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Text of the page (random words):
the egg timer is about to ring skip to main skip to sidebar thursday december 17 2009 the decision was made but not by me i am not legally divorced yet and the fertility clinic called me back and said that if i was still legally married my husband would have to sign the papers to accept the embryo so they agreed to keep me on the list and i can call them back when i am divorced and know that this is something that i want to do it was actually a relief as i am not ready to make the decision to attempt to become a single parent i am still figuring out what i want to do in the future and getting my self organized it s been a long six months and i think i need at least another 6 months to be able to make this type of decision thank you for your moral support posted by egged out at 9 58 pm 94 comments thursday december 10 2009 just when i was moving on naturally as i am moving forward with my grief of my marriage ending and dealing with all of the losses associated with that and feeling like i am making some headway the doctor called yesterday to tell me that i am next to receive donated embryos they have three embryos that are mine for the taking well once i come up with 7 500 are you kidding me i had to tell them that my husband left they said i could still have them even if i am single geezus yes i want to be a mom no i am not ready to be a single mom not yet i am just about to go through my first holiday season alone i have to be stronger to be a single mom more confident i have a week to get back to them posted by egged out at 4 53 am 11 comments sunday november 29 2009 healing haiku the worst day wasn t that thursday when you walked out that was just the end day of i v f when you threatened to leave me that was the worst day your sperm her eggs two embryos in my body you so fucked it up 6 months planning thirty grand so many shots and you were not sure maybe you were scared to have a child with me but your timing sucked then you cried with me when it failed in every way why don t we adopt it was your idea the interview was monday you left just before i see a pattern you don t want me don t want kids doesn t matter which trying to explain to the nice social worker i broke down sobbing you got the hell out leaving me with only dreams childless forty three posted by egged out at 4 43 pm 11 comments tuesday july 21 2009 time to fess up me i need to fess up i haven t written here in ages because things have well gone to hell in handbasket that s a nice way to put it since this was a fertility blog and then became an adoption blog i wasn t sure where this news fit in so i just avoided blogland altogether my husband left me just a few days before the home visit from the social worker who i could not call off as it was a monday first thing in the morning appointment so i explained why he wasn t home and then just cried i asked her to close our case it s been three months i am doing better now but needless to say the last few months have totally sucked i don t know what i am going to do parent wise i am seeing my therapist and he is helping me sort through everything and figure out what to do with the rest of my life i didn t think this would happen i thought we were in it for the long term sorry for the bummer news just wanted to explain what happened posted by egged out at 10 10 pm 30 comments monday march 23 2009 we are still plodding along sorry for the silence the adoption process is not like cycling now 2 week bursts of activity emotion doctor visits numbers to report etc there seems to be no pattern to the adoption process things happen on their own time and i have no idea when the end date is as we are adopting through the county foster adoption program we need to become licensed foster parents we attended the orientation 2 weeks ago and were surprised that they said we would have a home visit in 30 45 days from the foster licensing worker you see while we have cleaned out our guest room somewhat it is no where near being a child s room so i spent the past weekend clearing everything out of that room it was our ironing room art room storage room and guest room steamed cleaned the carpet so now we have an empty room still not a child s room our next task is the scary one making it look like a child s room we haven t been approved yet to be approved we have show that we are ready for a child or two we need a crib we need a changing table and dresser it seems too real and too hopeful to acquire these items i dread having a child ready room sitting in our house months before we are even approved for adoption i understand that they want us to be ready i want to be ready but i d rather get ready after we were approved on the other hand i get to shop for a child s room i have no idea if we are talking about a boy or girl a 6 month old or a 3 5 year old one or two etc that makes it a big challenging i m going to try to borrow the big items from family members in case we don t need them well this is where we are still plodding along posted by egged out at 7 31 am 5 comments friday february 13 2009 thank you tv dh has been dragging his feet when it comes to filling out the 30 question autobiographical form my gentle nudging was not doing the trick finally it came out that he was really hoping for the donor embryo to come through for us oh so we had a nice talk about keeping both pathways open the adoption process takes so long that i don t want to lose time waiting for a donated embryo and then hoping that it will work because frankly i m not feeling that optimistic about 1 getting an embryo and 2 getting pregnant with said embryo i want to keep moving forward on the adoption plan so what s a girl to do to more than gently nudge dh tv i recently discovered a show called adoption stories it is on weekday mornings from 6 30 7 am i have never asked him to watch it but every morning this week he has sat down and watched with me of course they always show a happy ending and they don t dwell on the approval process it s been great because we then talk about the family and their experience they have had all types of adoption infant international older child and today the featured a foster family who adopted two children this show is the perfect inspiration for us i don t say this often but i am grateful for tv posted by egged out at 7 52 am 3 comments wednesday january 21 2009 the first chunk of the adoption papers have been sent in wow it took more gumption to fill out those forms that i would have anticipated but they are in and with this we have signaled to the social worker our intent to keep moving forward in this process she was probably wondering what happened to us i called the re and told her well i told the receptionist to please tell her since she wasn t there that we would turn down this opportunity for the triple split donor situation for both emotional and financial reasons surprisingly i am ok with it i would like to have another try at a donor egg but right now 12 000 is seeming like a whole heck of a lot of money to try again it if didn t work the pain financial and otherwise would be too much to bare right now it is safer to say no later if we are feeling stronger emotionally and more solvent financially we may give a situation like that a try but not now we can t take it i don t know what i feel any more exasperated and exhausted i guess better than heartbroken and depressed posted by egged out at 12 07 pm 6 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me egged out california united states 41 no make that 42 now and the egg timer is just about to ring is time really up my eggs are old so they say i guess i believe them since i have no reason to think otherwise but i m trying anyway 2 iuis on clomid 3rd iui injectable bfn iui 4 canceled then a cyst cyst sort of goes away and then the true 4th iui injectible bfn another cyst and thus another canceled cycle injectible iui 5 bfn fybroid tumor removed 11 6 07 iui 6 1 21 08 bfn donor egg cycle july aug 08 bfn big cry onto adoption view my complete profile blog roll a little sweetness a woman my age all i need is one good egg at this point i ll take an evap awaiting our first bloodsigns chasing a child de mommy dusty ovaries egged on empty womb syndrome everything about adoption falling or flying fumbling towards eggstacy hope i d like a refund on these ovaries i ve got bad plumbing infertility irony infertilty diary long challenging road love hope and faith my perky ovaries one good egg stirrup queens and sperm palace jesters the life of nancy this is not what i ordered trying for baby undereggchiever worrier warrior blog archive 2009 8 december 2 the decision was made just when i was moving on november 1 july 1 march 1 february 1 january 2 2008 68 december 2 november 4 october 1 september 1 august 7 july 12 june 9 may 2 april 6 march 2 february 7 january 15 2007 82 december 2 november 8 october 10 september 14 august 5 july 13 june 7 may 10 april 13 counter 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