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through life tuesday march 26 2019 my entire day revolves around food what will i eat when will i eat it i m feeling hungry all of the time when a meeting pops on my calendar at work i get annoyed if i think it will interrupt or delay my eating when we took the kids to the park on saturday i spent the entire time thinking about food and how hungry i was i wasn t much fun because i was so distracted by the thought of chicken nuggets and hot dogs do all pregnant women feel like ravenous monsters posted by bonnie at 9 27 am no comments friday march 22 2019 today was my first official ultrasound i learned three things an egg has implanted in the wall of my uterus it s too early to see a heartbeat there is potentially going to be two babies but we can t be sure yet right now it could go either way the ultrasound looked like this posted by bonnie at 2 06 pm no comments thursday march 21 2019 time has been going very slowly for me during the past few weeks so slowly that it actually sometimes feels like it s going backwards i just feel like i ve been doing so much waiting i had a positive home pregnancy test and then a positive serum hcg tomorrow i find out if this is a legit pregnancy via ultrasound i m hoping it s the real deal because i ve already picked out names baby carriers and a couple of seven seater vehicle options i told myself it was okay to be excited because i m never going to know exactly what the future holds but i can at least enjoy the present posted by bonnie at 7 24 pm no comments friday february 22 2019 i have a container of sperm in my armpit people i can t be late today of all days i really need for there to not be traffic i prayed for everything to go smoothly so why is this happening i hope i hope that i can get there in time i call the clinic and tell them i m running late i watch the minutes tick by on the clock and try to urge the traffic forward with my mind why do we do that why do we think our vibes or our angry curses will somehow change the traffic patterns it never actually works i m twenty minutes late to my appointment not ideal but not too late either they re ready to go when i get there i take the specimen cup out of its hiding place gently unwrap the bag and remove the container it s wet the bag is wet oh no it was leaking how can this be i feel numb as i look at the lab tech who asks me to pass it over and says that she ll do her best to get as much sperm as possible i m ushered back out to the waiting room where i sit and try to come to terms with the fact that today will likely not be the day i get inseminated first the traffic then a leaking cup thing really aren t going that well i open my book and get lost in the words after about an hour i m called back and ushered into a small exam room the nurse explains to me that we re ready to go so we re doing everything today still she nods there s enough sperm she tells me that between 5 10 million is enough and even with the spillage there are still 8 million sperm ready to go and in this moment i feel an odd sense of pride over my husband s sperm i have to take a minute to get used to the idea that this is happening today i d been working so hard to convince myself that it would be okay if they told me that i had to wait that i wasn t really considering that it might still work out i put my feet in the stirrups they come in with a small syringe connected to a catheter and have me read off the patient identifiers to ensure that it s the right sperm i ask the nurse practitioner if she s 100 sure that it s the right sperm and she confirms that i m the only person being inseminated this morning that s super good news for some reason i was really worried that that might get messed up and that sounds like a giant legal nightmare to me so i m thankful that there s not really a chance for a mistake i rest easy on the exam table and the np gets to work after about ten minutes i ask everything going okay she says yes just threading the catheter then a few minutes later she adds i can t get it through your inner os your uterus is bent awkwardly well count on my uterus to be awkward the nurse practitioner tries for a few more minutes then the nurse tries then they agree to get dr yalcinkaya out of surgery so that he can do the insemination they give me two water bottles to chug and inform me that a full bladder will likely help position things better i drink quickly then i recline and read a book that i am super glad i brought with me i m super into my book when the doctor come strolling into the room he sits down on a stool raises the bottom of the bed and sticks the catheter straight in easy peasy and there you have it folks i ve been artificially inseminated all i need is ten more minutes of reclining and i can go back to my usual activities posted by bonnie at 11 30 am no comments thursday february 21 2019 i sat on the bed just staring at the syringe in my hand i sat there for like an hour hoping wondering praying the syringe contained one hundred and seven dollars worth of hcg and is commonly referred to as a trigger shot it was prescribed by a fertility specialist i finally just told myself to breathe and have a little courage i gave myself the injection like i would any other patient i was deft and swift it wasn t the injection itself that was making me nervous but my inability to see a glimpse of the future and what this needle might bring maybe happiness maybe not i ve been in to the fertility clinic twice recently on feb 15th i went in for a hysterosalpingogram hsg where they were unable to confirm whether or not my fallopian tubes were already open or whether the contrast dye had just pushed them open right then and there i felt like they should be able to tell them if my tubes were okay or not before this super expensive intervention but they couldn t i also felt like they should ve been able to tell me how long my tubes are likely to stay open hours days weeks months but they couldn t tell me that either what they did tell me is that my left fallopian tube is three times longer than my right weird they printed off a picture so that i can keep it forever i attribute this anomaly to the fact that my mom used some kind of herbicide to kill weeds in our backyard while she was pregnant with me apparently it may or may not effect my ability to get pregnant maybe if the fertility clinic was able to answer some of these questions they would have a higher success rate but you can t really point that out to them because you need their help and you don t want them to inseminate you with the wrong sperm as retaliation that would be bad my second time at the fertility clinic was this week this time it was to measure my follicles i had like nine of them that measured 14 20 mm apparently that s pretty good because they told me i could go ahead and take my hcg trigger shot and they will plan on inseminating me at the end of the week this definitive announcement is what started making me so nervous though and my brain started swimming with questions what is a good size for a follicle how many should there be if i normally ovulate on the 14th day of my cycle is it really best for me to take the trigger shot on thursday i ended up calling the clinic fifteen minutes after driving out of the parking lot i had to start the conversation by apologizing for my weirdness they were very kind and answered all of my questions and thought maybe it would be better if we did the trigger shot today this made me more nervous i mean it s a whole day different they should know the exact timing of these things shouldn t they apparently nervous bonnie is someone who spends a great deal of time reading information on the internet this is what i ve gathered in the past hour follicles grow 2 mm per day toward the end of your cycle follicles should be 18 20 mm or larger before taking your trigger shot iui should take place 24 48 hours after the trigger shot 5 10 million or more motile sperm are needed for iui to work study 1 eight percent of patients n 87 were excluded because their leading follicle was less than 18 mm by days 11 to 13 pregnancy was recorded as clinical pregnancy with fetal heart activity seen at 6 to 7 week transvaginal ultrasound for both cc and letrozole higher pregnancy rates were achieved when the leading follicles were in the 23 to 28 mm range the optimal size of the leading follicle was not statistically significantly different between cycles using cc or letrozole however for each endometrial thickness the optimal follicular size of the leading follicle was different each additional millimeter of endometrial thickness increased the optimal follicular size by 0 5 mm thicker endometrial lining led to a higher probability of pregnancy study 2 in this study intrauterine insemination timing did not affect the cycle outcomes whether the procedure has been performed 24 or 36 h later following ovulation trigger with exogenous hcg utilization the longer period of treatment cycle during ovulation induction with clomiphene citrate resulted with higher clinical pregnancy rate intrauterine insemination can be done successfully at either 24 or 36 h after hcg in clomiphene citrate stimulated cycles this will allow more flexibility and convenience for both physicians and patients especially during weekends study 3 s tudy showed a statistically significant increase in pregnancy rate up to 22 6 in patients performing iui 48 h after hcg trigger compared to the 10 6 in the patients having the procedure done 12 h earlier study comparison they reported a 2 3 pregnancy rate per iui cycle when fewer than 10 million total motile sperm were initially available compared to 8 4 for 10 to 30 million total motile sperm and 9 9 for 30 million total motile sperm we reported an 8 4 pregnancy rate when 5 to 10 million total motile sperm were initially available 8 7 pregnancy rate for 10 to 40 million total motile sperm and 12 8 for 40 million total motile sperm compared to 2 3 pregnancy rate when there were fewer than 5 million total motile sperm posted by bonnie at 9 08 am no comments thursday february 14 2019 i love these sweet faces and the funny adventurous little personalities behind them posted by bonnie at 2 35 pm no comments saturday february 02 2019 list 10 hobbies and activities that bring you joy hiking i think that anyone who knows me knows that i love to hike to be outside to get to the top of a mountain to go a distance that s a little farther than i thought i could seeing new places i love a good adventure and actually sometimes i like to see old places again in a different light taking pictures i can t really say photography because i just snap what i see with my phone but i love taking pictures capturing beauty memories moments and lately i enjoy a good home video recording too tucking the kids into bed i love this time with them because i feel like it s a time to really connect to talk to them about important things and see into their little souls and understand what really makes them unique and special organizing having things in order feels so so good to me art these days most of my painting coloring drawing is done in the company of three crazy kiddos who are funny creative and focused on doing a good job i love to see what they make i also love to see what trevor will come up with and for me it s nice to be creative for a time even though my skills never really progressed past the 4th grade talking to family and friends connecting on a deeper level laughing learning something new finding solutions to problems discovering what feels good and true reading i haven t done as much as reading as i would like lately but i love to read i love the way the pages of a book smell i like learning something knew or being sucked into a world that is different from my own sleeping when ever i m having a bad day a little sleep can make it a lot better writing enough said posted by bonnie at 8 58 am no comments saturday january 19 2019 it s this girl s birthday today i met her in 1989 she was too cool to be friends with me then but eventually i won her over and we became the best of friends we would listen to 50 s music and dance in the basement go for walks up mountain sides and look out at ocean vistas skip school and ride in logging trucks drive back and forth in car washes eat yummy food watch the rosie o donnell show take ballet classes sit next to each other at lunch sing next to each other in choir go sledding down steep snow covered mountain roads hide candied valentine hearts so we could eat them all by ourselves watch movies and eat popcorn run and slide to safety from charging cows dance ourselves silly at school dances camp on beaches with friends and canoe away from angry sea lions in the dark but most importantly she was there we could talk for hours we would laugh so hard our sides would ache and tears would come streaming out of our eyes i loved her then and i love her still happy birthday roberta posted by bonnie at 9 29 am no comments friday january 18 2019 well i had a super rough day at work today so in an effort to stay positive i m going to list what i like about my job i have an office with a window and a bathroom i work with some pretty amazing people my commute is only 20 minutes the work i do helps keep people safe i have two computer screens my boss will let me work from home if the plumber is coming to my house i get paid i cover two hospitals but they re right across the street from each other so that makes it easy the department has made some positive changes in the past year the friday hai meeting did i mention the people the people are great the photocopier i have some flexibility and autonomy posted by bonnie at 8 09 am no comments thursday january 17 2019 i m resurrecting my blog i think it s about time and this time i m going to be writing with a purpose i want to start a gratitude journal i m not sure that i ll be able to put my sarcastic pessimistic self completely to rest but at least i ll be making an attempt to become a little more positive and emotionally resilient wish me luck posted by bonnie at 6 36 pm no comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom blog archive 2019 10 march 3 my entire day revolves around food what will i today was my first official ultrasound i learne time has been going very slowly for me during the february 4 january 3 2016 3 june 1 may 1 february 1 2015 1 december 1 2013 4 march 3 january 1 2011 1 april 1 2010 2 december 2 2009 6 february 3 january 3 2008 43 december 6 november 2 october 3 september 2 august 1 july 6 june 3 may 2 april 6 march 4 february 5 january 3 2007 12 december 1 november 1 october 5 september 3 august 1 march 1 2006 5 november 1 september 1 july 1 june 1 april 1 2005 2 march 1 february 1 2004 1 october 1 folk i like the r o c fairly normal awfully hungry in case you re interested nic nacks larsens gaskin s back porch campbells matt and ella huffman house stephensons mills family iva...