Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

2008, the, to, me, egg, donation, infertility, october, september, blog, eggedon, secondary, wednesday, may, subscribe, if, about, it, be, for, eggs, ovary, easy, egged, on, navigating, world, of, and, 2009, monday, friday, sunday, 28, tuesday, thursday, blogtoplist, adoption, list, let, know, you, like, add, your, archive, would, have, been, due, this, week, wanted, baby, got, promotion, hard, tigger, over, but, still, pulling, my, cyclesistas, check, in, mail, even, times, are, bad, life, is, good, more, talk, being, grateful, maybe, we, should, try, having, one, regular, way,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (106), and (61), that (61), was (30), with (30), for (27), years (26), ago (25), egg (22), have (21), but (21), all (18), her (17), maybe (17), time (17), life (16), donor (15), there (15), about (14), donation (14), #infertility (14), even (14), would (13), this (13), just (13), more (13), not (13), our (12), never (12), will (12), what (11), know (11), they (11), been (10), comments (10), eggs (10), one (10), really (10), like (10), are (10), who (10), things (10), august (9), day (9), through (9), she (9), you (9), get (9), way (9), had (9), baby (9), too (9), 2008 (8), anne (8), your (8), going (8), posted (8), last (8), cycle (8), still (8), always (8), may (7), back (7), make (7), when (7), thought (7), good (7), hard (7), feel (7), work (7), week (6), blog (6), posts (6), decision (6), made (6), new (6), journey (6), ivf (6), fertility (6), can (6), times (6), out (6), little (6), move (6), down (6), husband (6), could (6), every (6), has (6), part (6), october (5), atom (5), year (5), from (5), something (5), easy (5), also (5), put (5), today (5), did (5), after (5), got (5), because (5), since (5), people (5), were (5), great (5), some (5), didn (5), career (5), into (5), september (4), parents (4), happy (4), over (4), hope (4), list (4), second (4), secondary (4), someone (4), well (4), right (4), now (4), should (4), try (4), then (4), grateful (4), 1991 (4), took (4), friends (4), daughter (4), money (4), another (4), opportunity (4), again (4), which (4), couldn (4), want (4), change (4), sure (4), much (4), within (4), job (4), due (3), chicago (3), eggedon (3), subscribe (3), other (3), infertile (3), don (3), let (3), pregnancy (3), beautiful (3), use (3), conception (3), stories (3), adoption (3), pregnant (3), birth (3), days (3), child (3), help (3), idea (3), guess (3), risks (3), probably (3), trying (3), mean (3), best (3), live (3), college (3), canceled (3), having (3), lot (3), most (3), single (3), 1992 (3), death (3), think (3), first (3), write (3), jou (3), living (3), dream (3), working (3), travel (3), bit (3), seen (3), family (3), school (3), forward (3), how (3), tell (3), done (3), their (3), disappointment (3), before (3), than (3), where (3), pay (3), here (3), take (3), while (3), these (3), doesn (3), thousands (3), somewhat (3), able (3), edi (3), 2009 (2), view (2), complete (2), stats (2), own (2), via (2), ring (2), center (2), ignore (2), update (2), minutes (2), mothers (2), impossible (2), laundry (2), thing (2), anonymous (2), news (2), uterus (2), syndrome (2), making (2), personal (2), question (2), care (2), say (2), rocky (2), place (2), surprising (2), www (2), com (2), questions (2), 000 (2), completely (2), join (2), ovary (2), home (2), older (2), almost (2), come (2), night (2), getting (2), seeing (2), children (2), though (2), wish (2), him (2), insurance (2), percent (2), rate (2), regular (2), failed (2), boy (2), makes (2), long (2), check (2), interest (2), start (2), writing (2), love (2), see (2), died (2), his (2), knew (2), whose (2), parent (2), occurred (2), struggle (2), taking (2), funny (2), dying (2), daily (2), wspaper (2), means (2), future (2), civic (2), already (2), high (2), hated (2), introduced (2), rest (2), bad (2), being (2), call (2), end (2), unless (2), many (2), disappointments (2), told (2), them (2), wanted (2), disappointed (2), heard (2), felt (2), stage (2), financially (2), frustration (2), rnali (2), forever (2), phone (2), wspa (2), per (2), hours (2), choice (2), based (2), changing (2), won (2), heart (2), knows (2), wake (2), decide (2), morning (2), likely (2), without (2), ever (2), dollars (2), few (2), follistim (2), keep (2), worked (2), happening (2), worthwhile (2), wednesday (2), tigger (2), imagined (2), around (2), changed (2), focus (2), both (2), either (2), request (2), promotion (2), big (2), deal (2), matter (2), control (2), instead (2), challenging (2), terrible (2), torial (2), style (2), reply (2), those (2), power (2), top (2), skip (2), july, march, february, january, december, 2007, archive, profile, united, states, wifethereof, bonus, pasti, tanpa, menunggu, undian, dalam, permainan, judi, online, varoblog, twin, peas, podcast, kudo, props, pved, board, advisor, wendie, wilson, miller, organization, shoe, indeed, informer, timer, options, gestational, surrogates, ฟอร์มของ, อิริคเซ่น, surrogacy, issues, scrambled, putting, basket, mind, wander, outlandish, notions, oprah, show, wombs, rent, swimmers, tubes, bun, oven, mved, mrs, negative, mission, adventures, parenting, centre, treatments, illinois, detergents, harm, org, fantasies, jar, herveryown, henry, street, notes, womb, empty, sunny, side, benedict, arnold, mark, nicholas, cited, diagnosis, man, blood, pressure, dropped, acting, strange, reproduction, vitro, fertilization, women, peggy, orenstein, york, network, index, page, information, articles, ethics, connections, coming2terms, coming, beyond, behind, schedule, notburiedtwice, basics, adopting, foster, national, babyfruit, miscarriage, motherhood, diaries, okay, pack, bags, location, fertilewishes, blogspot, 100, answers, canadian, costco, stirrup, queen, anal, blogs, proves, missed, calling, organizer, add, icomleavwe, conversation, button, blogtoplist, unable, turning, husbnd, said, honestly, sounded, crazy, far, fetched, resigned, stale, erased, old, defects, particular, liked, pro, column, ending, efforts, moving, toward, watching, creepy, sarah, palin, lie, speech, reminded, extent, challenges, four, 30s, contrasted, son, 40s, clear, risk, higher, hadn, wasted, offered, chance, adopt, downs, wouldn, hesitate, unsure, enough, why, stop, tried, two, sorry, statistic, chances, heck, roommate, accident, lovely, stayed, pill, everything, lighter, predictable, absolutely, toss, package, thursday, everyday, thank, loyalty, importantly, support, three, notebook, late, early, father, surprise, kids, young, 20s, lose, sounds, stupid, die, devastating, suppose, hurt, brainstorm, spirited, loving, brilliant, rnalism, wspapers, ours, might, opportunities, grand, canyon, twice, disneyworld, lifetime, blue, honda, wherever, places, details, omitted, protect, innocent, honest, choose, weren, chosen, house, someday, apartment, steps, away, beach, sophomore, despite, freshman, taught, subjects, mentor, grad, lifelong, mention, laugh, oldest, friend, engaged, define, defined, talk, tuesday, earlier, post, wedding, vows, letter, expected, agency, ultimate, confidence, similar, circumstances, short, ask, angry, frustrated, confused, girlfriends, childbirth, overextend, themselves, taxing, regret, anger, confusion, faced, peace, toughest, leaving, bind, surrounded, uninspired, unmotivated, helping, grow, drastic, quit, rang, double, book, accounts, months, easiest, professional, cut, salary, half, belong, wsro, look, hourly, lower, regretted, difference, between, needed, situation, bear, emotional, costly, relatively, low, success, head, price, present, itself, embryos, leftover, frozen, couple, wants, donate, win, lottery, pursue, kid, perfect, number, sibling, share, excitement, christmas, reinvest, free, myself, europe, teenager, anything, holding, wonders, born, point, seem, maintains, status, quo, fear, mail, sunday, comment, bottom, drawer, refrigerator, filled, meds, worth, drugs, repronex, expired, plenty, expiration, looking, recently, broke, partner, embarking, coverage, ease, burden, emailed, boxed, cold, packs, temperature, shipped, off, seattle, portland, someplace, remember, used, saved, produced, bounty, test, lack, jealous, gene, helps, peer, ends, story, knowing, helped, easier, emotions, frustrations, sadness, luck, judy, send, positive, thoughts, pulling, cyclesistas, case, person, finds, hasn, feeling, eeyore, election, elections, remind, selfish, ignorant, becomes, particularly, obvious, calls, conservative, community, http, youtube, watch, ji5_mqicxso, friday, beginning, picturing, optimistically, walking, secret, throwing, state, industry, focused, incredible, mid, picture, fell, asked, grown, stuffed, schedules, unusual, course, works, nights, weekends, requires, hour, attention, frustrating, actually, dresser, drawers, homework, fix, dinner, plan, any, overwhelmed, joy, transpired, professionally, turned, offer, wspap, ers, jobs, reward, employees, nice, raise, huge, honor, trust, value, ion, grasp, seems, extreme, lengths, retrieval, pull, consuming, assignments, boss, fantastic, guy, started, very, standards, expects, smart, challenge, especially, reporters, full, choices, difficult, decisions, hoping, slow, downtime, opin, pag, itor, oblivious, monday, labels, assisted, reproductive, therapies, advanced, maternal, age, seemed, fitting, sort, mountain, papers, profiles, protocols, drug, company, receipts, legal, documents, left, stacked, abandoning, process, continuing, wrong, resulted, cost, certainty, nonexistent, taken, inion, tor, wspape, become, less, stable, workplaces, came, unemployed, letting, leave, employer, granted, chunk, returned, traded, suv, sporty, black, convertible, ipod, dock, lots, changes, reality, nothing, asks, same, whole, assume, regrets, focusing, failures, differently, heals, wounds, liars, fools, least, proceed, lead, happiness, important, priority, stuff, sun, shining, ride, hearts, petri, dish, hopefully, egged, navigating, world, sidebar, main,

Text of the page (random words):
have been due may 5 may 6 or may 7 most likely and so it seemed like a fitting day to sort through the mountain of papers donor profiles protocols drug company receipts and legal documents that i left stacked up when my cycle was canceled last august i m still not sure abandoning the donor egg process was the right move but i do know that continuing on would have been the wrong move unless it resulted in a baby the risks were too great the cost was so much and the certainty was nonexistent i couldn t take another disappointment at that time since last august i have taken on a new job op inion pa ge edi tor since last august ne wspape rs have become even less stable workplaces since last august i came within about 24 hours of being unemployed instead of letting me leave my employer granted my wish to go part time since last august i took a chunk of the money returned from the failed donor cycle and traded by family style suv for a sporty black convertible with an ipod dock lots of changes but in reality nothing has changed when my husband asks me if i m happy i have the same reply i m still disappointed about the whole baby thing and i assume that could be my reply well into the future not that i want to go through life with regrets or disappointments or focusing on failures that s not my style but it s impossible to just wake up and decide to feel differently there are those who will tell you it s easy there are those who tell you time heals all wounds they re either liars or fools i m not sure which maybe both what is within our power or my power at least is to proceed with the things that do lead to happiness keep the important things at the top of the priority list ignore the stuff that doesn t matter and when the sun is shining put the top down and go for a ride posted by anne at 2 44 pm no comments labels advanced maternal age assisted reproductive therapies donor eggs egg donation secondary infertility monday october 6 2008 i wanted a baby i got a promotion at the beginning of august i was picturing my life the first week of october i optimistically imagined that i d be walking around work with this secret pregnancy throwing up every morning like i did with my daughter somewhat oblivious to the state of my industry because i d be much more focused on the incredible new life happening within me by mid august the picture changed after our donor fell through i asked to go part time to put more focus on the child we already have she has always grown up having to be stuffed into the time around our work schedules that s not that unusual of course but with a husband who works nights and weekends and my job that requires almost 24 hour attention it s frustrating for both of us i imagined this life where i d focus on work while i was at work and on her while i was home maybe i d actually be able to get the laundry into the dresser drawers maybe i d be able to help her with homework maybe i d be able to fix dinner at night well that plan didn t work either at any other time of my career i m sure i d be overwhelmed with joy over what transpired for me professionally my request to go part time turned into an offer to be the edi torial pa ge ed itor that s a big deal many ne wspap ers use edi torial pag e jobs as a way to reward the best employees it was a nice promotion with a raise a huge honor it means they trust me they value my opin ion it s a big deal but there s still so much frustration for me no matter how hard i try to change my life to take control of things that i think are somewhat within my control i just can t get a grasp i go to what seems like extreme lengths to have a baby and can t even get to retrieval stage i try to pull back on work and instead get more challenging time consuming assignments my new boss is a fantastic guy he knows that this job change started with a request to go part time because i m not going to put my daughter in after school care but he s also got very high standards he expects a lot of people he s smart he will challenge me and this is a job that i ve never done before it s not going to be easy especially at first i have always told my reporters that the easy stories are never the good stories great jou rnali sm should be hard i guess that could also mean that a worthwhile life is hard full of hard choices challenging days difficult decisions but i was really hoping for things to just slow down a bit i could use a little downtime it s been a terrible terrible year posted by anne at 4 43 am 7 comments friday october 3 2008 it s hard to be a tigger i know all of you have seen this but just in case there s even one person who finds their way here who hasn t seen it here it is http www youtube com watch v ji5_mqicxso it will change your life i m feeling much more eeyore than tigger these days the election doesn t help elections just remind me how selfish and ignorant most people really are that becomes particularly obvious when you re taking calls at a daily ne wspa per in a conservative community but i m trying posted by anne at 5 24 am 2 comments wednesday october 1 2008 it may be over for me but i m still pulling for my cyclesistas for about a year the bottom drawer of my refrigerator has been filled with fertility meds these are all from my canceled ivf cycle thousands and thousands of dollars worth of drugs the repronex expired so did a few other things but there was plenty of follistim with another year before expiration i hated looking at it every day i heard about someone who was single recently broke up with her partner embarking on a donor cycle without insurance coverage i didn t know her i still don t but i thought i could maybe ease up some of her burden we emailed a few times i boxed it all up with cold packs to keep it the right temperature and shipped it off to seattle or portland or someplace like that i can t even remember she used the follistim it probably saved her thousands of dollars her donor produced a bounty of eggs she s getting her pregnancy test this week this is where that lack of jealous gene helps i really hope it worked i really really hope to be part of something good happening to a peer whose journey through infertility ends with a happy story knowing that i helped make it even a little bit easier for her would make me feel like all of my emotions frustrations and sadness were somewhat worthwhile good luck judy let s all send positive thoughts her way posted by anne at 5 17 pm 1 comment sunday september 28 2008 the check s in the mail i couldn t do it so i made my husband do it i guess it s a lot like that earlier post about our wedding vows and the letter that we expected to write to our donor this time though i had him make the call to our donor agency it was just too hard to make the ultimate call to end our journey but i knew i couldn t go forward unless i had some confidence that it really would move forward too many disappointments with too similar of circumstances in too short of time so he told them we just couldn t move forward and we wanted our money back people ask me how i feel about it do i feel good about the decision no not even a little not even for a second i feel angry and frustrated and confused and disappointed at one time or another i ve heard just about every one of my girlfriends tell me they were done having children they felt their family was complete they didn t want to go through childbirth they didn t want to go through the baby stage they didn t want to overextend themselves financially their career was too taxing i m never ever ever going to feel done there will always be questions there will always be regret there will always be anger and frustration and confusion and disappointment always forever without question that s something i ve never really faced before i felt more peace when i made my toughest career decision leaving jou rnali sm for what i thought would be forever i was in a bind financially i was working at a place surrounded by uninspired and unmotivated people with no interest in helping me grow it was time for a drastic change so i quit then the phone rang with an opportunity to make double the money and write a book i thought it was the end of my ne wspa per career by all accounts it should have been you can t go to pr and then come back again i did that for 15 months and then made the easiest and best decision of my professional life cut my salary in more than half and get back to where i belong in a ne wsro om if you look at the hours i work and the pay i get i think my hourly pay is still lower than what i made in 1991 1992 and i ve never regretted it for a second here s the difference between that choice in 1991 and this choice in 2008 in 1991 my decision was based on changing something that needed changing i had to get out of a bad situation today my decision maintains the status quo it is based on fear of more disappointment i m not sure that s a great way to live a life it s not the way i do things but i just can t bear the thought of going through this again it s too hard too emotional too costly with a relatively low rate of success my head won over my heart but my heart will pay the price maybe some surprising opportunity will present itself maybe my phone will ring because someone knows someone who has embryos leftover from ivf they ve been frozen for years and the couple wants to donate them maybe we ll win the lottery and pursue adoption maybe i ll wake up one day and decide that one kid is the perfect number even if she ll never have a sibling to share the excitement of christmas morning or maybe i ll just move on reinvest in my career take more free time for myself maybe travel to europe with my daughter when she s a teenager because well we won t have anything holding us back and while all these things could be good even great there will always be that part of me that wonders about that second baby that was never born and maybe at some point i ll feel like that s ok that just doesn t seem likely posted by anne at 8 17 am 3 comments tuesday september 9 2008 even if times are bad life is good more talk about being grateful it s been a week since i ve posted i know there are a lot of people out there who check in everyday thank you for your loyalty your interest and most importantly your support today i m going to get back to my grateful list there was a time in my life that i would start out every single day writing down three things that make me grateful for my life boy i d love to see that notebook now that was late 1991 to early 1992 not long after my father died his death took me completely by surprise there were kids i knew whose parents died when they were really young but of my friends in my 20s i think i was the first to lose a parent it sounds stupid but it never occurred to me that one of my parents would die and it never occurred to me that the death of a parent would be so devastating his death has defined every day of the rest of my life i suppose i also never thought i d struggle with infertility i never thought it would hurt the way it has and i know i never thought a struggle with infertility would define every single day of the rest of my life but that s not what i m trying to write about today today i m going to brainstorm i m taking 15 minutes and writing down all the things that make me grateful for my life go my beautiful spirited funny daughter my loving funny and brilliant husband even if jou rnalism is dying i have had 20 great years living my dream by working at a daily ne wspaper even if some ne wspapers are dying ours is still making money that means i might have another 20 years living my dream working at a ne wspaper i have had the opportunity to travel a little bit i will have more opportunities to travel in the future i ve seen the grand canyon twice and i know i ll see it again been to disneyworld 10 times and probably will go 10 more times in my lifetime my 1992 blue honda civic wherever it may be now all the places that civic took me details omitted to protect the innocent good friends honest friends family i would choose if they weren t already chosen for me the opportunity to live in a house even if i dream of someday living in an apartment steps away from the beach in chicago again my high school which took me as a sophomore despite my rocky start as a freshman my college which taught me to love subjects i hated and introduced me to my mentor my college and grad school which introduced me to lifelong friends did i mention my husband who always makes me laugh my oldest friend who just got engaged time s up posted by anne at 9 14 pm 2 comments thursday september 4 2008 maybe we should try having one the regular way that s what my husbnd said to me a week or so ago honestly it sounded like a crazy far fetched idea i guess i m just resigned to the idea that my eggs are stale going with a donor also erased almost all the risks that come with old eggs birth defects like down syndrome in particular i liked that idea it was something to put in the pro column for ending the ivf efforts and moving toward egg donation watching that creepy sarah palin lie her way through that speech last night i was reminded of the risks of getting pregnant at 42 i don t know the extent of her child s challenges but seeing the four children she had in her 30s contrasted with the son she had in her 40s it s clear that that risk of down s really is higher for older mothers seeing her beautiful little baby though also made me wish we hadn t wasted the last year on egg donation if someone offered me the chance to adopt a baby with downs today i wouldn t hesitate my husband probably is unsure what he d say but i know him well enough to know he d be right there with me so why did we stop trying with ivf after one cycle i mean we could have tried it two more times and still had a cycle on our insurance for the egg donation maybe it was the sorry statistic that even the best stats put our chances of conception at 15 percent with a live birth rate of maybe 12 percent maybe now we should try it the regular way what the heck right my college roommate had one failed ivf cycle and then got pregnant by accident she s got a lovely baby boy now i stayed on the pill after my cycle was canceled because it makes everything lighter and more predictable if you know what i mean but as long as i m on it there s absolutely no hope at all maybe it s time to toss out that package posted by anne at 3 09 pm 2 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom eggedon eggs ovary easy egg donation secondary infertility unable to have a second child on our own we re turning to an anonymous egg donor for help subscribe to posts atom posts all comments atom all comments blogtoplist get a button icomleavwe join the conversation infertility egg donation adoption blog list let me know if you d like me to add your blog 000 the stirrup queen s completely anal list of blogs that proves that she really missed her call...