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katherine center katherine center skip to content home videos about katherine 2010 events buttons older posts april 2 2010 1 59 am new blog at www katherinecenter com guess what this is my last post on this blog because i ve got a gorgeous new website though i can t take credit for the gorgeousness that s all adrienne adair and lisa albrecht but i can appreciate the gorgeousness and so can you just come visit me over there and see all the fun new stuff like fantastic new buttons for your website or blog audio recordings of me reading how long has it been since you were read to a fun new author photo by karen walrond a new q a with me from random house about my new book get lucky and tons of other s tuff come visit and explore and be sure to sign up for updates i don t want to lose you at www katherinecenter com join the facebook fan page my personal fb page is about to get quiet but the fan page is about to get loud follow me on twitter tell everyone you ve ever met about all the goodness going on at the new site we re adding great new stuff all the time many thanks much love 1 comment filed under news march 18 2010 3 29 pm it s spring in texas and you know what that means kite flying swing sets climbing backwards up the slide picking every flower that dares to blossom and miniature fruit kebabs on toothpicks in another couple of months it ll be so hot that outside will be something we only want to see through the window but right now the sun is out the breeze is blowing and every single minute seems like a miracle 8 comments filed under news march 15 2010 3 47 am you re invited pretty much every book related thing i do is fun but there s something extra magical about a book launch party you ll be there right even if you re in new york say or canada git yourself down here and let s kick this thing off right and ps you can pre 0rder books from brazos and i ll sign them beforehand so you don t have to wait in line 6 comments filed under events get lucky katherine s books upcoming events tagged as book launch party brazos bookstore get lucky launch party march 11 2010 2 28 pm excerpt get lucky get lucky comes out in less than a month and if you live in houston save the date for saturday april 10 5 30 7 30 a cocktail hour book launch party at brazos bookstore here s how it begins get lucky a novel chapter 1 first i got fired for emailing a website with hundreds of pictures of breasts to every single person in our company even the ceo and chairman of the board even the summer interns looking back i may have been ready to leave my job i d like to give myself the benefit of the doubt sometimes the crazy things i do are actually very sensible and sometimes of course they re just crazy i knew the company had just lost a high profile sexual harassment lawsuit for some very big money i knew we were now enforcing our zero tolerance policy i knew somebody somewhere in the chain of command was looking to make an example but i didn t think about all that at the time here s another thing i didn t think about i d just nailed the ad campaign of a lifetime and i was finally about to get promoted in my defense it wasn t like these people had never seen a breast before in fact our whole agency had been awash in them for months we d just finished a national campaign for a major bra company and i d led the creative team i d even come up with the concept ads directing women to do all sorts of crazy things with their chests while wearing one of these bras dip em one ad read while our push up clad model leaned into a swimming pool dunking her boobs in the water scoop em read another while she pushed her boobs up toward her chin with two enormous ice cream cones lauch em ordered a third as she arched her back up to the sky and on and on smack em mug em wash em flush em flash em love em lick em leave em i d spent innumerable hours with those boobs weekends nights working my butt off to turn them into the most famous cleavage in america which by january they d become no small feat the model for the campaign was nineteen years old and profoundly anorexic with the most enormous augmented chest you can imagine i didn t even know her name actually we just called her the tits she was a petulant teen who spent all her time between shots wearing earbuds and drinking lattes and then asking people for gum the question do you have any gum will forever take me back to that summer she was a pretty girl though the freckles bumpy nose and squinty eyes would have required retouching if we d used her face in the end we zoomed in so close that her face didn t even come into the shots when it came to bras who needed a face that s really how i used to think i m not exaggerating at all if i sound crass here that s because i was if i sound unlikable that s probably true too i was at this point in my life after six years in advertising a person who needed a serious spanking from the universe and don t worry i was about to get it i was proud of the ads they were saturated with color eye catching naughty and delightful everybody was ecstatic and i was strutting around the office like a diva the boob diva that was me but something was off being the boob diva wasn t as great as i d expected i d been so underappreciated at that job for so long that when appreciation finally came it felt false maybe i d built up too many expectations maybe all the pep talks i d given myself about my coworkers being idiots were finally kicking in or maybe external validation is always a little disappointing no matter what the books i d been reading weren t helping either i had a whole stack by my bed that chronicled the ways advertising was making us all miserable who knows why i kept buying them it s a chicken egg question did i hate my job because i was reading the books or was i reading the books because i hated my job either way i couldn t get around what they had to say that an economy based on buying stuff needed to keep us all dissatisfied and miserable needed to keep us focused on what we didn t have instead of what we did and needed to convince us that things like happiness and peace and beauty could be bought not the greatest water cooler chitchat later it would occur to me to wonder if advertising in general was screwing over the entire world or if my firm in particular was screwing over just me i certainly wasn t paid enough or recognized enough or appreciated but questions like that are a long time in the making first i had to have a little thing we might call a breakdown or an epiphany neither of which was my intention here s what happened to the best of my recollection the night before our big final presentation my sister happened to send me an email link with the subject line boob a palooza because i was too wired about the next day to go to bed i clicked on it and there i found miles and miles of mug shots of anonymous breasts belonging to real women no faces no bodies just breasts breasts au naturel breasts in the wild breasts as mother nature intended my sister just thought it was funny but i had a different reaction i could not stop scrolling through i d seen a lot of breasts on tv and in movies and on magazine covers in my life who hasn t but i d never seen anything like these real things the variety was spellbinding high ones low ones flat ones full ones close together far apart lopsided droopy walleyed googly eyed water balloons bags of sand jellyfish cactuses bananas prunes and pickles and this was the eighteen to thirty two year old category these were boobs in their prime under each photo there was a caption written by the owner of the breasts and each caption read something like this these are my breasts they re pretty droopy or lopsided or small or dimpled or ugly or embarrassing or pickle shaped wish i could fix them the comments ranged from vehement hatred to mild distaste but nobody absolutely nobody said here are my boobs aren t they great i find them delightful and hallelujah nobody i was slated to hit the office at nine the next morning in my stilettos to present the boob em campaign to everybody who mattered but instead of getting to bed early as i d planned i stayed up until three in the morning browsing the photos something about the realness of the pictures on the site underscored the fakeness of the boobs in our ads something about the dignity of the real things made our hyped up things seem ridiculous the whole campaign suddenly seemed brash and loud and stupid and just plain rude in a way that i couldn t ignore how had i never thought about this before we were about to put a picture of a woman s cleavage getting branded on every bus in america for pete s sake i thought about all the normal women who had taken off their bras for the cameras i thought about the bravery of stepping forward with your own imperfections to help others feel better about theirs and all at once i felt ashamed of being part of the problem i scanned the site until the images and the words bouncing in my brain became a cacophony of women s dissatisfaction and despair building louder and louder to a crescendo that i could not shush that is until four a m when i clicked forward on my sister s email selected the company wide distribution list and hit send i sat back and nodded a little so there nod then in the quiet that followed i realized what i d done sat straight up choked in a little breath of panic and started looking for a way to unsend that email knowing all the while that there wasn t one that s the truth about emails you can t take them back in effect i fired myself though the guy who actually did the firing discreetly and several hours after our slam dunk presentation was a vp named j j who everybody called kid dy no mite even though he wasn t dynamite at all just another ad guy at marston minx a guy i d started with six years earlier a guy who d been promoted over me based on work we d done together a guy i d slept with back in the beginning until he called me a workaholic and broke things off now he was married to a girl who wore pink bermuda shorts when she brought him lunches in a picnic basket at the office but i guess i was even less dy no mite than he was because i wasn t married to anyone nobody ever brought me lunches and now i was out of a job j j said i m sure you know that email was inappropriate was it i said he gave a short sigh people were pretty offended yeah we were standing in the now empty meeting room where our boob em campaign would later win promotions for seven people on our team we were surrounded by enormous blowups of bra clad breasts in every direction breasts larger than our bodies in full color valleys of cleavage the size of la z boys the steer em ad showed boobs wrapped in barbed wire munch em showed them resting on a giant sub sandwich and whip em had a close up of a whip just before impact j j i said look around he looked around i said what does stuff like this do to real women real women he said cocking his head real women are overrated then he gave me a flirty smile patted me on the shoulder and told me the case was closed it was lunchtime he had a meeting be graceful about it he advised as we headed out and if you upload your own photo to that site he opened the door with one hand and pressed the small of my back with the other shoot me an email then he added you d totally win that contest it s not a contest i said everything s a contest he told me and then he walked away 21 comments filed under events excerpts get lucky katherine s books prose tagged as first chapter get lucky katherine center novel excerpt march 8 2010 1 54 pm road trip a few weeks back i got offered a free night s stay at a family resort called great wolf lodge which is in dallas which is 5 hours from where we live and part of the offer was a brand new chevy to borrow for the drive up and i m not really a big vacationer we go to visit family every summer but we don t usually take vacations just for fun i guess we have enough fun around our own house that we don t usually go seeking it out but once the offer was out there i got to thinking that my kids would probably really really love it and so i just went ahead and said yes so on saturday we drove up to dallas and after snagging a photo of my toes i gave my kids our snapshot camera to take photos of the trip when i got the camera back i had about a hundred pictures of the car floor the kids sneakers and the back of my head but mixed in among them were a few beauties and the kids did really really love the trip and it made me so happy to see them so happy and taking a family vacation like that just the four of us mom and dad in the front seat and kids in the back with crayons felt like another official stamp in the parent passport i really am a grown up now i ve made it around to the other side of the circle whatever i saw when i looked at the back of my mother s head from the back seat of our station wagon my kids now see when they look at me whatever she meant to me then i now mean to someone else which is a tremendous and terrifying honor when i stop to think about it and also more than anything a blessing 10 comments filed under crazy personal stuff news visual art older posts go back to get em grab a button help myriam help haiti photo class twitter follow katherine on twitter twitter tweets by katherinecenter categories categories select category anthology because i love her blogs crafty stuff crazy personal stuff events everyone is beautiful excerpts for writers get lucky house katherine s books movies news other people s books poetry prose random recipes reviews screenplays the bright side of disaster uncategorized upcoming events videos visual art writing wednesday pages 2010 events about katherine buttons videos recent posts new blog at www katherinecenter com it s spring in texas you re invited excerpt get lucky road trip top posts about katherine archives archives select month april 2010 march 2010 february 2010 january 2010 december 2009 november 2009 october 2009 september 2009 august 2009 july 2009 june 2009 may 2009 april 2009 march 2009 february 2009 january 2009 december 2008 november 2008 october 2008 katherine center s books on goodreads the bright side of disaster a novel reviews 159 ratings 880 avg rating 3 53 everyone is beautiful a novel reviews 114 ratings 686 avg rating 3 87 katherine center blog at wordpress com katherine center blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed katherine center sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy katherine center subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website