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nue enrollment of a student this includes alternative gender identity see the letter here particularly troubling to the school was that some of the other students didn t know if sunnie was a boy or a girl some students at my son s school don t know if he s a boy or girl either and he has been asked if he s in the wrong bathroom as well the school decided to respond by educating the other kids instead of kicking mine out go figure click the image above for more it is easy to think that girls have it much easier than boys when they don t fit in their assigned gender box and there are some ways in which that s true but i know enough parents and families to know that this attitude can create double pain and heartache when not only do you have to watch your daughter be hurt rejected humiliated or bullied but also have her experience negated by those you thought of as your allies one of the problems for me when discussing gender is always statistics whenever a study shows that 80 of boys are x way it is reported in magazines and other media as boys are x way the other 20 of boys which is 1 in 5 people is effectively erased similarly saying that there are more known instances of boys being harassed for non conforming gender identity does absolutely nothing to assuage the pain for the girls who are even if there were only two of them and there are many more so let s make our motto any time children are made to feel awful for being who they are it s not ok and we re going to say so share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in musings on the news tagged gender identity 4 comments my little pony update posted on march 25 2014 by joy an update on my last post about the boy in buncombe county nc who was told not to bring his my little pony lunch bag to school because it was a trigger for bullying the huffington post reports that the school district now says we support grayson bringing the bookbag to school yes after more than 70 000 likes on the support grayson facebook page it s perhaps not surprising that the school district is backpedaling so fast it s about to take flight like a winged pony itself but as the motto at grayson s school candler elementary states it s a good world where everyone learns and maybe the school can learn to grow into the school promise plugged on its website that the school is a family that respects and cares about each other even when no one is watching candler school promise at candler school we are a family of learners we respect and care about each other this is who we are even when no one is watching because that s a pretty beautiful goal in fact it sounds like something from a my little pony episode photo by sean williams here s another recent article about all this you might like my son loves my little pony at 7 he already knows that s not ok the author s son hesitated to wear his rainbow dash sweatshirt to school because it will make the other kids uncomfortable i love that he knows any problem isn t situated within him and i feel sad at how early he knows that it s our job to keep society comfortable author sean williams also points out that the six tenets of my little pony kindness generosity honesty laughter loyalty and magic are both hard to object to and also not traits pushed as masculine with the exception i might argue of loyalty share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in masculinity musings on the news tagged buncome county schools my little pony 4 comments fury and hope posted on march 19 2014 by joy here in north carolina buncombe county schools are getting some unwanted attention when 9 year old grayson bruce brought a my little pony lunch bag to school featuring rainbow dash he got shoved around and harassed by other kids the school district s response was to tell the family his lunch bag was a trigger for bullying so he was not allowed to bring it to school anymore click on the photo of grayson with his lunch bag to watch the local abc news story about this and or read the transcript grayson says they re taking it a little too far with punching me pushing me down calling me horrible names stuff that really shouldn t happen a few points of irony buncombe county is home to asheville arguably one of north carolina s bastions of liberalism the show my little pony is all about the bonds of friendship grayson is hardly unusual there is a worldwide male fan base for my little pony fans who range from children to adults and call themselves bronies this is no t news almost two years ago i collected links to news stories about bronies today if you do a google search on the word you get wikipedia pages a documentary film magazine articles lists of famous bronies and the assertion that it s now surpassed minecraft as the largest fandom in the world michael morones but if the buncombe county schools aren t out and about enough to know any of this maybe they might have heard of a story closer to home that of michael morones an 11 year old north carolina boy who apparently attempted suicide because of the bullying he experienced at school for being a my little pony fan michael was in sixth grade at zebulon middle school yeah wake county schools calling you out too he s been in a medically induced coma since january 23 and is now being assessed for the brain damage caused by oxygen deprivation or maybe the buncombe county school board might at least be familiar with its own policies posted on its web site i ve highlighted portions school board in case that helps you notice them philosophy the primary responsibilities of the public schools in a democratic society are to guide children and young adults in the acquisition of knowledge to recognize and appreciate human differences to equip students with essential skills and attitudes for living a productive useful and satisfying life and to develop in students the desire to be lifelong learners citizenship and character education each school should promote positive character traits the character traits should include but are not limited to courage good judgment integrity civility kindness perseverance responsibility tolerance self discipline respect for school personnel responsibility for school safety service to others and good citizenship bullying policy buncombe county schools strives to foster a climate of respect and personal responsibility among students and does not tolerate bullying in any form really buncombe county grayson s lunch bag is a trigger for bullying so he should leave it home i guess if there s a boy who ballet dances he just shouldn t mention it if there s a girl who likes having a buzz cut she should be required to wear a wig when your solution to someone being bullied for his personal expression is to curtail that expression you are saying well we recognize that there are human differences but we d prefer not to be confronted with them so if you could just keep them hidden that d be great i don t think a stay in the closet policy qualifies as appreciating human differences one school official reportedly told grayson to hide his lunch bag in his backpack this message don t let anyone know who you are or else you ll get what s coming to you leads families to say to their children it s ok that you are who you are as long as nobody knows across the country parents are preemptively doing the school district s dirty work for it telling their sons they can play with barbies but only at home trying to explain why they mustn t wear their little mermaid nightgowns to school on pajama day why because they don t want them to be bullied and they don t want them to be dead i understand that some of us live in places where we really do have to fear our children s safety where keeping them underground feels genuinely necessary but i would urge all of us to consider when we are really not rocking the boat as a capitulation to what makes people comfortable and remember that keeping our children underground does not always keep them safe internalizing the message that there is something so wrong with me that i have to keep it hidden at all times and at all costs does its own damage there is nothing wrong with our sons and daughters if we really believe that we need to push our schools toward understanding and true embrace of diversity not push our kids toward silence shame or an inauthentic life usually i try to be thoughtful about whatever i write in this space i mull things over let them sit sometimes until they are no longer trending which is why i m not a great blogger but i find myself so angry this morning that i can hardly see straight so let me close by focusing on something positive a support for grayson facebook page went live on march 10 this morning it has 51 742 likes click the graphic to like it and read updates the page s message is we need to empower children to be who they are one commenter says i have a 15 year old daughter who looks like a boy some would say her life will be harder if she chooses to look this way i say i can t imagine anything more difficult than not being who you feel in your heart you are to contribute to michael morones extensive medical costs visit michaelmorones org see also top ten ways north carolina school could have responded by carrie goldman share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in masculinity musings on the news toys tagged bronies my little pony 4 comments the wig dilemma of 2013 posted on october 23 2013 by joy i always love hearing from y all and many of us have swapped stories off blog but every once in a while i think everybody s going to want to hear this this is one such story continuing our halloween theme from reader sd a great essay and i thank her for outing some of the inner dialog and perhaps less altruistic feelings many of us parents have enjoy hi i sent you a story about this time last year about my son who was laughed at the first time he went public donned as a princess at a halloween party with my husband s colleagues a year has passed and my son now 5 1 2 is still very much into all things pink and princess related despite the fact that my family and i continue to grow and become stronger in our resolve to support our youngest member i still find myself in new unpredictable and challenging situations so i write to you today about the wig dilemma of 2013 i took my 3 sons on our annual trip to the costume store to pick out their halloween attire in my mind i had a price limit for each costumes are expensive my oldest son had purchased a mask with his own money so i was able to get him the rest of the costume and stay within budget my middle son already had all of the elements for his costume from previous years but needed shoes i was able to find what he needed at payless for a steal my youngest son spied a lovely purple sofia the first gown and was instantly in love the dress itself was at the budgetary limit but what he wanted even more was the amulet the necklace that gives sofia special powers it was only 6 so i bought that too if you are keeping score i was already over budget at this point he asked if i would buy him a wig as well and i said no explaining that it cost too much and conveniently they didn t have any sofia wigs at the costume store anyway he didn t argue he was just so thrilled to have his gown and amulet in the days that followed my son wore his dress around the house quite a bit he wore the amulet from the time he woke up until he went to bed most days i was enjoying the sense of relief we moms feel when by early october the halloween costumes are all ready to go then i started thinking more about the wig you see my son probably would have been perfectly happy with just his gown and amulet after all i said no to the wig and he didn t even argue but i started to consider how my other two sons and my husband would feel when we went trick or treating the fact is if he wears a wig he can pass for a girl and there will be no questions no comments no laughter i won t have to worry about his brothers being embarrassed or worse him having his feelings hurt by cruel comments whether intentional or not i slept on this and deliberated with myself for days and ultimately i bought the wig as i mentioned the wig wasn t available in stores so i had to order it online when it arrived in the mail i was overcome with simultaneous feelings of relief and guilt i was relieved that i could take my kids out trick or treating without having a knot in my stomach i felt guilty because i had a very good reason for not buying the wig to begin with and then i caved and not because of a nagging child but because of my own insecurities i have justified it again and again that i did it for my son so he won t risk having his feelings hurt and i did it for my older sons so they won t be embarrassed but if i m being really honest with myself i did it for me so that i won t have to risk having my feelings hurt or feel embarrassed or worse experience the pain and helplessness that mothers feel when their kids are hurt and embarrassed i pride myself on being an advocate for my children my son does not hide his preferences for girl things from anyone and he is supported and accepted by really everyone we know but this wig experience has really left me tangled inside pun intended i suppose it has taught me that despite being enlightened and well intended i am only human and sometimes the price of being human is 12 99 plus shipping share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in holidays parenting princesses tagged boy princess halloween sofia the first trick or treat wig 7 comments halloween when the princess is the elephant in the room posted on october 13 2013 by joy halloween is almost upon us in the book gender born gender made diane ehrensaft says when halloween arrives it is not just the goblins that come out of the closet so do children s wishes to be all that they may not be allowed to be the other 364 days a year for gender nonconforming children it is the awaited day when they are truly free to be me if only their parents will allow it the boy who dreams himself a princess can beg for the costume just for this one occasion the girl who really is batman if only everyone stopped to notice can step out and for just one night truly be the flying male hero that resides within her even in communities w...