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behind schedule skip to main skip to sidebar behind schedule creating life in the slow lane thursday december 01 2016 coming back from beyond i actually have comments on this blog after so many years these readers must have really done some searching our de son ethan is 7 now i don t regret a minute of the decision we made to challenge my infertility and keep trying it s not just because he is our prince it s because in my belief i have only one life to live it was a drive need i had to have the experience pregnancy and birth selfish yes no denying that physically i endured it and the gestational diabetes mentally i thrived emotionally i thrived financially we are still paying over 4 years of very expensive treatment cost over 100 000 which for we middle class folks is a lot of money at one point in the process the 30 000 we had planned to spend was gone and we decided to take a 2nd mortgage on our home was it worth it absolutely as a bonus for my selfish desires we have this amazing person he is not genetically related to us but he is very much a part of us his mannerisms his sense of humor his sensibilities he has has some issues and we don t know anything about where they came from and that s ok he is who he is and we accept him without the typical assumptions that he gets that from his mom it s easier for us i think because all of our kids have some biology that we have no knowledge of that is pretty standard landscape for lesbian parents the big question have we told our families or ethan that he is from a double donor embryo the answer is not yet i have to say it isn t easy our initial thought was to wait until my parents had passed away since they are very elderly why because we believed strongly they would not accept him or treat him like the other grandchildren there is such bias that goes with biological ties and such stigma associated with donor eggs societally donor egg stigma superseeds donor sperm stigma by miles there is so much work to be done to raise consciousness and understanding around it one friend who also used donor eggs was called a surrogate by someone she told really when the time is right he will know and our families will know when it no longer matters to them where he came from posted by daisy at 3 07 pm 2 comments tuesday june 26 2012 three years already three years old and perfect i can t imagine what our lives would be like without him happy birthday my son posted by daisy at 4 10 pm 1 comment monday august 23 2010 picture perfect 100 pure love posted by daisy at 11 40 am 2 comments time passes quickly i seem to be having the same problem as so many making a baby bloggers i just don t blog anymore now that the baby is here sigh life with our little guy is just over the top with sweetness we all adore him he has a big personality and is so happy except when it s not he lets us know when he is unhappy he is 14 months old now and we have no regrets about the path we chose life has sped by so quickly that sometimes i don t even remember being pregnant over the last 14 months while joyous about our darling boy i have grieved the loss of the twin that did not live and i have grieved not having any more children never being pregnant again do i wish yes i do especially since i have all those lovely frozen embies i dream that we win the lottery and we get to have a wonderful surrogate to help us make the dream a reality i realize that for me my blog has been about the making a baby lifestyle and the longer i am connected to that the more it fuels the desire to keep going just one more trying for a sibling that has some genetic connection to our beautiful boy not so much for me but for him this circles around in my head often despite the grieving on the flip side of that is the utter joy we have in our lives the chance to relish every little moment of his life and through that the little moments of all of our lives such a beautiful thing to live in the moment i work from home now since may and ww is here with me taking care of our darlings it has been a challenging summer but so rewarding too being able to be here with them all summer what a treat a great opportunity for us to be closer we are truly now a settled family of 5 i hear him waking up now from his nap he is saying is favorite word ow he says a lot of words in his little baby speak way this is my no regrets life no regrets posted by daisy at 11 14 am 1 comment sunday november 01 2009 halloween 2008 versus halloween 2009 halloween 2008 we had a trick or treating party i was a few weeks pregnant started bleeding massively immediately laid down terrified that i was loosing our twins halloween 2009 we had a trick or treating party held our adorable son all evening had a great time went to bed feeling lucky and grateful i can t believe what a year it has been posted by daisy at 2 56 pm 2 comments wednesday october 28 2009 that felt so good i think i ll do it again blog that is i could fill up every post with how wonderful it is to have mr baby in our lives but that is a given fact maybe i will save that until the end what has been on my mind is all the things i wondered about having a ds ed baby let me tell you that the donors rarely every cross my mind even when someone mentions how much he looks like me or doesn t look like me it just isn t a part of my awareness it doesn t seem to matter i already knew what is was like to be a mom to two girls who are not genetically related to me since ww had our first two i just didn t know what it would be like having given birth the big difference has got to be the hormones when our first daughter was born i was the calm rational level headed one i still reacted strongly to her cries and needs but not like i have mr baby when he cried i felt like my very existence relied on getting to him and giving him what he needed i say this in the past tense because it has calmed down a bit over the last few weeks but it s still there i was the ultimate mama bear even with ww which illustrated just how the hormones really work she let me have total control over how things were handled not that she had much choice if you follow my blog you know that the first person we will tell that he is from a double donor conception is him who he decides to tell is completely up to him it is his information to share no one is really aware of his beginnings and we are okay with that we don t feel like we are hiding something or that we are liars we feel like we are doing the right thing for our family now of course it is obvious that at least sperm donor were used to create all of them but there is such a larger reaction to an egg donor than a sperm donor maybe society doesn t value men s role in reproduction very much maybe lots of men have facilitated that at any rate we chose not to share the information about our sperm donors with others until the girls had that information first too we did share the basic stats height weight eye color hair but that was it now at the ages of 10 and 7 they are asking us more about the men that helped create them we are completely willing to share all we know as they ask it of us we are just at the very beginning of these discussions their main interest so far has been ethnic heritage they understand that they are made up of a combination of traits between ww and the donors and that these traits are sometimes tied to where your ancestors came from so that s where we are right now i have to say it s pretty exciting to share this with them we were very excited about picking the donor and now we get to talk about why they haven t really had a reaction to the fact that they are both conceived from different donors i don t think that it has occurred to them that having the same donor is an option but it does seem to be on everyone else s mind it baffles me to this day how many times we have been asked if they are from the same father setting the father issue aside for a second i don t get it they don t look appreciably different from each other so i don t know what prompts this question but i have to say i find it very rude way too personal i would never ask a divorced mother of three if her kids had different dads not my business ww thinks i overreact to this question i have answered it in a variety of ways some of them not so nice i mean really do they think i am going to fill them in on the details maybe someone can help me understand why people ask this but it bothers the bejeezus out of me the last response i gave was to the very polished and professional lawyer wife of a politician who i barely knew i said why does it matter to you she was embarrassed at her sudden awareness that maybe that isn t an appropriate question especially in front of a bunch of kids two of them mine urgh okay rant over i just wanted to share what it is like to have our girls coming into the awareness of their beginnings since a lot of us are in this boat together posted by daisy at 3 28 pm 5 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me daisy ramblings of an ultimate late bloomer in all aspects of life living life perpetually behind schedule after 16 diuis and 1 ivf 1 de ivf 1 de fet and 1 more de ivf something worked for me view my complete profile resources ivf connections stirrup queens and sperm palace jesters blogs i read cyclesista uterusx2 as good as it gets a few good eggs a little pregnant arcane matters are we there yet baby steps baby wanted apply within beaten but not bowed borrowed eggs broken eggs changing expectations conflicted creating motherhood dooce fertile yet infertile henry street i ve got bad plumbing if and the city indyness labor negotiations lies my mother told me life in the soup bowl little beans 4 me maybe expectant mi historia my eggy journeyj new midlife mommy out dammed egg out i say over hard pamplemousse planz punch drunk right vs easy so close the maybe baby the other shoe this is not what i ordered three bags full wishing it would get easier worrier warrior