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n repetition and if that wasn t enough we would travel all the way out of town to rock creek where we would run straight up the mountain in all of the practices my coach always emphasized the importance of not stopping to walk no matter what i took this to heart and focused on this along with added endurance in the hard training which really helped me during the races i ll never forget my first race we ate a big spaghetti dinner the night before at my coach s house we traveled to our course which was higher in elevation i didn t understand how races worked so when we got there we set off to jog the course for a trial run by the time we came back we had a few minutes to put on our numbers stretch and do a few sprints at the line our faster runners were placed at the front i was in good shape probably the best shape i had been in my entire life but my stride wasn t very long often times i was the one toward the end or the last place runner i think i did well in that race as best as i can remember as the season went on we ran a lot of courses a golf course a football field and up a rocky mountain when we hosted a cross country race we had a little combination of them all as you can see in looking back it was god s perfect timing in the events of my life to discover that my ankles turned out when i ran as i finished the cross country racing season that october after four years i also got my braces off my teeth to celebrate mom and i ate chinese food and then bought some new christian music cd s before heading home since i was big on music i had read about jeremy camp s new album stay his late wife had battled cancer little would i realize that one month later in november 2002 i would be diagnosed with the nf2 disease it was that album that i played over and over to comfort my heart in december 2002 i had my first back surgery to remove a large spinal tumor thankfully i was able to walk and travel home on christmas eve that christmas was different but very special for me and my family you see i bring this up because as i have said before in another post i knew this christmas would be different too i didn t know how different or how my body would change i don t think there is any point in describing what has gone wrong and how things have changed from head to toe on me the weekend before christmas i had some intense talks with my mom and dad i told them that i knew things would get worse with my health but that i was at peace with it all it only made me sad to know that i wouldn t have much more time with my family and friends it was very hard emotionally mom dad and marcia came to see me after the christmas eve service we sang christmas carols together i couldn t see any decorated trees or brightly lit christmas lights but i knew that i was with my family having really special memories a week later on new years day i didn t make new year resolutions but i thought about cross country and i applied it to my life like the races i know there is a finish line however i don t know when i ll cross the finish line there is a tough point in every race when you really just want to stop and give up running the big cheers at the start of the race have faded and now you are running alone but then you start hearing faint cheers ahead and that keeps you going forward to the finish line i ve decided that my focus should be to strain on and cross the finish line as i think of my life race i m overwhelmed by everyone who runs the race along side of me cheering me on and upholding me with their prayers as this new year continues i will take it one day at a time not stopping knowing that jesus cheers me on too jeremy camps i still believe song lyrics i still believe scattered words and empty thoughts seem to pour from my heart i ve never felt so torn before seems i don t know where to start but it s now that i feel your grace fall like rain from every fingertip washing away my pain i still believe in your faithfulness i still believe in your truth i still believe in your holy word even when i don t see i still believe though the questions still fog up my mind with promises i still seem to bear even when answers slowly unwind it s my heart i see you prepare but it s now that i feel your grace fall like rain from every fingertip washing away my pain i still believe in your faithfulness i still believe in your truth i still believe in your holy word even when i don t see i still believe the only place i can go is into your arms where i throw to you my feeble prayers in brokenness i can see that this was your will for me help me to know you are near i still believe in your faithfulness i still believe in your truth i still believe in your holy word even when i don t see i still believe share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading 15 comments filed under uncategorized december 19 2015 7 02 pm thank you all and merry christmas my two friends from childhood just visited me last weekend we did a lot of fun things like painting our nails hand scrubs eating dinner together or watching football they watched and kept me updated of all positions and scores by writing letters on my arm and even met another santa and mrs claus they even had elves that took our pictures we also enjoyed a lot of time talking and catching up on our other friends and obviously catching up on the current news and talked about their families and my family since christmas is just around the corner we started talking about christmas songs and other fun memories and of course christmas movies that gave us a lot of laughs when i get done saying my prayers and singing a song that i remember all the christmas movies will come to mind among the many you have rudolph the red nosed reindeer elf veggie tales the toy that saved christmas and the clay animated version of the little drummer boy mom would record some off television when i was younger i enjoyed frosty the snow man winnie the pooh and christmas too and peggy fleming the ice skater and mickey and minnie mouse oh how i enjoyed the ice skating show they would have the medalist of that year s olympics skate to the christmas songs scott hamilton skating to the twelve days of christmas could not have been skating any better then you had the classics white christmas miracle on 34th street it s a wonderful life and a charlie brown christmas and let s not forget jim henson s muppets christmas movies out of all the christmas movies i have seen the muppets are my favorite my all time favorite christmas movie is a muppet family christmas this includes all the muppets from the other shows like sesame street which means elmo was there to even fraggle rocks this is classic humor there are so many great scenes and lines as all the characters gather at the farmhouse of fozzie bear s mother for christmas this movie often comes to mind because in one of the scenes the sesame street characters are putting on a play twas the night before christmas for the others ernie and bert are narrating ernie says not a creature was stirring not even a mouse out pops grover from behind the curtains he is wearing a hat with mouse ears on his head and is holding an empty bowl with a spoon ernie and bert are staring at him then grover goes on to explain that he is not stirring and note how the hand never touches the spoon i find this particularly funny because one of my communication objects is a wooden spoon which tells me when it is time to eat because my hands are getting really numb and it is hard to hold things or to even know what some of the other objects are i could probably hold up the wooden spoon because i can feel it and i am not stirring the other favorite movie is the muppets christmas carol obviously this year is different so out goes the tradition of watching it with my family on christmas eve i don t know how the tradition started maybe it was when i was little i remember going to the christmas eve service and hanging around town admiring all the christmas lights when we got home we would eat some snacks and watch the movie before singing our favorite christmas carols around the christmas tree before heading off to bed i will not be going to the christmas eve service this year and i cannot even see the lights hanging in my room but because i can probably quote the movie from start to finish christmas eve i will just ask for a snack and then replay the movie in my mind most everyone knows that ebenezer scrooge is bah humbug cold hearted and negative with his ways and words christmas eve he goes home and things start to happen gonzo narrates and takes the role of charles dickens with rizzo hanging as his sidekick scrooge played by a real man becomes scared as the doorknocker transforms into the like of bob marley his deceased partner warning him of the ghost that will soon visit scrooge is soon inside having a bite to eat by the fireplace in his best gown and nightcap this doesn t stop the ghost of bob marley of telling scrooge of his doom just like they are now in chains he will be too unless he changes his ways he will be visited by three spirits tonight starting at the stroke of the clock striking one scrooge falls asleep but at 1 a m the spirit of christmas past appears looking more like a fine doll she takes scrooge to his past he watches himself grow up and goes to the part where he asks for a job the muppet fozzie bear plays the role of scrooge s first boss but now his name is fozzie wig he is now hosting his annual christmas eve party the young scrooge thinks that fozzie wig is overriding his expenses and tells him fozzie wig tells him that it is christmas time and it is the spirit of generosity then they are in fozzie wig s factory and fozzie wig wants to make his annual speech everyone gets quiet because in pops animal and yells quiet fozzie wig makes an announcement that he has to make a speech he pulls out a piece of paper and seriously he reads thank you all and merry christmas the marley brothers are up in the balcony and give their comment about the speech fozzie made a great speech let s dance then you see the muppet couples and real people start to dance i want this to be my christmas card to you i used to love sending out oodles of cards to my friends and all my extended family i am blessed to have people help me write my cards facebook messages emails and phone text for me from the last post i said things would be different and just thinking about christmas cards reminded me of all of you i wanted to say thank you for all the encouragement love prayers gifts and visits you have given me this past year i have reflected on my past although i would have never expected to be in a nursing home i have seen how god has prepared me for this time even with the heartaches hardships and changes it was a great year with so many memories so thank you all from old friends to my new friends to my family and loved ones and those reading this randomly for the first time have a merry christmas and a happy new year share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading 11 comments filed under uncategorized december 4 2015 10 35 pm different but hope remains different that s how things are these days as the fall season ended and the holidays start approaching i knew that things would be different but just how different things would be is something i couldn t comprehend even starting with thanksgiving typical traditions all seemed to be thrown out the window but that doesn t mean that different is bad you just have to see things from a different perspective it all started the week before thanksgiving when we were kindly reminded by a resident here that the community dinner was to be held the monday before thanksgiving i asked my dad why they do this and he said it s so families could celebrate on their own thanksgiving day this made sense to me so the week before thanksgiving mom picked my outfit and my aide curled my hair getting my fancy for the dinner mom joined me that night as all the residents met in the dining hall for a simple turkey green beans mashed potatoes and gravy dinner even though it wasn t homemade or warm pumpkin pie with a dollop of cool whip we did end with a big serving of pumpkin pie pumpkin pie is delicious no matter how it is served two days later my sister megan flew in to visit for a week we enjoyed talking and painting together before the family left for the weekend to visit melissa david and baby landon i m really glad they got to visit them but with no company around i started to get a little bored when the family returned we did more fun activities like a mary kay facial and painted nails the best part was on wednesday i got to go home a transport van came while my hospice aide bundled me up and followed from behind in her car i enjoyed talking more with my sisters and got to hold my cat muffy on my lap they said he was purring but i couldn t feel it but it was special anyway when dinner finally rolled around my aide helped feed me marcia asked if i wanted some mashed potatoes i quickly declined the mashed and any green beans instead i wanted the corn pudding stuffing sweet potato casserole and cranberry sauce and of course the turkey there was a little break and then we had pumpkin pie soon after the transport van came to get me i did enjoy mom s homemade pumpkin pie with a couple dollops of cool whip when i came back i was greeted by the aides and nurses giving me my medicines in my mind i told myself welcome back to reality megan and dad came so i could say goodbye to megan as she was to leave very early the next morning which was thanksgiving day as i sat waiting for them i sat and reflected on how much work it was for me to go home as much as i still want to be at home i know this is where god wants me to be in those special times and memories i remember i have much to be thankful for since we celebrated thanksgiving early when thanksgiving day did come it didn t really feel like it over the weekend my sister marcia came to help decorate my room for christmas she hung up lights and put up my nativity set she hung garland christmas ornaments and curly ribbon as she was decorating we were discussing christmas memories which i remembered a few fun memories from college days one year my roommates and i hung up socks in our dining room since i don t have a stocking at the nursing home marcia helped me pick out a festive m m sock she hung it above my bed and i make it a point to tell everyone to look at my stocking my favorite though was that she came back after she made a tree out of bows i can t see any of this but just knowing my room is decorated gives the upcoming christmas season a bit of cheer just like thanksgiving traditional christmas just won t be the same things will still be busy with parties people v...