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wednesday according to the results of the core biopsy the cancer is still hormone receptor positive this means i also benefit from hormone therapy which i began just over a month ago after the radiotherapy has finished i will also be starting systemic chemotherapy to target and kill any free floating micro cancer cells on top of all this i will have a bone building drug injected every month to strengthen my bones and hopefully prevent new bone mets from forming yep it s a lot my oncologist and radiographer are amazing they are honest but very positive and have assured me that i m not about to kick off anytime soon the cancer is pretty slow growing it took 15 years to get to this point so the aim is to shrink it as much as possible and continue to manage it for the rest of my life don t get me wrong this all sucks big time it s no longer curable but i really am doing ok i feel perfectly well and the panic that i endured the first time around when my kids were little youngest was 5 is thankfully absent this time of course i still worry for them but it s a different feeling when they ve all grown into strong capable adults the cancer was discovered by accident while being treated for an unrelated health issue if not for that and for my outstanding doctor roy francis i likely would still not even know i had it after a couple of weeks in borderline depression my natural optimism and love for life kicked back in it s just not my default position to be negative and defeated i love my life my family and my friends and i ve never taken any of it for granted now more than ever it s time to live to the fullest to prioritise and yes to make art it s strange really i always thought that if i was given a shorter time to live i d want to go crazy and travel to exotic places and do all those bucket listy things i think about sometimes but i don t i want to be with my husband my kids my sister and my friends to listen to music and watch comfort tv and movies to be in the garden to be in the studio to read all the simple things that make me so so happy funny life of course i have sad days i even have angry days but they don t last long and for that i m grateful i have enormous support and i m much much tougher than i appear i know it s not like this for everyone something else i must acknowledge before i go any further our healthcare system none of my treatment and i mean absolutely none has cost me a cent i have many things to worry about but how i ll pay for the medical care to prolong my life is not one of them my care team and every single medical worker from doctors and nurses to reception and office staff have been caring and professional and have bent over backwards to answer all my questions and address my concerns and man are they under pressure at the moment universal health care is the best of course our system is not perfect but the thought of being without it like my american friends is frankly terrifying i do so hope that change is coming for them in november so that is how 2020 began for me the advanced metastatic breast cancer in the bone diagnoses would have been more than enough thank you very much with timing that would be unbelievable if my life were a soap opera my best friend in the world and the sweetest most talented person on the planet was diagnosed with her second recurrence of cancer at the same time fuck so we re in this together thankfully we still spend more time laughing together than crying but man it can be rough every single day i wish with everything i have that this was not happening to her she is so tiny and delicate and it s so unfair but on we go to that end guy and i have stepped up our caravan renovation and we are already planning camping trips with her and her husband for next year this is a priority now i love these conversations with her she s such a nature girl and has so many wonderful places and sights to show us we re looking forward to taking photographs and drawing plants together and soaking up our beautiful countryside and spectacular mountains we re so excited soon on the second weekend after my diagnosis our beloved pug jasper died we found him in the morning he had suffered a heart attack in the night my husband walked right past him thinking he was still sleeping when jasper didn t follow him into the workshop as he always did guy went back out to see what was up he was lying on the soft grass right next to his kennel he was almost 13 years old deaf and blind in his final couple of years he navigated our house and yard expertly and was always happy his tail held in a tight double curl he d been slowing down a lot over the past year and spent most of his days asleep in the special shed bed that guy built for him in the workshop the loss hit all of us but guy and my son most of all noah was only eight when we brought jasper home and they instantly bonded noah was patient and loving as a little boy and has remained so as a young man he helped his dad bury jasper in our garden he is so missed and now we have covid 19 of course i am in the high risk group radiotherapy and chemotherapy put me at risk of complications even from a regular flu and this is not a regular flu so is my friend so is my son he has a medical condition that requires monthly injections of an immuno suppressant to manage his symptoms my eldest daughter is a primary school teacher schools here in australia are still open my youngest daughter works in retail her store is still open guy is still working he s a site supervisor in the building and construction industry and although he has put everything in place for health and safety at his job i m still worried thankfully he is outdoors much of the time and shares a large site office with only two other people meetings are cancelled or held over phone or skype he is pedantic with hygiene and limits any face to face contact with other workers as much as possible i wish he could just be at home with me but i don t imagine the building industry will be closing down anytime soon at the moment with all of this i honestly feel like my cancer is the least of my worries fortunately the uni courses i teach have transitioned to online learning using zoom classrooms etc i am so lucky to be able to work from home and so happy to still be able to continue teaching my amazing students my studio is also in my home and remains my happy place i m pretty much isolating i only go out for treatment and thankfully can now completely avoid public transport i m even social distancing from my kids no hugging or kissing no sitting too close i hate it we re a demonstrably affectionate family it s so hard we are taking evening walks in the fresh air for the sake of sanity our small town has not been spared the ridiculous and selfish hoarders the same as everywhere else i ve heard that people are driving up from the city to strip rural supermarkets bare of essentials and even our local butcher is overrun with non locals demanding bulk kilos of meat wonderfully our local butcher is a kick ass babe who isn t afraid to show these folks the door we are sensibly stocked and what we can t get we do without fresh food is widely available at this point and we have all necessary medications plus a little extra panadol so that s where i am currently i m most definitely scared but not too much i hope i m also incredibly grateful for so many things modern medicine skype and other technologies that keep us visibly in touch with each other for art and books and excellent streaming services and for the kindness and consideration of the majority of the population i m also so grateful for social media i basically disengaged with fb years ago around the time of the 2016 us election such a dark day and switched over to instagram but i ve recently been checking back in and it s providing me with comfort mostly and some great laughs i just want to know that people are doing ok i don t want to end this post without also mentioning a few wonderful things that i experienced earlier this year the first was seeing the incredible amanda palmer s there will be no intermission show in adelaide in mid february she is hands down my favourite live performer and her heart and soul were laid bare during this performance after the show she stayed back to talk with patrons i am proudly one and to take a group photo my husband was standing on the sidelines waiting for me when amanda recruited him to come up on the stage and take the photo on her blog the next day she said he nailed it he really did you can see me towards the back bright pink hair a couple of days later she announced a small ninja gig for patrons and friends which of course we attended along with my eldest daughter and her partner after the show i chatted with amanda and we shared a long and deeply felt hug it was good for my soul i love her the next day as a last minute spur of the moment decision i accompanied my youngest daughter and my two nephews on a tree climb adventure i was very nervous and unsure about this i d only just got my sternum pain under control and honestly even though i walk a lot i m just not very fit i was not confident that i could get through all the increasingly difficult courses but i did the final course in particular was very challenging i was genuinely scared at some points but i did it we all did we were such a good team i was bruised and sore for a week afterwards but so proud and surprised that i could push myself like that i also surprised my sister which is not easy to do i actually can t wait to do it again with guy next time high up in the trees with archie leading the way waiting our turn to zoom down the first of several flying foxes my face says it all here in early march i had my birthday and on the same day received a teaching award from unisa i was pretty chuffed i had birthday dinner out with my wonderful family my daughter meg baked me a gorgeously delicious rainbow birthday cake and bought me a much longed for birthday present perfect for curling up to read while gently swaying my other kids banded together to buy tickets to a fabulous fringe show called by a thread for me and my husband it was breathtaking the following week we all went off to see the fire gardens a french festival event held at night in the adelaide botanic gardens it was overwhelmingly beautiful my dinky iphone photos do not even begin to do the spectacle justice a huge rotating fireball on the lake a steel structure with flaming terracotta pots the entire garden was filled with wonderful structures flaming arches this incredible artist was playing eerily moody cello music in this gorgeous steel and lantern filled structure i could have sat there happily all night the recently restored victorian glasshouse was filled with floating illuminated vests magical and lastly a couple of weeks ago my sister adopted another gorgeous greyhound named maude she is the prettiest sweetest girl makes me miss jasper and long for a pup so badly perhaps when all of this is over a good girl all in all things are shit in the big picture but the small picture still has a great deal of joy i love my home and my studio so being confined is no problem for me i can still communicate with my friends and loved ones as often as i want by multiple means i can continue to work i am never ever bored i know this will end eventually there are always people doing it tougher always ways that you can help people out even if it s just by staying home washing your hands don t forget to moisturise shopping sensibly and non selfishly being creative and genuinely considering other people i m planning to blog more it helps me to get this stuff out and i m not really great at short fb or instagram statuses never been good at small talk either i have a lot of projects in the works and this is the perfect opportunity to share please stay safe everyone love to you all and see you again soon posted by lorell lehman at 5 13 pm 4 comments thursday january 4 2018 a few good things from 2017 i feel like the general consensus for 2017 is that it was a crap year it certainly was for me emotionally stressfully depressingly capital c crap from the global circus of politics to health financial and creative difficulties on a personal level 2017 was an uphill battle to keep from being overwhelmed with feelings of anger sadness and hopelessness however when taking down my calendar the other day ready for a fresh new year i flicked through and was surprised by just how much loveliness was also in my life last year it s so easy to forget the small things when you just view the year through a large lens so to usher in what will surely be a better year here are some of the personal highlights that kept me going through the year that was january my first picture book no room for a wombat was published it was a dream come true to see it on book store shelves january was also the month i saw p j harvey in concert extraordinary february went to see amanda palmer at her majesty s theatre in adelaide hands down best most emotion inducing performance i ve ever been to march saw sam simmons show at fringe festival ridiculous and absolutely hilarious april finally got to see wolfmother perform at the gov it was everything i could have hoped for and more in this month we also acquired a clapped out 1970 s viscount caravan and we are currently restoring re modelling it july had an indescribably wonderful five days in ballarat as part of the fibre arts australia winter school teaching a doll making sculpture workshop this event is worthy of its own blog post wish i d done that but suffice to say it was one of the best most enjoyable experiences of my life i met amazing artists and made some beautiful new friends all of whom i ll see again this year when i return i can t wait after the winter school guy and myself went on to spend a few days in melbourne where we saw the awesome aardman exhibition at acmi we then travelled on to bright where i saw snow for the first time it wasn t super great snow but it was still snow and was magical august bookweek i did manage to blog about this it was exhausting but worth every minute i just love working with kids and they were so responsive and enthusiastic incredibly rewarding experience october i organised a weekend in the city as a surprise for guy and part of it was seeing scary beauty a performance featuring skeleton one of the world s most sophisticated androids singing with the australian art orchestra definitely one of the most unusual remarkable performances i ve seen completely unique of course the end of the year is taken up with halloween and christmas both enormous sources of joy for me i should also mention that i am so lucky and so grateful to have my beautiful family and friends who provide endless joy and fun and support all through the year good times and bad whether for coffee dates drinks at favourite bars barbecues movie nights friday nights in the kitchen they...