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am is in order after all i have to take advantage of it while it s right in front of me it s strange because i got more excited for squeaker s birthday and christmas than i do for my birthday i no longer expect large extravagant gifts wrapped in crinkly paper but she does and i can live vicariously through her joy also at 28 what do can you really look forward to anymore 30 bahahahah i already can vote smoke drink and rent a car although preferably not all at once so yay this is going to be a short post today because i m off to enjoy some much deserved baby free time 4 comments posted in uncategorized tagged birthday chile moving santiago toddler we are moved and got the internets posted on april 15 2013 6 comments it s been over a week since my last post and even though my phone has a thoughtful personal hotspot option to make myself a giver of internets for people far and wide the service often falls short that and the pyramid of boxes the movers left wobbling precariously and the fact that we had one livable room meant i ve been otherwise occupied but i m back with fast wi fi and a sleeping baby who hopefully knock on wood will sleep long enough for me to finish this post she owes me considering i carried her all day and my back aches the move went about as could be expected we never did pick up our permission to move or not steal our own belongings and nothing happened it was anticlimactic i was at least hoping to have to stand on a box and proclaim loudly these are so my stained bed sheets to an officer waiting to cuff me for used furniture transporting i m now convinced it s another example of bureaucracy for the sake of bureaucracy as is common in latin america today they delivered our new bed for the guest room hear that guests you now have a place to sleep that is not the floor you re welcome they also delivered our futon and installed our wi fi and cable it was a productive day read a disruptive and crabby day if you are only five months old the futon arrived first in a big futon sized box when i asked him if it was difficult to set up a service i thought that was provided he mumbled about having to call a technician and nearly bolted out of the door maybe with good reason does anything seem off to you that s our deluxe futon on the floor see those cute little legs that the drawing so helpfully shows you how to screw in for all we know they were the artist s pipe dream because they were nowhere to be found your futon for best results use with legs how does one open a futon box and misplace the legs the universe has a black hole especially for futon legs according to the store we bought it from that needs 11 count that 11 days to respond to our complaint for all i know they are scouring the black hole for space junk resembling those cylinder legs the bed arrived next they even set it up it was perfect i even texted my husband a photo of it he responded by asking where the pillows were the pillows we bought yesterday they re in squeaker s room the pillows that came with the bed i mean he clarified there were pillows with the bed did you sign already of course i signed they brought the bed and it s lovely i had no idea that it had pillows the black hole of futon legs and space garbage opened a little wider to make room for the pillows that were supposed to come with our bed they re laughing at us out there mark my words shortly after the chaos of calling customer service which is sadly a misnomer in chile the technician arrived to install the internet and cable i haven t had cable in years when he arrived with his giant spool of white cable i could have kissed him but i m not that weird anyway he did whatever it is you do to cable he talked to and coaxed the wall a lot from what i observed and it worked it worked beautifully for the three seconds that i watched whatever soccer channel that was then he left and i realized he had unplugged the cable why why for the love of god would you take a beautiful thing like that and unplug it now it doesn t work and i can t figure out the combination of buttons to make it all better so if you can help me leave a comment in fact i didn t even know he had left a remote i found it discarded like an afterthought on my pillow like oh she might need this when she tries to watch her tv if she s smart enough bahahaha demonic technician cackle squeaker who woke up by the way and i are exhausted may the customer service gods be merciful tomorrow p s the missing legs and pillows must be watching the cable it s the only explanation 6 comments posted in uncategorized tagged cable installation chile expat life expat motherhood futon delivery moving my apartment is a black hole santiago moving day is upon us posted on april 5 2013 10 comments i ve been waiting to bust out of this apartment and its eternally broken elevators apathetic doormen and ceiling stain for longer than i can remember well it s finally happening tomorrow there s one wall of boxes i didn t get my fort but the diaper boxes are having a useful second life eh so everything was almost almost ready yes almost almost is a thing because i said so and i got a frantic call from my husband this morning see there is this thing in chile that the people driving the moving truck need and it s a notarized document saying you are moving your things and not taking someone else s old plates and grubby mattresses which is about as appealing to me as stealing used petri dishes the first time i heard of it was about four years ago when i was still teaching english and my student said he d have to postpone class because he had to get one of them for his saturday move you re just saying that to get out of class i admonished he replied solemnly that he was not kidding and i could go with him if i wanted i did out of curiosity and mostly because they were paying me we ended up waiting in an endless line while he explained in halting english this document that my middle class developed country brain could not comprehend at the time you mean the police might stop you and not believe it s your stuff yes but why would you hypothetically steal someone s stained furniture maybe they have nice things even with stains maybe i have no things maybe they are on vacation maybe it s from several families maybe i m a how do you say it a scammer i cut him off i got it it took me a couple more years to realize that whereas used things in the us are almost always given away or sold at a garage sale for pennies here they depreciate in value at a much slower rate making a truck full of old furniture a gold mine on wheels back to that phone call this morning my husband needed me to quickly get a few of our last payments together so we could get this get out of jail free card or we wouldn t move we wouldn t move try saying that to twitchy pre caffeinated me at 7 55 am with snot dripping down my face because i couldn t staunch the flow fast enough i was not very nice then try adding to that a baby who thinks she s going to get packed in a box and just don t i blew my chapped nose took an impossibly quick shower i m the queen of shortened personal hygiene now i know eww and went downstairs with squeaker in my arms i approached the doorman and tried with my best spanish to ask him for the dues receipts we d never spoken before what he looked utterly perplexed that i had broken our speaking strike they aren t very nice people and neither am i when i don t make the effort the dues we pay them every month with a check it was all i could do to not pantomime signing a check he looked at me with my dripping hair red nose and grumpy squeaker like he was surprised i could walk and talk at the same time i don t have the amounts i don t either see how in this receipt it doesn t show how much i paid i ll have to talk to the administrator the administrator who constantly gifts our parking spot to other people blamed us for the broken elevators and has yet to see the damage that the flooded apartment above us caused last year that one we re screwed we re going to live in this shithole forever squeaker is going to get married here unpack the boxes tell the spiders their food supply is coming back ugh if the administrator doesn t suddenly get a programing reboot called version 2 0 real human emotions we might just move without it wish us luck and don t tell anyone 10 comments posted in uncategorized tagged chile expat life expat motherhood moving permission to move salvoconducto santiago the easter weekend post posted on april 1 2013 7 comments i know that i traveled internationally through two airports in two countries with squeaker when she was hardly eight weeks but now when someone asks me if i d like to travel to x place it really sounds like they are saying would you like to try out this medieval stretching device it s not bad trust me she s not a good traveller anymore you take her out of her fragile routine and it s a full atomic alert everyone get to your bunkers type of a situation there are tears there is refusal to eat there is a sleeping strike a lot of avoidable fun in my mind so when my husband asked me if i wanted to go out of town for two nights on a family easter trip i was all meh and then i stared off into space drooling for a good while it s probably the first time in my life i ve actively advocated for a stay cation but in the end we went we took his work truck which is a bit more comfortable than our tiny grocery getter and apparently much more to squeaker s liking this is where we ended up a quiet resort in olmué settled in the foothills of the cordillera de la costa actually she slept almost all the way there she only woke up when we stopped for lunch in la dormida so besides the delicious food i call it a win because it s the first place i ve tried to nurse her in public without a cover sorry but exposing myself to curious glances has to be my least favorite read hated part about nursing yet there i kind of felt all kinds of earth mother i only lacked some flowers or feathers braided into my hair and a solid pair of birkenstocks the trip was punctuated by our daily pleading with squeaker to hurry things up and have a bowel movement already i m not sure if you know but caring for a constipated baby is about as fun sticking your wet fingers in an outlet when it finally happened we yelled out the window to family members waiting below we re going to be late we re cleaning up poopy and they all smiled and clapped appropriately the neighbors kept their distance after that it was nice to get away but yesterday we left early to beat the rush one thing that never ceases to amaze me about long weekends in chile is how they all leave their destination at the exact same time and then get surprised when they all end up in the eaxact same traffic jam honking cursing and tweeting pictures of each other s cars and it was a good thing too we ended up driving through the mountains at 15 miles per hour with the fog lights on squeaker thankfully slept through it again or we might have careened off a peak this week the moving fun starts for reals i ve packed precisely two boxes since my last post in my defense one was a very large box so if you don t see me for a while i ve probably built a fort out of boxes and i m hiding from squeaker there 7 comments posted in uncategorized tagged chile easter weekend expat life expat mom moving olmue santiago semana santa the first box posted on march 26 2013 4 comments it s happening it s really happening we are moving in ten days yes we got an apartment through a degrading process known as the santiago housing market and now we just have to cram our meager and minimalist possessions in some diaper boxes we ve been stashing away and we ll finally have a room for a guest and squeaker if she deems it worthy i hate moving more than i hate a lot of things and that s saying something maybe it s because i moved around so much as a child that my classmates just assumed one or both of my parents were in the army not that i m a big fan of our urban cracker box it s human tetris in here but the thought of packing it all up even if it s just to move a mile away is stressing me out like any good procrastinator i ll start packing tomorrow when squeaker is having a good day right blerg in other home front news we finally bit the bullet and hired a part time housekeeper nanny or nana as they are referred to here with my husband out of town for most of the week i was literally ripping out my hair not bathing or changing my underwear trying to keep this cracker box running and the baby out of meltdown mode her default mode she comes three times a week don t look at me like that i still do things she just does those less pleasant things like cleaning the bathroom and cooking real meals that involve more steps than insert bread into toaster last night i was commenting to my husband that it s like living at a hotel she irons everything she even irons our sheets want to know what freshly ironed sheets feel like heaven that s right although the first time i saw her trying to iron my underwear i was like oh i m not very well versed in the chilean art of having a nana after she cleans she asks me something like what should i do now i usually respond what do you normally do something that isn t ironing my underwear that is i feel bad telling someone what to do after they ve already washed last night s crusty food off my dishes and scrubbed my toilet my parents had housekeepers when i was growing up but they only came twice a month and strictly to clean but i m going to have to do it i m just going to have to reply i know what you should do here take squeaker while i pack a box and do a victory dance i just need to get over the first box hurdle but it freaks me out that i ll be all did i pack the salt shaker with my hair dryer and smell like fast food for a month wish me luck oh and happy easter p s i m serious about this guest room stuff now no one will have an excuse for not visiting me besides the plane ticket for which you have to take out a second mortgage 4 comments posted in uncategorized tagged chile expat expat mom moving packing santiago the hardest part is admitting it posted on april 16 2011 9 comments the topic of mobility and independence has come up a lot in my family since my grandma s fall a week and a half ago and her subsequent recovery tonight we came together to tell them that it may be time to consider assisted living it s a hard conversation to have to tell someone that for their safety they need to give up their home and independence it s a theme that i m personally familiar with i know i ve blogged about it enough so you know exactly what i m talking about my vision if i had perhaps done the research or asked the right questions i would have been prepared for this side effect i could have even brushed up on my old house episodes yesterday i watched one where dr house kidnapped the lead male star in his favorite medical soap opera...