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discombobulatingrant warning blog owner is old and cranky and if you leave a comment he will follow you back to your place and return comment which usually leads to drama and debate so if your blog is particularly jesus kitty kid intensive you may want to reconsider wednesday february 08 2012 and then that happened hi there i wouldn t dust off this thing except that it was hugged out of me by cmgd a sahm not to be confused with sars who recently turned a new age the pretty one we celebrated her decrepitude over tortillas which was nice there s nothing much new to report here i am now unemployed my lower left leg is discolored and bleeds a lot i m in the process of discarding my possessions so i can move to seattle aka bunnyland i drive a white 95 taurus i m in love with a wiffle hutt waitress who looks like julia stiles without the bitchy overtones my eyesight is fading i like 90 s sitcoms and i have trouble stringing two coherent sentences together why don t fish have beanbag furniture a pizza and which is better bouncy or boingy also i no longer personally hate every person alive and here is tracy s web site because i can t count the three times people have asked me for it recently http www kaplyinc com blasphemed by grant on wednesday february 08 2012 5 comments labels corporate america diabetes friends illness rav4 sunday may 29 2011 memorial weekend celebration long ago on one of my birthdays i finally decided that spontaneity sucks i woke up decided to go to a historic site couldn t find it went shopping for a gift found the store had moved then went to a restaurant that sounded interesting and discovered it closed that night i printed maps and directions found new places online and did the whole thing right the next day preparation is good but the key to successfully planning an event is to later claim everything happened according to your plans so in retrospect here is my plan for an insightful and enjoyable memorial day weekend thursday sick of living off beans and applesauce for weeks force myself to go to the grocery feeling too ill to cook any of the new food grab dinner from mcdonald s debate with employees at both windows about who will provide a receipt final decision neither spend hours having menopause hot flashes and constantly turning the a c down fever breaks periodically turn a c up again and fall asleep on futon watching reruns of scrubs awaken in the middle of the night to discover i am nauseous because i am in mid vomit consider running to the toilet but decide it is too late to not puke on the futon and floor and decide to contain the damage to that area note that regurgitated fries look like watery oatmeal scoop vomit into the futon covers then race them to the washing machine realize too late that the machine was already almost full mop up remaining bits of vomit turn washer on go to bed friday awaken too late to check status of vomit rush off to work enter apartment to realize that the day s heat did not cause the sour vomit smell to dissipate discover that the washer was indeed overloaded and that some of the vomit was more solid than first appeared unload washer shake clothes to dislodge larger chunks into the trash place in piles spend evening doing several rounds of trying to clean the barf juice from the futon cushion while disinfecting the air with green apple lysol while washing a load of clothes followed by scraping the leftover vomit out of the washing machine saturday out of bed by the crack of five pm notice apartment still smells of vomit on the advice of tracy whose puke fu is strong go to publix to buy oxy clean aka barf begone not a real slogan but it should be consider buying a box of friday s bacon and cheddar potato skins because they re half off q how can you identify what is on sale at publix a look for the empty spaces on the shelves having learned my lesson have burger and fries from krystal as the day s meal instead note this time pass on barfing since i m still dealing with thursday s upheaval while cleaning futon again decide to name this weekend vomitmas 2011 sunday awaken and note that sunday will not in fact be the first day of vomitmas that will not revolve around stomach issues look at new food decide i can t stomach anything stronger than beans and applesauce then eat them on the futon that no longer smells like a fraternity carpet while watching scrubs reruns monday back to work at least i have permission to work this day from home there all goals achieved i guess that means i both had fun and reflected on the lives lost in order to give me my distinctive american lifestyle blasphemed by grant on sunday may 29 2011 15 comments labels holidays illness wednesday may 25 2011 diabetes notes plus bunny i ve been taking metformin for two years which is supposed to help control blood sugar at the expense of making one where one me in this case permanently sharty i recently cut back on my prescribed amount from 2k mg to 1k then quit taking it altogether when again my prescription ran out and my doctor s office couldn t be bothered to refill it as a result my stomach problems have almost completely disappeared while my blood glucose levels have remained the same bear in mind that i m also injecting 82 units of lantus insulin per day maybe the metformin is just for amateur diabetics and doesn t help when you go pro i m just happy to save 8 month and to once again know the joys of using a urinal since i no longer have to crap more than pee i won t bother listing her name or age because she just got engaged bunny is off the market blasphemed by grant on wednesday may 25 2011 6 comments labels bunny diabetes thursday may 19 2011 happy song if this doesn t enhance your happy you are a truly horrible person direct link is here blasphemed by grant on thursday may 19 2011 6 comments thursday may 12 2011 update on chinese kung fu stewardesses because there are bunny pics blasphemed by grant on thursday may 12 2011 no comments labels asia bunny tuesday may 10 2011 tis the season last sunday was a very sacred day to me a day i shall forever remember as after two days of vomiting and sharting and farting and only being able to hold down an english muffin and two glasses of water finally feeling well enough to eat something but having no food since i haven t felt well enough to go to a grocery for weeks and so i went to pappasito s for some tex mex takeout and spent fifteen minutes in the parking lot trying to escape wondering why they were so busy at 3 pm on sunday um mas then i got home and ate my taco al carbon and replayed some of the images i had seen in my mind the gridlocked traffic in the parking lots the bored children waiting for a table wandering after every passing stranger the dressed up old women in obvious discomfort being helped in and out of cars and i remembered it was dress up and take the family out to someplace packed and crowded oh what fun day some antiquated calendars still list it as mother s day i m not against holidays i m all for the claims that we should remember to celebrate things on a daily basis instead of just once per year but i still think it s nice to set aside a special time to reflect and celebrate certain events or concepts i m just saying that we ve gotten lazy and or stupid where we you in that we ve decided that every holiday must be celebrated in the same way at the same time usually by consuming a certain product or service blame corporate america all you want but unless they re marching into your homes and forcing you to go to kfc at gunpoint you re a willing participant so next holiday how about you actually give it some thought first then decide to do something that is both fun and actually celebrates the concept behind the holiday this public service announcement is brought to you by the foundation for father s day is coming and i may want another taco and i don t want to get stuck in my car again because the parking lot is full of unhappy old men mopping the sweat from their bald heads with their ties as they edge into hour two standing under the hot july sun waiting for an available table proper way to celebrate valentine s day seriously i once had a coupon from kfc that said not valid on mother s day then i drove by one that day and saw the parking lot was jammed the dining room and drive thru were packed to capacity and cars were lined up in the street waiting to get in kfc for real wouldn t it be easier to just give dear old mom a five dollar gift certificate and say thank you for not making me an even bigger emotional wreck blasphemed by grant on tuesday may 10 2011 4 comments labels bunny corporate america holidays monday may 09 2011 post 1 500 i was planning something special for post 1 500 but since i hardly ever get comments these days anyway i decided to say screw it and post more bunny i especially chose this one for her ability to make american women feel fat and old please meet 25yo south korean race queen han ga eun as per usual click to embiggen blasphemed by grant on monday may 09 2011 5 comments labels bunny older posts home subscribe to posts atom evil outcast unclean grant seattle washington united states view my complete profile ancient evils ancient evils february 2012 1 may 2011 9 april 2011 20 march 2011 15 february 2011 17 january 2011 14 december 2010 12 november 2010 17 october 2010 7 september 2010 14 august 2010 9 july 2010 8 june 2010 8 may 2010 12 april 2010 11 march 2010 13 february 2010 14 january 2010 17 december 2009 21 november 2009 17 october 2009 18 september 2009 16 august 2009 19 july 2009 11 june 2009 13 may 2009 19 april 2009 14 march 2009 12 february 2009 18 january 2009 16 december 2008 19 november 2008 18 october 2008 16 september 2008 10 august 2008 11 july 2008 7 june 2008 2 may 2008 14 april 2008 16 march 2008 16 february 2008 19 january 2008 8 august 2006 23 july 2006 11 june 2006 20 may 2006 34 april 2006 43 march 2006 23 february 2006 16 january 2006 25 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