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fines of one s home is up to the parties in the relationship and not the overriding sentiment of the culture they live within this brings up another point how does societal conditioning affect you and place limitation upon your decisions for example are there certain sexual activities that you will not engage upon of the top of my head if you are male what are your thoughts of another male giving you a blowjob if this is something that you find distasteful my question is why is it because you lack an attraction to men if this is the case do you allow a woman to give you head if you are attracted to her answering no to this means you do not require attraction to get a blowjob so what is the reason is it because you feel homosexuality is wrong do you believe guys should not suck off other guys or is it something as basic as you find it gross certainly we all have things we like and dislike my point is to question what your reasoning is do you not want it because of ideas that were placed in your head over the course of decades pertaining to guy on guy sex remember we are all products of our environment and anyone over the age of 35 or 40 grew up with the indoctrination that homosexuality was not accepted by society therefore we must be mindful of this input in the conclusions we reach as you can see when we investigate how society s influence affects us we see how limiting it is now i will state that simply because we are not operating out of societal conditioning that does not mean we will like all things there are simply some activities kink or ideas that we are not into personally i do not understand the allure of scat and have no desire to engage in that activity on any scale this is a personal choice i find the entire genre distasteful understatement and want no part of it this conclusion is not based upon what society says is right or wrong but what i prefer it is an individual choice in closing i want to stress how vital it is for you to examine all you believe if you undertake this exercise be forewarned that you will be astounded how much of your belief system was implanted by others part of the process of individuality is to determine what we believe for ourselves there are many concepts which we carry with us that we will agree with and keep however there are many which we will want to cast off my point is to examine all your conclusions about this way of life what you want in it and the kink you are drawn to at the same time investigate those things that you are turned off by what is the reasoning behind it if you do this i think you will be amazed to find out that you often have no idea why you do not like something other than an ingrained idea which society placed deep within you many years ago of course if this is something you still agree with then by all means keep it however if you find that it no longer is applicable to you then cast it aside society likes to limit our choices by instilling a belief system within us that aligns itself with its goals it is up to us to question that and create a system that works for us to reach the ends we desire this is the basic foundation of bdsm dn click here for your version of an owned life click here be sure to check out our new free social networking site an owned life community february 29 2016 4 comments cut off any other possibility author dennis najee the self improvement guru for whatever that is worth tony robbins says a true decision cuts off any other possible outcome this is a mindset that the most successful in life have if you study those who achieve tremendous results it is their mindset that separates them from any other outcome it is easy to conclude it is their talent or they are lucky but this is rarely the case sure some have an in born talent for music as an example but they spend hours upon hours honing those skills it is amazing how luck seems to increase the harder one works and the more prepared he or she is my question to you is how often have you made a decision about bdsm and cut off any other outcome it is my observation that so many enter this way of life or more specifically get into a d s or m s relationship with the intention of trying things out if you read the above paragraph you will realize that the truly successful did not attain the heights they did because they were simply trying something out yes they experiment research and look for alternative avenues to pursue but they are resolved in their desire to succeed in that particular endeavor we simply need to look at how many approach bdsm to see that the mindset is the exact opposite instead of being committed and resolved to living this way of life people approach it like buying a blouse or going car shopping the i ll try it out model seems to be the norm now i certainly agree that people enter this way of life without knowing if it is for them or not and research is required i also fundamentally believe this is not for everyone many people are better suited to live in a traditional relationship bdsm is difficult in many ways and the freedom that comes along with it is too much it also is a way of life that is vastly different from what people are accustomed too hence making it an uncomfortable situation what makes this situation even more interesting is those people who are around this way of life for a while perhaps years yet decide one day to give up bdsm and go back to vanilla this obviously is a result derived from the frustration of dealing with the pretenders and other assorted misfits i will be the first to admit that what takes place on a daily basis is extremely frustrating nevertheless this is where the mindset enters the picture when one is truly committed to this way of life and succeeding in it there is no other outcome as robbins says all other possibilities are cut off in fact they do not even exist when one is in this frame of mind the frustration level might be high but it is not overwhelming the desire to succeed means that one shakes off the pain and moves on the quest continues human ingenuity is amazing we have the ability to achieve sensational things when we set our mind to it i am not sure if you are a proponent of intention but i found the human mind has incredible power when one sets forth an intention and earnestly pursues it the outcome tends to be what he or she desired in the majority of the cases those who take control of their minds in this way are the ones who excel contrast that with the masses who tend to emit their fears and focus upon the negative is it any wonder that is what they create in their lives those who see everything going wrong or always asking why me tend to get more bad stuff what we focus upon materializes if you question that look at your own life what are you focusing upon regularly do you operate from strength or fear which is more common in your life once you determine that you will see that your outcomes for the most part mirror that those who see failure as not only an option but as likely tend to follow that thought pattern it is amazing how thoughts can become things at this point i will interject my usual caveat to what i just said obviously we need to balance our thoughts with a bit of common sense there are situations which are totally hopeless in fact there are many arrangements that are not only hopeless but also dangerous i am not telling someone to stick his her head in the sand and ignore major warning signs that could potentially be harmful there are a lot of ill intentioned people especially under the umbrella of bdsm the abusers are big in number and meant to be avoided at all costs if you find yourself involved with someone who is exhibiting signs of being dangerous it is best to leave do not try to apply a positive mindset in a situation like this get your ass out also there are just some deals that are cooked for whatever reason relationships are a tough thing and people change over time even if the intentions were there to start perhaps the growth paths deviated and you are no longer compatible whatever the reason there are times when it is best to move on of course this does not necessarily denote failure if you gave a solid effort and it was not reciprocated pulling yourself out of that circumstance is often the best option if you talk to people who were married for decades you will find their time together was not without difficulty it is fantasy i feel for people to deal with each other over such a long period of time and not to encounter obstacles regardless of the power exchange make up there are things that arise on a regular basis which will try even the strongest of relationships what i noticed about those who are together long term is their commitment to get through the rough patches it is almost as if their mindset is simply there is no other choice but to move past this however we can their resolve is firm this is a far cry from the tire kicker who is just trying a relationship out i wonder the success rate of those in the traditional model of relationships if they were not fully committed to their sexuality obviously the idea of being married to a woman might be in constant jeopardy if one did not believe himself heterosexual in fact we have seen this with some who knew they were homosexual yet were in long term marriages because they were not comfortable with their feelings and desires amazing how catastrophic societal conditioning can be i would suggest you look at your own views towards bdsm and your relationship s if in one do you think there is an exit for you are you willing to try it knowing you can always change your mind later do you carry the idea of permanence towards bdsm in your life or even the relationship you are in again there is a chance that things do not work out but having the mindset that this is going to last is paramount the idea of commitment is lost in this era throughout society we change jobs houses cars and even spouses at the drop of a hat loyalty is a lost quality with people leaving without notice employees have no loyalty to a company who in turn have the same outlook people enter marriages only to leave within the first two years in short it seems people enter situations with the mindset of leaving perhaps this will explain why so many interactions both business and personal fail people simply lack the resolve to hang in there until success is achieved perhaps it is time to cut off any other possibility than what you desire do you not think you owe that to yourself dn click here for your version of an owned life click here be sure to check out our new free social networking site an owned life community february 25 2016 9 comments you are not on fetlife what is wrong with you author dennis najee this summary is not available please click here to view the post february 19 2016 2 comments beyond the whip and chain mindset author dennis najee it seems that i am about to embark upon another multi piece tangent i find it really amazing what can be stimulated mentally by interacting with others even if just reading their profile entries the mindset of one is quickly revealed which then starts me to ponder even deeper the thoughts and ideas i have within me through this i find that i reveal more of what is within my core and what i think about this way of life i have repeatedly stated bdsm is not about the whips and chains many seem to focus upon that aspect believing that this life is centralized around tying ones up and beating them to fulfillment certainly that is an aspect of things but it is not the largest part in fact what many call play is simply a means to an end in other words it is a vehicle which conveys a deeper meaning if one really searches it it is crucial that bdsm is a giant paradox those who fail to understand this central point are living under a delusion of sorts what appears on the surface is completely opposite of what is true at the next level down that is why so many on the outside have a particular view about certain things which we within this know to be untrue their lack of in depth knowledge creates an illusion it is from this basis that they judge what is transpiring without true understanding this is part of the natural human condition and hard to alter nevertheless once someone starts to experience what i am referring to and gain understanding about what bdsm truly offers he or she quickly sees past the misguided viewpoints of those who do not comprehend it bdsm is about freedom ironic that a way of life that uses terms such as bondage slavery and obedience is about freedom but that is the case on the surface enslaving one is a limiting behavior according to societal norms it is however when one delves deep within herself if truly a slave she will determine that slavery is not confining but her path to freedom it is a liberating experience to undertake for one of this ilk instead of detracting from her life it enhances through the dependence upon another person she is able to forge her own internal path and grow within the parameters that he establishes she is able to enhance her trust discipline and ability to handle responsibility her desire to please and serve motivates her to better herself in all areas all subs slaves want their owners to be proud of them it is through the seeking of approval of one not the masses that one embarks upon that which is natural to be the best person she can be bdsm is about growth those who enter this way of life seeking to fulfill some present moment need are quite common however those who remain in it and do what i call living it move past this mindset naturally all of us arrive here through whatever medium because there is a deep seeded craving within us to be blunt if we were fulfilled in the traditional realm we would have never sought this way of life it is only through our pain in that arena that we started looking for something different many of us find the answer in bdsm that said for us to succeed in this sphere as in most aspects of life growth is a crucial element when you understand that we seek to be more then you are starting to grasp what this truly means whips and chains are simply tools they are not the end focusing upon them shortchanges what is truly needed this lowers the standard that ultimately negates a great deal of the power of bdsm bdsm is about honor and character these are terms that are thrown around rather easily yet few seem to truly grasp the magnitude of what they mean it is these concepts that tells me bdsm is about holding myself to a higher standard than society accepts we are to grow mentally physically emotionally spiritually and inter personally it is through our daily interactions both with bdsm and vanilla people that we show what is deep within us are we acting in manners similar to everyone else do we blindly go through life causing pain wherever we go do we respond to people by giving back what they put out to us or do we hold ourselves to a hig...