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05 good baseball finally returns to chicago as the white sox win the world series 2006 all is right in the world the st louis cardinals are world series champs in 2007 the red sox prove without a doubt that their curse is a distant memory winning their second world series in four years 2008 the cubs run their post season losing streak to nine games after getting swept by the dodgers 100 speaking of 2008 the heavily favored cubs lost game 1 of the nlds 7 2 to the los angeles dodgers ryan dempster a cubs pitcher who publicly predicted that the cubs would win the world series during spring training was the losing pitcher rate this 1 comment filed under funny humor lists people relationships sports tagged as 1908 busch stadium chicago cubs chicago sucks choke cubs choke cubs suck cubs swept by dodgers curse of the goat go cubs go st louis cardinals world series wrigley field september 18 2008 1 33 pm something s fishy here it s no secret that we americans are the fattest and most impatient people on the face of the earth a deadly combination everything we eat is pre packaged processed frozen or fast nothing is fast enough for us and everything is we do wastes time that could be spent doing something else that we think is important i almost don t have time to write this blog because i m having a big mac attack a few years ago it was realized through the media that we have become a fast food nation and that far too many of our children are obese we re talking epidemic proportions here super sized if you will speaking of which this was also the time period that the independent documentary supersize me was released it was because of this static that most of the fast food chains began releasing nutritional information and adding healthy okay healthy er food items to their menus let s not kid ourselves this was only to save face while under pressure from the public and the media we needed help to not be so fat because we don t have the willpower to stop eating something named big tasty consequently mcdonald s adds an entire salad menu yogurt low fat ice cream they also serve milk and orange juice but not in a 32 oz like the soft drinks most of the other chains followed suit offering an array of salads deli style sandwiches and alternative drink options the static slowly decreased and you don t hear much these days about the obesity problem this country still has the truth is people who like mcdonald s double cheeseburgers aren t going to suddenly start ordering the premium asian salad with grilled chicken i mean come on it doesn t even come with fries i also suspect that a salad connoisseur isn t going to ditch crispers sweet tomatoes or panera for a mcsalad my favorite part of all of this are the new menu items that appear to be a healthier option but aren t while doing some birthday shopping for girlfriend in the mall yesterday i stumbled across one such item i won t go into how i ended up in the vicinity may i present to you long john silver s new ultimate flatbreads i m sure you re at least aware of their staple item the deep fried fish fillet with extra crunchy things now that i think of it almost all of their items are deep fried with extra crunchy things except the cole slaw yuck now with the creation of the new ultimate flatbreads ljs now has something for everybody i m sure you ve seen those fresh looking gyro sandwiches and pita bread sandwiches that are available at your healthier establishments and deli s right wipe the drool from your mouth and picture this a round piece of flat pita bread stuffed with lettuce bacon pieces melted cheese and your choice of a deep fried fish filet or several deep fried shrimp not sure about the extra crunchy things can you believe it they managed to make their staple item look heatlhier while actually adding calories to it it s like a fried fish taco genius rate this 3 comments filed under culture food funny humor life people restaurants tagged as don gorske extra sauce please i love subway long john silver s mcdonald s supersize me august 29 2008 11 14 pm way behind the music i ve always enjoyed writing music and comedy it seems that the three have violently collided thanks to this guy harfax johnson that my uncle matt and i have teamed up with both a musician and an artist harfax has been in the business for many years and we think he s one smash hit away from his big break you can check out his debut video here and be sure to visit his blog for even more hilarity without further ado i present to you the world premiere of i kissed an earl by harfax johnson rate this 7 comments filed under entertainment funny humor language music video tagged as i kissed a girl katy perry music my name is earl parody weird al rules august 26 2008 1 53 am hump day wednesday is known as hump day but it s not to be taken for its literal meaning tell that to my dogs gizmo papillon and baby bear border collie mix the best thing about animals is that they don t talk much music soothes the savage beast doggy style rate this 4 comments filed under animals funny humor life love nature relationships video tagged as let s do it like they do on the discovery channel let s get it on man s best friend marvin gaye the birds and the bees you re neutered august 25 2008 5 15 pm the only good bug is a dead bug have any of you seen the movie starship troopers it s a science fiction movie about mankind s battle against these giant alien bugs ironically enough the goal of the bugs is to exterminate us us being human beings in case you thought i was something else you wouldn t be the first before i go any further i must make a statement i hate bugs since moving into my new home i ve twice come across the dead carcass of a strange insect on my kitchen floor legs curled up into itself much like a dead spider it was difficult to tell what this bug was or what it looked like when it was alive i figured that each bug had fallen victim to one of my five p est e ating t ailed s entinels even my 50 lb border collie mix bear loves a good cat and mouse with a fly still i shudder to think what i might do should i look to my left and see one of these mystery creatures standing on my shoulder trying to decide which part of my face to attack first last week i had satellite tv installed at my house shortly afterwards i purchased an antenna to install on my roof so that i could also view my local channels in high definition something not available through satellite tv companies yes i m a technology dork i installed the antenna no problem and i neatly ran the cable along different parts of the house in order to get to the bottom without it being very noticeable after drilling a hole into the cement block at the base of the house near the living room it was time to run the cable into the crawlspace a k a the dungeon and then up through the living room floor and into the back of my cable box one thing remained between me and endless nights of viewing entertainment physically crawling into the dungeon to complete the job already wearing some old jeans and a t shirt i added the headlamp a little flashlight attached to a headband to my attire and was ready to go i grabbed my drill and my camera turning the video on on the camera with girlfriend out of town i wanted there to be evidence of what befell me should i be found laying underneath my house dead in a puddle of my own blood and piss yes i watch too many horror movies i crawled through the first hole a rectangle no more than three feet wide i m guessing underneath the master bathroom and i began my crawl to the furthest opposite corner of the house the living room area parts of the dungeon were simple to traverse with enough room to comfortably crawl as a baby would however because of the uneven grade of the ground various wiring piping and a c duct work there were times that i found myself belly to the ground crawling military style the ground was damp and cool i passed the master bedroom another bathroom and made it to the front bedroom without incident i took a left and headed towards the underbelly of the living room after moving a few feet i was stopped dead in my tracks by this continue reading rate this 12 comments filed under funny how to humor life movies nature personal tagged as aliens denise richards was hot in starship troopers grasshoppers insectophobia spiders things that make you puke august 22 2008 2 02 pm time to face the music matt posted a survey about the music we as individuals listen to what it says about each of us and if we should even care you can read it here i would be put into the don t care category but also in the sub category of conscious selector if i had a co worker in my car or a friend s kids over for dinner i most definitely would not put my ipod on shuffle in the background out of fear that f k her gently by tenacious d would be the next track chosen a simple solution to avoiding a potentially uncomfortable musical moment such as this is to take advantage of your ipod s playlist feature or other mp3 player i m really not a digital snob i swear or to simply turn on the radio you know if you still own a piece of that technology however just make sure it s regular terrestrial radio am fm and not uncensored satellite radio unless of course you ve purposely selected a safe channel like siriusly sinatra from sirius satellite not a misspeling i ve never heard it but something tells me that road dog trucker radio might not be a good choice yes that s an actual channel okay on to the questions if someone new were in your car what song on your player would you be quickest to skip out of embarrassment you might think that the previously mentioned tenacious d song would be my answer here but it s not while potentially offensive or inappropriate in certain situations it is a well written beautiful acoustic medley that might go unnoticed playing in the background i say this because i have another song that could not sneak by one s ears inconspicuously and that song is a medium pace by adam sandler read the lyrics at your own risk what song or songs is are most atypical on your player the answer would have to be stairway to heaven i m a rock guy so that doesn t really make any sense does it well you didn t let me finish stairway to heaven by rockabye baby you know those various music boxes and toys for toddlers that play goodnight songs to send them off to sleep peacefully well it s stairway to heaven like that be right back i need to delete something what song s on your player turns you on i don t think a song has ever turned me on in the way this question is asking being a musician i get turned on by certain songs in a different way i can t even narrow that one down to songs but some bands that have turned me on with mulitple compositions are coldplay metallica alice in chains frank sinatra nirvana i ll stop there i could go on for quite awhile incidentally listing coldplay here doesn t make me gay since i listed metallica right after that they cancel each other out if you wanted to get a member of the opposite sex in the mood what song would you program to come on when they are in the car tootsie roll by the 69 boyz wait sorry that s my answer to name a song that shares its name with a chewy brown candy i d have to say dig by incubus what is the longest song on your player clocking in at 13 46 the longest song on my ipod is the classic do you feel like i do by peter frampton it s a good one to listen to if you re going somewhere that is 13 56 away from your house what do you think is the silliest song on your player trapped in the drive thru by weird al yankovich this might be the funniest song he ever recorded what did you most recently add to your player i added 74 songs by the christian parody band apologetix with the intention of burning cd s for my very religious dad and sister i found them by accident but it s pretty funny if you re into that kind of thing picture weird al doing what he does now except he d also be a preacher robert palmer s simply irresistible was remade into sin can be resistible you get the idea what did you most recently delete girl you know it s true by milli vanilli i don t need to explain why i deleted it but maybe i should explain how it ended up on my ipod in the first place well several months ago girlfriend and i were trying to think of all of the one hit wonders we could think of and were proceeding to download them and nevermind there is no good excuse for having milli vanilli on your mp3 player unless you are one of the two guys seen lip syncing in the music video what is your favorite song on your player that is from a movie if i didn t care by the ink spots from the movie the shawshank redemption also one of my all time favorite movies i absolutely love 40 s big band swing music and this is a fairly new passion a close second is bang bang my baby shot me down by nancy sinatra from the movie kill bill volume i is there a song on your player that is only there for someone else s benefit most definitely pocket full of sunshine by natasha bedingfield this annoying song was girlfriend s doing with it s nice acoustic guitar it s infectious chorus catchy melody i m going to shut up now what song or artist do you find yourself skipping most frequently and therefore should probably delete john mellencamp or is it john cougar mellencamp the mellencamp whatever i only have a few of his classics that i appreciate but i have always skipped them more often than i d let them play now that i ve moved back to indiana his home state all i need to do is turn on the damn radio if i ever feel like hearing the story of ol jack diane sheesh without cheating start your player and list the first 10 songs that come up in random play oh crap the first random song just came up maybe i need to change an answer push it salt n pepa yikes death blooms mudvayne heaviness a little bitter alice in chains another great soundtrack song by the late layne stayley and co gasoline audioslave i ve been a chris cornell fan since soundgarden check out his acoustic version of michael jackson s billie jean god put a smile upon your face coldplay one of their best you always hurt the ones you love the mills brothers a great big band era group drive thru tenacious d this isn t actually a song i need to delete this welcome my son adam sandler weird that he came up again in this blog i currently have 2 301 songs on my ipod and just three belong to adam sandler i will survive cake this would be bad if it were gloria gaynor which i don t have christian woman type o negative funny dudes no really rate this 5 comments filed under funny humor life lists movies music personal tagged as i didn t mention my george michael songs ipods rule rock music sirius radio wwjlt august 19 2008 8 00 pm topic tunder i was laying on the couch last week watching the news i won t say the channel but it was a certain c able n ews n etwork and a story came on about the controversy surrounding...