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Text of the page (random words):
igned to preach 5 mins at our worship service we re helping run at church of our savior and then lead a discussion after st gregory s style i wrote what i thought was a very nice little sermon i ll paste it below but i guess i was thinking too much of my writing or preaching abilities or something because somebody decided to take me down a few pegs well not really god actually my daughter i was not two seconds into the thing when she decided to have a major meltdown of biblical proportions she d never done this during a service before j tried to remove her from the room but she was screaming so loudly that everyone could still hear her a block away i realized i was losing them fast and i also couldn t keep it together i was alternating between frantically trying to think of how to rescue my sermon and wanting to crack up at how ridiculous she was being i did actually snort once i believe anyway round about paragraph four when i was about to start quoting jesus re little children what a fortuitous choice of text i said excuse me and i walked out of the church and went and got maggie brought her back in and finished the sermon holding her in my arms that was that and of course she totally behaved except when she tried to grab the candle behind me at one point but several kind congregants yelled out before she got it it was totally not what i was hoping for for my big return to preaching but i guess it didn t bother anybody from the comments i got afterwards and although my perfectionist nature was disturbed j said he almost could have thought it was all planned that maggie was my dramatic illustration of the text when i got to the end about how crazy trusting you have to be as a child how you have to completely throw yourself on the mercy of those around you having a sniffling but now content baby in my arms was the perfect picture i could not have planned that better so hats off to the kiddo guess she god had that planned better than i did anyway here is what i intended to preach i got through about 2 3 of it skipping a lot of the middle section the depressing stuff anyway ha ha and focusing on the bits about being like a child enjoy jesus said truly i tell you there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for my sake and for the sake of the good news who will not receive a hundredfold now in this age houses brothers and sisters mothers and children and fields with persecutions and in the age to come eternal life but many who are first will be last and the last will be first mark 10 29 31 nrsv leave your house your family your fields for my sake and for the sake of the gospel and you will receive it back a hundredfold now in this age leaving your family meant losing your place in society your inheritance and really your identity identity in the first century was not about your job or where you lived or where you were from it was based on whose child you were giving up family meant giving up your self leaving house and fields means giving up your place in the world and your means to make a living when jesus suggests leaving family house and fields for his sake he is saying you ll lose your identity your livelihood your security your home all the things that make you who you are or so you think this scene follows several gospel texts with a similar theme whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me if any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me it would be better for you if a great millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea let the little children come to me do not stop them for it is to such as these that the kingdom of god belongs truly i tell you whoever does not receive the kingdom of god as a little child will never enter it i admit that as a new mom i might be a little obsessed with children but i don t think i m just seeing things here jesus is also a little bit obsessed with children because they are one of the best ways in first century society to explain the powerlessness and loss of self that must come with following his way so if you haven t understood yet what jesus means when he tells you to be like a child here he is explicit you have to give up everything that makes you who you are that gives you security in this world house family fields everything that you rely on to take care of yourself the promise that goes with this sacrifice is that you will get it all back not the same but more a hundredfold and in this age to boot but it will come to you jesus way he adds that little preposition with and a nasty noun persecutions the way of jesus is the way of the one who cried out my god my god why have you forsaken me getting it all back a hundredfold your identity your life s work your home is not some kind of health and wealth joyride it means living a tension filled existence one in which you look around and you know who you are what you are to do and where and to whom you belong but you also are living that kingdom reality in the midst of the present age in which living jesus way rains down persecution on your head at best you will simply be misunderstood perhaps labeled weird certainly thought of as confused as to what s really important in life you will not pursue the same goals as others you will care less about the size of your house the schools your children attend the car you drive the advancement of your career at worst you will be ostracized humiliated or even killed you will almost certainly be poor you may never have what others would consider security but you will know what you have you will know who you are and you have a house a family and a life s work it is just under kingdom jurisdiction this is what the rich man in the beginning of the story could not understand nor accept giving it all up not just your stuff and your home and your livelihood and your family but your security your purpose your identity and your destiny i understand why the man walked away from jesus how can we do this who has any chance at all jesus was blunt no chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself every chance in the world if you let god do it mark 10 26 27 the message god has to do it for us god can handle the things we don t understand or fear or are simply incapable of doing maggie wakes up each morning and her breakfast magically appears she doesn t worry about what she will wear or if there will be milk in her sippy cup confusion and insecurity are easily dealt with by grabbing mommy s leg she knows she doesn t need to be afraid or worry or even understand anything as long as her parents are around this is what god wants to do for us to be for us not just lord but father we have to become like a little child that helpless that trusting that humble and we must reframe our thinking so that we can be happy with the house family and fields of the kingdom that s our challenge you don t need a house because the whole creation is your home your fields are those in which the harvest is ready but the workers are few your life s work is to sow the seed of the gospel as for family the father has adopted you and your identity is now determined by whose child you are your home your security your identity back a hundredfold now and in this age and in the age to come eternal life posted by stasi at 1 31 pm 2 comments friday october 09 2009 why i don t pray killing the buddha this puts into words how i ve been feeling for a good long while why i don t pray from killing the buddha shared via addthis posted by stasi at 9 04 am 4 comments tuesday september 29 2009 the system will see you now it s practically a cliché by now i m over educated and under employed now for me it s pretty much by choice i recently had my first child and i want to stay home to care for her my husband however is also highly educated and he does want to work but in the current economy that s not happening so we find ourselves in an interesting situation we have between us three master s degrees and a doctorate almost we both come from low income families my husband the one who s almost a phd was only the second in his family to go to college we are the american dream but we also to our great surprise find ourselves navigating the world of social services detrimentally known as welfare the worst part of this scenario is that we aren t stupid we can t just accept what we re told we are in fact so smart that we see how incredibly ridiculous this entire system really is we see the waste the holes the fraud and the punishment doled out not to those who won t help themselves but to those who like us are trying to maintain responsibility respectability and honesty we tried to be responsible knowing the layoff was coming we saved like never before although hubby had the best paying job of his life we continued living in a 400 sq foot apartment and spending frugally so that we would have savings to get through what we assumed would be about six months of unemployment that has now turned into a year a month and counting because our unemployment income was too low to qualify for the state s healthy families program i applied for no cost medi cal to cover my daughter age 1 but i was told by a social worker it s a waste of time for you to apply right now because of your savings go spend it down then come back and see us yes i was told go waste whatever security you have in your bank account so that you can get your one year old some health insurance we had too much money in our savings account to qualify for medi cal even though our income fit the guidelines and we had too little income to qualify for healthy families which will not count the savings as an asset this is a black hole to which we will return what nobody told us is that if you plan ahead and try to be responsible it comes back to bite you in the world of welfare you re not expected to have had any foresight nor any discipline around money and therefore having savings immediately disqualifies you from most programs i can see how if say you were a trust fund baby with no job trying to get medi cal this could be abused but honestly has that ever happened instead we lived off our savings and we could not apply for insurance for our daughter until every last cent of it was gone i then had the distinct lack of pleasure to spend several mornings at the department of social services office this is surely one of the circles of hell filled with a completely confused clientele growing more agitated by the minute and well meaning but ultimately clueless employees once a manager came out and made the following announcement we do not make the decisions about your services the system makes the decisions we only enter your information the computer makes the decisions we only submit what you give us to the system big brother anyone half the time i couldn t get questions answered because really the employees only know how to put the numbers into the system which then spits out a yes or a no they couldn t even tell me the income ranges for which my child might qualify for health insurance it s all in a mysterious computer somewhere a computer my intelligent brain would seriously like to hack i did eventually find the numbers online but it was not easy and the social worker was not gonna give them up after spending way too many hours of my life in this soul sucking place i eventually learned that the system had figured that we make too much money on unemployment to qualify for free medi cal for our daughter now we have employer based health insurance in this country so wouldn t it make sense that the income limits set by the government for low income health coverage at least for kids should match up to unemployment income to cover those without jobs and i m not talking about getting health insurance for my husband or me i only want it for my daughter at this point but the monthly income limit is 2 030 for a child ages 1 5 o ur unemployment compensation is 450 per week but wait you say that is only 1 950 a month isn t it ah that s what we thought but then the economy tanked and the federal government in a gesture of goodwill started putting an extra 25 a week into our checks and bam just like that we got stimulated out of medi cal we are exactly 29 over the monthly income limit and only because of the stimulus money i would personally rather not have the extra hundred bucks a month or even have it cut in half so that my daughter could have health insurance so fine we are not happy about this but we will deal the state has healthy families right and it s only like four bucks a month so we can totally swing that on the advice of our social worker then by the way every time i say our and social worker in the same sentence i cringe we apply the letter arrives from healthy families and i eagerly open it ready for the whole ordeal to be over for my daughter to finally resume her well child visits and immunizations and it says no you can t get healthy families why not oh because your income is too low you should be applying for medi cal silly people so we have kindly sent your application over to them for you insert scream into pillow here here s what i found out healthy families will only look at your check stubs as proof of income and for some completely insane reason our unemployment check stubs and award letter say we are paid 450 per week the stimulus of 25 is in the check and the stub says the check includes a stimulus payment but the amount per the stub is 450 not 475 while the attached check for two weeks is for 950 not 900 i say to them but we make 475 a week medi cal figured our income at 2 059 a month they say we can only go by the check stub can you look at a copy of the check no only the stub but how can we make too much money for medi cal and not enough for healthy families when your income guidelines are consecutive dollar amounts oh it happens all the time i bet it does only usually it s the problem with the assets that i mentioned above we don t have any assets anymore having spent them down for nothing i might add we simply have a case where the government has upped the ante of the stupidity to levels previously unimaginable by folks like us we believe in the system heck we re still in favor of a public option even after all this because as awful as this has been we ve been flat out denied by privates but when we can see the problems and explain how ridiculous they are and we are still told that the system makes the decisions or healthy families has to toe the check stub line well let s just say i start to understand why people shoot up post offices i m now working another system i ve gotten my state assemblyperson s office on the case we ll see if they can cut through the red tape that is choking me you cannot understand the hellish mire of the social services system until you have attempted to naviga...