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a dater s life a dater s life monday march 02 2009 don t divorce my friends on december 19th ken starr and the proposition 8 legal defense fund filed legal briefs defending proposition 8 as constitutional and seeking to nullify the marriages of 18 000 same sex couples who had legally wed in the state of california before prop 8 passed on march 5th the supreme court will hear oral arguments in this case check out this video fidelity and please sign the letter at courage campaign to preserve constitutional equality and to treat all citizens with dignity and respect to quote sean penn s brilliant oscar acceptance speech i think that it is a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren s eyes if they continue that way of support we ve got to have equal rights for everyone labels proposition 8 posted by tessaj 2 43 pm 2 comments saturday february 28 2009 my existential dilemma a few weeks ago i went out for drinks with some friends d1 is a couple of months out of a 4 year relationship d2 is happily married c is two years out of a 7 year relationship and then there s little ol forever single me c was praising her relatively new single life she s one of those people who has always been in a relationship and this is the first time in her adult life where she hasn t been a part of a couple she s enjoying creating a home for herself enjoying dinners out with friends enjoying catching up with books and movies and solitude for her being single represents freedom i snorted yeah you re only two years in that s the fun time talk to me after you ve been single for a couple of decades all three of my friends looked at me their jaws dropped what was i talking about i m the independent single gal i m mary tyler moore i m carrie bradshaw i m liz lemon i m free i said well yeah i m free but after awhile that freedom gets sort of boring that freedom gets dare i say it kind of lonely this conversation has stuck with me over the past few weeks it s not a feeling of sadness or unhappiness with who i am it s not a feeling of self hatred on the contrary i m happy with who i am i m aware of all that i ve accomplished and done things that i probably couldn t have accomplished or done were i not single but it s more an overwhelming feeling of have i missed the boat am i supposed to be doing something different have i made choices in life that have destined me to a life of solitude am i trapped in this existence and as i said though the independent girrls club of america will probably take away my membership card for even thinking this let alone saying it the freedom of being single gets kind of boring after awhile perhaps in part because that freedom is an illusion i m not spending my weekends dancing wildly at clubs that was years 21 29 of being single or jumping out of airplanes year 33 i m not picking up and flying to random foreign countries not with a mortgage on my single person s salary no as virtually the only absolutely single person i know i m spending my weekends much like my coupled friends are spending their weekends sitting on my butt watching dvds and eating delivery the only difference is that there s nobody to refill my glass sure i know exactly what i need to do to make my life more exciting i can sign up for classes join activity groups go to singles events post a personal ad etc etc been there done that i desire genuine intimacy not more activities the difficult thing though is that i don t feel like anybody gets it they say things like oh you re the type of woman who will be single forever or i just know that you ll meet someone this is your year my coupled friends all idealize my freedom they stare at me starry eyed talk wistfully about my exciting social life and ask when i ll organize another girrls night out my recently single friends are all celebrating in having control over the remote and being able to have cheap one night stands they see me as the eternally single gal and they seem to think that i revel in this role labels reflections posted by tessaj 1 06 pm 1 comments wednesday january 14 2009 bicycles fish or insanity choose one a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle attributed to gloria steinem men are like fish what every woman needs to know about catching a man by steve nakamoto insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results albert einstein after being flaked out on twice in the last two weeks i m back in the saddle again tomorrow s date is officially scheduled bachelor 490093 provided two options of time place for me to choose from he s confirmed with me and provided me with directions would it be too cynical of me to take bets on whether or not this date will actually take place posted by tessaj 3 57 pm 14 comments sunday december 28 2008 my bridget jones moment the alleged dater strikes again this time he canceled on me 2 1 2 hours before our first date because he isn t in a good place for dating right now i m not sure why these guys wait until only a couple of hours before the rescheduled of course being an alleged dater he had already canceled on me once before date is supposed to take place i m not sure why they keep scheduling dates in the first place if this had happened once in my dating life no biggie because i m the first to admit that i ve done this once myself but it s not once it s literally 90 of the time though on the bright side at least this one had the guts to call and with this horrible dating year finally coming to a close i can t help but feel a bit like bridget jones that was it right there right there that was the moment i suddenly realized that unless something changed soon i was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and i d finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later half eaten by wild dogs or i was about to turn into glenn close in fatal attraction i wonder where the strength comes from to keep going out there optimistically and not just accept a life of tragic spinsterhood posted by tessaj 4 56 pm 2 comments thursday december 25 2008 home alone for the holidays this year i made a conscious decision to not fly to the midwest to visit my family this decision wasn t out of spite or animosity toward them no it was a decision based on the fact that my school semester didn t end until the 23rd this year and the fact that i m on sabbatical next term so i ll have a chance to see them that doesn t involve flying through chicago o hare during a blizzard i ve always been quite content with this decision and as the countdown to christmas began i became more and more content i bought a little tree hung my stocking stocked up on blueberry stoli and struggled over which movie to go see christmas day but while i was sitting around my drafty condo in state of alternative holiday bliss my family was worried you re going to the movies alone my mother said to me on the phone christmas eve i thought you were going to c s for dinner my brother said no i said i m not going to c s for dinner well maybe you could go volunteer somewhere or go to k s my mother said worried didn t she invite you i had thought about volunteering but the slots for that filled pretty early and it was true that k had invited me to dinner but i just didn t feel like going i was choosing to spend the holidays alone and i was happy with that my family however just couldn t comprehend this fact the holidays are a time to spend with others my mother pleaded her voice rising through the receiver i suppose this is true and to ease her anxiety and get her to hang up i told her that my friends m and b were probably coming to breakfast which wasn t even a lie the simple truth is that i feel like simplicity this holiday day i don t feel like being with a big group of people i barely know don t feel like braving holiday travel as i sit at my dining room table mug of coffee steaming beside me christmas music playing lights twinkling dog knawing his christmas rawhide i am happy i m not rejecting human companionship i ve spent the weeks leading up to the big day with friends and coworkers raising our glasses in good cheer and the thing that my family doesn t understand the thing that many people probably don t understand is that this isn t a sign of despair or depression on my part for me choosing to be alone on the holidays isn t a negative thing unless i choose to make it negative being home alone for the holidays is far less distressful than flying alone again for the holidays two weeks after yet another breakup and being home alone for the holidays is far less challenging than being home alone the other 364 days of the year i am home alone it s far less challenging that being home alone after a difficult day at work it s far less challenging than being home alone the day the sewer main line backed up or the day the car broke down the day the bird got sick it s far less challenging than being home alone the day my father died because everyone is happy on the holidays joy really does fill the air if i decide to go to the movies or out for chinese food i will be greeted with a smile and a merry christmas there will be ample parking and i won t have to stuff coins in a meter i have a stack of dvds i can watch a pile of unread novels i have food in the cupboard vodka in the freezer and a dog who can never get enough pets so if you ve found yourself alone on the holidays i wish you well not just on this day but on every day of the year posted by tessaj 9 32 am 2 comments saturday november 22 2008 hoping for rain last weekend for the first time since mr nice ended things i went out on the town the past few months i ve spent keeping fairly quiet going to dinner with friends watching movies home repair no more last weekend i got all dressed up spritzed on some chanel and headed out with a new girlfriend and get this i met an actual flesh and bones man it was so easy after months of dealing with the utter nonsense of on line dating correction on line alleged dating i had forgotten what a catch i am i looked good mr flesh and bones looked and smelled i forgot how good they smell good we stayed out until after 4 a m exchanged some sexy kisses he even left me a sweet message the next day but there s always a but mr flesh and bones was going back east for two weeks for the thanksgiving holiday of course experience shows that i ll probably never hear from him again that two weeks is like a lifetime when you ve only known someone four hours and that s all fine but what s a girl to do to distract herself easy meet someone else didn t dating in triplicate teach us anything the clouds started to converge monday morning it smelled like rain i logged in to match and miracle upon miracles this guy i e mailed a couple of weeks ago had finally responded he said he had taken a hiatus from dating and had just gotten my e mail after a few exchanges we ve arranged to meet for a drink this monday the perfect distraction now i just have to find me a third labels dating in triplicate posted by tessaj 12 58 pm 0 comments monday october 13 2008 ding ding ding the alleged dater surfaces after five days of silence thereby bypassing my suggested preferred times to meet up he responds with sorry for the delay how s tuesday for a beverage this after he d already disappeared for a week and a half then reappeared again as if no time had passed er no thank you i m not the type of woman who s willing to accept crumbs posted by tessaj 10 25 am 5 comments about me name tessaj location oakland ca united states view my complete profile must clicks equality for all daily reads all that you can t leave behind blogdorf goodman bounce time break up girl daily candy dragongirl76 entre nous far too cute for now famous fuggers girls handbook it has a y just my cup of tea la dauphine manolo s shoe blog my muse monkey posh oh joy platinum blonde life relookage sharp lily sitting round the kitchen table style bytes sweet diva what to wear this very second previous posts don t divorce my friends my existential dilemma bicycles fish or insanity my bridget jones moment home alone for the holidays hoping for rain ding ding ding which came first the chicken or the flake my confession poof he did it again archives october 2006 november 2006 december 2006 january 2007 february 2007 march 2007 may 2007 september 2007 october 2007 december 2007 january 2008 february 2008 march 2008 april 2008 may 2008 june 2008 july 2008 august 2008 september 2008 october 2008 november 2008 december 2008 january 2009 february 2009 march 2009