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that come with having a newborn and i can hear it every time he eyelids flutter matilda has done great getting on an eating schedule something we never bothered to do with violet because 1 she was my first and i basically just did whatever she told me to do because itty bitty baby and 2 i had six more weeks of maternity leave with violet than i do with matilda so i took my time getting her on a schedule matilda has had to adjust very quickly to schedules and bottles and such and has done well with it i mean i don t know what else can you say about a one month old really she s an adorable little lump that isn t quite smiling yet but is definitely starting to be more and more alert day by day she looks identical to violet when she was first born so i am looking forward to having two mini mees she s a pretty mellow baby and has displayed no signs of colic which was a big fear of mine i can t wait to find out just who matilda is going to be posted in uncategorized 1 comment sahm fail posted on february 20 2013 by ourlittlenest i am not the biggest fan of being a full time stay at home mom which may make me a shitty mom also the fact that i refer to my kids as assholes to the internet may contribute to the fact that on a scale from one to joan crawford well i am closer to screaming about wire hangers than i like to freely admit okay maybe i m not a completely shitty mom but i am a shitty full time stay at home mom in my mind being a good stay at home mom involves a carefully designed daily outline including arts and crafts educational lessons story time prescribed napping times and independent play time and possibly a snack perhaps finger foods constructed from organic fruits and nuts and shaped like my children s favorite nick jr cartoon character wait i m supermom in the fantasy obviously i would never let my offspring become invested in a television program no snacks will resemble only current congress members and biblical figures okay maybe that description is a little over the top but at the very least in order to be a successful stay at home mom i should be able to do a load of laundry just one load without finding the washed remnants of newborn shit yellow stained wipies among the clean clothes i ve harvested at least one from every load since matilda was born time to move the trash can further away from the laundry basket perhaps at the very least in order to be a successful stay at home mom one should be able to nuke some fucking chicken nuggets and stick them in front of the three year old while she watches sponge bob before 2 pm and ya know what you guys sometimes that is a struggle for me finding a way to keep my three year old entertained all day without using the tv well it s harder than a priest at a playground don t let me give you the wrong impression here i love my kids and i love hanging out with my kids and if i could feel good about waking up at 11 am every morning and not changing into clothes or making my kids put clothes on eating cereal out of the box and cold pizza for lunch and watching trashy tv or nick jr all day long i would totally love being a stay at home mom but after two or three weeks of that schedule i kind of feel like the three year old and i are getting dumber and smellier and it s my fault and i can t feel good about that you see just like my kids i need routine only i don t like to be the person that i depend on to hold me to that routine which is why i actually really like having a job something that forces me to be up at 6 am okay that part kind of blows but at least something that forces me to shower and brush my teeth daily because although it s pretty badass that my kids don t give a damn if i walk around kissing them with coffee breath until noon weeks of poor hygiene kind of take a toll on one s marriage and social life so as the end of my maternity leave draws near i realize that i love being with my kids as much i have been over these last few weeks however i also realize that as much fun as we have had it s in their best interest for me to limit their exposure to me posted in uncategorized 2 comments you be the judge posted on february 11 2013 by ourlittlenest posted in uncategorized leave a comment matilda james davis the most interesting baby in the world posted on february 7 2013 by ourlittlenest posted in uncategorized 3 comments matilda james davis posted on february 1 2013 by ourlittlenest my children apparently think that being born is some kind of race when giving birth for the first time i anticipated 12 hours or more of contractions steadily increasing in intensity followed by an hour or two of pushing and ultimately a gorgeous baby anyone who s read violet s birth story knows that the only thing i was right about was the gorgeous baby part because violet hauled ass out of my uterus at an alarming pace i knew that my next kid would probably follow suit this reality became increasingly clear when i told my ob that my first child was born 6 hours after i had my first contraction her eyes bulged out of her head as she said that was your first and i replied yep she then proceeded to tell me that as soon as i felt any signs of labor i needed to head to the hospital that s what she said with her mouth the face part of her appeared to convey the more ominous message you cannot fuck around or your next baby will be born in your car awesome unfortunately matilda made things a little less obvious than violet did with violet i never ever had a braxton hicks contraction in fact my first ever contraction was a for real birth contraction and i mistook it for indigestion at first with matilda however i started having braxton hicks contractions at 29 weeks and they didn t stop until the real ones started at about 38 weeks the contractions were 5 10 minutes apart consistently like for days you guys after one trip to labor and delivery for monitoring and one late night phone call to the on call midwife at my ob s office i started to feel like kind of an asshole for not knowing if i was in labor or not i also started to feel like my tiny little baby was kind of an asshole for faking everyone out especially after my ob s warning to get my ass to the hospital asap when i started having regular contractions as a result i spent the better part of the end of this pregnancy contracting hoping that when my water broke it wasn t on my parents new couch or the nice rug in my kitchen or the driver s seat of my car and waiting for shit to get real finally at 2 15am on january 22 nd shit got real i had one mother of a contraction like the kind that you can t talk or breathe through and generally makes you feel like someone is trying to rip your colon out through your belly button but after weeks of is this it i did exactly what my ob warned me not to do i fucked around i went downstairs picked up around the house a little bit went to the bathroom and got stuff around in case it was time to go oh and every seven minutes or so i had a paralyzingly painful contraction that lasted around 60 90 seconds by 2 45 i woke my husband up and told him i was pretty sure it was time because those braxton hicks contractions were just contractions for pussies these contractions feel like the braxton hicks contractions on cocaine and red bull then i phoned the on call midwife and told her i was in labor i actually had to stop talking to her mid conversation to breathe through what felt like matilda hulking out in my uterus the midwife asked me what my plan for pain management was to which i replied i want a huge epidural immediately when i get to the hospital she laughed and said she would see me in a bit so the hubs got violet ready and in the car to take to my parents and i hobbled out on what turned out to be one of the coldest nights of the year also another thing that was awesome about matilda s timing it had snowed maybe a couple inches in the four hours since we d gone to bed and living in a rural area the counties hadn t sent out snow plows just yet because it s three o clock in the morning and it s rural ohio so obviously no one is driving anywhere normally unplowed roads with two inches of blowing snow wouldn t be that big of a deal unless you are totally in labor you guys and unless you have to depend on your husband who is from tucson and not used to driving on snow covered roads to drive you to the hospital then it s kind of a big deal the entire ride went something like this me not having a contraction don t speed fast i don t want you to slide off the road and wind up in a ditch dan okay me during a contraction pleasepleaseplease speed if you can we need to get the hospital i need an epidural rightfreakingnow dan okay me after the contraction okay okay slow down we don t need to get into an accident on our way dan okay repeat about ten times we finally arrived to the hospital and by this time i was in so much pain that i had completely forgotten that we were about to welcome the newest member of our family into the world via my vagina because i was keeping my eyes on the prize the sweet nectar of epidural juice however naturally there s a shit ton of paperwork that simply must be filled out before i can be introduced to the anesthesiologist that s where i started getting kind of bitchy because you see i thought i had made myself pretty clear about the whole pain management thing and to be honest i was a little annoyed that the hospital staff hadn t sent someone out to the parking lot to meet us with my spinal cocktail upon our arrival as i was filling out what seemed like a phonebook s worth of paperwork that i assumed was my key to blissful numbness my mom and sister arrived i should have been happy grateful i wasn t when dan declared your mom and sister are here i replied the only person i want to see is the anesthesiologist my sister having never seen anyone in labor before or witnessed a birth or gone through hard labor herself as she needed c sections for both of her precious babies tried to take the edge off with humor by suggesting wow what if they tell you it s too late for an epidural that statement put me over the edge and i m pretty sure everyone in the er waiting room heard me screaming shut up megan just shut your mouth right now shortly after i attempted to make my sister cry we were all whisked away to labor and delivery where a very nice nurse who i was very not nice to asked me to take all my clothes off and put a hospital robe on so that she could be the first person of the night to put her hands in my hoohah i went to the bathroom realized the robe wasn t snapped up and may as well have been a damn rubik s cube that i was not in the mood to try and figure out i exited the bathroom butt ass naked with the robe barely covering the front of me in front of my sister and mom neither of whom have seen me naked in the past two decades and literally in tears when the nurse walked in i cried i can t figure this damn thing out it s not snapped up i m naked after she dressed me like i was a two year old and got me to the hospital bed she reached in to see how far dilated i was declared about 7 cm and practically ran out of the room as i screamed where is the anestesiologist after her several painful minutes later the nurse returned with another woman who i immediately asked are you the anesthesiologist to which she replied no i m the midwife and i need to check how far dilated you are so the second fisting of the night commenced and the midwife declared you re like 9 9 ½ cm dilated sarah here s the deal i can either break your water and you can have this baby in ten minutes or we can wait an hour for the anesthesiologist to get here you guys you have never in your life seen someone lose as much of their shit as i lost right then i completely broke down crying looking at my mom saying this is bullshit this is not what was supposed to happen basically i didn t really cope well with the news that i was either going to have to give birth naturally or suffer for another hour until they could administer an epidural so strong someone could pull my toe nails out and i wouldn t feel it i was hysterical but finally i acquiesced and told the midwife to just break my water you know that scene in knocked up the one where katherine heigl is told it s too late for the epidural and then she s all i feel everything that scene just kept running through my mind because that is exactly how i felt i felt everything and you guys it felt bad the first time i tried to push it was awful i didn t feel like i needed to push it was so painful i couldn t breathe and i just quit i yelled at the midwife i m not doing it i m not pushing get the anesthesiologist i can t push her out at that point i heard the midwife talking to the nurse about matilda s heart rate urgently talking to her about how her heart rate was dropping my mom looked at me and said you can do this my husband looked at me and did everything he could to comfort and encourage me my sister just kept saying you re so strong you ve already done most of the work and the midwife finally used her stop fucking around and suck it up tone of voice and said sarah you have to do this for your baby and then it suddenly stopped being about me and started being about my baby and miraculously i felt like i needed to push and two contractions and about five minutes later out came matilda screaming her face off filled with life and one of the two most beautiful sights i ve ever had the honor of witnessing it was 4 28am when it was all over once matilda was sufficiently cleaned up in my arms and things had settled down a bit i was informed that we were very lucky that we even made it to the hospital the first nurse that got to second base with me explained that she d lied to me when she told me i was 7cm dilated that i had actually been fully dilated by the time she got between my legs and that she d lied to me so that i wouldn t freak out i told her she was a smart girl the midwife told us that we were lucky my water hadn t broken in the car on our way because if it had matilda would absolutely have been born on the side of the road dan told me we re lucky my water didn t break in the car because he watched when they did it in the hospital and according to him we would never have been able to get the passenger seat clean i would have had to take ours out and junk it and buy a new one from a dealer she also said that when the nurse came into the on call room where she d been sleeping when we came in and told her frantically that i was fully dilated she was in such a rush to get to us that she wasn t even able to find her bra and that she s delivered matilda while her girls went commando now that matilda s here i would say it didn t seem that bad but it was totally that bad you guys and i m telling you if i ever get pregnant again there will be a scheduled induction at the end of that rainbow because i m never doing this natural birth shit again but was it worth i...