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Text of the page (random words):
re actually more accepting of me saying i am adopting than when i would say i was ttc as a single mother i don t know why but i got get that often that oh how wonderful of you even though it is not wonderful of me it is wonderful for me if that makes sense b oh b how i adore your teasing and wacky ways i would prefer a big red sombrero to take a picture in when in texas in july but since the only sombrero s i have ever seen are straw and say chevy s on them i don t know if they come in red so i will be very happy with any sombrero so long as my girls are with me and there to take my picture in it i have another post i am working on so stay tuned posted in nothing much 3 comments a melting pot posted on june 3 2010 by singletracey today will be a sort of melting pot of the thoughts in my head there is a lot going on in there there days i mean there of course is the usual the where in the hell is my 171h and the i wonder if kaz will open back up in august or september and the always present damn this is a lot of money and i hope i can make it all come together but i do think of other things for example i have been really trying to make an effort to be more social for the last 4 years i have sort of lived and breathed ttc it was cyles and stimming and waiting and crying and well you get the idea so there really wasn t anything left of me to give to friends i have been the kind of gal that loves to make plans and then the day of i think damn i hope they cancel well i stopped that thinking a few months ago and even though i have flaker moments like about the party on sat night i am trying to work past them so i will not be calling in sick to this party i will go and i will socialize and drink wine on somone elses dime i have also been making dinner plans with friends and even made a few new friends it feels good to laugh and get out and get some makeup on you know i happen to be a pretty funny person amazing huh because i am pretty convinced i come off as a bore here work i admit it i haven t been giving 100 i just can t put my finger on why i was thinking maybe taking some time off would help but i don t think that is it i feel like do good at work my personal life needs to be aligned and even though i go out with friends and have fun i wish i had someone to hold and give me a hug when this adoption stuff starts to suffocate me sometimes i feel like i am carrying such a heavy load on my own i have family there to vent to and to reassure me but having a man there to let me feel vulnerable and weak would feel so good see i told you this post was all over the board still talking to single dad there has been no date asking just a whole lotta talking so basically i fall back on the old movie if he hasn t asked you out he s just not that into you oh guess what kari gave me a blog button i haven t got one in a while thank you kari i sure could use this hug today what else uhhhhhhh how about a game shall we i have seen other bloggers do this and i would love to know if anyone has any questions of singletracey anything leave a comment with your question and i will answer them all next week posted in nothing much 8 comments june 1 2010 posted on june 1 2010 by singletracey well the hope was that i would have my dossier submitted by june 1 clearly that is not happening i am still waiting on my 171h to arrive so regardless of the kaz hold my dossier wouldn t be ready just as soon as that 171h arrives i m getting my medical redone and then sending everything off to get apostilled hmph then send it off for translation and wait wait patiently for kaz to say send in your dossiers i have never been good with limbo i am not a super planner basically i just need to know when i get somewhere and when i am there i can sort of go with the flow but since i am presently nowhere official with the adoption sometimes i feel frustrated i am pretty convinced that i have an ulcer this would be my first ulcer i think it is due to getting older and the last 4 years of trying to get somewhere it isn t so bad though but it hurts and maybe for some it is bad pretty much anytime i eat or drink it triggers the pain then i wonder am i creating the pain because i am thinking about the pain hmffff in the meantime i plan on finding my happy place that place consists of sun my sofa trash television and personally taste testing every wine at trader joes yesterday was memorial day and we went to the swim and raquet club it was packed and they had a dj going and it was a good time i got all dolled up i just felt like it maybe it was because i saw sex the city 2 the other day and all of the clothes inspired me i was working on my inner diva here she is with ava at the pool yesterday oh and i finding my inner flaker as well i am supposed to go to my friends parents 50th anniversary this coming saturday it is a 3 hour drive and you know what i am totally not feeling it i just wanna be home not socializing with 50 people i don t know only to have 99 of them say how come you re not married so i hardly do this but i will be pulling out my i m sick card which means that in approximately 7 days i will be sick because that is always how it happens posted in international adoption nothing much 3 comments love long weekends posted on may 30 2010 by singletracey it is sunday morning and so far the weekend has been great yesterday i finally painted the last two doors in the house that needed paining my master bedroom door and my master bathroom door i also changed out the hardware on both doors and yay it looks great done whew the kids came over last night so my sister and her hubby could have a date night we are dino nuggies and doritos for dinner and followed it up with cookies i know not exactly on my diet menu but hey we all need dino nuggies every once in a while here is a pic of the three of us last night having good times hold your hats cuz this is me totally makeup free today sunday when the kids leave i will head to the fabric store my project for the day is to refinish some chairs i picked up two chairs at the goodwill store so i would have 4 chairs for my table i am going to paint them black to match the others and also replace the fabric on the seat the fabric won t be the same as the other two chairs but then again the chairs are all different and that is sort of the point on the adoption front still waiting on the 171h but i did take some pictures of my house for the dossier you know that dossier that is going to be ready to go just as soon as kaz opens back up i also will go in a few weeks and get my medical report redone it takes k aiser 2 weeks to get it done so if i get a date of july i am good it needs to be less than 3 months old at dossier submission the one i currently have has a date of march 20 something if kaz opens back up sept 1 then that is too old i have to admit that i would be much more happy if my dossier was being submitted now and this waiting part totally sucks but i have no control over it so i just need to deal as for summer plans they are starting to fall into place not that i have any really big plans basically some camping hanging out at the pool and working on my tan i know i know terrible visiting friends and little house projects i can not believe that june is here in 2 days wow 2010 is officially 1 2 done posted in nothing much 2 comments the good the bad and the weather posted on may 26 2010 by singletracey what a week it has been i had a few bad days last week amazing how one day your mood can be great and the next day your p o d because your neighbor keeps playing gettin jiggy with it if i never hear that song again it will be too soon but in all honesty i did have a funky few days last week i was worrying that i would have to redo a form that was going to cost 700 i was pms ing i was having anxiety i mean seriously things like the friggin clear b lue easy pee stick commercial were making my stomach turn i just hit a wall and felt blah going away on friday with the family helped a lot it was great to be gone and many laughs were had monday when i got home i learned that i will not have to pay the 700 to redo a form and that was good very good then i possibly got the wedding i was hoping for she said it was mine and now i am just waiting on them to pick a package and then sign the contract so technically it isn t over until they sign but i am hopeful today i went to see my little cousin sorta niece graduate 8th grade it was fun i can t believe how grown up she is and i am sitting here wondering where the time has gone now i feel like dookie again well not dookie just frustrated at my life i know it will all work out in the end but the emotional side of me sometimes overrides the logical side and i feel overwhelmed i am done with this merry go round i want to get off seriously no joke i just want to get to the other side i don t get why some days are harder than others i hate that i hate feeling out of control with my emotions sometimes like tonight i think of what my life would be life if i had done this or had done that i think about my regrets and mistakes i think about what it will be like a year from now i wonder if i will be in kaz or in between visits or maybe home with a child i try really hard not to think that i will be sitting just like this night sad and alone i hope not this terrible rainy weather isn t doing much for me either i need sun i need to take walks in the sun and feel it on my face i need to sit in the pool listening to the kids play and feeling my cheeks burn i need to hear the hum of the fan going in the family room since i don t have a c i really just need a break and something super duper fabulous to happen so i can remember how it feels to be giddy posted in nothing much 4 comments notalotta posted on may 19 2010 by singletracey not much going on i got some information from my agency this morning regarding kaz hague from the info they are getting and relayed to me things shouldn t be halted for too long of course the very action of me saying typing that will jinx it they also told me that there will be some changes lucky for me i won t be affected by them but for some of the hopeful moms out there it will mean kaz is not an option besides that operation hottie is in full effect my kickboxing schedule is as follows m w evenings at 6 and saturday morning at 9 the evening class is hard way harder than the saturday morning class i literally almost barfed 20 minutes in i wasn t about to oh no not in from of ricky the hot young teacher oh ricky when you showed me how to mount that bag and give it all i got my mind wandered but i digress i am working out full force i am down 45 pounds and i have 37 more to go yay me boy talk well i could go into a lot of details or give you the skinnied down version there is a boy i like well he is not a boy he is a man he is 39 he has 2 little girls he is a widow of just over 2 years we talk often but have not been on a date i am in no rush as i would love to lose a few more pounds because let s be realistic if he likes me there will be making out this chick hasn t locked lips in a very very long time and well if making out is a possibility oh it is happening anyway i know if he likes me it is for me and the way i am blah blah blah but i want would prefer my muffin top to be a wee bit smaller if he gets close enough to feel it ya know this weekend my boss is giving us me and deb his cabin for fri sat sun night debbie her hubby the kids and me are all going and we will head home monday the cabin is in north tahoe and is officially amazing i was hoping for good weather but apparently there will be snow showers on sat nonetheless i will be chilling in our hot tub relaxing snow or shine i am actually really looking forward to going away we will hang and play in the little bit o snow that is left play some games and hang out and have some laughs there is a pool table so lets see how long it takes before one of the kiddos gets into trouble with that lol anyway that is the latest and greatest friends have a great rest of the week posted in nothing much 4 comments weekend wrap up posted on may 17 2010 by singletracey thanks for all the support you guys you rock becca s email to hague was awesome now i know y all say how strong i am and honestly your words do help to feed that strength and remind me that i can keep going thank you for that as i hear more from my coordinator julie i will keep you posted she and i are going to have a visit this week and we sort of have a plan that i think is great and if kaz opens back up in 2 3 months as we hope i won t be too far behind if for some reason we go past 3 months well i will think about that in a few weeks until then i choose to believe kaz will get past this sooner rather than later now onto other things since i have no adoption stuff to report at this time friday night i had made plans to go to dinner with my friend kim we had not seen each other in ages you know i wasn t feeling up to it but i forced myself to go and you know what i had a great time we sat outside since it was a lovely evening and chatted and talked for 3 hours she has a 15 year old son and we talked about him and we talked about my adoption and how amazing being a mother is will be we talked about being single and boys and work and just everything it was fun i was glad i went saturday i got up early and met my sister and friend v for kickboxing wow that was quiet a workout i thoroughly enjoyed it and i feel like it has sort of renewed my workout instinct i mean i didn t die or pass out in class i was sorta thinking i would i made it through and even managed the handstand push up ok i only did one but i stayed the whole 30 seconds on my hands and it was no biggie i have sort of been lagging in the workout department lately with summer just around the corner and the possibility of a date in my future one must seriously focus on the jiggle oh i have not mentioned the date thing have i do y all even care and do you want the deets after working out i then took some sample pictures in hopes of giving brides an example of my bridal creativity i keep getting contacted for weddings and then nothing i know it is because i don t have any weddings under my belt i mean i don t think i should do your 200 full service catholic mass wedding but i do think that i would be perfect for your winery outdoor wedding i have a meeting tomorrow with a bride and groom i hope the images i took on saturday will convince them that i can capture and create memories that she will look back on and smile wish me luck posted in nothing much 4 comments older posts search for recent posts summertime and getting focused four years july already questions answered a melting pot recent comments bee cee on summertime and getting fo rachel on four years hopefulcc on summertime and getting fo battynurse on summertime and getting fo michelle on four years archives july 2010 june 2010 may 2010 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