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favicon.ico: dharmaloss.wordpress.com - dharma loss | engaging in mind.

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site title: dharma loss engaging in mindfulness and peace to end the suffering of an unhealthy lifestyle

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day i achieved a hard won accomplishment i would have my entire world crumble around me however that was two years ago and i ve picked up the pieces and rebuilt a life that i am happy with and for the first time in years feel fulfilled and content so in spite of my knowledge that joy can be extremely fleeting at the present moment i m elated rate this posted in weight loss tagged depression happiness obesity weight loss 1 comment self reflection june 18 2013 by dharmaloss the other day at the gym i was on the elliptical machine it s my favorite machine to work out on as it s low impact but really efficient at burning calories when i m on the elliptical i try to maintain a heart rate of around 150 for someone my age and weight it s a good speed i spend 25 minutes on the machine when i use it and i find that the time usually goes quickly as long as i have some good music to listen to last week i forgot my headphones those were the longest 25 minutes i ve ever spent in the gym i never knew how much music really contributed to my activity until i no longer had it instead i had to look around the gym for lack of anything interesting to do in order to keep my heart rate at around 150 i usually move at about four miles per hour on the machine this day i was really pushing myself and was up to 4 3 mph and had sweat pouring off of me i felt pretty good about myself my progress and my ability that s when the gym guy showed up tgg is a great person i m sure when he goes home his kids are probably happy to see him tgg has a good job and he s good at what he does he just happens to also be really good at using elliptical machines probably because he s there a lot at least that s what i m telling myself the gym guy steps up to the machine next to me and proceeds to move at a pace i didn t know the machines were capable of because i had nothing else to do i looked at the readout on his machine he was going nearly 12 miles per hour he was sprinting on the elliptical machine while i plodded along at about a third of his rate i figured he d slow down eventually but tgg just kept it up i think he may have gotten faster as he got warmed up tgg was master of the elliptical machine and i was getting schooled in what they were capable of tgg was so good at it that he didn t need to hold the handles i had to use for stability and to monitor my heart rate tgg just moved while his arms pumped in much the same way as an olympic runner s it was to say the least impressive the problem with being next to someone like tgg is the inevitability of the comparisons between yourself and him without my music to distract me i couldn t help watching the show as it unfolded i had to wonder if it were even possible for me to get the elliptical machine to move that fast if i did could i maintain a speed like that if i could for how long tgg didn t seem to be letting up any time soon then i realized he d already traveled much farther on his machine than i had on mine though i d been there much longer than him if we were on a track he would have given me a half mile head start and then passed me without breaking a sweat tgg was good and i was bad i m not stupid i learned that lesson fast i learned it as fast as tgg was running on his machine that s when i remembered something i m not the gym guy and he s not me tgg has been working out on these machines for a long time tgg is in good physical shape tgg isn t trying to overcome a lifetime of obesity tgg is not celebrating every pound lost tgg is probably not monitoring every calorie and making sure it s the best possible one to ingest at any given moment tgg is good but i m good too i remember the lessons i learn on the meditation bench the mind makes good the mind makes bad with no mind there is no good and there is no bad if i were to finish my exercise without a sense of failure i had to let go of my thinking attachment to thoughts and illusions of goodness or badness had to be put aside i closed my eyes breathed deeply for a moment watched my heart rate drop though i was still moving at 4 mph and let go of my mind it was time for elliptical meditation tgg was still there when i finished my 25 minutes he was still going strong and his arms and legs moved with speed and purpose he was doing what his body needed him to do i had completed doing what mine needed the last ten minutes of my exercise passed as quickly as if i had my headphones on without the burden of thought and the struggle against my mind time moved forward with ease my body moved while my mind was still i was no longer bad and he was no longer good we were both two people using the elliptical machines and we both benefited from the experience i wiped down my machine and felt good for tgg and hoped he would continue to keep his body in good shape and know the joy of having a mind as fit as his body rate this posted in buddhism meditation weight loss tagged attachment exercise happiness health suffering weight loss leave a comment this is a repeat june 14 2013 by dharmaloss back in september of 2010 i hit a milestone of some importance i lost 40 pounds it was an amazing time and i was full of hope and joy at getting my weight under control and getting healthy i d been working very hard at it and things were new and promising a few months after that i was down 60 pounds and felt great twice i had bought new clothes because i was too skinny for my old ones for the first time in a long time i felt like things were under control and i was making progress on having the life i wanted as often happens in life it was at this point things got turned upside down when my marriage began to fall apart it s been a long and painful two years but i ve moved on however i have to undo a lot of damage those hard times inflicted on my weight and my health as my life spiraled out of control old habits came back and my weight returned to where it was when i started my journey actually i hit 333 pounds 3 over where i was the first time before i realized i couldn t live with myself that way any more so in july of last year i began to focus on my health again i ve progressed more slowly this time but in eleven months i ve gotten back to 290 pounds and once again feel the joy of having lost 40 pounds unlike last time i m not elated or dizzy from the accomplishment perhaps it s because i ve done it before maybe it s because i ve been through the worst suffering of my life and am wary of happiness perhaps it s because i know i could gain it back if i let my guard down whatever the reason i m happy for myself but it s not the same as last time i m more aware than ever how impermanent things really are and that s probably a factor too while i m happy i ve reached this milestone i m just not attached to the happiness like i once was eventually the happiness will fade and i ll be left with a choice about what to do i can either continue losing weight and being healthy or i can chase after a faded happiness and suffer this doesn t mean i m unhappy nor does it diminish the importance of my accomplishment however my relationship to these feelings of accomplishment has changed whenever we set out to do something hard there are moments of fear and discouragement last november i wrote 60 000 words of what eventually became a 92 000 word novel at the beginning of the month i had no idea if i could do it and i was scared of failing in the attempt however each day i sat down and i wrote i made the time and did what needed to be done now i m repeating that task by carefully reading through the novel changing the things that need to be changed and fixing typos and gramatical problems even on days i don t feel like doing it i sit down and i edit and i rewrite and i add clarifications or cut extraneous words i take it one day at a time and slowly and reliably make progress even though i still feel fear or discouragement the same is true with my weight and my health i d been discouraged lately because the first thirty pounds came off quickly but it took me almost six months to lose the next ten however instead of attaching to the fear or discouragement i ve taken it one day at a time one step at a time each day i choose to do what i need to do that day i exercise i eat well i meditate i write i work all of those days add up and i m seeing results again i have lost 40 pounds and i fully expect to see the scale in the 280 s tomorrow or early next week this is good i am happy about this however the day will come when i am no longer happy and my only option will be to do what needs to be done that day rate this posted in impermanence weight loss tagged exercise impermanence meditation suffering weight loss leave a comment back to the gym june 3 2013 by dharmaloss i went back to the gym today for the first time in much longer than i d like to admit i ve been walking around the city a lot since i moved here a month ago but i felt i needed to set aside some time specifically for exercise on top of the normal walking and climbing of stairs that i ve been doing needless to say though i will anyway my legs are so sore i can t even sit here at my desk comfortably i just have to keep reminding myself that nothing is permanent even though it may feel like it the pain like my extra weight will eventually go away on the up side according to the scale at the gym i m down to 291 so i ve got that going for me rate this posted in impermanence weight loss tagged exercise impermanence suffering weight loss leave a comment my new favorite things may 11 2013 by dharmaloss there is a lot that i could write about right now in regards to my life weight loss and how my buddhist practice is getting me through some very stressful times but i can t bring myself to write about that in much detail right now instead i can assure you that i m exercising eating healthy and maintaining a vibrant practice that is making some very tough times bearable instead i thought i d share a few quick thoughts about some of the things i ve been using lately to help me keep my life on track and my health improving as i ve been actively trying to eat healthy and exercise more in order to lose weight i m constantly on the lookout for great vegetarian recipes for some time i ve been aware of a site called yummly however i ve not used it as much as i should that s changed recently yummly is like a google for recipes and they bill themselves as having the ability to search every recipe in the world they have a great section of vegetarian recipes available here i ve been able to find a lot of different recipes here that have inspired me to create some really tasty meals the ability to search by ingredient or taste profiles or by category make finding things quick and easy regardless of what you like to eat you ll be able to find something here to inspire you to make something delicious another new favorite is a blog called the first mess laura the author of the blog not only creates amazing recipes but the photographs that accompany the recipes are works of art in their own right her commitment to creating fresh and healthy food comes through in each of her posts and the recipes there are all wonderful to read through and look at as i ve said many times here i m a person who relies on their smart phone for almost everything if there s an app for it i ve probably seen it or tried it one of my new favorite apps is called ourgroceries it is designed for quick and easy sharing of list data between multiple users and works on the computer android iphone and blackberry phones it makes keeping track of groceries easy and as soon as an item is added to a list that item shows up across any device that is authorized to see it another great feature is the recipe section it allows you to specify the ingredients needed for a recipe and quickly add them to a list if you need to get something at the store for something you plan on making soon when coupled with the recipes i m finding from yummly and the first mess this app keeps me from missing important items that i ll need and saves me from making multiple trips to the store speaking of apps i also recently downloaded an app called allthecooks it s for android and iphone and also available as a web site it s got a lot of nice social features and while it s not as nice of an interface as yummly it s a great way to find recipes on the go when all i have is my phone i ve found a few really great vegetarian recipes there and a few meals i ve found on this app have made it to my meal plan for the upcoming week i have also been getting a lot of use out of an app called insight timer it s a meditation timer and on line community for people who practice meditation of any type the features and functionality of the app blend seamlessly with the act of meditation and the timers are easy to set and start stop pause you can save multiple timers quickly switch between them integrate with twitter and facebook and connect with others all over the world creating a meditation timer that works for whatever practice you have is quick and easy with this tool and i have found it to be a great way to track my meditation practice and see how i have been progressing the last app that i ve been getting a lot of use out of is called pocketcasts it s an android app for podcasts since google killed the products i used to follow podcasts google reader and google listen i had to find something new and i m glad i did finding and listening to podcasts with this app is extremely easy and navigating the user interface is dead simple it s intuitive and powerful i am always up to date getting episodes of buddhist geeks zencast as well as my other favorite audio programs like this american life the moth radio hour science friday snap judgement and various tech news shows if you have an android device i highly recommend this app for all of your podcasting needs rate this posted in weight loss tagged diet dinner health healthy cooking recipes technology vegetarianism 1 comment the wrath of god april 18 2013 by dharmaloss someone i know posted the following quote on facebook today along with the comment i couldn t agree more if god doesn t punish america he s going to have to apologize to sodom and gomorrah ruth bell graham wife of evangelist billy graham for those who are not familiar with my history i have a background in religion and philosophy i trained to be a pastor and even though i am no longer a christian i know enough about it to write knowledgeably about this i have a few thoughts about the above quote about and why i couldn t agree less with it the most obvious problem with the quote is its foundation on a belief in an invisible and all powerful being who controls the universe and has a beef to pick with humanity when they don t follow his capricious whims let s go ahead and assume that this assumption is correct and that there really is a god who controls the universe if god does exist why would anyone in their right mind ever wa...
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