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Text of the page (random words):
ranch dressing with eartha kitsch thursday december 29 2016 some girls ask for diamonds others ask for furs mr kitsch texted me on the way home from work today and asked if i needed anything at the store i replied after the day that i ve had just a big pinata to beat the holy hell out of i never thought it would actually happen welcome to the family anger bait pig i m pretty sure she s been hanging over the meat and fish counter at the market for months as she s quite aromatic hopefully once the kitties realize that she s not stuffed full of flounder and grouper everyone will make it out alive posted by eartha kitsch at 5 23 pm 20 comments friday december 16 2016 my baking supervisor meet mr caspurr burgers he says i helped you get up three hours earlier than usual this morning and this is how you repay me what is with this glass we said we d never let anything come between us i have a great cookbook called cooking with former ferals if you ll just let me in we can make my favorite recipe tuna scones you ll love them come on ma come on wait is that salted butter heavy cream this ain t even fair your cookie press technique is laughable let me get my paws on that thing yeah he s talkative also send up some prayers i m about to make a recipe where online reviewers lament about how stiff the dough is and how some of them ended up on back pills just from their attempts to use their piping bags yay christmas baking it s not truly festive until someone ends up in physical therapy how is your holiday prep coming are you in there like a maniac ignoring it completely do tell posted by eartha kitsch at 1 50 pm 6 comments thursday december 1 2016 a long way around and then back again so how does one start blogging again after gulp three years three years i ve asked myself that very question but i m just going to jump on in thank you to everyone who left messages and sent e mails asking if i am still around i loved hearing from you and knowing that you care i did respond to the e mails so i hope that the robots didn t gobble them up and that you actually got them the general consensus from messages seems to be that i either killed myself off in a freak accident likely or was kidnapped by a dog fighting cartel there were times when this was also likely or just fell clear off of the earth if you ve seen me walk then you know it s possible i think there might also be a faction who thinks that mr kitsch had me rubbed out like he s one of those murderous dateline nbc husbands well you can rest assured that he s still just in the planning stages and i m as fine as can be he hasn t even increased the life insurance on me yet all joking aside the truth about my absence is that not terribly long after my last post my dear dad was diagnosed with lung cancer we celebrated christmas and then in january he got the news it was the most horrible thing ever and he fought it very very hard i never knew that my heart could hurt so badly the doctors told us how long he likely had left but we had to pretend that we didn t know so that he wouldn t give up i wouldn t wish that on my worst enemy the treatments were brutal and unfortunately the cancer was too far along and now he s no longer with us there is a big gaping hole in the universe where he stood i m one of those people who has a hard time chirping around about fun things when the world is crashing down and well didn t want to do blog posts about the most depressing situation on the planet so i just kind of disappeared during and after immersing myself in lost and found pet work i ll never forget sitting next to my dad and watching him pecking around on his computer while his oxygen machine whizzed and gasped he pulled up my dormant blog and asked i don t need to follow this still right you re not going to write anymore i choked back nope and he deleted i knew that either way he d never read my blog posts again and in that regard i d like to dedicate this post to him maybe they get internet access up in heaven or maybe not but either way i bet he knows he always hated when i quit things especially if i loved them like i do this what i m getting at is that it took me a while to feel like it was okay to show joy again and then kapow the election oh em jeez whaaaa haaaaappened i really felt like a heel trying to act like everything was rosy after that calamity wouldn t carefree blogging seem too pollyanna in light of things maybe and then the devastating wildfires came and also made me wonder if there is room to talk about the happy spots then i got an email from a friend who reminded me that in times like these we need distractions and happiness and frivolity so i decided that she is right it s time for writing and crafting and trying to remember how to use blogger so y all here i am i ve missed you all like the moon would miss the stars do people still blog anymore i don t even know break it to me gently if you kids these days use mind melding to share your thoughts not everything has been bad since i was away i did get to spend a lot of time with my dad down in south carolina and with the rest of my family too i also got to meet five new friends who knew me from reading ranch dressing i know them all in real life now and feel very blessed to be able to include them in my circle of friends we also now have rescue kitty number five and he s my soulmate a real tuxie dreamboat of a cat who has toe markings that look like spats razzle dazzle and some crazy stuff happened the tv show nashville filmed in my house i ll tell you all about that calamity laced insanity soon right after i find my heart pills and we had a photo shoot for flea market style magazine i ll also post about that but it s on newsstands right now if you want to take a peek before it s gone that was such a fun experience and two of our rescue kitties are now magazine models the stardom has really gone to their heads and they re waiting on calls from agencies oh aren t we all i also locked myself out of the house in the dead of winter and got wrote up in the newspaper see you knew i was up to some kind of embarrassing weirdness right well you re never wrong you d also be right if you guessed that i was in my nightgown and had to talk to neighbors i guess it s like my grandmother always said if they ain t ever seen it then they won t know what it is words to live by more words to live by ladies if you re not the kind of mad scientist tinker who can fashion a bra out of flower pots and the random things that you have thrown around your yard do hide one in the mailbox in case you ever get locked out of the house your neighbors will never be able to un see your breasts and lord knows after a woman reaches a certain age no amount of arm folding is going to conceal them it s good to see you all again i m dying to know what you have been up to for the past three years do tell and don t spare a smidge until next time x s and o s eartha posted by eartha kitsch at 4 19 pm 40 comments tuesday december 31 2013 holiday ho ho whoa hey all how have your holidays been so far great i hope here we are on new year s eve is it just me or as we get older do they seem closer and closer together we re kind of confused and irritated here at the ranch because we didn t get to have christmas with our families this year well we had every intention to but here is how it went down everything was going perfectly and christmas was busting out all over the halls were decked and festooned and fa la la d the mister and i dressed up in our holiday finest and went christmas shopping here i am in my cute red skirt suit that s just perfect for christmas yes i ve had some work done mr kitsch started wearing his pants really really high i made this kitschy little snowman out of a bleach bottle the tissue paper was flowing like rivers it even snowed it was a holiday miracle the world rejoiced and then this happened mister kitsch injured his back and ended up at the hospital whomp whomp okay so if you ve never been to the emergency room you simply must at some point but only to visit i assure you the waiting room is usually quite the petri dish of both interesting characters and well life threatening flesh eating germs there s usually at least one small child eating cheetos and licking their fingers after touching the nasty plastic chairs that have been sat in by thousands of people if you go to the bathroom you re going to find that someone before you has taken the time to craft a giant toilet paper nest upon the top of the toilet seat and then finding it unworthy peed in the floor instead and you re going to get at least three people who want to stare into your eyes even though emergency room waiting room protocol strongly advises against it we learned that around the final week of the year the number of patients coming through the er pretty much doubles because people want to get things done under their insurance before those copays start fresh great let s just say that it was two seconds short of a mob scene people coughing on each other and cursing the nurses the well stocked sneeze station sat untouched it was simply too far to walk and we were all going to die anyway the lady across from us was clutching a barf bag as if it was her final dollar and waved it around way too loosely for those around her who weren t quite sure if it was empty or full every time that she stood up and careened around i just knew that i was going to end my 2013 with a complete stranger s barf on my head if it can happen to anyone it will happen to me trust somewhere about halfway through a very suave looking gentleman came in with a beautiful rockabilly coif of dark hair and pencil legged trousers starched shirt and vest since it was nashville he also brought his guitar case he looked like he d stepped right out of johnny cash s backup band from long ago in the day and then all of a sudden he cut loose talking to himself i mean really really talking to himself and half of what he must have been saying were jokes because he was cracking himself up then he launched into song right there in the middle of the slithering snake pit of a waiting room he sang and sang at the top of his lungs and giggled between verses the two quite possible gangbangers next to him looked way perturbed and nervously scratched the prison tats on their necks with the exception of the lady next to me who was nearly sleeping on my shoulder everyone seemed perched to see what would happen next suddenly a hispanic man stumbled into the room behind a sweaty sick brow and collapsed into a chair and squeezed shut his bloodshot eyes this was all that the songbird needed and just like a needle had been dropped on a record he began to wail noche de paz in the best jose feliciano impression ever i sat up like the air had been suddenly starched and wanted to yelp with joy but instead i stared at the partly full urine sample cup that rolled back and forth beneath the facing row of chairs mister kitsch unexpectedly jolted from time while wailing in pain as if he was in the electric chair nobody even noticed as time wore on i wondered why the sneeze station wasn t instead a cyanide station i also wondered what stomach bug i d have to thank the room for later the news anchor on tv acted way too excited over her guest s hummingbird cake creation grasping at any straw that resembled the outside world i took out my phone and made a note that said make hummingbird cake about seven hours later we finally gasped out into the streets and swore that we d die in our home before we d ever go back to that place the mister has been in some monster pain let me tell you there will be no long distance traveling for christmas this year we scheduled the trip twice and canceled it twice and are just now starting to resolve ourselves that we won t get to see our family this year boy are we bummed to ease the pain we ve eaten monster amounts of queso dip as you can expect queso dip is not an adequate substitute for the hugs and laughter of family we spent christmas day saying it just doesn t feel like christmas and it didn t i watched stupid lifetime movies and the mister enjoyed the effects of strong meds and just like that christmas was done but let me tell you we are really whooping it up for new year s eve i went out and bought myself some fancy treats my first bottle of wrinkle cream sparkling grape juice three new pairs of socks i also bought this really stupid as seen on tv twenty dollar cat toy that my kitties would rather pee on than to discuss ain t no party like an eartha kitsch party cause an eartha kitsch party don t stop i want to wish every one of you a great new year s eve be safe and have fun and above all be reflective of what this year has been be it good or bad on top of those wishes i hope that 2014 is the best year yet for you if you d like something peppy to wash away the slow agony that was this post be sure and go on over to no pattern required and see my column today on decorating your new year s eve party with tinfoil yep until next time x s and o s eartha posted by eartha kitsch at 11 04 am 44 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom hi i m eartha kitsch even though i do enjoy a good salad this site isn t about that kind of ranch dressing it s about the restoration decoration and revival of my vintage ranch home it s also about things that i consider dressing like fun housewares clothing recipes and everything else in this old world that makes life interesting and good i live in nashville tennessee and love crazy old western things kitsch thrifting swishy skirts old photos and stories about people that i don t know and people that i do know crafting absurdity crafting with absurdity and a million things more won t you join me y all come where we ve been 2016 3 december 3 some girls ask for diamonds others ask for furs my baking supervisor a long way around and then back again 2013 88 december 2 november 1 october 2 september 13 august 8 july 3 june 2 may 4 april 11 march 11 february 18 january 13 2012 150 december 9 november 7 october 9 september 13 august 12 july 14 june 9 may 14 april 17 march 17 february 17 january 12 2011 71 december 14 november 4 october 3 september 10 august 8 july 2 june 18 may 8 april 1 march 1 february 1 january 1 2010 34 december 3 november 1 october 5 september 4 august 5 july 16 be a ranch buckaroo _______________________________ any photos text and other materials used on this blog are copyright to me unless i note otherwise if there is something on my blog that you are interested in using on your own blog or for some other use please contact me with your intent and get written permission from me after permission is given all materials used must link back to this blog thank you copyright c ranchdressingwithearthakitsch blogspot com 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 picture window theme powered by blogger