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Text of the page (random words):
jaye walking jaye walking wednesday september 3 2014 she returns gee that was a long time coming wasn t it i managed to survive from february to july at the good samaritan house at westgate this is a christian run facility for homeless men yep i put away my feminine things for a time and went undercover as it were into an all male community that was the longest five months of my life early in april i started working as a helper for my friend rob mulcahey at his business r s floors that has been an adventure and not always the fun and exciting kind it has brought me money which has allowed me to move into a new place back before this situation arose my therapist told me of apalachee center s satellite apartments the rent is cheap but one needs a source of income which i didn t have at the time as of the middle of july this is no longer the case and i happily reside there because i work monday to friday i spend most of those days in dude mode but i have my weekends free to be myself those two days a week en femme are liberating to say the least i d love to discuss all this with my therapist but she has been on indefinite leave since just before i moved i don t know when she ll return and this has begun to worry me it s been a little more than three years since my depression landed me in the hospital and after all this time i am no closer to my goal transition than i was then the situation has to move forward or i m going to have to find another place to support me anyway i ll post more and in more detail soon posted by jaye schmus at 9 03 2014 04 04 00 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels acceptance blogging moving struggle thursday january 2 2014 another year that wasn t supposed to happen i let six months elapse between blog posts though i suppose that s somewhat appropriate being that the last message was entitled six months ba dum tish i wish i could say that i ve been busy but that s only partially true the truth is i ve been distracted by all manner of things i wanted to post a few different times in the interim but i could never get my thoughts organized quite to my satisfaction i was also having trouble trying to describe events without making the participants myself included sound like assholes i managed to go the whole year without a proper job along the way i learned that my not getting hired was not due to my credit history but a criminal charge i was completely unaware of suffice to say i now have a misdemeanor conviction for fraud for which i am currently on probation i also have court costs and other fees to pay but at least i m not in jail in august i narrowly escaped becoming homeless my therapist helped me apply for a berth in a reputable homeless shelter but i needed someplace to crash until said berth opened up my friends troy and river stepped up and let me stay in their spare bedroom for about a month around the same time river s dad entered the hospital he s 91 and suffers from a lot of things but is hobbled by dementia i spent a night with him in the hospital and we hit it off somewhat when he was released he needed someone to stay with him 24 7 and i was asked to take on the job that gave me both a place to live and some income having a base and spending money brought my femme self back out of the closet my housemate accepted me as a woman and i ve spent the last three months sliding back and forth between my personae i ve presented myself as male when i needed to as when i appeared in court reported to my probation officer etc and have tried to spend the balance of my time en femme i ve expanded my wardrobe and made new friends and contacts i ve met with a lot of acceptance but also weathered a bit of ribbing and more recently some nasty street harassment it s ironic in the last couple of weeks a number of drivers or passengers have rolled alongside me to shout something but they re going too fast or something because i ve not understood a word of it i hear the tones and i know derogation when i hear it but other than a muttered faggot and a lot of laughter i haven t heard the substance of most of the slurs i guess my mp3 player is good for hearing protection after all anyway as i enter the new year i find myself almost returned to my situation of a few months ago my aged companion has announced that he is ready at long last to enter assisted living and when he goes i will be back out on the street maybe the shelter will still take me in i m just not sure how i want to go when i first applied i was looking at going into the male dorm all my feminine trappings were in storage and i didn t know when i d see them again i was willing to put up with that experience to keep a roof over my head after the freedom of this last season i am not sure that i am willing to go without i don t think i am feminine enough to get a spot in the female dorms but i don t know if i can put on the rough airs i might need to weather the male spaces either whatever happens in the near future i will try to do better at updating this blog on a regular basis posted by jaye schmus at 1 02 2014 08 02 00 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels acceptance depression family friends identity out shopping work thursday june 6 2013 six months today marks six months to the day since i lost my last job i ve had three interviews in as many weeks but none of them have amounted to anything one of the jobs did lead to a job offer but then i didn t pass their background check apparently credit checks are now employers great equalizer never mind that poor pay and unemployment contribute to people getting behind on their bills bad credit means one is not trustworthy so these checks are used to deny employment big theatrical sigh it s also been almost three months since the last time i got out of doors en femme my therapist has been waiting for me to come back to her dressed but the opportunity hasn t really presented itself next week i might make the effort if only to see if my makeup can withstand the wicked humidity we get here i wasn t sure i could last this long but my ongoing unemployment has altered the limits of everything i feel that i might have to endure not all my news is bad i was at apalachee center a couple of weeks back getting a scrip refilled and i stepped onto a scale in the nurse s office i m down to 185 pounds that s the lightest i have been since high school i m still a tetch over what i should be according to the body mass index but if i can keep the rest off a tetch is acceptable posted by jaye schmus at 6 06 2013 03 15 00 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels health out struggle work thursday may 9 2013 the search continues after last week s upset i thought i might stumble in my job search not to worry i ve filled out at least one application nearly every day since then and i had an interview this morning with another lined up with a different employer tomorrow morning i m going to beat this as with everything else there is no way but forward posted by jaye schmus at 5 09 2013 11 36 00 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels struggle work oops that was scary i accidentally attempted to log into blogger using my other gmail the one that doesn t have anything attached for a moment i thought someone had hijacked my account and deleted everything we now return you to your regularly unscheduled blog already in progress posted by jaye schmus at 5 09 2013 11 30 00 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels blogging humor stupid shit thursday may 2 2013 definitely not all that fuss of a few weeks ago turned out for nought i went back to the business to see exactly what had become of my application background check and was told that i had been declined based on something discovered in the course of the check they declined to hire me based on the findings of an anonymous third party agency when i asked why they couldn t tell me so it s all on the anonymous agency that s okay i didn t want to work there anyway bullshit i d take anything on offer at this point crap jobs shit jobs and there is a difference anything available so long as they pay something the last time i was out of work this long i started thinking about self harm that s enough of that posted by jaye schmus at 5 02 2013 02 37 00 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels depression struggle work thursday april 11 2013 or maybe not last week i went for an interview at the place that i thought had hired me they told me to come back monday morning for a second interview i went there prepared to interview along with another candidate instead of an interview i found myself and the other fellow filling out a slough of new hire paperwork wtf i ve been out of work since december so i didn t let it faze me after a brief run through of the documents they told me to come back tuesday and begin training tuesday morning i went in prepared to train only to be told that they weren t quite ready and could i please come back at 1700 i went back to my sister s store and chilled out for a few hours i went back to the job site in the afternoon only to be told that i can t begin my training until my background check comes back one of the trainers made me a milkshake so it wasn t a totally wasted trip they told me to come back on the morrow at the same time wednesday i trundled out there only to discover that i still couldn t train because the background check hadn t come back worse still no background check was submitted because that form was missing from my new hire packet i filled out the missing form and now i m waiting my background is clean so i m not worried about anything but it s frustrating to have been so close to work again only to be forced to wait have i ever mentioned how much i hate waiting posted by jaye schmus at 4 11 2013 02 51 00 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels stupid shit work older posts home subscribe to posts atom follow this blog about this blog in my high heels and my old dress with my new keys in the wrong city followers my blog list femulate i just want to be pretty 1 day ago chick like me people who are on a low carb or keto diet will love this easy creamy guacamole recipe it tastes 1 year ago large blooming flower getting one s life back 7 years ago genderfork profile alex 8 years ago zinnia jones new at gender analysis youth transition myths and donald trump 9 years ago subscribe to posts atom posts all comments atom all comments other things i like mass effect 3 msnbc photoblog tv tropes and idioms blog archive 2014 2 september 1 she returns january 1 2013 10 june 1 may 3 april 2 march 1 february 2 january 1 2012 14 december 3 november 2 august 1 june 1 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