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helping make sense skip to main skip to sidebar helping make sense i ve come to the realization that having faith means you have to accept that you may never know why things happen well it ain t easy so my hope is that writing about my feelings will help me make as much sense of life as i can thursday march 25 2010 one year ago i haven t written in a long time i don t know why i don t know what that means i don t know what i ll do in the future i still love the idea of blogging but i guess i just haven t really had much to say that i think will be of interest to anyone but i needed to write today see one year ago today something amazing happened one year ago today our egg donor went into an operating room and had 23 eggs removed from her ovaries and she gave them to me 19 of those eggs fertilized and one of them became my incredible daughter the decision to use donor egg is not an easy one as you know i struggled with it for a long time but i never doubted the love i would feel for a baby conceived from donor egg and looking at my daughter there is absolutely no question in my mind that she is the baby i am supposed to be momma to this may sound strange but i am actually grateful for all of my years of infertility because without them i wouldn t have alana but mostly i owe my life to a woman i will never meet but who gave me the greatest gift someone can give another person she gave me my baby happy conception day my love posted by lisa at 9 46 pm 16 comments tuesday february 9 2010 alana s baby naming wow it s been almost a month since i ve written sorry the last few weeks have been very hectic alana got her days and nights straight so we ve been getting some decent sleep at night but she s up most days this kid either sleeps all day or is awake all day refusing to take a nap plus i really like getting out with her so we ve been doing things most days whether she s awake or not but what s really kept me busy has been planning alana s baby naming in the jewish faith a baby girl is named in temple when the torah is read she is supposed to be named the first time the torah is read after she is born which often means she isn t even there glenn and my parents went to temple the saturday after she was born we were still in the hospital and she was officially named however we wanted to do something for friends and family something that would have meaning for us so this past saturday we again named alana in front of the torah the rabbi allowed me to write the ceremony so i was able to choose prayers and readings that were meaningful for us and for our family and i was able to have many people participate for instance during the ceremony i explained who she was named after while i was doing that i had someone who was close to that particular person holding alana as i explained who that person was and why we named after him or her also for the jewish girls reading this who know what this means i chose to learn and chant the haftorah i can t really explain it but there felt like no better way for me to honor my family both those here and those no longer with us and to show my commitment to educating my daughter in the jewish faith then by doing this on the day that she was officially introduced to the jewish community as you may know a huge snowstorm was predicted for this past saturday but somehow it spared our area and although we did lose some family and friends many more people were able to make it then we thought just a day earlier it ended up being an absolutely beautiful and meaningful day as alana was named introduced to the community and met much of her extended family and friends including some who have been so very supportive of me throughout our struggles posted by lisa at 10 03 am 6 comments thursday january 14 2010 go to sleep whoever said that pregnancy induced insomnia is supposed to prepare you for being up at all hours of the night was a big liar huge liar there is nothing that can prepare you for lack of sleep i really can t complain alana sleeps great from 3 00am to 7 00 or 8 00am she also tends to sleep great around 10 00 in the morning when of course mommy should take a nap but has yet to when she doesn t won t can t sleep is anywhere between the hours of 7 00pm and 3 00am i keep trying different things but no matter what i do she just cannot fall asleep during these hours ok that s not entirely true she can sometimes fall asleep she just cannot stay asleep right now at 1 00 in the morning she is in her swing looking around but at least she is quiet hopefully she ll fall asleep within the next half hour or so and i ll be able to carry her upstairs and again hopefully she ll stay asleep until it s time to eat again in about 2 hours as glenn says she s lucky she s so cute oh and guess who celebrated her one month birthday on saturday but i think she quickly grew tired of mommy s photo shoot posted by lisa at 1 05 am 14 comments thursday january 7 2010 asking for your vote alana is up for the best of 2009 on our photographer s website if you d like to vote for her head over here and vote for 2 voting ends at midnight tonight and while there check out tina s amazing work alana s full gallery from our photo shoot is available here and the password is star i am in awe of the beautiful images she captured posted by lisa at 7 55 am 3 comments thursday december 24 2009 ready for her closeup meet alana now while mommy is working on her photography skills and has yet to capture a picture of alana where she doesn t look sad or angry tina at life is a highway photography has mastered the art of taking newborn pictures please check out her sneak preview of alana and if you would like leave a comment after the photos 50 comments gets us a prize and 100 comments gets us a better prize i cannot wait to see the rest of the photos because i m going to wear out my computer screen if such a thing was possible looking at the first one posted by lisa at 11 25 am 15 comments wednesday december 16 2009 my daughter is a week old today oh blog world i am so very sorry that i have let a whole week go by without announcing the birth of the love of my life for some reason i was unable to get online at the hospital even though they have wireless and with other things going on i just wasn t able to troubleshoot it alana anna aaryn m lastname was born on wednesday 12 9 at 12 25 in the afternoon via c section there is no way i could adequately put into words what i felt at that moment so i won t even try at least not today when i m a ball of hormones let s just say that it s like nothing i ever knew possible we ended up spending an extra night in the hospital for two reasons the blood pressure issues i had in the weeks leading up to delivery continued after and in fact got worse i was constantly monitored for preeclampsia but in the words of the doctor on paper i was perfect all of my results were not just good but perfect i just have this moderately high pressure that they can t seem to get completely under control i m under the care of a hypertension doctor now and they have adjusted my medicine a couple of times and we re watching it very closely but having the spend an extra night in the hospital was actually a blessing in disguise because the night before we were supposed to leave alana developed a fever and was sent to the nicu imagine how scary it is when a doctor comes into your room at 3 00am and tells you that your perfectly healthy baby has a fever is being taken to the nicu for testing and may need a spinal tap thankfully by the time they admitted her to the nicu her fever had dropped and never went high again all of her test results came back normal no spinal tap was needed and they think the high reading could have just been a fluke they told me she would have to stay for 48 hours after being admitted which would have been tuesday while i was going to be released monday i know it would have only been one night but the thought of leaving without her was devastating but thanks to a wonderful nicu pediatrician who stayed on top of all of her negative test results she was released with me and we came home monday night yesterday was a whirlwind so today is really the first day i ve had time to get online and post i hope you ll all forgive me and i promise to get a couple of pictures up very very soon she is so incredibly gorgeous and i am more in love than i ever knew possible every single time glenn and i walked out of a hospital over the last four years and sadly there have been way too many times i said to him next time we walk out of a hospital we should be bringing home our baby it didn t happen for a very long time but monday night i finally walked out of a hospital with my baby and after seeing her for the first time it was one of the most emotional moments of my life posted by lisa at 12 12 pm 23 comments tuesday december 8 2009 the final countdown after three trips to l d for extended monitoring and three trips back home without the baby the time has finally arrived i am having a baby tomorrow ok i have a perinatologist appointment in an hour and will likely be sent for monitoring because my blood pressure is still really high the big question is whether they will keep me and deliver today keep me and deliver as scheduled tomorrow or send me home like every other time so yes there is a chance i ll have the baby today but if not i am having a baby tomorrow i have so much i want to say but i m going to save it until after she is here and we are both safe and g d willing healthy so stay tuned posted by lisa at 11 50 am 16 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me lisa new jersey hi thanks for visiting i m very open about my long struggle with infertility my theory is that by putting yourself out there you can help others and learn from anyone willing to open up to you so feel free to ask me anything you want and tell me about your experiences view my complete profile click here to learn more about the book click here to buy your own copy hey i d like to follow along lisa icomleavwe join the conversation the best of the adoption infertility loss blogs of 2008 blog networks blog helping make sense topics infertility multiple ivf s donor eggs join my network infertility history here s a high level account of our cycle history i can elaborate on any of these steps if anyone has any questions i e over supressing due to drug mistake my acupuncture experience the process of getting on the egg donor list etc may 06 first met with re august 06 ivf 1 antagon protocol pregnant ectopic resolved with methotrexate october 06 ivf 2 microflare protocol medication error over supressed converted to iui 1 negative diagnosed with ovarian reserve issues january 07 started acupuncture body stopped ovulating for 2 5 months march 07 ivf 3 microflare protocol cancelled due to lack of production stopped acupuncture april 07 went for second opinion doctor concurred with diagnosis and treatment recommendations of first clinic may 07 passed donor prep cycle put our names on the egg donor list matched twice during ivf 4 but we declined since we got pregnant august 07 iui 2 not enough eggs to do ivf straight follistim negative september october 07 ivf 4 straight follistim pregnant m c at 7 weeks d c feb 08 ivf 5 straight follistim negative may 08 met with a new re and put a gameplan in place to do ivf 6 in august august 08 ivf 6 estrogen priming protocol only produced 1 follicle converted to iui 3 negative october 08 ivf 7 co flare protocol negative january 09 phone consultation with the expert he validated that we d done every protocol and technique and should move on to donor egg february 09 matched and accepted egg donor preparing for de ivf march 09 de cycle 23 eggs retrieved 3 embryos transferred 1 frozen april 09 pregnant 2 sacs seen but only one developed december 09 our beautiful daughter was born making us a family of three and just to complete the picture some of the other things that happened during our if struggle my blog list about off the if record are we there yet bean searching best parent ever busted babymaker definition of insanity dragonfly wishes and butterfly kisses family of two from the peanut gallery infertility blog it s either sadness or euphoria ivf do you journey for baby reilly lost and found and connections abound make it grand multiple baby pileup notes from the formerly infertile belly our journey psychedforbaby reproductively challenged serenity now or can someone tell me how i find it sooner than later stirrup queens and sperm palace jesters stuff jewish young adults like the bailly baby journey the kosher blog the parve baker thoughts from the mind of maydaygirl what to expect when you re not expecting who is john galt wishing for my miracle your average infertility blog blog archive march 1 february 1 january 2 december 4 november 4 october 2 september 2 august 3 july 4 june 5 may 5 april 8 march 6 february 7 january 5 december 5 november 7 october 10 september 6 august 10 july 7 june 10 may 13 april 14 march 13