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Text of the page (random words):
o to work whatever that is leaving me and toast alone to get into mischief then returning 56 hours later in dog years to do my bidding for a few hours before going to sleep and starting all over then at the beginning of march she stopped leaving she stayed home all the time every day it is amazing we started doing walkies twice a day i had unlimited play times and snuggles and treats and fun and adventures they call it retired which is weird because all they do is sit around and have fun with me and do chores so it isn t like they get tired only to retire but whatever it means 24x7 365 of fun for me plus i always hate it when one goes someplace without me i worry i m a worrier now i was going on car trips to pick up groceries and one time during grocery pickup my fancy car wouldn t go so bleeder had to uber home get her crap car drive back take me home for my pills while my fancy car and toast got a toad i got a toad once it was slimy and cold and not at all fun we did have to stop our walkies because of my condition and the fact that our neighborhood has gone wacky and trashy the tipping point was when i discovered a chicken carcass buried in leaves in the street all of the experts say that a husky will only eat until it is full these experts are morons because i would eat an entire bag of food and beg for a cookie afterwards i was not going to let my whole chicken carcass bounty go easily i did there s something about having bleeder s whole hand in my mouth that says let it go additionally i started having my condition issues flare up again so we ve just upped my yard exercise to include ball chasing games like keep away from the slicker brush tag got your feets and gonna get that tail that is supplemented with ripping squeaker toys to shreds squirrel stalk and chase and bed ricochet for enrichment i attempt to steal food off the counters and lick the bathroom sink it literally exploded in my mouth i just want to mention the squirrel stalking i smell a rat with a fluffy tail every time we go out there are squirrels in the yard i start my sneaky sneaky descent down the deck stairs to begin my sneaky sneak stalk toward the squirrels who are totally oblivious to my approach due to my sneaky sneaky stealth skills then there s a loud noise and the squirrels flee every single time i thought it was a spotter squirrel up in the tree making the noise to warn the others to flee nooooo i happened to be sneaky sneaking the other day and looked over my shoulder to make sure bleeder had my 6 and what did i witness it s bleeder clapping her hands and warning the squirrels she s a double agent for the squirrel mafia i let it be known that i am not pleased with this development and plan to enact sanctions soon bleeder wtaf til later at january 09 2026 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday july 14 2025 all about the whooping i don t remember a lot from my pennsylanian birthplace except it was quite chilly and it had a lot of fun snow then bleeder and toast come swooping in and drag me down to this inconvenient and ridiculous state of merryland excuse me where is the snow it barely snows here and when it does it usually only lasts for a day a day or it warms up a bit then refreezes and makes the snow into a pointy glare of unfun ice that i can t run on or dig into it does get nice and cold but then the ground is all hard and pointy and not fun to run on it needs snow to cushion it then there s summer we are currently in summer and so far it has been less than optimal broiling temperatures and now we are in the non stop humid storm season it is ridiculous i don t like storms the thunder is unexpected and annoying want to know what is even more annoying the whooping noise from the nws scanner that the humans use to determine whether we need to go downstairs to the perfectly cooler fun play room or stay upstairs i don t like the whooping noise granted it isn t as disturbing as the weatherbug cricket noise for nearby lightning but it s right up there on the nails on a chalkboard reactionary scale if we were to chart out disturbing noises my list would be from worst to annoying 1 fireworks they suck i hate them they freak me out 2 weatherbug cricket noise 3 toast sneezing why do guys always sneeze at 4 000db bleeder s sneezes sound like a delicate butterfly flapping its wings 4 thunder when it s really close 5 whooping nws alert when the scanner whoops i seek shelter under the coffee table and onto the feet of safety toast have neither of you discovered the magic of dusting i remain there until i wake up from my nap or bleeder gets up and starts packing a reusable shopping bag with my harness leash walking belt medicine peanut butter container woof ball and woof ball nom nom package and my squeaker toy du jour this means that we will all be going downstairs to watch tv and wait for a tornado to whip us over to oz we play squeaker toy chase then i get my tasty woof ball and generally fall asleep while toast worries about tornadoes and bleeder keeps repeating the midwestern tornado alley creed honey if one is coming we either die or we don t while she plays candy crush on her phone she has been known to stand on the porch or deck during particularly tornadoey weather and has to be dragged in think lt dan on the ship in forest gump and that s pretty much everyone that s born and raised in tornado country but i digress about the weather currently we are in storm season which is much more stormy than past storm seasons and also much more hot and humid due to this crap weather i have been unable to go for my morning walks because it is too hot even at 6 in the morning and remains hot even until the wee hours of the night then it storms then it gets more humid and i can barely go out and do my business before i run back into the cool air conditioning and chew on my ice chips tonight we had over an inch of rain in 15 minutes and then the sun came out bleeder could barely see anything because her glasses fogged up she could barely see my poo well enough to comment on it s consistency if anyone has any recommendations on where we can move that has lovely cool weather during the summer and nice snow during the winter doesn t have tornadoes although bleeder likes them no mosquitos cicadas june bugs bitey poisonous nope ropes bugs that sting alligators crocodiles and other dangers but does have a first rate neurology vet clinic just drop me a line oh wait gotta go the whooping just kicked off again for someplace not even close to us at july 14 2025 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest sunday july 13 2025 chores everyone has chores to do and i m not exempt from this for some odd reason toast keeps telling me that i m responsible for fetching his socks when i want to go outside i m not sure how this is possible since i m not allowed to even look at the dresser where the socks are since the incident but he keeps insisting it is part of my chores they won t even let me sniff the lawnmower even after they run over some form of tasty creature and yet i m reminded that they do it for me i m not the one complaining about picking up my poo in longer grass and for the record i never requested they even pick up my poo they just do it and have some kind of pathological need to remark on its firmness consistency texture and size i just poop and scratch the ground happily and move on with life you don t see me trying to size up their poop in the water fountain and handing them a cookie pick up my toys why i m not done with them they haven t been ripped to tiny shreds and strewn throughout the house so they re fine right where they are if the stupid vacuum robot can t handle it let it go around or choke on the stuffing i m tired of it trying to run me over when i m napping since it is so hot out i prefer my water be frozen and ground up in tiny chunks that i can chew on is it too much to ask of bleeder to keep checking my ice chip bowl and refill it once again i m not allowed to operate the water ice dispenser because some earlier dog decided to help themselves to all of the water and flooded the kitchen i don t see toast chastising bleeder for neglecting my ice chip needs also toast hasn t been toasting lately and the bread products he does share is pathetic i have to lay there with the big eyes far too long between bites hey scone me so what are my actual chores well when i need to go outside the moment bleeder or toast walk toward their pile of outdoor shoes i stand over the shoes is there something you are waiting on if both are going out i have to make a quick determination on who is closest to the shoes for blocking and then skitter over to block the other once i m pushed out of the way they really seem to enjoy this game i would also like to add that if we are all going outside i will stand and wait for the door to be opened even though i have a dog door due to my condition and the fact that unsupervised i will chase and eat all manner of bugs and horrible things that will cause my condition to be conditioned i am under full supervision outside i think it s quite cruel that bleeder sometimes refers to me as trash panda my palette is limited to only the finest and tastiest bugs bees hornets wasps anything that moves i m the official calibrator for toast s scale every morning he weighs himself just gets up on the scale and does it and receives no cheese for doing it i don t understand humans i m weighed every saturday in an event called weigh cheese which includes cheese after my saturday morning constitutional i come inside for weigh cheese and dutifully sit on the scale my scale not toast s scale and get my cheese i try to botch the reading sneak a foot off or move too fast so we have to take multiple readings and i get multiple cheeses it is none of your business how much i weigh how rude i don t think it s correct we need another round of cheese but i digress back to toast s scale it needs to be calibrated every day according to me so i stand on it to gain a tad bit of height in hopes that one day i will be able to reach the snack shelf i mean calibrate it it s one of those fancy shmancy scales that send the weight and other numbers to an application so i guess toast isn t very keen that in random places it appears that he s down to 25lbs on any given day go figure my best chore is sous chef if anyone is cooking anything i m there to make sure they have whatever they need and clean up any messes the best place to lay is in front of the dishwasher because it is central and the best place to be to catch spills as they go into the tasty dishwasher i also lay in front of the oven while they try to cook i am smart enough to move away when the oven mitts come out or if i m told danger because that usually means something not good but quickly snap back to position the moment the all clear is given i look at it like a cooking aerobics session where high stepping and shifting is required to navigate the countertops work that upper and lower back by leaaaaaaning over me to reach the chopping board now high step over my head to stir something on the stove so i feel that i do enough around the house and should not have any additional duties at july 13 2025 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest saturday july 12 2025 duck of pain it is probably well know by now that i m a bit rough with fluffy squeaker toys i haven t broken meeshka s 30 second record of destuffing and destroying a squeaker toy but i m still practicing since it is so hot outside bleeder took advantage of the amazon prime days sale and purchased some toys for me to keep me active and entertained so far i ve received the usual godog elephant toy lots of fun there s squeakers in the head body and both back feet it also has the crinkly paper stuff in there so there s lots of exciting things going on and it s really fun having multiple squeakers to surgically remove and trade up for treats the second toy is something new bleeder thought it would be great fun and maybe a bit more durable according to the reviews because it consists of stuffed fabric body and feet but the neck and head are a heavy duty rubber squeaker the description explains that even after eviscerating the soft body and rubber squeaker neck fabric i could continue playing with the long rubber squeaker neck bleeder is all about functionality so she bought it without thinking through the consequences here is the duck it is great fun especially after a few throws i discovered that if i grab it by the soft body run back at breakneck speed then stand right next to bleeder or toast and shake it violently the hard rubber squeaker neck becomes a lethal weapon of pain i smacked her on the right leg calf and hoo boy the howls of pain this is glorious best toy ever now whenever it gets thrown there is a mad scramble to avoid the duck of pain when i come stampeding back to them you wanna play fetch here s your fetch at july 12 2025 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday july 11 2025 spot spot spot one of the nice things about have 2 personal valets are the daily walks weather permitting i truly do enjoy my walks look forward to them every morning and then sometimes weather permitting we go on an evening walk that s handy for catching up on the pee mail responses of the morning because there s a lot of drama in the neighbor circuit about the liver colored pointer on the flexi leash and the two yappy dogs and whether or not there s a thing going on i m just reporting the news as i sniff it in the morning the humans must drink their hot bean water and sit on the drinking fountain before walk time i know it is close to walk time as toast puts on his pants once the pants are on he ll put on socks and shoes i cannot be harnessed before the socks and shoes because i like to stomp once my harness is on many a time have i stomped on toast s toes that does not go over well at all so once toast has his socks and shoes on bleeder will take down my harness and announce spot spot spot and i skitter into the bedroom to my spot and wait over the head lift right front foot front strap back strap check back strap placement front strap placement neck part collar not under neck part then a pat on the butt and i m ready to stomp and rub i stomp very loudly and i rub against walls the bed humans my crate kitchen chairs the table whatever is in my way until i rubbed up against the dresser drawers in the bedroom my harness got caught in the door pull and the whole thing exploded ok so i freaked out a little and may have bolted and wrenched the bottom drawer out which lead to structural integrity issues that cause the whole dresser to tilt precariously and fling all three drawers out easy fix i m sure but how about we go on a walk first it can wait bleeder put her sticky shoes on the sticky shoes a...