Meta tags:
description=From infertility to adopting from foster care.;

Headings (most frequently used words):

infertility, wish, foster, care, do, you, to, back, into, the, fire, feelings, irregular, march, an, infertile, list, class, feeling, overwhelmed, here, we, go, again, application, what, have, offer, why, adopt, pages, archives, blogroll, and, adoption, moving, past, parenting, after,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (74), and (64), that (45), have (38), you (31), #foster (30), but (26), for (23), this (21), wish (21), #infertility (20), care (20), with (18), will (18), through (15), about (15), all (15), know (14), not (13), just (13), 2010 (13), any (13), been (13), was (12), back (11), into (11), years (11), adoption (10), get (10), posted (10), tagged (10), uncategorized (10), want (10), make (10), husband (10), time (10), when (10), two (10), baby (10), comment (9), life (9), one (9), 2008 (9), 2011 (9), our (9), could (9), child (9), trying (9), had (9), never (9), would (8), grief (8), things (8), like (8), from (8), out (8), what (8), don (8), understand (8), now (7), 2009 (7), november (7), leave (7), answer (7), were (7), can (7), pregnant (7), going (7), hate (7), loss (6), having (6), year (6), february (6), work (6), heart (6), three (6), every (6), adopt (6), because (6), children (6), need (6), offer (6), application (6), even (6), than (6), too (6), much (6), she (6), five (6), fire (5), good (5), march (5), december (5), hard (5), who (5), placed (5), birth (5), very (5), still (5), think (5), questions (5), more (5), first (5), might (5), feeling (5), really (5), placement (5), her (5), daily (5), has (5), are (5), your (4), website (4), wordpress (4), com (4), comments (4), after (4), april (4), they (4), these (4), loved (4), pain (4), both (4), working (4), believe (4), love (4), home (4), right (4), why (4), thought (4), here (4), figure (4), though (4), also (4), week (4), getting (4), over (4), again (4), toward (4), being (4), mom (4), didn (4), little (4), class (4), since (4), cycles (4), control (4), free (3), create (3), sign (3), see (3), past (3), easier (3), june (3), january (3), family (3), adopting (3), include (3), desire (3), kids (3), gave (3), girls (3), minute (3), okay (3), face (3), comes (3), nurturing (3), almost (3), instead (3), question (3), job (3), give (3), means (3), myself (3), talk (3), wednesday (3), last (3), process (3), while (3), yet (3), six (3), old (3), before (3), other (3), once (3), tears (3), knew (3), let (3), call (3), another (3), take (3), please (3), long (3), there (3), thinking (3), doesn (3), dream (3), wouldn (3), always (3), hear (3), infertile (3), point (3), sure (3), start (2), own (2), log (2), blog (2), rss (2), entries (2), parenting (2), moving (2), patient (2), raining (2), may (2), august (2), stress (2), money (2), god (2), depression (2), beginning (2), anyone (2), change (2), together (2), kind (2), maybe (2), put (2), strong (2), help (2), words (2), each (2), knowing (2), broken (2), experience (2), understanding (2), well (2), some (2), compassion (2), way (2), decided (2), felt (2), far (2), looking (2), try (2), say (2), silliness (2), hugs (2), ability (2), between (2), part (2), won (2), fost (2), second (2), mailed (2), anyway (2), haven (2), ready (2), monday (2), did (2), month (2), heading (2), actually (2), doing (2), miss (2), placements (2), real (2), those (2), only (2), forward (2), phone (2), idea (2), come (2), agency (2), today (2), whole (2), thursday (2), found (2), something (2), autobiography (2), until (2), couple (2), pregnancy (2), keep (2), sad (2), expected (2), starts (2), pray (2), understood (2), big (2), person (2), overwhelming (2), miserable (2), expect (2), happy (2), four (2), day (2), often (2), hurts (2), cry (2), away (2), ever (2), least (2), irregular (2), experiencing (2), stopped (2), taking (2), premature (2), ovarian (2), failure (2), ago (2), along (2), longer (2), seriously (2), bad (2), ones (2), feelings (2), name, email, write, loading, collapse, bar, report, content, manage, subscriptions, view, site, reader, privacy, account, subscribed, subscribe, best, blogs, ashamed, intertility, pissed, regrets, wishing, persistently, living, new, fluttering, common, misconception, later, egg, infertili, adventures, stirrup, queens, sperm, palace, jesters, blogroll, september, july, october, archives, timeline, pages, journey, traveling, road, older, suggestions, exclude, seems, cheesy, cheese, instant, chosen, loving, supportive, homes, difficulties, parents, capability, provide, support, increase, unable, pursue, decision, choice, parent, news, front, form, starting, answers, certain, place, tuesday, should, thoughts, non, format, empathy, stability, bedtime, stories, singing, songs, play, lots, kisses, most, look, behavior, reasons, behind, relationship, issues, willingness, harder, problem, bit, perfectionist, generic, unconditional, midst, uncertainty, learned, grieving, capable, making, leaves, afraid, heartache, easy, knowledge, without, hesitation, probably, answering, stuff, sell, uncomfortable, strengths, impatient, takes, heard, anything, hopefully, soon, nice, girl, respite, looked, potential, adoptive, pulled, leaning, heavily, reunification, quieter, comfortable, enough, somewhere, laugh, greatest, giggle, makes, smile, great, course, months, different, sisters, ages, chance, energy, draining, smiles, laughter, tantrums, accepted, stepping, stone, previous, permanent, extended, them, feels, scary, hope, disappointment, checking, minutes, gotten, bring, appointment, weeks, intensive, county, licensed, homestudy, interviewed, sigh, him, needs, his, self, esteem, able, pay, rent, mortgage, mentioned, million, primary, caregiver, made, fifth, christmas, wait, tired, overwhelmed, earlier, woman, sex, announcement, situations, sympathetic, women, missed, appointments, related, saying, worry, guess, registered, yay, step, hasn, besides, questionnaire, lot, silence, void, changes, people, lost, died, same, reactions, normal, anger, hopelessness, fatigue, sadness, excuse, quiet, withdrawn, irritable, cranky, feel, struggle, how, shattered, around, neither, happen, frustrate, yourself, recovery, fully, recover, grieve, suffer, die, seeing, text, card, note, hug, mean, diversions, topic, contagious, shy, then, emotional, isn, hurt, cause, acknowledged, allowed, share, thank, wasn, stolen, modified, friend, book, page, originally, list, waiting, moved, uselessly, married, half, spent, marks, thinks, sunday, does, wisdom, advice, sudden, large, amount, reason, fear, fsh, likely, either, where, contemplating, buying, test, sucked, emotions, body, regular, story, days, went, stop, unpredictability, period, less, finished, cycle, completely, unheard, friday, sucks, forever, missing, their, full, glory, weren, affecting, activities, bearable, happened, brought,

Text of the page (random words):
back into the fire from infertility to adopting from foster care back into the fire from infertility to adopting from foster care feelings monday april 11 2011 a couple of things have happened in the last week that have brought up all of the old infertility feelings the ones that have been there but have been bearable the ones that will never really go away but that weren t seriously affecting my daily activities and now they re back in all of their full glory along with missing the foster girls we had i know it won t be this bad forever but it s bad right now infertility seriously sucks posted in uncategorized tagged foster care infertility life leave a comment irregular friday march 11 2011 my cycles have always been regular at least as long as i m not on birth control but that s another story the whole time we were trying to get pregnant my cycles were 24 days every once in a while i might make it to 25 but not often after we gave up trying i went back on birth control for a little while but decided to stop because i didn t like the unpredictability of not knowing when my period was going to come since i stopped taking the birth control a little less than a year ago my cycles have been getting longer and longer i just finished a 31 day cycle completely unheard of for me and i hate it i hate that i get to the point where i m actually contemplating buying a pregnancy test just to make sure i m not pregnant i hate getting sucked into all of the emotions that go along with that and i hate that i have no idea what s going on with my body i can t figure out why my cycles are all of a sudden so irregular i m not experiencing any large amount of stress and it has been almost a year since i stopped taking birth control i can t figure out any other reason for the change my fear is that i m heading toward premature ovarian failure or something my fsh was 14 4 two three years ago what if but i know that i m not likely experiencing premature ovarian failure either does anyone have any wisdom or advice posted in uncategorized tagged infertility 1 comment march sunday february 27 2011 march marks five years of trying to have a baby i never thought we would make it to this point i m sure no one ever thinks they ll make it to this point no one starts out trying to get pregnant thinking i m sure this will take at least five years but here we are five years my husband and i haven t even been married for six and a half years yet and five years of that time has been spent trying to have a baby uselessly trying to have a baby that also means it has been more than two years since we gave up trying to get pregnant and more than two years since we moved on to adoption and here we are still waiting i could have a four year old by now but thinking about that doesn t help any five years posted in uncategorized tagged infertility 1 comment an infertile s wish list thursday february 10 2011 stolen and modified from a friend s face book page originally about the loss of a loved one 1 i wish i wasn t infertile i wish i had a baby 2 if i cry and get emotional when you talk about the loss of my dream of having a baby i wish you knew that it isn t because you have hurt me my infertility is the cause of my tears you have acknowledged my loss and you allowed me to share my grief i thank you for both 3 being an infertile is not contagious so i wish you wouldn t shy away from me i need you now more then ever 4 i need diversions so i do want to hear about you but i also want you to hear about me i might be sad and i might cry but i wish you would let me talk about my desire to have a baby the overwhelming topic of my daily life 5 just because i don t want to hear about your baby doesn t mean i m not happy for you it just means that it hurts too much right now 6 i know that you think of me and pray for me often i also know that seeing my pain hurts you too i wish you would let me know these things through a phone call text card a note or a real big hug 7 i wish you wouldn t expect my grief to be over in two four or six years i wish you could understand that my grief will never be over i will suffer the loss of my dream until the day i die 8 i am working very hard so very hard on my recovery but i wish you could understand that i will never fully recover i will always miss what could have been and i will always grieve that it never was 9 i wish you wouldn t expect me to not think about it or be happy neither will happen for a long time so don t frustrate yourself 10 i wish you understood how my life has shattered i know it is miserable for you to be around me when i m feeling miserable please be patient with me as i am with you 11 when i say i m doing okay i wish you could understand that i don t feel okay and that i struggle daily 12 i wish you knew that all of the grief reactions i m having are very normal depression anger hopelessness fatigue and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected so please excuse me when i m quiet and withdrawn or irritable or cranky 13 i wish you understood that grief changes people when i lost my dream a big part of me died with it i am not the same person i was before infertility and i will never be that person again 14 i wish very much that you could understand understand my loss and my grief my silence and my tears my void and my pain but i pray daily that you will never understand posted in uncategorized tagged grief infertility leave a comment foster care class wednesday january 12 2011 i just registered my husband and myself for the foster care class we need to take yay another baby step forward the class starts in the beginning of february other than that there hasn t been too much going on besides working on the 78 question autobiography questionnaire 78 questions is a lot of questions earlier this week a pregnant woman i know through work found out the sex of her baby i was there for the announcement one of those things i m never going to experience myself and i ve had a couple of situations when i ve had to be sympathetic toward pregnant women who have missed appointments because of pregnancy related things i keep saying don t worry about it i understand and i keep thinking i don t really understand i only wish i did i guess i ve just been feeling a little sad this week i know it s to be expected but that doesn t really make it any easier posted in uncategorized tagged adoption foster care infertility 4 comments feeling overwhelmed wednesday december 29 2010 so i found out today that my husband didn t get yet another job that he interviewed for sigh i really wish something would work out for him he needs it for his self esteem and we need it to be able to pay rent and mortgage every month have i mentioned that i hate money we have a million and one questions to answer for our fost adopt application autobiography and i have to sign us up for the foster care class but i still don t want to take any kids until my husband has a job please god i want to be the primary caregiver even if i m working i don t want my husband to have to do it we just made it through the fifth christmas that we could have had a child i never thought we would have to wait this long why i m just so tired of all of this i just want a baby posted in uncategorized tagged foster care life work 3 comments here we go again thursday november 18 2010 our first home appointment with the foster adoption agency is two weeks from today i can t believe we re getting ready to start this whole process all over again it will be way more intensive this time because a we re going through an agency instead of just through the county and b last time we were just licensed for foster care and this time it will include the adoption homestudy too it feels good to be moving forward but it s a little scary too once we make it through this process it will be back to the daily hope and disappointment checking my phone every three minutes to see if we ve gotten a call having no idea when that call will come or what it will bring the two placements we had before each for about three months were so different the first one two sisters ages two and five was my first real chance at being a mom those girls had so much energy and could be so draining but i loved every minute of it well almost every minute all of the hugs and smiles silliness and laughter and even the tantrums and tears i loved being a mom we knew when we accepted the placement that we were only a stepping stone between two placements a previous foster placement that didn t work out and a permanent placement with extended family but that didn t make it any easier to let them go our second placement was a six year old girl we did respite for her about a month before she was placed with us and at that time it looked like it might be heading toward being a potential adoptive placement her mom pulled it together though and by the time she was actually placed with us things were leaning heavily toward reunification she was much quieter than the other two but once she felt comfortable enough somewhere to laugh she had the greatest giggle it makes me smile to think about it she is back with her mom now and they re doing great but of course i still miss her it s going to be so nice to get back into all of this posted in uncategorized tagged foster care leave a comment application monday november 15 2010 i mailed in our foster adoption application last week my husband is still looking for work but i was feeling impatient so i mailed it in anyway i figure the process takes a while anyway right i haven t heard anything back yet but hopefully i will soon i can t believe we re getting ready to go through this all over again posted in uncategorized tagged foster care leave a comment what do you have to offer wednesday november 3 2010 i hate answering questions like this first of all it s hard to put this kind of stuff into words and second of all i hate feeling like i m trying to sell myself i get really uncomfortable when i have to talk about my strengths and things i m good at fost adopt application question 2 what do you have to offer a child in your home and life answer so far i probably won t include all of this in the application i believe i have the ability to offer nurturing and unconditional love to any child who comes into our home and life even in the midst of the uncertainty that comes with foster care having had three children placed with us in the past year i know i can give my heart to these kids one of the things i learned through the grieving of infertility is that i am capable of making it through the pain even though i know my heart will be broken if a child who is placed with us leaves our care i am not afraid of going through the heartache i know it will not be easy but i also know i ll make it through having that knowledge means i can offer love to a child without any hesitation this is harder than i thought it would be part of my problem is that i think too much and i m a bit of a perfectionist i don t want to just give a generic answer though what i we have to offer a child in non answer format love nurturing compassion empathy stability bedtime stories singing songs silliness and play lots of hugs and kisses the ability to most of the time look past the child s behavior and see the reasons behind it a good relationship between my husband and i an understanding of some of the issues foster children face a willingness to give my heart even though i know the child might leave maybe i should answer more like that instead of like my first try any thoughts posted in uncategorized tagged foster care leave a comment why do you wish to adopt tuesday november 2 2010 still no news on the job front for my husband but i ve been looking through the foster adoption application form and i m starting to think about answers to certain questions i thought here would be as good a place as any to try to figure out what i want to say so question 1 why do you wish to adopt or be a foster parent at this time answer so far my husband and i wish to adopt as a way to increase our family we have been unable to have children by birth after almost three years of trying to get pregnant we decided in december 2008 to pursue adoption instead it was a very hard decision to make but it felt like the right choice for us we have chosen to adopt from foster care because both of us have experience working with children in foster care we have an understanding of the need for loving and supportive foster homes as well as of some of the difficulties both foster children and foster parents face we believe we have the capability to provide that love and support to any child who comes into our home both my husband and i have a strong desire to offer nurturing and compassion to these children in need it seems like kind of a cheesy answer but maybe they want cheese it s hard to put the strong desire i have in my heart to help these kids into words i gave my heart to each of the three girls who were placed with us and i loved every minute of it i m okay with knowing my heart could be broken in an instant i know i can make it through the pain anyone have any suggestions of things to include or change or exclude all together posted in uncategorized tagged foster care leave a comment older entries beginning the journey of adopting through foster care after traveling the road of infertility pages about me our infertility timeline adoption depression family foster care god grief infertility life money stress work archives april 2011 march 2011 february 2011 january 2011 december 2010 november 2010 october 2010 august 2010 july 2010 june 2010 february 2010 january 2010 december 2009 november 2009 august 2009 june 2009 may 2009 april 2009 december 2008 november 2008 september 2008 june 2008 may 2008 april 2008 march 2008 february 2008 blogroll stirrup queens and sperm palace jesters foster care and adoption foster parenting adventures infertili t a one good egg one year later raining raining infertility common misconception fluttering through life living a new life with infertility persistently patient wishing it would get easier moving past infertility no regrets parenting after infertility i m not ashamed of having intertility just pissed in 2 me see the best of the adoption loss infertility blogs of 2009 blog at wordpress com entries rss and comments rss back into the fire create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed back into the fire sign me up have a wordpress com account log in now privacy back into the fire view site in reader manage subscriptions sign up log in report this content collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email name website create your own website free on wordpress com create your own website start free