 october 2007 november 2007 december 2007 january 2008 february 2008 march 2008 april 2008 may 2008 june 2008 august 2008 september 2008 october 2008 november 2008 december 2008 january 2009 february 2009 march 2009 april 2009 june 2009 july 2009 august 2009 september 2009 october 2009 november 2009 december 2009 january 2010 march 2010 april 2010 may 2010 june 2010 july 2010 august 2010 october 2010 november 2010 december 2010 january 2011 february 2011 march 2011 april 2011 march 2012 april 2012 august 2012 credits design layout naziz inspiration liz lubowitz counter