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e went to the store to buy little bowls and little spoons and rice cereal well of course we picked the all natural not genetically modified which let s just remark on how hard it is to find things for adults as well that aren t genetically modified i ll take baseball players who are genetically modified but not food thank you very much rice cereal emsley was fussy all day sore from the shots and tired from waking up super early because daylight savings time is ridiculous she still hasn t been able to get back on her overnight sleeping schedule since the anachronistic abomination went into effect last weekend emsley used to sleep until between 7 00 8 00am now we re lucky if she makes it past 6 00am benjamin franklin owes us owes us all that hour back anyhow the first go at rice cereal didn t end up going so well we put her in her bumbo on the table which i know you re not supposed to do but it s not like we put her up there and then went out for a drink i stood right next to her the whole time we mixed up the cereal in her little purple bowl which hang on because this deserves a separate section i am woefully lacking in basic math skills you could make a decent argument that i am woefully lacking in basic logic i once failed basic motor skills in driver s ed six times because i couldn t figure out if the car on the page was my car or the car in front of me so the first few times i made emmy s formula it took me about 30 minutes to write the equation out and by equation i mean 1 scoop of formula 2 ounces of water now i know it by heart but that basic conversion was like asking me to memorize the periodic table anyhow the instructions on the rice cereal box were very short as if they planned on the dad preparing it to be able to understand instructions i might as well be the mouth breather who goes about daily tasks watching other people to see if they look at me like i just threw up down my shirt just to make sure i m doing them right i do this while i pay at the pump at the gas station i wish i was kidding the instructions said add one tablespoon of cereal to 3 4 tablespoons of formula add water to desired consistency that was it so i stood in the kitchen thinking 1 i don t know how many tablespoons are in the scoop that comes in the formula can 2 how do i figure that out 3 what do i put it in once it s measured out 4 how much water do i add 5 what water consistency do i desire 6 how many tablespoons are in an ounce at this point i pulled out garlic powder and set it next to the bowl for what reason i have no idea 7 what s the ratio of cereal to formula 8 how much water do i add 9 what do i put it in ultimately with kami s help and kami has the patience of a saint i figured it out kami knew how to do it all along but nobody was helping me accomplish this task i won t be able to replicate the results tomorrow but i got it tonight emsley liked it well enough she didn t gobble down a bowl of genetically righteous gruel but took a few bites and didn t exorcist vomit it up we chalked it up to not feeling well and benjamin franklin posted by james at 9 46 pm 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest saturday october 13 2012 to the guy at wal mart it s been a month since we last spoke and i have missed you all things are rolling along here at chez yaskeaux and emsley is now three months old which is just unbelievable some things that have changed over the last month 1 car rides no longer go so well we went to oklahoma for kami s uncle s wedding towards the end of september and it was um a trial emmy does well for the first 4 5 hours and then things start to get real on the way back from oklahoma what should have been about an eight hour trip turned into a 12 hour trip as we had to stop every 45 minutes from west of little rock back to nashville it did not help matters that in memphis in the bright blue sky and sunshine some semi driver decided it would be a good idea to run his rig into the guardrail and shut down i 40 and it did not help matters or progress that the tennessee department of transportation decided it was an even better idea to shut i 40 down to one lane for construction which was not taking place so it took us an hour to go three miles and the semi driver next to us was under no circumstances going to let me over so i could take exit to get a shortcut around all of it meanwhile emsley is screaming bloody murder and there s not anything we can do about it that was fun we need to evaluate our christmas plans 2 emmy much prefers sitting up now which is extremely cute regard 3 so the other day we were at wal mart getting halloween decorations as it s kami s favorite holiday of the year emmy was getting a little fussy in her car seat rolling in the cart so i took her out and held her which resulted in her falling asleep with her head on my chest we were walking around and a guy in a flannel shirt which is awfully vague for wal mart i realize comes up to me and says cherish these days they grow up so fast if i had spoken one word i would have lost it kami came up to me and asked what was wrong and i just shook my head but she s been trying to get me to express my emotions more something at which i m not exactly an all star so she kept prodding through a cracked voice i told her what king douche had said then she started crying i was able to hold back the tears why you might ask because gentle readers it is perfectly acceptable for a man to cry it is decidedly unacceptable for a man to cry in the middle of the wal mart in hermitage tennessee 4 here are some more pictures 5 as you can see emsley is looking more and more like kami don t see it check this out the photos on the left column are kami s baby pictures the photos on the right are emmy s pictures from the last couple of weeks posted by james at 10 37 am 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday september 14 2012 we used to read a lot if you were to ask me what my favorite things are and said being a husband and being a dad were not allowed i would tell you three things in no particular order watching baseball listening to music and reading well there s another thing but i m not going to list that one let s look at these in order watching baseball i still get to do this to an extent as you likely know i am we are a houston astros fan one of two that i know in the greater nashville area they re so bad and with moving to the american league west what i believe is the toughest division in baseball there was a guy on the radio in nashville who was an astros fan but switched to the cubs which is like deciding to not get burned by hot oil in favor of getting burned with hot wax anyway we determined that mlb tv was an unnecessary expense this summer and most likely an expense that would be left dormant meaning that i wouldn t necessarily be able to watch the astros and since i take each and every one of the astros losses and they are many personally it just wouldn t do so if there s a good game on television we might watch a few innings while i can certainly watch the royals and twins play a game in september not that they would be on tv i don t want to do that to kami we haven t watched much baseball this season listening to music i do this quite a bit we have mog which is incredible i don t mind paying 5 month for unlimited streaming music because i listen at work for 8 10 hours a day and i have residual napster guilt this hasn t dropped off and i can play emsley our ten favorite albums which are and this is tough for me because 4 10 change on a daily basis 1 the pernice brothers yours mine and ours 2 elbow the seldom seen kid 3 u2 achtung baby 4 the broken west i can t go on i ll go on 5 will hoge blackbird on a lonely wire 6 gomez bring it on 7 josh rouse nashville 8 radiohead ok computer 9 wilco yankee hotel foxtrot 10 rufus wainwright want one honorable mentions 11 danger mouse the grey album i have white love for jay z one of our biggest regrets is not going to see jay z at madison square garden when we lived in cooperstown it would have made for a miserable day at work getting back to coop at 5am but ohsoworthit 12 mike farris salvation in lights reading and this is where we stop because we re big readers we absolutely love to read myself mainly non fiction and the weirder the better let s continue with the pattern of my favorites 1 truman capote in cold blood 2 erik larson devil in the white city 3 jon krakauer into thin air 4 nick hornby fever pitch not the bastardized jimmy fallon bullcrap 5 james l swanson manhunt yeah i like fiction anything by james lee burke the count of monte cristo but i love erik larson like a brother i want to be erik larson perhaps you ve heard of him isaac s storm thunderstruck devil in the white city larson takes huge historical events and finds intensely personal experiences that completely sum up that huge event he writes deeply engaging histories which is what i ultimately desperately want to do i also want to host a bizarre history travel show for anyone who has any pull with that sort of thing the nashville library is set up where you can download kindle books to your tablet and i have a crap tablet which i use to read cracked com check my work email and read kindle books i d read a book a week on average sometimes more but whatever erik larson recently wrote a book called in the garden of beasts about the family of the american ambassador to germany in 1933 including his slutty daughter but that s neither here nor there seriously she banged her way across berlin like a firecracker it s fantastic yet i ve had to check it out three times because i can t get through it why because there s just not time i m pretty sure kami reads for six minutes a day now i could read when i get home from work but that s when i get daddy emmy time i could read when she goes to bed but that s when i get james kami time daddy kami time sounds weird so i have two options 1 read in the morning this is an attractive option but i need time to stretch out my bum right ankle and bum right knee and i also need two cups of coffee to remember my name yet reading about nazis is a little heavy at 5am and i don t want to carry that around when i get daddy emmy time after she wakes up around 6am 2 read at night this is that i ve been doing there s what i call dark mode which is way more sinister than it sounds with the white font on black background and it works great because kami falls asleep immediately before waking up three hours later and every 90 minutes after that to check on emsley i sleep like i have a head trauma so i try to read at night but after nine weeks of having this book i m only 27 of the way through it i make sure that i fall asleep before i turn it off so this morning i woke up at 12 45am with my head still on my hand dead asleep and freezing cold with a neck cramp get used to it i ll be reading about nazis in nine hours guaranteed posted by james at 8 24 pm 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday september 10 2012 two month review the least helpful things people will say when you re pregnant and so tomorrow emsley will be unbelievably two months old it s quite hard to believe i ve remarked that kami and i have been together for almost ten years and it s the longest we ve ever been with someone on a regular basis that we haven t wanted to bite their noses i ve held emsley every day for hours at a time for two months now i ve had spit up throat milk as i disgustingly call it in my beard poo on my forearm like i m wearing elbow gloves and i still go over the speed limit to try to get home as quick as i can to see my girls it feels like this whole process started last week when in fact we ve been preparing for emsley for almost a year now well we ve been preparing to be parents since the day we got married but you know what i mean a lot of people gave us advice most of it good advice still there were some things we heard that were just not helpful in the slightest for instance you have no idea the amount of pain you re going to be in multiple people actually offered this little nugget of course they were all referring to kami you know how many craps people give about how the dad feels zero craps you know if i walk around in the middle of the night there s an 80 chance i m going to hit something with the side of my knee the certainty somehow makes it worse as if i m trying to be careful but just can t keep from hurting myself glancing the corner of a chair with the outside of your ankle hurts but it hurts even more when you re moderately sure it s actually going to happen kami has a spanish inquisition level of tolerance for pain kami was never under any sort of impression that she d be able to make it to the ymca for a spinning class two hours after giving birth still i m reminded of a line from friends where they say is that your nostril pardon me while i push a pot roast through it or something along those lines you know who goes into labor thinking i bet this will be a breeze nobody but the ends justify the means yes it ll be painful but there will be a beautiful little baby girl at the end of it like sliding down a rainbow to a pot of gold if the rainbow is labor and contractions but the fact that someone thought it would be ohsohelpful to go out of their way to say however much you think you re going to hurt you might as well slap yourself in the nose with a hammer because your tiny little squirrel brain can t fathom the pain you re going to feel it s also incredibly self serving as though there s a club at the airport where the preferred guests get to slide a card and have access to orange juice and massages and teddy bears and kami just isn t going to be able to get in you don t tell someone you have no idea the amount of pain you re going to be in without adding a little but i do nanny nanny boo boo at the end i hope they find a dead cockroach in their underwear at the end of the day you re going to be so tired do i enjoy getting up for 60 90 minutes in the middle of the night for no reason absolutely not i prefer to go to sleep snap my fingers and it be 5 30am which isn t too far from what actually happens but emsley is not no reason was i tired in the first few weeks of emmy s life of course if you re not tired in the first few weeks of having a child then you need to help more and i ll tell you that now so your wife doesn t have to because that will be a shrill one sided conversation and conversation indicates that there are two people talking there won t be you ll just stand there holding a bottle wishing you could somehow crawl into it i ve talked before about sleep and not sleeping when having a baby but the fact is you ll be up in the middle of the night it s just how it goes but what the heck else are you supposed to do it s not like your brother in law is in the other room crying to wake you u...