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Text of the page (random words):
the millers skip to main skip to sidebar the millers the mother load monday december 8 2008 i m paralyzed that s it i hate winter there i said it snow sickness stalkers that s for you know who my furnace my pets and just about anything that needs anything from me today i hate all of it i am sick today so i think since i am in a rotten mood i will make a list of things that really grind my gears here i lay in bed trapped by the completely moronic imagination movers we ll start there when i was growing up and a show commercial or song we really hated came on we would freeze completely until it was off and say i m paralyzed well today my friends for the moment i am paralyzed and that daniel cook has to go don t even get me started on him or that lame emily young argh i want to rip my hair out poopy diapers especially jackson s he s hiding behind the chair right now so i am pretty sure when he emerges waterey eyed and red faced well then you know potty training is hit and miss pardon the obvious play on words guadalajara mexico si nuf said will be there on thursday damn hidden homework me do you have any homework addie no mom 5 hours later addie mom can you help me with my divisions kathy mckibbis schlimmi ding a linger whatever her damn last name is i still get phone calls for this lady collection phone calls nursing home phone calls from her father s nurse doctor s office phone calls and i have had my phone number for 4 years i told one of them when they finally get ahold of her to tell her to stop giving my phone number out and pay her freakin bills ok i need to go get in the shower and cry pray for all of us really we re lookin at certain death and destruction ok not really but i am sick posted by jack s handler at 10 41 am 5 comments tuesday october 28 2008 19 that s how much of my 401k i lost last quarter lord only knows how much i have lost since then as i was opening my statement i was visibly sickened the only thing that could have made me laugh in this situation was the following exchange addie what s wrong mom me oh nothing addie mom it isn t nothing you look sad me mom just lost a bunch of money addie well we ll help you find it brax yah mom i have 7 dollars me thanks guys but i lost it in the stock market addie oh hmm well what was the money for me for when mom gets old and retires it s so that i can have money addie well when are you going to retire you re already old me thanks addie brax i feel soooo bad for you mom long pause addie it s okay mom i ll pay for your nursing home and with that i laughed until my sides hurt the only request i have is that joon and i be room mates at the coventry otherwise i ain t a goin i overheard them down the hall about 15 minutes later brax i still feel so bad for mom addie brax ton i already told you i m going to pay for mom s nursing home posted by jack s handler at 10 10 am 6 comments monday october 27 2008 nice suits right off the bat you will notice the title of this post at first it will not make sense to you since the correlation between nice suits and a wonderful relaxing weekend halloween party seems quite the stretch believe you me by the end i will have wrapped it up nicely and handed it to you with a nice bow on top promise and for the record i drove gasp first of all kudos are in order to gramma kristine and poppy rick for putting together a wonderful weekend getaway kristine having been a 2nd grade teacher always has lots of fabulous activities planned for the kiddies and this party was no exception she plans everything out to the t and i always leave each event feeling blessed that she is part of my kids lives she is amazing to say the least this year we carved pumpkins made candle votive holders with spooky eyes ate lots of yummy food and spent a few hours soaking in the natural hot tubs of lava hot springs kristine made arrangements for us to stay in this fabulously charming old school house that has been renovated into a place you can rent out and hold such activities there are lots of beds plenty of room to spread out and though old it has so much charm it s beyond description plus it has lots of trap doors a stairway leading to no where literally and would be an uber excellent place for an adult game of hide and go seek in the dark or by candlelight guaranteed to scare the crap out of anyone perhaps next year my brother kevan said the basement reminded him of something from the shining of course he always has been a pansy there was an indoor gymnasium and the kids had a riot playing ball and riding on the flying turtles braxton and jason had races and poppy ended up throwing out his back in the process addie threw a tea party before bed and yes you will notice that i am wearing my jammies with footies one of the perks of being 5 1 is being able to still shop in the kids section which means that i can still buy footie jammies i am not proud and yes i have no make up on heck give me a break i just got back from the hot tubs the next morning we had a wonderful breakfast consisting of my pull aparts and eggs and sausage yuuummmm so here s the best part of the story at the conclusion of the night gramma stayed behind and got the kids settled into a movie and my brother his wife jill my dad and i all snuck out to the springs for a night time soak being about 8 00 it was rather dark and cool perfect for a visit to the hot springs as we arrived and settled in we noticed a couple of girls early 20 s taking lots of pictures everything seemed fine until frame 643 at which time we started asking what in the hell are they doing once the photo shoot concluded things got even stranger in a deeper section of the pool there is a horizontal bar sticking up out of the water after hanging on that for a while they split up one girl starting hugging the rock wall and doing pull ups she apparently really liked this wall since she was really getting into it ie making out with the wall not to be out done the other girl started posing on one of the wooden decks they have around the outer edges of the pool she was pretty much posing as if to tan in the moon light and at the conclusion of her moonlight tanning session she grabbed on to a pole and swung around it it came pretty naturally to her so we figured she must be a stripper or something of the sort weeeelllll by this time jill and i couldn t handle it any longer being the sexiest girls there we figured we d better start reclaiming our territory that was being invaded by novices actually we were mocking the crap out of these girls i threw my legs up on the rail jill withered her body and we laughed uncontrollably apparently these girls didn t like what we were doing because on the way out as we passed them they yelled nice suits apparently the best thing they could come up with and yes they are nice suits actually posted by jack s handler at 8 13 pm 4 comments wednesday october 22 2008 hello my name is tiffany and i am a knee boot aholic it s been 2 months since my last purchase when i was in high school i developed a deep passionate love for all things fashion in fact when my high school sweetheart dumped me out of the blue i vowed to move to new york never to be married or have children for that matter and make it big and famous in the fashion world as a fashionista or plan b was to become a broadway singer actress of course you will note the absolutely striking similarities between who what i am today and what i wanted to become ok not so much as the years have floated by what has it been 6 or so maybe a few more but what the hell who s counting i have maintained my love for fashion trying to stay hip and fashionable as i have become olddddd my love for shoes handbags and clothing is only surpassed by my love for lime diet coke could someone fetch me one please as my husband can attest i have never met a fabulous set of boots i didn t love adore especially ones that are knee high have long pointy toes and spike 3 4 heels que the angelic chorus so recently i was thrilled to say the least that our work uniform guidelines now allow us to wear said boots with our uniform when that guideline was approved i promptly called the head honcho and asked where i could send the bouquet of flowers but i got her voice mail so i hung up oh how happy am i immediately i started planning which boots to wear with which dress i am talking kid on christmas morning happy so for all you nay sayers there you have it it really is the little things that make me happy you getting all this as i went to my closet i approached with some caution after all i knew i had a few pairs of black high heel knee boots but since each has a special place in my heart i lost track of them a while ago honestly i feel sheepish in the following admission since nothing could have prepared me for the unearthing of 7 pair of black knee high boots that s right i said 7 this of course doesn t include any other boots in my closet not the brown boots not the shoe boots not any other type of boots i may own and while i will never admit to this in person so don t ask me to because i swear i will deny it in any conversation from here on out i think i may have a problem oh and maybe one day i ll still run away to new york well in my dreams anyway what a total jackass posted by jack s handler at 8 07 pm 3 comments tuesday october 21 2008 shoes this goes into the do not tell ryan category so please do me a favor and keep this under wraps confession jack likes my shoes he also likes my purses and makeup but that s another story for another day i digress jack loves to wear my shoes more in fact the higher and pointier the better the other morning i left him closely attended ok so i was in the same house but i could hear him rummaging around and he kept climbing up and down the stairs i didn t think too much of it since i could hear him doing something usually when he s quiet is when all hell is being loosed so finally when i was done doing my 2 loads of laundry i walked out into the hall to find the following scene there at the end of the hallway lined up as neatly as a 2 1 2 yr old can were 6 pair of my shoes shaking my head i looked at jack and i asked him what he was doing he said that he was playing with mom s shoes priidddy huh mom sure enough he as playing with my shoes at least he picked out all of my favorite pairs who knows maybe i am raising the next manolo blahnik and if that is the case then yay for me a mother s dream posted by jack s handler at 7 40 pm 0 comments monday september 22 2008 sonofa where do i start i haven t blogged in a while because i have been busy fixing all the things that jack has done recently originally when i posted my eggs incident i truly did not believe that things could go from really bad to worse however i have recently revisited that thought since not only do i now know but i can attest that things can indeed go rapidly from really bad to worse let s take a look see and find out why i now intimately know this for future reference the following may be helpful to know recipe for disaster 10 lb bag of flour curious 2 year old boy mom in shower huge mess observe this was within the same week as the eggs how nice forget that there are starving people all around the world we are well on our way to wasting as much food as possible i don t think we will be able to make crepes anytime soon what with being out of flour and eggs and all really the only thing missing is the milk i am drawing the line at the milk though because i think that at this point it is safe to assume that one can indeed cry over spilled milk and for that matter spilled flour and smashed eggs too posted by jack s handler at 5 03 pm 9 comments sunday september 14 2008 yearbook yourself are you ready to pee your pants because you re laughing so hard check out this site you put in your picture and it spits out a photo of you in yearbook fashion from 1950 2000 it is hilarious i thought you all might like to know how we looked over the many years we spent repeating high school posted by jack s handler at 11 56 am 1 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom snapshots of our life moosic awards golden eagle award for blogger excellence about me jack s handler well if you know me then you already know this view my complete profile just a few of my favorite people my bff the nagger kevan jill my brother darryl tim conny my other brother darryl tho batemans pooter s family the beaches johnica my sister seperated birth the mcfarlands the pittsons the heistermans the mitchells the elisons the jensens aunt nan aunt kristi matt amanda my cousin chris hillary my cousin cake wrecks phil the flight attendant cute blog stuff blog archive 2008 47 december 1 i m paralyzed october 4 september 7 may 3 april 6 march 6 february 6 january 14 2007 15 december 3 november 9 october 3 things i learned today yup i plagerized this one 10 28 my 2 1 2 year old son can start the washing machine he also can add soap to the washing machine lots and lots of soap did i mention lots of soap 10 25 i have a nice bathing suit 9 22 your carpet man will become your best friend if you have a son just like mine he has been here 3 times this week not cheap 9 10 it is difficult to clean egg out of carpet moreover i have learned that carpet cleaners can t shedule you in for 4 days after such an incident just so you know 9 9 permanent marker really is permanent that is unless you want to rub paint off your walls by scrubbing it off 5 22 leaving your 23 month old alone for one minute or long enough to walk down the hall and drop something off on your bed will result in him opening the dishwasher to retrieve the largest kitchen knife he can and climb on top the the island just as you are returning at this time you will then either faint of run over to him and proceed to panic this is normal 4 28 my mom was right i did grow up to have a kid just like me thanks for the curse i miss my mom so much i hope you take the time to love yours and appreciate her mine was incredible miss ya madge 4 12 it is possible to sit in a large windowless room filled with about 60 cubicles for more than 6 hours you can do this by yourself however it is not fun 4 10 i can run quite well in spiked heel knee high boots especially when my child is trying to die by throwing himself in front of a fast moving vehicle i may have to enter some sort of contest as i faired quite well with my new talent 4 9 you can send an ipod shuffle through the wash rinse spin cycle and it still works wow yay apple i guess they knew that a 6 year old boy might have one someday and his mother might not check his pants pockets before washing oops my fan club ok so that s an exaggeration