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Text of the page (random words):
his quick summary of loss will have to do for now i will find other places to write the darkness and i am blogging again because i don t know what else to do with my one wild and precious hour to paraphrase mary oliver precious indeed as jessie requires 24 hour supervision care so in the mornings when the personal support worker arrives dan and i walk to our neighbourhood coffee shop and enjoy each other s company and some caffeine before he heads off to work and i write or walk or generally let go of all that binds me for an hour or so here we are again about to celebrate her birth and i marvel at and often to be honest curse the blessed chance to reinvent her and our life over and over and over again posted by nan at 9 34 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels moyamoya monday july 13 2015 baby s got new shoes in which jessie and drummer boy soon to be re christened muscleman or the megalodon as soon as i get his permission plan a day that goes awry but is rescued by new shoes and great problem solving without me with jessie there is always a curve ball every day every event every outing planned or unplanned seems to go just a bit screwy at the last minute there is the random coyote generated universe trickiness mom you have to come pick me up i can t get the 2 bus to get home because there is no bus i don t know why there just isn t a bus where are you i don t know uh then how can i pick you up look for a street sign okay sfx walk walk walk i m at bank and lewis are you sure you can t get to the bus mom there is no bus and the road is blocked by police i am beginning to see that this might be a problem i hop in the car and when i get there i see that there is a protest march going on and the police have indeed blocked one of the main roads through downtown which means i can t get to jessie which means i have to think about how to get to her or her to me and well you know how it goes then there is the jessie engineered curve w e ll i was going to brush my teeth and get dressed before leaving but then i ran out of time and i had to get the bus and i really really really like these pajama bottoms so i just like wore them and they have cheetah spots which are my favorite and so yeah but now work says it s not appropriate for work so i have to come home so can you pick me up or the interesting and unpredictable lack of skill scenario mom i am stuck on a little patch of grass in the middle of the road in the mall parking lot and there are so many cars going fast you have to come get me i am going to die unfortunately there is no talking down or out of this one the only solution involves a car key a hasty note to a waiting client and a quick wave to passing motorists as i dart through traffic onto the median and grab my daughter by the hand to lead her sobbing to safety and while there are always curve balls i am trying not to hold on tight and to encourage jessie s sense of herself as an effective problem solver it is well hard sometimes okay honestly most of the time in fact the only way i have been successful in letting go is when i physically leave the house that seems to be the only way to loosen my grip on parenting which is doing great things for my friendships but not for my work so yesterday i was at my friend cg s for lunch i was telling her about jessie s afternoon plans to meet drummer muscle boy at the mall they were going to take the bus to meet the boy s mother at her work and they were all going to look at the boy s new furniture i was trying to impress cg with my growth in letting go this seems to be a big theme among the mothers i know and drag out for hikes and coffee and random book browsing you see i was saying with my story and perhaps aloud just in case she hadn t noticed i didn t even make her look up the bus or tell me any details i didn t question how they were getting there or when they were meeting i showed her that i totally trusted her and drummer muscle boy at that moment my cell rang cg has lived and rescued our life enough to know that that was probably jessie and she was right hey jess hey mom what s up so like drummer boy can t get hold of his mom she s not answering her phone so i m going to meet him at the college and we re going to work out together and then go out for dinner i restrain myself from asking if she knows what bus stop to get off at or how to find her way to the gym i also restrain myself from asking if she has enough money or suggesting that she make a healthy choice for dinner i also do not ask how they are going to meet up or when she might come home do you see how hard i am working here i do say that sounds like fun jess and call me when you hook up with drummer boy okay mom phew well negotiated nan i smile at cg she gives me a thumbs up we are past the raspberry and brownie dessert and well into the tea and coffee when my cell rings again cg s eyebrow goes up hi mom hi jess notice that i do not even ask what s up o k so like i m wearing my crocks and i forgot my running shoes and you can t go to the gym with crocks so drummer boy bought me a pair of running shoes that s me pausing and processing my daughter has size 3 ddd feet not the easiest to buy shoes for and i ve seen what drummer boy wears usually shoes about 4 sizes too big for him we are going to end up with expensive shoes that don t fit and that are going to trip her up in the gym where she will end up with a concussion or a major injury and the store at the college would never even have shoes in children s sizes what the heck hey jess you know it s not easy to get shoes for your size feet right but the salesman helped us size 3 i told him size 3 size 3 they have size 3 where are you at new balance at the mall across the street from the college new balance the only place in the whole city that has shoes that fit her off the rack what can i say drummer boy just scored big time with dragon mom i raise my eyebrows at cg wanting her to note what i am going to say next jess that is so brilliant you guys ran in to a lot of challenges today and you figured it all out what great problem solving cg is giving me the thumbs up i am indeed the new queen of letting go just remember to get the receipt because you have to pay drummer boy back and you don t really know how much cg is now giving me the chop off your neck sign i quit while i am ahead it s hard work this letting go but getting easier with my coach cause that s what friends are for posted by nan at 12 05 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels drummer boy independence letting go my friend cg thursday july 2 2015 epic parenting fail erotica in which my efforts to re stimulate my daughter s interest in reading are just a little bit too stimulating i am back to blogging at my daughter s behest after a long 2 year hiatus jessie is now 25 still dancing with propeller dance still dating drummer boy who has morphed into muscleman but more on that in the next blog and getting ready to move out it s been a bumpy road but she is still keen for some reason for me to blog about her transitioning and my particular challenges in teaching her anything i have a whole long list of parenting fails since the last time i wrote but let s just start with the most recent while jessie used to be an avid reader she now prefers to devour episodes of say yes to the dress or buffy the vampire slayer on youtube she is beyond the age where i can make her do anything that might be good for her but that doesn t stop me from trying and failing you think i might learn at some point but this letting go is a difficult business even with therapy my most recent parenting fail on this front was particularly epic i share it with you to let you feel much better about your own parenting skills you re welcome jessie learned to read when she was about 5 years old using perhaps the very first edition of patricia oelwein s teaching reading to children with down syndrome and was an avid reader devouring first frog and toad then beatrix potter hence her bizarre vocabulary then mr putter and tabby pour the tea and anything by stephanie calmenson there were a whole slew of books read in our local library s mother daughter book club and of course the harry potter series when it first came out and then ella enchanted and wrede s enchanted forest chronicles i do have to say that reading is highly valued in our house jessie learned to pull herself up on a bookshelf to pull things down from a bookshelf and to stack things on a bookshelf our house is filled with books on tables under chairs in boxes and sometimes even in bookshelves it is a habit or an addiction depending on your point of view so you can imagine our despair when towards the end of high school jessie just sort of gave up on books and transitioned easily and totally to the internet tv was and is still limited to set times in our house as is the internet except as it relates to work for jessie that means advocacy or dance perhaps this was her way of stating her individuality or maybe she was just needing to put less effort into her down time whatever the impetus it was not something i wanted to add to our list of things over which to fight i did however keep picking up books that i thought she might like from the library or the bookstore and left them lying around on the coffee table or in her room so in addition to her archie comic addiction fed on the same now falling apart compilations over breakfast she did read and loved wicked the notebook the biography of taylor swift and twyla tharp s the creative habit but it s been a while since we found a book that appeals so you will have to forgive me if last week when she and i were at the downtown main library i quickly perused the new releases and recommended sections and came across what looked like a quick summer read it looked romantic see for yourself and the author was a so called best seller and i thought it was from the young adult section really so it would be appropriate right and would fit right in to the romantic life she is leading and aspires to so we took it out then that evening the inimitable gray sisters came over jessie s friends since elementary school and an integral part of both her our lives and were of course in their campy and curious way intrigued by this book sitting on the coffee table they picked it up and began to read out loud and then louder and louder and jessie yelled no and covered her ears that s when i walked in in my apron my hands covered in whatever i was preparing for dinner and i said innocently i picked that up for jess i thought she might like it and they said you picked it up for jessie do you even know what this is nancy a book i knew i was on thin ground here but i wasn t sure why it s erotica you got erotica for jessie listen and they began to read me the opening paragraph which i can t even copy here because it would well not be fit for family consumption let s just say it involved flesh and seduction and maybe even a few shades of gray in graphic detail in my defense i had read the back cover breathe into me is a story about a broken girl called lacey she has a stalker ex boyfriend a bad reputation and not really much else going right in her life enter gorgeous everett he s dropped into town to house sit a mansion he s drawn to lacey and wants to show her how good life can be can she trust him now that kind of sounds twilight ish doesn t it the girls all three of them could not stop laughing you got jessie porn you got your daughter porn o m g you got me porn mom jessie yelled both embarrassed and delighted just wait til i tell i made her promise not to tell my mother and then i made sure it was dan not i who returned it to the library after all i have a reputation to maintain posted by nan at 3 49 pm 7 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels bad parenting reading older posts home subscribe to posts atom blog archive 2017 1 january 1 how to reinvent a life happy birthday jessie 2015 2 july 2 2013 14 july 1 june 1 may 2 march 10 2012 76 december 13 november 23 october 30 september 1 july 1 march 2 february 4 january 2 2011 39 november 3 october 4 september 1 august 3 july 6 june 2 april 2 march 8 february 10 2010 37 september 3 august 4 july 13 june 17 pages about this blog spring 2010 home about me nan editor writer advocate for inclusion committed coffee drinker and proud mother of jessie but not always in that order view my complete profile my blog list adventures with beth one of her favorite places is the hair salon beth had her final appointment with the dermatologist today nothing has changed since she started the cortisone shots but the doctor said she believes the 2 days ago a jesuit s journey has it been so long i haven t published anything on this blog since october 2018 that is shocking part of the reason for some reason i lost access and then well inte 3 months ago yes or no big decisions partners in research a critical exploration of roles responsibilities and rationales keynote presented april 2022 the following is the transcript for a keynote i gave april 21 2022 for the annual parkwood institute research day i ll start with who i m not i m not 3 years ago rolling around in my head my psw my psw i have met two but only one came back the one i liked she is a bit shy to talk to but is up and enthusiastic about helping me she agreed to a 4 years ago big blueberry eyes birthday number twelve my not so little kiddo is now twelve lucas is almost as tall as me now i wouldn t be surprised if he s taller than me by his 13th birthday kayla had an 6 years ago special needs disability parenting bloom click click dress your chair with stylish snap on accessories by louise kinross it s a bit of bling for the wheelchair and security and control for the user lucy jones named one of the world s brightest entrepre 6 years ago my name is sarah a buckeye legacy by joyce hillick ely it was late fall of 1977 when a neighbor asked if i would be willing to consider a position as a teen clinic coordinator for a local 7 years ago the adventures of stirling peebles how i started the employment corner group dr bryan dague introduced me to the association of people supporting employment first apse in 2014 this is where i became an official member of the nat 8 years ago az is amazing year in review another year is over and a new one begins here is my 2016 year in review january 2016 my family and i meet up with my old babysitter fe 9 years ago one beautiful life on the first day of school what a ride last week we visited ben s parents two and a half hours south of edmonton and when we returned it was autumn the vibrant green on the trees 10 years ago the ordinary life of an extraordinary girl thanksgiving 2014 when i was a little girl i was often asked what do you want to be when you grow and although my answer changed oft...