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gracie in brooklyn just another wordpress com weblog home the backstory about me gracie in brooklyn just another wordpress com weblog feeds posts comments where are we may 29 2012 by gracieinbrooklyn really it s been since september since i posted it hasn t been lack of activity that forced an 8 month break ironic that in a different situation i could have almost had a baby in that amount of time so let s see in the time since we were officially paper ready according to the state of new york we have done four rounds of what s called blitz advertising we ve met three birth moms and had multiple seemingly good situations fall through we ve had to determine our risk tolerance for drugs not just drugs broad stroke but what specific kind of prenatal drug use are we willing to consider mental illness incarceration and the list goes on things are moving sometimes fast sometimes at a snail s pace it s been a challenge and if anyone s still out there i ll bring this up to date slowly but i m back i m back on the blog to find a place to share my feelings i ve missed it posted in adoption 7 comments paper ready september 25 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn what a whirlwind the last three months have been this blog has served as not only a lifeline to other folks dealing with similar situations and a great source of support advice and information but it is also a bit of a journal through the ups and downs okay mostly downs of our infertility journey it is in that capacity that i d like to mark a pretty significant milestone in our adoption process frankly i m also curious if anyone has kept me on their radar screen since i ve been a miserable commenter participant in this community it s the season of atonement in judaism so please know that i really am sorry even if i m not actively commenting you all remain in my prayers and i am in awe of the strength that exists in this world but on to other subjects like the fact that dh and i are now officially paper ready meaning that the ny court system has found us fit to be adoptive parents in addition to the paper heavy process we ve also done quite a bit to get ready for the next stage finding a birth mom family we ve read a ton joined a waiting families support group filled in some key friends and family members started to gulp think about names details like maternity leave for me finalize our profile etc in typing it out it seems paltry but it has been hugely consuming but in a really positive way there s honestly too much to add here but suffice it to say that the search for a birth mom family begins in a week and i m sure that the real roller coaster starts then wish us luck posted in adoption 6 comments a new chapter june 18 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn there is something ironic about perusing the eight you read that correctly eight books on adoption in a park slope book store the section is right by the enormous kids section and dwarfed by cookbooks touting vegan holistic infant foods guaranteed to make your baby gifted there are toddlers running everywhere and just hatched infants swaddled over beautiful mothers shoulders the customer service desk practically yelled a response when i asked where i could find a specific book our adoption section is tiny causing at least five people to turn and stare at me or her not an auspicious start i know it s been a while since i posted and a lot has happened and i m excited terrified thrilled and sad all at the same time we ve decided to pursue adoption domestic private and we re on the steepest part of the learning curve as with other major milestones in my life the trip to the bookstore made it real and fueled my suspicion that this is not the right neighborhood for us to catch any possible readers who have bothered to keep checking in on my long dormant blog up we had our wtf meeting with dr tal that revealed nothing we are 100 unexplained which is all the three doctors we ve seen agree on if we want to move forward with art donor egg is the next step we re tired and given that i am now considered young for donor egg we re going to wait for a bit on that if at all and drum roll please we re going to adopt the truth is that i ve always thought that i d adopt and i ve always wanted a big family dh and i even talked about it early on in our relationship but i thought that we d have a biological child first so i suppose that the loss i m supposed to be grieving according to the adoption after infertility books i ve been reading isn t as acute or maybe it is either way we re determined to be parents and if that means that i don t get to have the experience of carrying a child and bringing him or her into the world so be it we are almost done with the first round of ny state paperwork have retained an attorney that we met with last year are in the midst of scheduling a home study with our assigned social worker have spoken at length to our financial planner have tracked down all addresses we ve had for the last 28 years quite a task and have asked two close friends and our bosses for reference letters in the midst of the paperwork flurry our last local couple friends without kids announced they are pregnant and my best childhood friend announced she s pregnant with 2 both are aware of our situation and have been supportive but they are definitely in the it was easy category we re still considering raising money for the adoption by hiring ourselves out as fertility charms for other people and so that s it a very big new chapter perhaps even a new book but one that we are excited about albeit nervous since i picked an innocuous blog name i think i ll just stay here hope you ll stay with us for the journey i think i could use the support posted in adoption 8 comments the same tune again may 11 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn yep another bfn dh and i are devastated for those still reading and keeping count some numbers fresh cycle 4 was a fail along with fresh cycles 1 2 and 3 not to mention frozen cycles 1 2 i m guessing that dr tal will again be stumped as were doctors 1 and 2 i m also guessing that the numbers the out of pockets costs are going to be significant we ve gone through our lifetime max on insurance carrier 2 as we did on insurance carrier 1 but buried deep in my grieving soul is a slight glimmer that we will be parents i just need to lick my wounds potentially mourn the loss of my chance to carry a child experience pregnancy just a day or two before hatching a new plan details to come curled up on the couch for now posted in ttc 9 comments 101st post may 2 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn word press just informed me that this is my 101st post on this blog sometimes it s the little things today was a 5 day transfer of three little embryos dr tal had recommended an aggressive approach given my age now 34 and utter failure to ever achieve a pregnancy the doctor on duty today told me that the three embryos were fair grade c for two and one not developed enough for a grade so we did the deed and now i suppose i am pupo my amazing acupuncturist made a house call this afternoon so hopefully all qi is helping something stick my birthday weekend was yep that s right i was chaperoning my mother in law while dh was at a bachelor party in new orleans at jazz fest sigh i did my best to pack the schedule so we checked out the cherry blossom festival at the brooklyn botanic gardens visited my sister in law and her son saw water for elephants ate and walked a lot a few asked if this was my choice and the answer no not really but at the end of the day it did pass the time so the next 10 days will include lots of pineapple attempts to keep calm and wishes prayers hopes posted in acupuncture ttc 5 comments the stats april 29 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn the numbers are in and i m cautiously optimistic 27 retrieved 16 fertilized with icsi 14 embryos tomorrow or sunday could be the transfer so i m going for an acupuncture treatment tomorrow morning before work and then i have one scheduled for saturday afternoon and what s on tap for this weekend my mother in law is staying with me for three days while dh is in new orleans for a bachelor party at jazz fest apparently my mother in law thought it was sad that i was spending my birthday alone yep that s right saturday i turn 34 here we go again posted in acupuncture ttc 6 comments overdue update april 24 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn hmmm somehow it is not only april but almost the end of april and i ve been extremely delinquient in posting commenting and participating in the blogosphere in general apologies to anyone who is still around much to say and thus bullets seem in order we got going on another ivf cycle 4 which is our last that is covered by insurance dh s work thankfully switched carriers after the first two cycles so far despite having been out of town for the first 10 days thus was essentially stimming unsupervised long story i seem to be in good shape note i was only unsupervised for 4 days i just reread that and it looks like i am doing a rogue cycle i essentially missed one monitoring with my doctor s approval due to monitoring both weekend days and some awful weather we ended up not traveling upstate for my nephew s first birthday which was both sad and also sort of a relief yes i m a bad aunt sometimes when the little green monster on my shoulder is acting up went in for blood work and u s this morning and the doctor on duty commented that i am responding well i held my tongue and didn t mention that i always respond well but something else seems to be going on we ll see what they are able to retrieve and fertilize trigger shot is tonight at 11 30 p m and i had the nurse draw a big circle on my rear so dh won t miss retrieval is on tuesday morning dh is going to a bachelor party at jazz fest on friday and his mother is coming to visit for my birthday not exactly what i wanted this year but her heart s in the right place i m currently working on a packed itinerary to both pass the tww and keep mil busy so though i don t deserve it based on my own participation in the blogging community these past few months i would really appreciate any prayers vibes juju etc for a bfp this go round posted in ttc 8 comments bad blogging march 14 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn i m still here just very little to say we re waiting for my period so we can get started on the next cycle apparently insurance has one more left for us hope it s the one posted in uncategorized 5 comments pop culture conspiring february 19 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn warning a rambling post a small window into the mess that is my thinking process these days did you ever think that pop culture was conspiring to make things harder i m a long time fan of grey s anatomy and have watched the show through all of the melodramatic ups and downs but this latest storyline with meredith on fertility drugs pushed me a bit far this week while i do think they re handling it well including showing some of the irrational thinking we all go through e g if someone else is pregnant i ve lost my chance i did find myself crying multiple times during the show this week brought a little healing after last week s bfn but dh and i don t know where to go from here ivf 4 start the paperwork for an adoption both on the ivf 4 front we have a little bit of money left that insurance will pay for and dr tal along with re 1 and re 2 is stumped he is really encouraging us to do another cycle which would start mid march i m turning 34 so it feels like we should go forward with at least one more while the money is available and i m still reproductively speaking young on the adoption front we ve already met with an attorney that we like and so all we have to do to start the process is send her a check to retain her and then the ny state paperwork home study process takes about 3 months we attended an all day adoption seminar about 14 months ago and are pretty sure we d do a domestic adoption the bottom line is that we want to be parents we ll get there but it s really hard to figure out how and to keep my chin up when we live in a neighborhood full of kids are surrounded by friends and acquaintances with seemingly endless facebook updates about new pregnancies babies and funny things their kids say tomorrow dh s sister is bringing her 10 month old over to celebrate dh s birthday she knows about last week s bfn and i m really on the fence about whether i want to get together but i m burying that feeling and keeping a smile on my face for dh s family that s what he wants and finally we have some gift certificates to borders which is in bankruptcy any suggestions of good adoption books to look into happy president s weekend to those of you that are still reading posted in adoption ttc 5 comments what would it feel like february 9 2011 by gracieinbrooklyn to get a call with positive results we still don t know the call came today our fifth assisted bfn our 39th bfn since we officially tossed the birth control but who s counting right angry sad upset unsure about the next step check check check and check posted in ttc 7 comments older posts blogroll a little hope baby smiling in back seat bottoms off and on the table conceive this inconceivable love and life in the petri dish slice of pie so much for simple easy stirrup queens stuck in a baby drought the pitter patter wait what we got hitched womb for improvement archives may 2012 1 september 2011 1 june 2011 1 may 2011 2 april 2011 2 march 2011 1 february 2011 2 january 2011 6 december 2010 1 november 2010 5 october 2010 1 september 2010 2 august 2010 3 july 2010 1 june 2010 2 may 2010 5 april 2010 4 march 2010 8 february 2010 7 january 2010 8 december 2009 4 november 2009 5 october 2009 10 september 2009 6 august 2009 9 july 2009 8 blog at wordpress com wpthemes gracie in brooklyn create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed gracie in brooklyn sign me up have a wordpress com account log in now privacy gracie in brooklyn view site in reader manage 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