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me into high gear of empathy and help mode we never stop wanting or craving the mothers we need and love so much this year has been my greatest challenge yes becoming a mom was a great change in my life but one i could experience the love of giving and receiving knowing i had a huge role in the outcome with a more predictable outcome i miss my mommy today i have felt her around me and sought her guidance through my healing time i have really needed her these last few weeks while going through this breakup with ian of 8 years and returning to single motherhood are huge actions to take on all at the same time moving and trying to upl ift my daughters who are dealing with teen life too haley is graduating and her own life discoveries are pending and being questioned what doesn t kill you makes you stronger i feel like superwoman right now keeping my self out of a downward spiral and funk that i could easily fall into i find myself continuously manifesting what i want and waking daily with gratitude a state of mind today i am grateful for my kids and the love and joy and beautiful young women they are a new place to start over and to call home and support from friends and the amazing people that keep showing up in my life posted by nicepeace at 7 26 am 2 comments tuesday april 9 2013 more time it s been a while since i ave written i lack huge amounts of motivation and pleasurable accomplishments writing i want to do but it is very challenging with the mistakes thst i make i find pleasure in fitness because i can do that and i am finally enjoying being social again a feww weeks ago i was truly depressed and very down my youngest daughter is really struggling with her this mom i sent her this text olivia you don t seem happy i miss your happy self im here for you if you need me her reply i miss my happiness too im just upset at the fact you re never going to be the same again and it affects me more than you think our relationship has changed completelyand it s breaking my heart i miss the old you but there s nothing i can do about it i miss your happiness more than anything seeing you cry isn t easy for mei don t want you to feel like it s your faul tbecause it s not yo couldn t prevent your stroke im sorry i m never happy im trying my best to find the good in life i just cant seem to any more omg when i was in the hospital all i could think of was my girls to make sure they were okay and not scared it isnt like a broken leg were the healing is predictable this seriously broke my heart if you know olivia you know how special she is she has a personality that lights up a room she is a beautiful old soul and a pure joy even at 14 she always has been she reached out at school and saw the social worker she was sent to the office for crying in class i hate that she is worrying so much i got an appointment for her to go to a therapist to talk to this has been hard on our whole family none of us know how to deal with my un predictable emotions and sadness that hit like a ton of bricks i too am doing my best at shaking it off and searching for my daily blessings i can handle my sadness all effing day its my kids hurting that is the struggle i have had some amazing people show up in my life helping me and reminding me to get silent and give it time we are all grieving for the loss of momo ian is trying his hardest ad doing a pretty amazing job under the circumstances and our hard relationship still has the same issues that we both have to keep working at and going from partner to care taker its a huge transition i can take care of my self about 90 but still need some assistance with some things i have a very beautiful family and i am proud of all the hard work they are doing my emotions are unpredictable it s like that pms up and down i can cry at someone just saying that they miss e or have been thinking about me in the mean time i try to honor my needs and express gratitude at every turn and sty away from people that drain me im not going to lie this is hard and im waiting for the switch to go on that brings me back to who i know i try everyday to celebrate my kids and ian even if it s just in my head this is teaching me more and more about empathy and compassion and strength some days i dont want to even leave the house wishing everyone a beautiful and wondrous spring life is short live it love and time heal i find that to be a happy thought posted by nicepeace at 10 05 am 6 comments monday february 11 2013 step it up are they important to you like the saying goes if its important to you yo ll find a way if not you ll find an excuse or just be lazy which is selfish too so many people scoff at valentines day but why i feel you should be a to have someone looking after you in life set goals for your year and become a better person to the one you love have you taken the time to improve you re listening skills how about just put them first because you need to tweek the boring parts in stead of looking at porn how about looking up how to become a better lover if your woman tells you she doesn t care about vday i say she is just letting you off the hook because she knows you lack romance and creativity to be uniqueor she knows you are lazy and doesn t know how to say it to your face guys there are other men that can swoon her you don t want that so step up and rock her world posted by nicepeace at 9 49 am no comments tuesday january 29 2013 i am a sparatan warrior nbut not from mi if you follow me on the face book you know i just completed my first super spartan its a nine mile up hill muther fuckobstacles and then arwith unnesccesary obstacles along the way about 20 of them i guess there is a spartan sprint that is half the miles nd beast that is 13 14 mils eith about 40 uckingfback breaking ocstacles that is a half marathion distance usually in hills it is a competition race type thing but you dont have to run i didnt rub not even one foot i walked up hill the whole way and didi the obstacles i was coerced into it by two friends that push ther own limits in these and the assured my i could do it to the finish and the have an rn my of them and they all support eachiother to the finish you can accept help during this event and this army was in the know about my condition and helped me the whole way and i will tell you his it was grueling hard and cold and raining most of the way the prob with cold is i have neuropathy on my entire left side and it is cold anyway to be wet is torture if im not warm and there are pools of water involved not swimming but just muddy the most overwhelimg part was the pure exhaustion but the emotional part was the people that they were believing in me and helping me finish it was important to them to get me through it so see kindness can change the world https www facebook com media set set a 10151285078837732 481388 605652731 type 3 posted by nicepeace at 10 13 am 3 comments labels spartan so cal temeculajan 2013 wednesday january 9 2013 momo s moop a thon j i just returned from a walk to the store about a mile away and found an alarming amount of trash in the street at burning man it is called moop noun matter out of place especially as it applies to black rock city and its citizens can be anything cigarette butts bottle caps glowsticks fireworks but is often disguised as debris i e broken bits of wood plastic metal glass and plants can also be a condition burs grey water dunes etc always recycle moop verb to pick up matter out of place i decided there was no good reason i couldn t take a walk from now on with a trash bag and moop my own neighborhood parking lots hiking trails and parks why is it someone else s job it is mine and it is yours teach your kids something to be proud of at burning man the idea is to never let it hit the ground and everyone participates it doesn t matter whose fucking moop it is it is bad for the environment and burners will shame you trash is a no brain er of doing what is right the world is not your ashtray smokers contribute to your world i dare you to join stroke y mo and be a part of my crusade help momo and her moop a thon take pictures tweet it shame your lazy friends and neighbors to do the same this is everyone s responsibility declare the month of february moop month please help spread the word tweet this https blogger googleusercontent com img b r29vz2xl avvxseilzdwsvoe2szpqsmi6sr1rj4o8jsnhvi_s9eddjue9spycxc2fnl9k1v2nvha1uxcng5uyw3h_wjcdd_zvsrtvpbxxwtey6iyf5fmatvqdlaofb sbqgkd8vwpjf0jqnt1fj7ssocsddxn s1600 trash jpg posted by nicepeace at 1 59 pm 4 comments tuesday january 8 2013 npd yikes narcissiwstic personality disorder last r narcissistic personality disorder is a condition in which people have an inflated sense of self importance and an extreme preoccupation with themselves causes incidence and risk factors the causes of this disorder are unknown an overly sensitive personality and parenting problems may affect the development of this disorder symptoms a person with narcissistic personality disorder may react to criticism with rage shame or humiliation take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals have excessive feelings of self importance exaggerate achievements and talents be preoccupied with fantasies of success power beauty intelligence or ideal love have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment need constant attention and admiration disregard the feelings of others and have little ability to feel empathy have obsessive self interest pursue mainly selfish goals signs and tests posted by nicepeace at 2 54 pm 3 comments friday january 4 2013 who the fuc am i now this is how i feel now in most social situations i feel a ton of guilt these days i lack motivation to even shower much less show up and work i dont feel bad i feel like i am a big let down now sany one that knows me knows i adore my family and would do anything for them i just don t feel joy or happiness maybe it is just pleasure i am not experiencing i now feel like i am a burden to my family like i bring nothing to the table that feels very sad to me sometimes tears just fall out of my eyes and it is hard to share my feeling about why to talk about it will just make me lose it it id so hard to admit sadness i don t want the pity tat follows it or the false hopes that well meaning people say everthing will get better just give it time i wou d like to hear i have no idea what you are going through i think the rough part is i mostly appear look and act normal for momo ian says i am different in a positive way i guess i used to be be a real bitch to him circa nov 15th i do not feel it on the inside not that oi want to be normal i just want to feel a little familiar to me i would say i am at about 60 better and 100 hopeful and positive i just have never done this before i know the well wishers mean well and thank you to all of you i feel very loved i just want to find that person to share this with that can help stir the motivation i have so many feelings i want to express but my typing sucks and is so frustrating again lack of titivation iwent to pt today and did a machine that i did the very first dsy i did pt and that first day i couldnt even keep my lefty hand around the handle it would slide off and i couldn t do it but oday i could and remembered back and totally found some pride in it and a small sense of accomplishment that feels foreign to me too dependency i highly dislike i am scared shitless now to ever have this happen again posted by nicepeace at 4 11 pm 5 comments sunday december 30 2012 2013 posted by nicepeace at 6 12 pm 3 comments thursday december 20 2012 its my stroke and it mkes mre cry a lotoh how i miss me i miss my life i had a tight little orderly life wand now it is chaos i cannot drive i cannot earn money right now my entire interdependence is gone i feel so sad hate this change it is harder then i let anyone know i liked me and who i had finally become i cannot take care of my family the way i want to i cant cook or clean or plan i ve become un domesticated my kids take care of me now but i try so hard to stsy positive abut at times t is hard to not want to cry like a baby like right new i am not earning money and i want to give like i do every year so money issues cause worry and stresss and i hate to worry and no one understands i am not one to ask for help or even admit i need it i just want to be me again i will conquer this i just want it now i don t know how to enjoy this journey i pray all the time for peace and healing and guidance i am mostly always a tpeace but dsinc thst crazy massacre i am terry and my kids try to comfort me amd i know ithay is hard for them thy are used to me having me in control s and they hate to see me cry i make an ugly cry face ttoo ian is doin his best to keep it together for us all annd it is hard for him picking up the slack for me iyt is new to him to we always tea med together so well and had a satisfying balance and family dy namic my kids are going through finals right now so rthy are under a lot of pressure as well am glad to have them i need them and it seems unfair of te role reversal stronf women raise strong women ewihing you all a beautiful christmas and health and gratitude i have to relean it i dont know how to be disabled how difd this happen posted by nicepeace at 6 25 pm 5 comments monday december 10 2012 life eventtmojo rising an un expected meduical event that will change me forever nov 15th i was snatched right out of my home into a hospital away from my family for 3 weeks missing thanks giving at home i had an unexpected huge storoke said my doctors ian some how recognized right away that it was happening my speech was slurred and i had weakness but felt nothing in fact i told him not to call 911 i work so hard at being healthy it has taken me this long to even start to process how bad this could have been ians fast reaction saved me from long term hardship the whole time in the hospital i was more worried about my kids well being then about mine they were at the house when it happened and in the er when they were currying about ian immediately started a get well page on facebook to try to contain info in one place and i tell you i never felt so loved nbut knew that i aways had the most amazing people in my life vhttps www facebook com groups 534571653238370 as the love poured in i knew i could kick this hell away and the never before noticed love from ian opened a whole new love passage to us insert cliche you never know what you got until its gone for some reason everyone ids saying how amazing i am i am not doing anything that anyone would be doing if they could do it seriously the love and positive energy is healing it has renewed my hope for humanity maybe even showed that ther are no guarantees ior anyone an eyeopener of sortof to many people and my daughter singing for me reduces me to tears https www facebook com photo php v 489103444446452i have somany things to get well 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