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u ll be able to pop upstairs and see the laughing cavalier as well but because when someone new to london insists on seeing oxford street it ll be five minutes away and just as sevres porcelain is always better than a shepherdess with a ukele it s also better than a twenty zaras strung together by prets one of the reasons that porcelain was so highly prized was that it allowed you to paint on it with much more detail than any other material icing unfortunately does not quite have this property and regardless i don t have that level of skill so at the centre of these are design you own edible cupcake toppers the rest is a simple biscuit recipe with flooded royal icing that i then painted my god it s nice to be back share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook like loading the lamassu ice cream sandwich june 10 2018 sarah leave a comment despite being late spring the weather where i am in germany is shockingly hot and soggily humid it s not really weather that lends itself to turning the oven on but it is definitely the weather for ice cream so i decided that if i had to do one i d do the other presenting the lamassu ice cream sandwich soft chocolate cookie biscuit stuffed with meringue marshmallows and chocolate and vanilla ice cream and designed to look like a neo assyrian palace gatekeeper it is delicious and indistinguishable from the real thing just in case you re thinking of making it for yourself i should also point out that it is far too much for one person to eat and your friends will be happy but confused and suspicious if you text them at 11am begging them to come round and help you eat a slowly melting lamassu ice cream sandwich learn from my mistakes and have it entirely to yourself for breakfast instead of sharing it as a mid morning snack i really struggled to make this biscuit recipe perfect obviously for an ice cream sandwich you want a cookie not a biscuit a biscuit will turn unpleasantly soggy when it comes into contact with the ice cream but cookies are far too soft to support their own weight so this one is somewhere in between a bit more brown sugar and a bit less flour and butter per egg than a normal biscuit dough of course halfway through assembling it i realised that you wouldn t know from the photographs that it was a deliciously soft biscuit that went perfectly with the crunchiness of the meringue and blended seamlessly with the ice cream and that i should have made a hard biscuit that was easier for construction purposes then i ate it and i regret nothing the lamassu here is one of the ones from ashurnasirpal s palace at nimrud a lot of the neo assyrian lamassu are part bull but these are part lion the originals are covered with the standard inscription of ashurnasirpal which boasts of the king s achievements but i am definitely not talented enough to have iced all that on as well but i did read the standard inscription while i ate it just to get the proper effect in case you re wondering by the way the picture behind the ice cream is the vanity fairy caricature of austen henry layard the man who excavated the palace of ashurnasirpal and wrote an account of it called nineveh and its remains despite it principally concerning his excavations at nimrud when i was a young undergraduate this caused me far far more confusion that it should have done and i ve resented him just a little bit ever since anyway here s a picture with a print of his original publication showing the excavation of lamassu at nimroud it s the bottom right image you may have to squint and as a final point if you haven t been to see michael rakowitz s lamassu on the fourth plinth in trafalgar square you really must it is absolutely phenomenal to the extent that it probably shouldn t be name checked on a waste of time blog like this one but still go see it it s wonderful share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook like loading a short break april 12 2018 june 10 2018 sarah leave a comment i m in the middle of moving house and it turns out baking at the same time as trying to pack your baking equipment leads to disaster or at least to not being able to find your mini marshmallows when you need them normal service will resume in a few weeks when excitingly i ll have a kitchen work surface three times as large as my current one that sounds impressive but my current one is literally 15cm by 30cm and yes i did measure it prepare for ugaritic tablet cake the gingerbread gardens of babylon and a grossly overambitious project to make the headdress of puabi share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook like loading tiglath chocolate pie leser april 3 2018 sarah leave a comment that entire title is a lie this started as a mississippi mud pie but due to circumstances and the contents of my kitchen it was forced to morph into a tart it s meringue over a chocolate pie with a dark biscuit shell i absolutely promise you it isn t burnt it really is meant to look like that and the face isn t even based on an image of tiglath pileser of any numeral it s from one of the ashurnasirpal ones absolutely identical somehow the commanding powerful presence of the neo assyrian kings doesn t quite come through in meringue my tart king looks wet and annoying you don t get the feeling he d ravage your city but he might put on a slightly whiney voice and ask to borrow it perhaps he could be esarhaddon the readership of this blog has expanded somewhat of late so for the non assyriologists esarhaddon was a permanently sickly neo assyrian king who spent a lot of his time moping in his room on the other hand the main thing that really sticks with me about esarhaddon is that he had a horrible skin rash all over his body and that s not particularly appetising let s say it s ashur etil ilani one of the last kings of the neo assyrian empire we don t know anything about him except that he only managed to hold onto the throne for three years but if he d been made from meringue he d definitely have looked exactly like this the breakfast of champions i mean the afternoon tea of champions i definitely don t schedule these blog posts to be published long after i ve written them there s no way i took this photo first thing in the morning even though i m planning to post in the afternoon and i m certainly not going to eat a slice of chocolate tart with meringue and added cream for breakfast i wouldn t dream of it i should probably be nicer to esarhaddon he clearly had a pretty awful time of it and in order to hide his hideous chronic illnesses he insisted that everyone who came before him should be veiled and kneeling which sounds so much like the premise of a borges story that you have to be on his side share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook like loading the assyriology easter duck weight cake march 26 2018 sarah 1 comment happy almost easter everyone obviously thinking up an easter themed assyriology cake wasn t hard while rabbits and eggs don t really have much of a connection with mesopotamia ducks certainly do in that hundreds of mesopotamian weights are shaped like ducks a smaller collection of stamp seals are also shaped like ducks these aren t weights by the way even though the look like it i ve spent the last two months in various museums around the world weighing duck shaped stamp seals and discovering that they aren t weights what an exciting life i lead since duck weights are clearly the perfect easter theme for the perfect easter cake i added piped grass and little flowers just to make sure this is a delicious replica of a hematite weight from the late third millennium bc its inscription describes how it was made by the king shulgi and weighs five mina or about 2 5kg it s made of chocolate cake or at least the replica is although to be fair i ve never tasted the real one here is the real one that is shockingly the only available photo so here s a replica that s less cake based than mine but far more useful for getting an idea of the object itself those of you with sharp eyes and an uncanny ability to read my poorly copied inscription may have noticed that the customary royal epithet nita kala ga the strong man is mysteriously missing from my copy maybe i accidently forgot it because i was writing this from memory maybe i decided that shulgi who is mainly famous for reforming the bureaucracy of his state and distributing weights and measures didn t really conform to the hyper masculine standards of 3 rd millennium mesopotamian kingship and shouldn t have felt he needed to so i removed the epithet as a retroactive display of support for his more administrative approach to ruling i really want it to be the second one of those options because i like shulgi and his governing style and also because i don t want to be the girl who has sumerian weight inscriptions badly memorized but i should probably just embrace who i am as a person i feel this cake is an excellent show case for my talents that s a hilarious joke because the talent was a unit of weight in mesopotamia but it s also true i made this cake under severely difficult circumstances i m in germany which in itself is fine but it also means i m without access to my palette knife my rolling pin good black edible paint honestly decent edible paint should not be that hard to come by anything that i could use to dye fondant decent fondant and baking powder germans have baking powder and it doesn t work i m not just making that up it s genuinely different from english baking powders which is fair enough but the german stuff is at best a placebo i tried to bring my own from england but for some unknown reason my box of white powder got confiscated at the airport this has become a tangent but i really feel that the lack of working baking powder in germany is a serious problem of which more people should be aware incidentally when i wanted to a quick shape guide while i was carving i just googled duck weight it turns out that not everyone makes the immediate connection to mesopotamia and google certainly doesn t did you know that a mature mallard weighs 0 72 1 6g eating artefacts will return after an easter break with an ugaritic tablet cake that was actually requested by more than one person i knew i wasn t the only one who wanted to eat ancient artefacts share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook like loading a timeline of writing in the third millennium made of victoria sponge march 18 2018 sarah 5 comments this is obviously a continuation from my previous timeline of the invention of writing you could link them up if you wanted of course that one had dates whereas this one has period names maybe i thought period names were more appropriate since these tablets are always by known by their period and never by their dates perhaps i ate too many of the strawberry laces to write out the dates perhaps that would also explain why the period names are abbreviated as opposed to written in full perhaps it will always remain a mystery so starting with this nice little little archaic ur text from the early dynastic i ii period the large most obvious signs are the number signs they still look like the uruk period ones and although there are some wedge shaped signs there are still some with rounded shapes then we move to the early dynastic iiia here s a copy of a lovely if slightly broken tablet from the city of shuruppak notice how the number signs are still impressed in the same archaic as the uruk and early dynastic i ii tablets but that all the rest of the signs are now the nice traditional wedge shape i can attest to the fact that making the signs out of impressed wedges is a much quicker way to write than drawing them out at least on fondant ed cakes this is the next stage a tablet from early dynastic iiib girsu again the number signs are still nice and archaic and probably impressed with the end of the stylus by the way this tablet is exciting for another reason as well this is one of the first texts that references a measurement of grain called the gur sag gal poorly written in the top left hand corner hmm it s possible that that particular fact was only exciting to me i study ancient systems of measurement and if we re being honest i lost track of what other people find interesting a long time ago does it show and then we come to the old akkadian period the akkadian kings brought numerous changes to the writing systems and the tablets and to metrology as here the tablets are much more rectangular and the number signs are at last written with wedges as opposed to impressed with the end of the stylus all of the lines on this tablet except for the top one begin with numbers and finally we come to the uninspiringly titled ur iii period it s the ugliest name flat unimpressive and when you say it in conversation to non assyriologists they stare at you blankly and make you wish that you studied something that included the word babylonian but it s tablets are the best this one here is a little receipt for a quantity of silver incidentally moudhy al rashid posts wonderful stuff on twitter under the caption cuneiform is beautiful and she s right it really can be cuneiform is beautiful pic twitter com issb9rckpw dr moudhy al rashid moudhy march 10 2018 shiny diorite stele with precise even signs or huge cylinders with tiny writing covering them completely are very visually appealing moudhy s photography skills help too but as far as i m concerned the scrappy ugly little tablets are the best bits of assyriology they re the most human of ancient artefacts tax records scribbled receipts bickering letters their ugliness is part of their charm a demonstration of the fact that their contents are all that anyone cared about and an attestation to their honesty royal inscriptions and the like can be stunning and well written but they re also riddled with lies exaggerations and nonsense but look at that ur iii tablet or at least at its cake replica because of that tablet we know with absolute certainty that a man called basaga gave another man called akalla 43g of silver in the 33 rd regnal year of king shulgi over 4 000 years ago the precision and undimmed truthfulness of that kind of knowledge astounds me ever time and then i make it out of cake the ur iii texts have another wonderful bonus they re the perfect fondant fancy size for mid afternoon tea points if you can guess what book i m reading points in the form of cake seriously i m producing a lot of cake would anyone like some share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook like loading the stele of ur namma march 10 2018 sarah leave a comment this is the detail from the stela of ur namma the famous image that looks something like the cake i ve made and a little more like this the stela dates from th...