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Text of the page (random words):
that the relationships don t always resemble the definitions given and like any other human relationship there are variations within each theme the idea of power exchange is a part of these relationships and the idea of ssc safe sane consensual is also paramount the terms kind of define the individual in the position of control or power here are some examples and by no means an exhaustive list dom domme d d sub in this relationship the man dom or woman domme is in the power position and the sub submissive is the individual who is willingly under the control of the dom domme from my understanding and observation this relationship is not typically a 24 7 one but rather one that occurs when the two consenting adults are communicating playing interacting in some way for a simple example the d d may want the s to dress or behave a particular way for a specified period of time the types of potential interactions are unlimited and the people in the relationship have agreed upon the parameters it is possible to have a d s distance relationship a few of my friends are in this type of relationship this relationship is not necessarily limited to two people a polyamorous family may be led by a d d and the others in the family may be in the s role or a play partner or some other role top bottom switch again these terms relate to the individual who is in control of the scene being played out the top is typically the person leading the activity the bottom is the person receiving the action in the activity when a person is a switch it means that they like to be in both positions depending on the activity who the play partner is or any other possible parameter of an agreed upon meeting of two people the people who identify themselves as a top bottom switch seem to do so only for the purposes of play once the scene is done so is their particular role daddy little middle my friends who identify themselves with one of these terms have a particular mindset during play with their partners i have a friend who is female but identifies in some play activities as a daddy providing emotional support and sometimes discipline to the partner friends who identify as middles like to do things dress or behave like young adolescents during play activities those identifying as littles behave like younger children both men and women can identify as middles or littles be assured that during their non play life they are just as adult as you and i in addition to designated or self identified roles there are a whole variety of scenes that can occur during bdsm interactions there is cosplay think costume roleplay peter pan and tinkerbell anyone pony play yep just like it sounds or age play again not an exhaustive list just a sample these scenes can be extremely detailed in the organization setting clothing script or very spontaneous the key is that they meet the needs of the participants there are many other kinds of relationships descriptive labels and scenes i just wanted to touch on a few in this post as i mentioned previously a really excellent source of information is a website called fetlife it has an extremely comprehensive listing of all things bdsm in order to access it you must become a member for a quick reference requiring no membership pop over here to peruse an alphabetical listing of bdsm related terminology so what else is there to talk about toys up next 02 oct 16 intro to kink by dee leave a comment categories bdsm kink tags kink over the course of the last three years i ve had so many conversations with people who identify themselves as kinksters or a participant in the bdsm lifestyle through those many conversations i have learned to understand and be respectful of the choices that they make in regard to their lifestyle there are some principles basic to all forms of bdsm play or interaction the most important i think is consent all parties involved must give consent informed consent before any activity occurs in other words one should not in any way engage in any type of bdsm activity unless he and or she explicitly states that they completely understand what they are going to be doing and approve of that activity in addition to consent there also needs to be safe words selected that are used to stop the activity immediately in the event that it becomes too much for a participant to handle seriously red is a safe word that is used and after practically every single play activity is a time for aftercare a time to calm down and talk about the experience everyone i talked to said that all three of these elements is very important to having a positive experience i wondered about the idea of consent between married couples and please believe me when i tell you that there are tons of married couples who are part of the community even they give consent and have safe words it is that important and fundamental to the lifestyle gosh so much to talk about let s talk a little bit about fetishes i kind of like this definition https www vocabulary com dictionary fetish a fetish is defined as an extremely strong devotion to something there are sexual fetishes and nonsexual fetishes both are obsessive interests there are literally thousands of fetishes sexual and nonsexual i found it extremely interesting that people with fetishes respond to that fetish in a great variety of ways not all of which are what we would consider sexual i spoke to many people whose fetishes simply made them feel better calmed them gave them an internal sense of peace or perhaps gave them an internal sense of control the thing that made it a fetish was that it was a real integral part of that person they truly could not separate themselves from their fetish it was a part of who they are and in so many cases each person could unequivocally say that they had always felt that way about their fetish from childhood or their teen years one of the fetishes so many people enjoy is spanking i cannot even begin to tell you how many books have been written on how to spank properly there are several types of spanking that serve different purposes who knew i read two books about spanking consensual spanking by jules markham is considered a classic book in providing explicit information regarding the various types of spanking and the how tos dos and don ts it was well written easy to read and did give excellent information the other book i read is sex with shakespeare here s much to do with pain but more with love by jillian keenan i will never think about shakespeare the same way again after reading this book this author shared her life experiences as a person with a spanking fetish who studied shakespeare really for her thesis through a kink lens what was actually more compelling than the pretty nifty kink paradigms she found in all of shakespeare s work was her very well written description of what it is like for her to be a person who simply cannot live without being spanked and the fact that she had her spanking fetish from the absolute earliest memories she had she did not develop the fetish because of anything anyone did to her as a child it was always there and always something that she physically craved again her need was not a sexual gratification one she physically needed to be spanked it made her feel balanced better whole i know it is kind of hard to wrap your head around that but please don t close your own mind to the possibility that this is something that is very very normal for some people it is a personal idiosyncrasy we all have them it is not something to fear or be weirded out about the people i know with all kinds of fetishes are no different from you and me related to the spanking genre are other impact types of kink activities some of which may or may not be a fetish flogging for example is also an impact striking activity that many people really enjoy the variety of floggers is astounding they are made of many different materials they are various lengths they provide all different sorts of sting from a sharp sting to a dull soft thud spanking and flogging were two things i was really curious about i couldn t picture in my mind how someone would want to be whacked like that and that it could feel good so after a few munches and many conversations with some folks who were becoming friends i was invited to attend a private party just to watch let me interject here that within the kink community they are like any other social group there are large play parties that are sponsored by the local group where a variety of play equipment is provided food is provided safety monitors are present a quiet space for aftercare is available and people register and pay a fee to attend at a private party only those specifically invited are able to attend depending on the person hosting the party there is a variety of equipment available there are often several different play spaces available there is always a quiet place for aftercare and there is a place for food and talk i went to the party excited and yet nervous just like with the munch i had no frame of reference and had no idea what to expect one thing that was different was that i actually knew several of the people at the party so i wasn t going in blind at least not completely blind there was delicious food and a great area to just sit back and chat people don t play the entire time after all there were centers set up with different types of equipment now this was going to be a major learning experience for me oh my god all this stuff i had read about in 50 shades or heard talked about in various conversations yikes there it all was a st andrew s cross a spanking bench a lacing table just to name a few i will admit it was a tad unnerving seeing all this stuff up close and personal after having read about them there were massage tables set up strictly massage there was an area out back for fire cupping actually also a form of alternative medicine and other set ups for other types of equipment or play i stayed inside because i really wanted to watch the spanking and flogging activities wow it was fascinating watching the individuals being spanked or flogged get into their headspace and so thoroughly enjoy the impacts being applied in the spanking area hands paddles and belts were used on the st andrew s cross all sorts of floggers were used from the thuddy soft types of materials to the thin dragontail type whip seriously i just sat and watched thinking how do they know when they had enough how does their partner doing the spanking and flogging know when enough is enough so after the scenes were finished and the parties had time for aftercare i asked this is where i learned quite a lot about the physiological connection between pleasure and pain there was a phd neuroscientist at the party who does major research in the area of the pleasure pain connection again who knew in the brain there is a direct connection between the areas that perceive and respond chemically to both pain and pleasure at a certain point when pain is being felt there is a chemical jump in the receptors and the person begins to feel pleasure from the sensations this has to do with adrenaline endorphins and something called oxytocins it is all kind of complicated but years of research by neuroscientists have found links in the brain associated with all sorts of touch do a search if you want to know more but i digress the point being that the folks who so very much enjoy the sensations they get from their impact play or other sensory play like using tens units for stimulation something called a violet wand all manner of vibrators and vibration devices ultimately get pleasure from the pain as far as how much is enough everyone told me that they know from previous experience how much they can take both the giver and the receiver sometimes they want to push their limits and that target is discussed before they start the scene this might be when the safe word is especially important the giver must stop as soon as the receiver uses the designated word at that point both parties have learned what the new limit is for giving and receiving all in all attending the party did a great deal to educate me about a variety of aspects of the bdsm experience it absolutely helped me understand the importance of consent safe words aftercare scene etiquette and it allowed me to see what some of the lifestyle was all about obviously there is much much more to the basics of kink my purpose in this post was just to give you a sense of some of what i wanted to know more about and understand better next post relationships 27 sep 16 begin in the beginning by dee leave a comment categories uncategorized tags bdsm i read the 50 shades series during a week at the beach and talked about the books with my hubby we talked about things in the movies other books and things on tv that were related in one way or another and then out of the blue i said i wonder if there is a kink site in pittsburgh i think i ll google it oh the power of google of course there is a group in pittsburgh i sat there kind of dumbfounded and looked at my hubby and said i gotta check this out he looked at me laughed kind of did the oh there you go again look and said go for it so i did i researched the local group and that led me to a larger umbrella group that is worldwide called fetlife now there are a number of other groups out there i subsequently learned but from all that i was reading it seemed that fetlife was the group most favored for a number of reasons safety being at the top well the local group s website was filled with all sorts of wonderful information about the group itself its history and the manner in which one might become involved it was also fairly easy to be in touch with the leaders of the group and they very clearly indicated that they were open to answering any questions that anyone might have you know me questions galore i learned that every month most of the groups around the world have open meetings called munches the purpose of the munch is strictly socialization come eat and talk come meet some people in the group and ask your questions seriously just walk into one of the very public and popular restaurants in pittsburgh and walk right into the room reserved for the group for the evening and have a chat hmmmmm i sent an email message to one of the group leaders and expressed my interest also stating that i was actually rather nervous at the prospect of meeting this group of people i carried all of the preconceptions that i believe most people have about the entire bdsm thing i got a pretty prompt response assuring me that i was most welcome and that i had nothing to fear people would be friendly and willing to talk with me and that there was absolutely no attempts at cajoling one to become a member of the group interestingly in pittsburgh the group is actually split by age this generation is for individuals 35 years and older and next generation is for 18 35 another thing i learned ...