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Text of the page (random words):
chosen to take the harder route to stardom in the name of creative freedom so in retrospect i have no one to blame but myself and in reality there is no reason why we can t start applying for grants i mean we have before but i am stubborn i want to and will do this on my own and i will work myself into the ground building up my company before i give up forever and become a childcare worker my only wish is that i could talk to my friends and family about it without receiving a variety of frustrating responses for example the sarcastic oh well when you re a big star i ll come to your parties and the placating condescending facial expression that glazes over them when i talk seriously about my business my baby it makes me feel like a little child talking about how i m going to build a rocket out of toilet rolls and fly to the moon to eat cake with martians not like i m a nearly 20 year old woman trying to build her future and i tend to start to talk about it like i think it s silly too like i m not deadly serious about it i get afraid of what they ll think i start to doubt my own ideas and dreams because of them and their unspoken sometimes spoken opinions and i hate it more than i could ever express in words i hate it when it comes to my friends most of them i ve grown away from or we re close and they re part of my business the ones i m close to i start to feel like i m boring them to death with my worries and fears and constant questions and need for validation and as for shane he has no idea he doesn t know a thing about theatre outside of the drama he did in high school so even if he wanted to give me advice he can t that being said i appreciate him a great deal but sometimes don t stress it ll be ok just isn t enough to get me through nights of venue enquiries and budgeting and frustrating actors i feel like i need an extra head and another 2 sets of arms just to get things done i have however made one positive decision i m postponing my doula course i can t afford it this year especially if i want to make a good go of it with cr and i think i d like to have at least one baby of my own before i attempt to help other women through their own childbirths alright fuck it i m going to look into festivals because apparently they re covered by public liability already and it s an easy way to get your name out there but seeing as we re already holding an audition next saturday we re going to go ahead with tin solider at syc we can make it work diamond in the rough if it s shit it s shit but it shouldn t matter where we are as long as the entertainment is there to make up for it right jay xx they can see us now january 20 2014 jrenegade77 leave a comment my show was two days ago our show was two days ago it was brilliant honestly i could not be happier there was so many more people in the audience than we expected it was just great to be clapped for and laughed with and have people stunned to silence with how good we were i m in a little bit of a fog it barely feels like it s happened aside from the exhaustion and aches that remind me it has the certain comedians could have been better but our section barely had a hitch some water was spilled and a few lines mumbled aside from that couldn t be more proud everyone was brilliant the afternoon after the show when we were driving home from dropping my mum home i had my hand out the window as we drove down the highway so as i was dolphin diving my hand through the breeze i had a thought that my hand and the wind in cahoots with each other was a perfect example of the past months for me in more ways than one the first being that the wind was blowing my hand back enough to make it difficult to move it forward through the breeze and if i relaxed even for a second it would be blown all the way back to where i started the second being that despite my hand being pushed back by the hardy breeze it was nothing compared to the car i was in charging it s way through the wind which is a nice metaphor i think despite everything all the knocks i was still moving forward i reached my destination even if i felt a little windswept and funny when i got there the only downside is that now the show is over and i feel a little empty there s a surreality to it it s been 2 days and i m already bored on the upside this weekend is sam s engagement party and then auditions for heartsease and then next week i m going to my grandmother s for a few days and then back to mums for 2 weeks hopefully that will give me enough time to clear my head and reset before i come back put in a resume at woolworths and then hopefully work up to and continually after my online course starts we put heartsease on and then my doula course starts after that i m not sure i guess i ll work it out along the way love jay xo p s have some show pictures 8 days and counting january 10 2014 january 12 2014 jrenegade77 leave a comment so here we are eight days until show time and i m scared as hell persevering but still so many people have said yes yes we will definitely be there but the ticket sales say otherwise i guess i just want to show everyone that i haven t just been fucking around for the last eight months that i haven t just been living a pipe dream that i m more than just a blonde from a less than desirable tax bracket i ve put a lot of money and sweat and tears into this company and no one is going to stop me from making it successful after this show when i feel like a million bucks or a sobbing mess i ll know i ll know either way if i want to stick it out i ve finished another chapter of lypse which is promising if i can finish another chapter tonight i d be super happy slow progress is still progress so once again a shameless plug chicken fillets bastardised classics and a robot and plenty of butt jokes tickets available here love jay xo 10 days and counting feeling positive january 9 2014 jrenegade77 leave a comment so we had rehearsal today despite there being an issue with the schedule i must ve messed up somewhere and it was good despite our crew being out due to various reasons and one of our actors being missing we got a decent amount done i m nervous but not as much as i was still haven t sold more than 5 tickets but i m hoping that will change in the next few days i realised the other day that i would actually have to sing ok rap in front of a decent amount of people hopefully the thought was kind of terrifying on the train of thought about things that terrify me i ve always wanted to be a midwife well maybe not a midwife but something that involves babies like a doula i love babies i really do but i ve always been too afraid what if something happened to that baby during birth how could i cope with that in my day to day life all that considered i ve always figured i d never be able to do anything like that but then i was scrolling through facebook earlier this evening and one of the birth photography pages i ve liked patti ramos photography showed a picture of the photographer who is also a doula attending her first birth the baby had been born and she was holding it tenderly while the mother looked wearily and contentedly on i couldn t help but think what an amazing feeling that must be so i googled and it turns out i can do doula training by correspondence so i might save up and give it a go 20 weeks of study and fieldwork and a certificate at the end at the very least i should give it a try right i ll still keep going with my shows if doing can you see us now and then heartsease doesn t kill my love for it first and i ll still write of course novels are my passion at least if i do this course i ll have something to back me up that isn t that much of a back up because it s something i would really love to do i just hope the people i love and who love me can support me in it you are what you love not who loves you fall out boy tickets to can you see us now cr productions facebook page love jay xo five tickets sold there is hope 45 more to go also the birds name is gru like despicable me and i loves him here have a perfectly pleasant picture of my bird and i january 5 2014 january 5 2014 jrenegade77 leave a comment 14 days til curtain call cue fear january 4 2014 january 4 2014 jrenegade77 leave a comment so we ve sold two tickets one of which was purchased by myself for my mother however i m holding my resolve maybe there ll be a last minute rush maybe a whole bunch of people will pay for their laziness by paying at the door which will inevitably cost more either way i m holding out hope that i will get 50 paying customers through the door anything could happen right we ve got 5 great comedians who ve offered their services maybe they ll have friends or family or fanbases who will come to see them 50 people 50 tickets sold and i would be content thrilled even that would just about cover our next show our next show heartsease which at the moment is missing a lead with one of our actors leaving after can you see us now we re falling short so i ve put up a casting call on starnow which should be live soon male actor and or dancer needed for contemporary stage play fingers are crossed and another for a few back up dancers so tickets are available at this link here even if you can t come maybe buy a ticket anyway if you email me with proof you bought a ticket maybe i could send you cr stickers or a cr shirt or something send a like to our facebook page cinderella renegade productions and we ll internet hug you seriously though if you re in the brisbane area and enjoy a good laugh come on down there s even a bar with decently priced alcohol i ve been procrastinating screen printing shirts and editing music all day and night so i m gonna go try and do some of that now love jay xo comedian auditions byron trips and perserverance december 27 2013 december 27 2013 jrenegade77 leave a comment the band has officially dropped out i can t truthfully say that i m not at all cut i was counting on them to help me out and bring a few extra bums in seats that being said they have to do what s right for them and their career a little comedy show my future obviously isn t going to help them in any way to get where they want to go so we re hiring comedians instead hopefully that will bring in some extra people either way the show has got to go on right no matter what happens it s my job to persevere and make it happen auditions are tomorrow so anyone who wants to show they re at 11am in the botanical gardens on alice street next to qut gardens point hopefully we ll find a few good eggs on a more personal note we re going to byron bay for new years which should be good i m hoping for tipsy swims and sunkissed skin and long unforgettable night more than likely it ll be cold water sandy bumcracks and nights i ll never want to remember but who knows i must perservere until the day when i can crawl out of bed at dawn and make my self a cup of tea in the nude shower in my own bathroom with its natural light and then with dripping hair pull on my blue and gold cheese cloth sack dress and hear the first coughs of my baby letting me know she s awake i will sweep her up into my arms and nuzzle her head her sweet baby hair tickling my nose i will take her out onto our veranda were i will water the plants chamomile parsley sage basil and dandelion for the bird chocolate mint tomatoes and strawberries spilling from their hanging planter weighed down by their lush and heavy burden i will be content i will be free i will persevere my husband will emerge and remind me with a gentle caress that it s time for work i will lean down to kiss my girl as she pulls at the cats fur and sweep away inside to my computer where i will write until the sun goes down or i become stuck and cannot think anymore i will stare down at my gorgeous creation husband by my side and we will be happy to the sound of our daughters deep sleepy contented breathing we will whisk away to our bed where we will collapse into our dreams at the end of another long and perfect day i mean come on someones got to have it right love jay x exactly one month until curtain call for can you see us now december 18 2013 jrenegade77 leave a comment tickets avaliable here ah hiccups hiccups of the non literal kind are the bane of my existance at the moment i m seemingly torn between two things currently the first being smiling calmly through the storm as though i m sitting in the autumn sun and sipping tea saying it can always be worse the second being throwing a huge hulk smash tantrum and shutting down my company the show the website and all my dreams with it with an exasperated 8 year old sigh of it s too harrddddddd both of these to my bruised ego and scuffed pride seem like equally viable options however to the defiant hard headed taurean only child and single parent raised grown woman in me only one really is all things hiccups bad days attitudes that need adjusting and nights when all i want to do is cry aside cr is my baby and i will fight for her til death mine or someone else no one can make you feel bad without your permission i get that but sometimes it just can t be helped we want to feel sad and sorry sometimes we want to be cuddled and coddled and told that everything is going to be fine because someone else will fix it for us and that s ok as long as you get getup out of your crumpled heap pull yourself together and keep moving forward just one foot in front of the other people forget sometimes that slow progress is still progress so all things aside i will keep moving forward i may have to find a new band and in the new year i will definitely have to hire more actors and work harder on scripts and find a composer but so what it ll all be worth it when i can see my vision come to life for that moment when the crescendo rises and the actors are all in sync and the tension is high everything will fall into place the goosebumps will show themselves in a subtle shiver and in that moment i will know i ve done everything i can and it is enough jay xx like cinderella renegade productions on facebook can you see us now tickets available here posts navigation older posts search for recent posts the cogs are turning arlyn in the bath we re on hiatus crashed not quite burned right back at it again and just as stressed they can see us now 8 days and counting archives april 2014 february 2014 january 2014 december 2013 november 2013 october 2013 september 2013 august 2013 july 2013 june 2013 may 2013 april 2013 march 2013 february 2013 october 2012 august 2012 categories acting actors alternate art can you see us now cinderella renegade productions directing heartsease heartsease inspiration lypse music musicals personal ramblings school shane soldier and the brave ballerina tiny skulls uncategorized writing meta create account log in entries feed comments feed wordpress com blog at wordpress com for i am made of stars blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed 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