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anguage practices or explanations to avoid pain instead of honestly entering it it can sound holy on the surface but it often dismisses what the soul is trying to tell the truth about this can happen when someone is grieving and we quickly say they are in a better place or god has a plan before we have truly sat with the ache of the loss it can happen when someone is angry over a real violation and we tell them to stop being negative rise above it or just forgive before justice truth and lament have been allowed to speak the problem is not faith the problem is using faith to escape honesty biblical hope does not require denial trusting the father does not mean pretending something did not hurt that a loss did not matter or that an injustice should not be named in scripture lament gives sorrow a voice before god the psalms do not sanitize grief nor do the prophets rush past ruin even yeshua wept at the tomb of lazarus though he knew resurrection was coming spiritual bypassing also happens when we silence someone who is wrestling with faith doubt disappointment or confusion a person may still love god and yet struggle to understand where he was in their suffering they may still trust him and yet need to cry how long to shame that struggle is not spiritual maturity it is fear dressed in religious language it can also happen when someone s misfortune is quickly attributed to sin scripture does teach that choices have consequences and suffering can invite honest self examination but not every wound or sickness is the direct result of personal sin job s friends thought they were defending god s justice when they explained his suffering as evidence of hidden wrongdoing yet in the end god rebuked them because they had not spoken rightly of him their explanations may have sounded theologically lofty but they lacked wisdom humility and compassion this matters because comfort that comes too quickly can feel like erasure when someone offers an answer before they have offered presence the grieving person may feel that their pain is too much too inconvenient too faithless or too uncomfortable to be heard what was meant to comfort can actually create loneliness the person may learn to hide their grief not because it has healed but because it has no safe place to go prayer scripture worship and meditation can steady the soul renew the mind and lift our eyes but even holy practices can be misused when they become a shield against honesty the question is not only is this spiritual but is this helping me tell the truth before god or is it helping me avoid what hurts this also applies when we are the ones listening sometimes we reach for spiritual answers because another person s pain makes us uncomfortable we want to fix it explain it correct it or move them toward hope before we have really entered the weight of what they are carrying but grief often needs witness before it can receive wisdom it needs someone willing to sit in the ashes without immediately trying to bring beauty av teaches us that true comfort does not bypass grief it comes after grief has been given room to speak comfort comfort my people is not spoken as a denial of devastation but after the ruins have been faced the comfort of the father is not a platitude it is not a spiritual band aid it is the holy nearness that meets us in truth and slowly teaches the wounded heart how to hope again the house of mourning now we have context for the words of kohelet the preacher grief is better than laughter for though the face is sad the heart may be glad the heart of the wise is in a house of mourning but the heart of fools is in a house of pleasure ecclesiastes 7 3 4 this does not mean sorrow is pleasant and it does not mean every painful thing is good it means honest mourning can do something in the heart that avoidance cannot the house of mourning teaches wisdom because it brings us into contact with reality humility love limits and eternity the house of pleasure is not wrong in its proper season laughter joy feasting and celebration are gifts from god but pleasure can become a hiding place when we use it to avoid grief when we run too quickly to distraction entertainment busyness or even premature celebration the soul may never have the funeral it needs av calls us into the house of mourning long enough for the heart to become wise this process is preserved through tradition on the jewish calendar every year at this time the destruction of the first and second temples and the great sins of the nation golden calf and sin of the ten spies are remembered and mourned how does this and the succeeding seven weeks of comfort prepare one s soul for rosh hashanah yom kipper and sukkot seven weeks of comfort for much of the year the haftarah is connected in some way to the weekly torah portion but after tisha b av the prophetic readings begin a different movement seven weeks of consolation leading up to rosh hashanah id 463094459 arun david dreamstime com this season is known as the shiva d nechemta the seven haftarot of comfort beginning with shabbat nachamu the sabbath after tisha b av we hear the words of isaiah comfort comfort my people from there week by week the prophetic readings carry the community from devastation toward consolation restoration and renewed hope this matters for av because it shows us that comfort is not instant the calendar does not move from destruction to celebration in one leap it gives us seven weeks of comfort after the narrow places after the mourning after the ruins have been faced the soul is led gently toward the new year a new beginning and the season of joy the av grief path if you are walking through grief this month or if an old loss is still speaking through your body reactions relationships or speech consider this path reality truth what has been lost protest how have i resisted or denied this reality bargaining what have i been doing to make this not true surrender what truth am i being invited to accept sadness what needs to be felt named and witnessed goodbye what must i release instead of carrying it as though it is still alive comfort what do i need from the father of comfort new life what space might grief eventually open this path is not always linear grief often circles back through protest sadness surrender and comfort many times as the mind body and soul slowly learn how to live in the new reality that is why there is great wisdom in the jewish tradition of mourning for seven days thirty days and even a year these rhythms do not rush the mourner they give grief time to move from shock to acknowledgment to integration allowing the loss to be carried through the ordinary and sacred cycles of life if you or someone you love is in the house of mourning remember these steps and sit with them in their pain even if it is in silence allow your or their mind and heart the time it needs to learn how to walk through life without the person or thing they lost comfort them with your presence that s the closest thing to yeshua sitting with them blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted mat 5 4 nas95 receiving the comfort of av av teaches us that grief is not the absence of faith it is the sacred pain that allows the soul to finish what has ended we need this individually of course but we also need this as a people this is the mercy hidden inside the mourning of av grief does not heal because loss is good grief heals because it allows the soul to stop fighting what is true and begin releasing what it was never meant to carry it goes beneath anger anxiety control shame bitterness and numbness and gently leads the heart back to the original wound where the comforting father can meet us in truth and then in his care the soil of our hearts becomes fertile again sacred pain reflection questions 1 how people grow what the bible reveals about personal growth p 206 share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading categories ethics new moon tags av comfort grief mourning new moon simeon 5 comments happy am i posted on january 20 2026 by k gallagher the month of shevat arrives quietly in the deep stillness of winter trees stand bare branches hold no visible fruit to the untrained eye nothing seems to be happening and yet life is moving under the surface i relate to this deeply right now being in a place of transition beneath the frozen ground roots are active sap begins to rise strength gathers where no one can see it knowing this natural picture makes me happy and hopeful in the land of israel shevat marks the first stirring of awakening even while winter still claims the surface this is not a dead season for you or for me it is a root season naming what is yet not seen now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of realities not seen heb 11 1 tlv shevat teaches us that god often works where growth is hidden beneath habits beneath reactions beneath the words we speak and the words we think long before fruit appears in our lives something is forming at the level of meaning what grows there will determine what we eventually bear this is why shevat is associated not only with trees and living waters but with something far more intimate and revealing the sense of taste taste is discernment taste tells us whether something nourishes or harms taste determines what we take in and what we refuse and in shevat taste is not only about food it is about words because words are seeds words we think and speak to ourselves words we think and speak to and about others and words we speak to god all matter words are meant to produce fruit hopefully good fruit but we also are just as capable of producing bad fruit long before fruit appears something more fundamental is happening while they are still seeds meaning is being formed what we call our experience what we name as good or bad blessed or barren begins to shape the roots from which everything else will grow i don t know about you but i want that fruit to be good and holy this is why shevat is tied to trees which carry life through seeds and fruit and this is why shevat is tied to taste because we consume fruit seeds and even leaves and bark for nourishment and healing so why is shevat tied to asher asher s story does not begin with abundance fertile land or oil it begins with a woman who dared to name blessing before her circumstances were resolved in seed form upon asher s birth she declared happy am i ai leah s declaration is profoundly prophetic not just for her son and his tribe but for us too she spoke into unresolved circumstances relational tension and long standing comparison how many of us need to make her same declaration into our complexities asher was the son of zilpah leah s maidservant yet leah claims and names him then leah said happy am i for women will call me happy so she named him asher gen 30 13 nasb this moment was pivotal leah lived for years in comparison rejection and longing she named sons out of her pain hope and desperation she knew what it felt like to be unseen or second best by the time asher was born her story is still unresolved and yet she names blessing anyway the hebrew root behind asher h833 does not describe fleeting happiness it carries the sense of going straight advancing walking forward in alignment with adonai leah was not saying everything is finally good so i can be happy she was saying something far deeper i am no longer defining myself by rivalry i am choosing what meaning i will take in i am moving forward this was a transition a maturing of her walk before land oil favor or strength were proclaimed upon asher there was a mother who has already begun to change with judah leah first turns from naming her pain and longing to naming praise this was the first stage of her transition by the time asher is born that earlier shift had ripened into discernment leah realized she no longer wanted to keep telling the same story she did not name asher the way she named her earlier sons out of striving or comparison first she praised judah then she blessed asher she recognized the old pattern and interrupted it years later jacob blesses asher as for asher his food shall be rich and he will yield royal delicacies gen 49 20 nasb food in scripture is never neutral it represents what sustains life what is consumed digested and absorbed this blessing is not about excess but about quality asher s food is rich his nourishment is fit for kings how many of us want to produce this sort of spiritual food these royal dainties are about inner consumption one s spiritual diet which are the thoughts we believe the interpretations we agree with the words we repeat within ourselves all the things that will eventually produce fruit from our identity to our behavior these things become what sustain us day after day asher does not live on scraps like resentment comparison harsh inner speech fear based conclusions or rigid assumptions his inner world is nourished by godly discernment he tastes before swallowing those of us with dogs know this well they often swallow food whole barely tasting it at all they gulp first and sort it out later humans were not designed to live that way spiritually we are meant to chew discern and choose this is why yeshua could say i have food to eat that you do not know about john 4 32 nasb did you know that you have access to that food too he was not speaking of physical sustenance but of a deeper nourishment one rooted in oneness with adonai obedience and discernment rather than reaction or appetite shevat s association with taste ties directly into this taste allows us to pause before consuming meaning taste warns us when something looks acceptable but carries bitterness taste asks is this ripe is this nourishing leah practiced this before asher ever did she refused to keep consuming bitterness she knew that thinking believing and doing the same things over and over would only get her the same results and she wanted something else something better that choice shaped the soil from which asher s life would grow inner speech the way we talk to ourselves is crucial in this place the words we repeatedly speak to ourselves especially under pressure will shape who we become some thoughts strengthen life others quietly poison the roots what mantras do you tell yourself over and over this will never change i should be further along by now i already know what this means or what they meant by this these thoughts often feel true they arrive quickly confidently and without invitation so they feel right but shevat teaches us to taste them before agreeing with them to slow down long enough to discern whether they nourish life or constrict it asher s blessing assumes a healed rel...