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an icu room some came and made my kids laugh letting me spend some much needed time as a husband in that icu room there were moms that were moms that are and moms that may be each and every one of you was instrumental in helping our family for that i thank you then there s my mom she s an amazing woman she s an awesome grandma she had to stand in and be a mom again 30 years later play dates car line bumps and bruises she had to do it all and she did it quite well i know i don t say it enough but thanks mom love ya then there s my wife she too is an amazing woman she is what makes this family go being without her for a few months was indescribable we ve almost been home as long as we were apart every day she s making progress every day we re getting closer to being a complete family every day she inspires me posted in mayhew niblets public service announcement apr 28th 2010 by mayhewp 20 comments ok so there s a couple of people who ve pinged me for help recently either cancer or strokes i sent them essentially spam as the thoughts occurred to me and kept emailing them i don t want anyone to feel as helpless as i felt sitting there in the oncologist s office er icu or where ever wondering what was next just the other night i saw that bret michaels from poison had a severe brain hemorrhage i was on a phone call with work and i saw brain hemorrhage pop up in the ticker on cnn com i was in mid sentence and literally stopped never completing the thought in an instant all those memories came flooding back i know what his friends and family are going through it s not a happy place i ve been kind of careful about what i read online i don t want to know potential limitations at this point in the game i don t want to know about expected results i just want to know about what has worked in the past playing doctor google can be depressing i never want to know the ceiling of anything why put a lid on anything that you don t know for absolute 100 certainty may is national stroke awareness month chances are that someone you know will be going through what i ve been going through the past 5 months without sounding too preachy i m going to do a series over the next couple of days with tips for folks who may find themselves in my situation they re not 100 certain on the reasons for anissa s stroke the doctor at one point told me that she even focused on the zebras instead of the horses nothing really added up their best guess as to why she had the stroke is blood pressure and the fact that she wasn t taking care of herself after the first stroke in 2005 anissa had been really pretty good about napping i encouraged it the months prior to her most recent set of strokes she was getting busier and busier and not taking care of herself the naps got shorter or simply didn t happen she was going going going how many of you moms and dads out there are always going going going for your family s and your own health s sake stop smell the roses once in a while quit looking at your retirement fund and hang out with your kids with no pressure to go anywhere wear sandals and a jimmy buffett shirt sit down with your spouse get a cup of coffee and just watch the world go round hug a friend if you think about a friend you haven t spoken to in a while pick up the damn phone and call them let them know you still think about them life is too short for animosity is it really going to be the end of the world if you re late with that xyz sorry i got off on a rant by the way sandi comes in tonight the same sandi who came and stayed with us twice before the same sandi who had a pizza party with my kids when we were all at a low point allowing me to go have a quiet date night alone with my wife while she was still coming out of the coma the same sandi who brilliantly figured out that the therapists in the nursing home simply weren t understanding anissa s humor and were mis diagnosing her mental state as homicidal or suicidal this time she s coming with a mission she s been having dreams that she s going to get anissa up and walking to some extent about a month and a half ago she called me and said she needed to be here for that based on where anissa was at that time i was thinking sandi was way too early due to life our schedules just didn t mesh until this coming week last week the therapists mentioned we may try to start walking with a walker pretty soon maybe as soon as next week no pressure sandi posted in mayhew niblets more of this and that apr 20th 2010 by mayhewp 26 comments i missed some time in there so i ll post a couple of tidbits from the past weeks i had planned to post on easter i think a lot of stroke sufferers is that a word tend to stay inside a lot it s somewhat embarrassing to go out and do things with folks staring and all but you learn to live with it walk through a mall with a kid balder than kojak and you can handle any stares we have been out a fair amount grocery shopping ikea the aquarium the park anissa hasn t been able to do loud places too well yet it s literally over stimulation for her at this point so we go during off hours church has been avoided it doesn t mean we don t still worship it just means we haven t been to church in a while i still say that it s important to worship on sundays but it s also important to live it monday through saturday as well so easter sunday we snuck in a little late to church and snuck out a little early during the singing it was a packed house which made it difficult but we made it and called it a success after church we went out to lunch when i first suggested the place both my mom and my wife kind of turned up their nose the kids were ecstatic my choice for easter lunch none other than golden corral remember how i said everything is therapy remember how i said she couldn t remember the tastes of certain foods name one place better than an all you can eat buffet for that kind of situation she wanted to try every piece of pie there it turned out awesomely the kids were all dressed up we were all dressed up it felt a little bit like we were sliding back into our version of normal a good time was definitely had by all we ve just got an extra pair of wheels these days i had planned to post on our anniversary that came and passed last month with a simple little happy anniversary said across a couch best damn present ever twelve years ago that day we had a simple little ceremony my dad performed it we were so broke then the rings cost a combined 75 from a pawn shop our wedding song was feels like home by bonnie raitt in my eyes it was the perfect culmination of a lunch date that turned into forever we never really did have an actual honeymoon still haven t never really had the time i m kind of targeting our 25th anniversary for something among others our son nathaniel was there in all of his bundles of chubbiness don t you judge us seriously though we had what some would call family pressure to get married before the baby came and it was a conscious choice on our part to not get married because others wanted us to instead we wanted to make sure it was right for us long story short and a couple of ticked off family members later it was and the rest as they say is history in my opinion the best marriages are those that happen for the right reasons and only time will tell if that s the case in any situation we both agree that we ve got a pretty good thing going on here i had planned to post when we made a definite decision on something big hey blogher10 we ll be there but no i never posted those things as they happened chronologically instead i waited until today why today because something amazing happened on thursday and today is the first time i m really getting a chance to tell about it how s that for a lead up originally i had this post and the previous one together sorry but i m lamenting and apparently producing war and peace these days aren t you glad i split it into 2 anissa says i m too long winded and it should ve been 4 i had planned on taking 2 days off of work wednesday and thursday it didn t work out exactly as planned on wednesday but on thursday i was bound and determined to relax so i dropped anissa off at therapy and went hunting for a book store i wanted to relax with a cup of coffee and browse some magazines and just take some time for myself for an hour or two that s all i wanted a mini breather with zero demands on my attention so after i dropped her off thursday morning i went in search of a barnes and noble or borders or something like that i went in 4 directions at the height of rush hour wasn t all that exciting so a little dejected i swung in to a dunkin donuts and asked if they knew of any book store they pointed me across the street to a plaza i swung over there and saw the place they were talking about it was a little hole in the wall book store they weren t open until later so i waited as i was sitting there checking emails i noticed an acupuncturist shop i figured what the heck let s go talk to the guy and see what he can do the acupuncture we tried before had minimal benefits but i still had it in my head that we needed someone dedicated to their craft not an m d who practiced acupuncture so figuring i had nothing to lose i went in and talked to the guy turns out he s a second generation acupuncturist been doing it for a while and has had success with stroke victims and he had an appointment open right after anissa got out of therapy i picked anissa up from therapy and explained that we had another appointment to get to she wasn t all that thrilled and argued that she didn t want to go i asked her to simply trust me the night before was particularly overwhelming to me and when i went to bed i prayed for some more progress in her leg and arm we got in there and she was very apprehensive the acupuncturist explained a few things to her and examined her and then got to work on her after one session we had the following effects straightened her jaw out got her tongue working better improving speech she was actually able to feel when she moved her right leg it s been guesswork for her until now she was able to open her mouth wider she was able to raise her leg farther improved feeling sensitivity across the board in her face leg foot arm and i finally i saw her ankle move we ve got a second treatment on wednesday i m pretty pumped with those results her spirits are still pretty good there are moments of weakness but those are to be expected and we re handling it all pretty well she s now pushing off with her right foot to stand up once she gets up she s not able to fully straighten it out and lock the knee yet her left eye won t look left yet so she still wears tape over part of the glasses to decrease her double vision her right arm is coming slowly she s able to pull it down and arm wrestle a bit movement on her arm is one directional which is confusing me she s also able to squeeze her fingers some i think that bit of success finally gave me that second wind i ve been searching for more importantly it feels like we re just starting to crank up the diesel posted in mayhew niblets this and that apr 18th 2010 by mayhewp 16 comments in case you missed it anissa started writing again i ve been a tad occupied with work kids wife and all things in between so i haven t posted lately apologies i also wanted her to have a chance to get her voice going again she s going to write over there and i m going to keep writing over here i need it it s my only real therapy that i make have the time for it s been too helpful for me throughout all of this i can t guarantee the frequency with which i ll post but stay tuned true believer i won t quit i may move to my own blog for other things later on but right now my family is still in need of our lighthouse beacon so i m writing here you guys should see my cutting room floor also known as my car not sure if i ve mentioned it before but i m literally the son of a preacher man i remember driving with my dad to church on sundays and he d be writing his sermon while in the car he was a procrastinator ahead of his time probably the first ever texting driver not that it s a good practice mind you he once got pulled over for going too slow anyway the point i m trying to get to is that i think about writing when i drive mainly because i learned it from watching my dad i ve been working on an i talk it types sort of thing for the car off and on it not being a finished product i ve got to improvise so i simply think when i drive and jot down notes later in the day i had planned to post a few weeks ago when i started running out of mental gas after my last post i got a text from a friend of mine who sat next to me in kindergarten technically he spit in my face on that first day he ll say different but he s wrong and we ve been friends ever since the point is he s one of those life long friends who tend to know you better than you do among other things he said something along the lines of hey i know it s probably not as rosey as it seems but well he s right it s not perfect it probably won t be perfect for quite some time by my estimate if this were a football game i d say we re just finishing up the first quarter of course that first quarter lasted 5 months do the math i m a little burnt out but beginning to get my second wind this may sound strange but for the past few months health wise i ve felt pretty darn good i ve been eating well but not sleeping well or just unplugging and taking time for me mainly because i can t i don t really get to ever if anissa doesn t need me it s the kids or work or some emergency of the day we have had friends cycling through here on and off right now i ve got fairly good coverage through may 21 it gets spotty after that the thing about it though is i want to make sure the person coming in is able to handle everything we ve got going on as much as they help and they do immensely i have to explain things to everyone and every week it s someone new for the kids to get to know and for that person to get comfortable with being around anissa plus we re dealing with a moving target on her getting better it s not like i can write up a standard care for anissa handbook like i d do at work generally i m asleep by midnight 1 up by 6 ish on therapy days here s a typical therapy day wake up shower get the kids moving get the wife moving swallow coffee ah sweet coffee make a mental checklist of stuff to do that day get anissa s meds pack the lunches get the kids to school take anissa to therapy go to work pick anissa up from therapy drive her home get her in bed for a nap breathe kids get home from school hug log back in to work work until dinner while making sure homework is done and hooking her up to an e stim device sign agendas and check homework get the kids in their bath enjoy decaf ah sweet coffee get kids in bed get anissa a bath get her in bed give meds put on her splints turn out the lights breathe what was that emergen...