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Text of the page (random words):
ne night at bedtime i was getting ready for bed and she brought her little girl in for a good night kiss i was sitting on my bed and mother told me to give the little girl a kiss so i leaned in mother s general direction and kissed empty air mother blew up at me telling me to kiss her girl for real because her little girl was over in the corner hell i was only 8 and confused as hell about kissing a girl i couldn t even see it wasn t long after this that mother was taken away in an ambulance and didn t return apparently she d been taken to a local hospital in the psychiatric ward and after a court hearing where both her mother and her father had to appear it was decided she needed to go to the state mental hospital at camarillo i have no idea exactly how long she was there but it was a good month and a half maybe two months maybe i don t remember the time span and i don t recall what we did after school while mother was in the hospital i do somewhat remember not doing well in school that spring in third grade because my mother was sick i guess somehow i was supposed to just get on with things and not try to figure it out but mother did eventually come home and there seemed to be relative peace for a while the school year ended and summer 1963 had started i was still just 8 and scott had turned 10 that february we re 21 months apart then one saturday scott and i got up in the morning and both mother and dad were gone i don t remember if there was a note or maybe mother had called and scott answered the phone whatever we simply learned that mother and dad had gone to santa monica and would be back later or the next day no idea why or anything we later learned that mother and dad had gone to get quickie remarried and had a one night honeymoon so apparently charmaine had divorced dad sometime along the way once mother was back in the picture we had no contact with christopher although charmaine did come over occasionally to talk to dad she was always nice to us kids scott and i were always sent to our rooms but that was no surprise as we spent most of our time there anyway the living room was for grown ups apparently mother loved her television and heaven help the kid who interrupted whatever she was watching that s all for now author admin posted on september 15 2024 categories family history stuff leave a comment on more about my horrible mother why was your mother so horrible a long time friend and former co worker asked why was your mother so horrible she wasn t always horrible and had some good qualities but she was not a good mother and not always even a good person she was born in 1933 to a father who didn t want her and ultimately left when she was three years old her mother had such a bad pregnancy that she was sterilized either when mother was born or shortly thereafter so from the start mother would always be an only child and when her father left it was just my mother and her mother struggling to survive as the nation recovered from the great depression i don t know if it was deliberate or even conscious but i have no doubt my mother grew up knowing or feeling somehow responsible for her mother s life being hard and there would be no siblings for mother to confer with and see if they were really the problem or maybe grandma was living out her own frustrations onto her child after i got divorced i was talking with my grandmother mother s mother about my kids and i mentioned something about paying child support and my grandmother asked why do you have to pay any money the children are her property now so i m guessing that when she and grandpa mac were divorced she was not awarded child support but that s only a guess i don t know what laws were in place or how well any laws were enforced so with a young child to raise my grandmother went back to school and got her teaching credentials there weren t many opportunities for women back then and even fewer for divorced single mothers but she managed i don t know when she met her second husband but they were both working in the santa barbara school district he was a math teacher at santa barbara junior high and she was a home ec teacher either at one of the junior high schools or maybe santa barbara high school anyway they met and married so mother finally had a stepfather and at some point she started using his last name as that was how she was listed in her high school yearbook what i do not know is when grandma met grandpa walt and when they actually married from what mother told me they lived across the street from the high school while mother was attending there but at some point grandma and grandpa bought their land and built their home up on calle boca del cañon that s where they lived when mother finished high school side note grandma and grandpa s house on boca del cañon was up a slightly winding very steep street facing downtown and all of santa barbara grandma told me that while they were building the house and planning the foundation and floors she had them put up a ladder where the kitchen would be she climbed up the ladder to where she could one day look out the window as she washed dishes and have a full view of the harbor from their big plate glass windows in the living room and dining room they had a full panorama of all the city lights and up into the foothills i truly loved that house and would live in it even today if i could anyway mother resented her father leaving i don t know how often he saw her when she was little but as i got older he only came around once or twice a year and usually on his way to take his mother from tucson az up to mt shasta for the summer mother and grandpa mac didn t have a close relationship very superficial his second and third wives resented mother because mother grew up as a troubled kid and only reached out to her father when she was in trouble or needed money or something grandma lucy grandpa mac s third wife actively disliked my mother by the time grandpa mac retired he d been the head of martin marietta before it was bought and became lockheed martin from what my brother told me grandpa mac got a very sweet retirement deal and grandma lucy had been an executive at cbs so they were very well off proper social and so forth his wayward daughter didn t fit their lifestyle after high school mother tried to go to college and ended up at arizona state university in tempe az she lasted maybe a semester maybe two i have no idea why that didn t pan out well for her but i suspect she got in trouble for drinking and smoking and generally not meeting expectations for a young woman in university so she went back home to santa barbara and ended up working at a civil engineering firm called penfield smith i m not sure her initial role but she ended up running the blue print machine that s where she met my father who was already a well seasoned civil engineer my father was born in 1923 in santa barbara had grown up and finished school there then started college at berkeley ca until he got drafted into world war ii he took civil engineering training and did that while in the army when the war ended he came back home and found work with penfield smith where he was a rising star he got called back into service for the korean war although i don t know for how long when he came home again his job at p s had been held for him then he met mother the way mother told it they had their first date parked in his car at ledbetter beach when grandmother asked her the next morning how the date went mother said it was fine we re getting married in two weeks or something like that whatever he offered in his back seat or whatever she thought she found she was bound and determined to latch onto that and latch on fast she was 19 he was 29 if my head math works right my brother was born february 25 1953 so they were married in june of 1952 yes mother always swore scott was two months premature yeah okay whatever they honeymooned in san francisco and because she was now a grown up married woman she wasted no time drinking whenever she could now my dad was the youngest child of four with three older sisters and a domineering mother dad learned to keep to himself and out of the way his father was some sort of lay minister and both his parents were quite devout in their christian faith i think one or two of dad s sisters took up smoking but dad was a smoker and a drinker a family of dark haired non drinking religious people had to quickly get used to the fact that their youngest child and only son was quite suddenly marrying some blue eyed blonde smoking and drinking sinner gasp so you remember mother was an only child she really got excited that when she married she would have three older sisters to look up to yeah well that didn t work out so well with the sharp contrast in lifestyles mother was not welcomed with open arms dad s oldest sister mary already had some kids and some life experience of her own so it seemed mary and mother got along well enough mother was not a good financial manager didn t seem to have a lick of sense about where money came from or how to use it wisely i think that comes from being bailed out of her shenanigans by both her mother and her father early on in their marriage dad was doing well i sense he d grown up somewhat lower income but during my parents first marriage he owned a large lemon grove in hope ranch and was doing well but whatever money dad made mother seemed to drink much of it away part of their divorce settlement included selling off the lemon grove which pissed dad off enormously it would have been worth a lot even back then so they got divorced when i was 3 or 4 years old mother took us to hollywood where we lived in at least three different apartments that i can remember i don t remember her having any work during that time so i m assuming either my dad was paying her some alimony and or child support or perhaps her parents were supporting her dad ended up marrying charmaine during time as it turned out charmaine was also the blueprint operator at penfield smith i have no idea if she was there when mother was there or when charmaine came on board but that s where dad met her charmaine was already divorced and had a daughter about a year younger than me at some point mother has casually dating now and then i met one or two of the men she dated but i don t really remember any of them at one point probably around february or march of 1962 she got pregnant we didn t know about the pregnancy at the time of course but one day seemingly out of the blue mother packed us up with some clothes and told us we were going to go live with our dad he d just gotten married and they d bought a nice new house and things would be better for us she got a cab and took us to the greyhound bus station bought us two one way tickets from hollywood to santa barbara mind you i was 7 and scott was just barely 9 travelling alone not really understanding about time and distance but we got on the bus and i vaguely remember waving good bye at mother as the bus pulled out next thing i remember we were off the bus and waiting toward the back of the bus station in santa barbara wondering if dad was going to come or not they did finally show up dad and charmaine and neither looked particularly pleased although of course they were glad we were okay mother had made sure we got on the bus great then she went back to the apartment on las palmas probably had a drink or two and then only then called dad to announce our impending arrival there had been no plans no arrangements no preparations mother just put us on a bus and then told dad we were already on the way this is already far longer than i had expected and i have other things to do so i ll continue this another day soon author admin posted on september 8 2024 categories uncategorized 1 comment on why was your mother so horrible no such thing as sin sin is defined as a transgression or violation of divine law we have all sorts of problems in this world and people hurting each other all the time sometimes intentionally and sometimes accidentally civil rights are violated with regularity as well but there is no divine law that is a religious construct without anything to back it up author admin posted on september 5 2024 categories random stuff leave a comment on no such thing as sin nineteen years post katrina it s been 19 years since hurricane katrina permanently altered my life it was early in monday morning when katrina came on shore just east of new orleans the friday before that i was unaware a storm was coming and only caught wind of it over the weekend everyone i knew was either hunkering down or evacuating i didn t have a car but i had a big dog hazel she was a labrador chow chow mix big and beautiful and plenty furry i had only gotten her that spring when my friend jackie smythe moved back to new york to work at lion brand yarn co she was a big heavy dog but was dwarfed next to the big elephant ears growing in the back yard anyway one of the neighbors offered to let me ride along as they evacuated but nobody was willing to let a big dog ride along so i had little choice but to just stay put with hazel i had woken up and gotten a pot of coffee made when the power went out as the storm moved in i wasn t sure what to expect but hazel and i hunkered down underneath a table listening to the wind whipping trees against the house it was terrifying and contributed to my storm related ptsd which rears its ugly head every time we get a big storm even now when i finally dared open the front door either later that day or maybe tuesday morning there was silence all around and evidence that something terrible had happened the streets were basically void of traffic although i did see some kids trying to break into the little gas station down on magazine street one of them yelled it s the end of the world take what you can i left them to their own pursuits on wednesday as i was walking up constantinople st i met some other people who had also stayed to weather the storm i ended up staying with them as we heard rumors of the levees breaking and the city flooding the flooding came up as far as st charles avenue just another block or two from where we were in a day or two the national guarded started driving through to check on people and bring mres and potable water military helicopters were flying a grid pattern overhead all night long almost every night looking for people trapped on rooves or needing rescuing we were in the very narrow part of new orleans that didn t flood so mostly the national guard would just come around to check on us but mostly left us alone we had broken into someone s private yard and discovered an above ground pool which became a source of toilet flushing water as well as a place to somewhat bathe and the national guard team went and approved it as an above ground pool they rejected in ground pools but we were okay to use this one pool finally the next thursday if i reme...