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Text of the page (random words):
r world series with reduced salaries it is a serious matter and i can t imagine what it s like to be a first year teacher in the test security staff meeting the enforcers in this game are hard to recognize they call themselves the test security unit i visualize this as men in black character get up i have never seen anyone in our school that resembles the picture in my mind or perhaps i just don t remember because they used the flashy thing to wipe my memory here are a few of the moves one could make to put their certification and employment in grave danger taking a picture of the test texting is a federal offense report anything that might be cheating that s pretty self explanatory but today we think of all staff who must proctor testing since teachers are not allowed to administer these exams by themselves makes sense but some proctors are more helpful than others my most annoying proctor experience involved a proctor who did not get the idea that no talking meant that she should not be talking to me i tried to maneuver to the other side of the classroom trying to mske sure that kids are not drawing or drooling on the test booklet out of the corner of my eye i noticed movement on the other side of the room it was miss proctor contorting her face she was trying to over enunciate so that i would be able to read her silent lips i never could figure out what the hell she was saying i m just grateful that she didn t break into a whisper yell proctors beware i can read two phrases in lip f ck you i love you share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading comments 2 report card comments end of year survival report april 2 2019 filed under uncategorized peachyteachy 5 25 pm pretty much peachyteachy i wish that i could have included this video somehow in the final report cards of about eight of my students this year because this pretty much captures their learning this year eight kids who are making and shooting paper hornets on a daily basis has a pretty profound impact on the hygiene and learning of a classroom i believe that i have mentioned my students impressive ability to crease paper more effectively by spitting upon it they do not possess an overwhelming generosity of spirit but they are really quite selfless when it comes to giving up and dispersing their saliva if you are new to peachy s report card comments you may be picturing a pale suburban clientele in which case you would be sadly misled aren t they adorable my class is a bit less enthusiastic and if they all put their hands up like that people would be view original post 517 more words share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading leave a comment an open letter to lands end or the case of the sapphire blue jacket april 1 2019 filed under humor style uncategorized peachyteachy 10 12 pm tags help me landsend small crimes dear lands end it is with the heaviest of hearts that i write to tell you today about the loss of my precious the tale begins in an ordinary way the day was brisk but sunny as i made my way to the salon for a cut and color as i walked through the door way my stylist and friend commented on the fact that she had the same jacket as mine as she proceeded to take my jacket to hang in the back closet what a coincidence we went about the business of cutting and coloring me time of the highest order little did i know that i would soon be plunged into the depths of an outerwear tragedy i flipped through a magazine checked my emails while i was processed i don t mind being processed l like a can of spam and paying for it in this way spam and i are one of coursel all self care must come to an end i gathered my things while my stylist walked to the back to get my coat except my jacket was no longer there the search party of haircare professionals failed to locate it someone resisted the suggestion that we alert the authorities inner monologue nooooooooooooooooooooo outer fake and casual me it will turn up inner what kind of sick remorseless sociopath would inflict such anguish silver lining i got to borrow my stylist s identical jacket which was super nice but it wasn t the same because it wasn t my size as you well know this is a goddamned three season jacket i even ordered a new primaloft read miraculously light insulation jacket but it s not blue and it s just not as cute as old blue i named the jacket after having lost it she is gone but not forgotten thank the powers there wasn t a can of spam in the pocket yours truly peachyteachy share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading comments 2 got another vacuum june 5 2018 filed under family humor uncategorized peachyteachy 9 14 pm tags family house battles humor small appliances vacuums suck yup another one you have to love the stuff your kids give you even if it is a bottle of overly smelly cologne from the dollar store this grace period can i would argue extend well into their adult years in light of this i chuckled good naturedly when last year s seemingly impressive gift was presented behold the cheapest of the cheap vacuums was mine what the universe neglected to note was that i had been dreaming about buying a new vacuum cleaner one that cost more than what it costs to get two large pizzas a vacuum cleaner that would not sneeze out its contents after 17 minutes of operation no the universe had been sleeping on the job because the vacuum that i received was constructed of the same materials used to craft yogurt containers now all of this would have been less painful if i had not followed that vacuum gifting experience with a repeat performance of receiving virtually the same incredibly cheap vacuum one year later now it would seem i am not destined to ever own a higher and vacuum cleaner i cannot make this vacuum cleaner suck oh wait i don t have to i cannot make this vacuum cleaner release its cup full of junk the only way that it gives up the junk is if it vomits it out onto the carpet did i mention that the second cheap and evil vacuum was gifted by the man of the house gentlemen believe me you don t want to be that guy the closest it would seem that i will get anything like a robot vacuum cleaner is the way when mr mcsucky face catches the corner of one eye it looks like a student raising their hand to speak ms peachy ms peachy pick me i suck the most my sentient vacuum cleaners you both suck the most netris dreamstime stock photos stock free imag share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading comments 7 no such thing as a free lunch february 16 2017 filed under humor teaching uncategorized peachyteachy 8 08 pm tags food humor school too much food part one breakfast so they say those naysayers who have never witnessed the veritable smorgasbord that is crafted for our youth at peachytime elementary on a daily nay semi hourly basis oh look i have become a naysayer i am here to report that no one is going hungry during our school days not the mice not the kids except for those who require ranch dressing for most every menu item here at chez peachytime cafe let me break it down for you ms peachy circa 8 23 a m good morning sunshine get your breakfast plasticware and a pencil and start chomping you have 7 minutes to eat your cinnamon toast crunch wonder waffle in a bag cream cheese trapped in bagel dough muffin of crumb rice chex or mouse chex plus milk which reminds me please spill your milk exactly one minute before time to line up for the hall spill it well spill it upon the rug and please soak it up with one linear mile of the least absorbent paper towels available on planet earth good job oh god i forgot to complete the spreadsheet detailing exactly how many eaters have eaten it s a legal document i could single handedly put our federal food eligibility in peril 8 40 and i m already sucking spreadsheet and remaining food must go back to the cafeteria now with data and in its breakfast cozy crate pick the kids least likely to careen down the stairs with the straps around their necks this while five more kids arrive and need to take their breakfast from the crate carriers before we all joyfully walk to specials hopefully not music they hate music music is too happy i tell them that it s forty minutes of their lives and we can get through forty minutes of anything my inner monologue forty minutes you ll never get back share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading leave a comment mice lice and everything nice october 22 2016 filed under humor school teaching uncategorized urban schools peachyteachy 9 37 pm tags humor kids with lice lice mice mouse traps teaching peachy end of june school is still in session we re hard core we like our students pissed off and confused the lunch menu is chef s choice come on peachy mid early late october school is in session again and this year is clearly slated to consist of 472 days rather than the customary 180 some things cannot be altered or resolved by upping one s coconut oil consumption have you ever wondered about the origins of the iconic image of the traditional teacher hair pulled back and up in a severe bun cloudy spectacles perched on face it s not rocket science the bun goes up right around mid september at the exact moment when teacher spots tiny and tenacious members of the animal kingdom creeping up her students hair it used to be that school nurses would advise parents that their kid would have to be cleared before returning to school and the remainder of the class would be lined up for the head check no more these days i send a kid who is visibly crawling with critters along with a note to the nurse head check six minutes later the kid comes back with the scrawled reply yes and a letter to take home most parents in my school do a less than thorough treatment supporting record levels of lice at any time of the school year it s even worse when one is ambushed at head level by several kids a day sweetly bestowing hugs before a teacher can establish a safe distance from hairdos at this point teacher scalps feel perpetual itch until the end of the school year let us not overlook our furry friends the mice of the urban school we are provided with sticky traps which are gory gadgets that can trap a family of mice who are out for a stroll at which point they usually tear themselves apart in the attempt to escape urgent calls to the custodian result in less than urgent responses in one classroom a teacher confiscated a note being passed from one student to another after the entire class had been whipped into a frenzy by the squeaks of trapped rodentia the note read i tuched the mouse oh and the glasses that teacher s got pink eye share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading leave a comment messy mother s day may 8 2016 filed under uncategorized peachyteachy 8 18 pm peachyteachy five years ago on may 12 it was also mother s day it had been a lovely day with my kids and i had spoken that afternoon with my 80 something mom who was on what she was determined would be a temporary stay at a nursing home her voice had been so raspy that it was difficult to understand her we had talked about the upcoming commencement when i would celebrate the completion of my master s degree she had spoken of sharing with the nurses the photo i had sent of my then four year old son that night i was awakened by a phone call telling me that she had passed away obviously mother s day is bittersweet for me it s also complicated thanks to my mom for all of the important things that she taught me to do and be mom shared with me her passion and respect for the natural world view original post 323 more words share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading leave a comment my role in the revolution may 5 2016 filed under education humor school teaching uncategorized peachyteachy 8 04 pm tags brain suck humor kids teaching where s peachy and what s she doing she s busy doing her best to single handedly dismantle our educational system that s what exhaustive data analysis reveals that if i administer what we call a pre test run detailed genetic error analysis of the test teach for a few weeks then have the cherubs take it again after this period of targeted data driven instruction the scores generally support the following a my instruction sucks all knowledge out of the brains of children b my instruction makes children believe that they are track stars and champions of english as a second language their first language profanity i live to serve you re welcome share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading comments 2 you might not be working at mensa headquarters if february 4 2016 filed under education humor teaching uncategorized urban schools peachyteachy 6 07 pm tags humor teach a student asks if biographies are fake or real then notices the birth and death dates in a biography of mlk is that his phone number a student tells that the solution to the community problem of mosquitoes in summer would be to construct a honey city presumably to attract all mosquitoes away from their eons old diet of blood from us to an irresistible city of honey far enough away that they set up camp and move there it s been a rough week and it s not a full moon so i blame the godda...