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description=10 posts published by Meg during May 2011;

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in, the, uh, and, posts, month, may, 2011, between, trees, am, humble, vessel, flying, away, mom, think, have, virus, erm, now, for, something, completely, different, my, daughter, natural, father, midnight, garden, of, weeds, go, on, with, spirit, that, fears, nothing, twilight, recent, archives, follow, blog, via, email, navigation,

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the (269), and (210), that (100), for (62), with (57), not (55), this (53), have (53), but (51), was (39), her (39), one (38), what (36), you (36), 2011 (33), are (31), like (29), may (28), say (28), just (28), will (27), think (26), she (25), from (22), love (21), life (20), then (20), when (20), can (19), back (19), out (19), they (19), there (19), had (18), all (18), him (17), people (17), myself (16), about (16), small (15), get (14), some (14), see (14), good (14), don (14), little (14), computer (14), now (13), his (13), two (13), #something (13), more (13), 2012 (12), 2013 (12), has (12), very (12), know (12), thing (12), into (12), much (12), who (12), tell (12), says (12), need (12), your (11), 2014 (11), where (11), find (11), really (11), feel (11), time (11), long (11), want (11), daughter (11), here (11), down (11), other (10), october (10), 2015 (10), only (10), yes (10), meg (10), look (10), new (9), november (9), december (9), january (9), march (9), walk (9), mind (9), 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Text of the page (random words):
the pages that sense of being completely involved in the task at hand the story that has been eddying in my mind for so many years popping to life in the small notebook my cousins scrapbooked for me when they heard of my marriage ending i have written poems and prayers and notes to pay my bills and doodled away in it and now the meaty substance of the story is swirling into a material object i don t expect to get published or critiqued or even read but i know the story will be something that will have a deep meaning to me an excavation of my imagination an deep sea dive into my philosophical meanderings i am rife with its possibility i am an egg waiting to hatch i am a barnacle encrusted anchor about to be raised my holy spirit about to be set free i watch a movie by ideal physicist amit goswami i realize in the morning that he is considered a crackpot by true scientific physicists but i find important meaning in his words some of the things he says make absolute sense to me and i cannot shake it one thing he says that speaks to me so strongly is something about a gate there it is again the gate recurring theme it says that the bodhisattva has reached a point of standing at the gate so focused on love that they want to make sure that all others have passed through the gate before they themselves have entered a state of eternal peace or nirvana this notion of the rapture of heaven on earth is one that all people will reach a state of collective consciousness in which all peoples will be filled with love and will approach life with this notion of love as the framework for all action love as a framework for all action for all thought i think of my ego filled idea that i am somehow a guardian of a gate i think of myself as an egg in a nest i think of myself as potentiality building and then in a heartbeat i think of how i am wishing ill on this woman who cannot seem to tear herself from my life i am no boddhisatva i am but a humble vessel a little bit cracked i wait sitting cross legged back against the stone edifice waiting for the line to dwindle right now it seems there is not much of a push for the open and ornamental wrought iron though the bailey is full of milling bodhisattvas there are skirmishes taking place as people battle for the bits of gold that are left along the road side some have huge piles that they guard with assiduity other sit in their rags hands outstretched and pitiful i watch thinking making notes drawing pictures singing chanting reading and walking the long perimeter that has no corners just stretches endlessly in either direction i am bound i am free i will fly i will fall i am a treasure i am but a rusted anchor artists birds great quotes yoga flying away may 27 2011 august 14 2011 meg 4 comments another world is not only possible she is on her way on a quiet day i can hear her breathing arundhati roy the bird of faith by amberineswirlsofdust at deviant art helene deroubaix i ate strawberry shortcake for breakfast with homemade scones it was delicious i know i eat weird stuff for breakfast sometimes but strawberries and a biscuit doesn t seem too odd to me at work one of my karen students comes in i call her little clown she could also have the nickname mother hen but she does that with the other students with me she is little clown yesterday i gave her a blanket my mom had sewed for a friend s baby a couple years ago it has been in my closet since then it wasn t what i wanted so i asked my mom to make something a little nicer but then here i had this small blanket i knew that little clown s mother had just had a baby so i gave it to her she gave me a note sealed in an old utility company envelope inside drawn and written on the back of some junk mail was a picture of me and a picture of her with her little brother it said dear ms gregory der ms rgrgy i love you my family we are your family me fam we fam dude really little tear i join the kids in the esl classroom they are having a little party for all the work they did with testing last week i go in and all the kids are so sweet oh please sit down have some strawberries look there is a plate there for you i help pass out the food and have class in just a moment so i have to go as i leave i blow kisses they each blow a kiss to me in turn waiting for me to blow one back later the kindergarteners come in and ask for cheekzilla i tell them he has gone to the beach that he was wearing a bikini with cupcakes on it he had sunscreen and a straw hat and a lunch bag full of cheeks and pink lemonade that he was wearing a pair of flip flops this big big foot sized they sat eyes wide as i told the story the believed every word seriously i love my job some days i get home and run my daughter to the bank stopping to buy her and the dog ice cream i get a soy iced caramel mocha i look back at the dog while my daughter is driving and i see this glassy eyed half asleep look he can barely sit his front legs collapsing under him what is wrong buddy i say before i realized he is completely stoned on painkillers yesterday he had dental surgery and a lumpectomy i teased my daughter that when she stepped on the brakes it shouldn t be like she was trying to squash a cockroach she giggled and then cracked up i love the way her whole face crinkles up into a hundred dimples and creases when i get her to laugh like this i went to yoga for the first time since january i wasn t even recognized by one of the regulars my hair is so different wow was i stiff my hamstrings were so tight which is not tight compared to the average person mind you i can bend over and touch my hands flat on the floor usually it was good to be there tonight it was a small group dick was in good spirits today and between my friend sarah and i we were teasing him so much i love how he laughs when i tease him too he mock complained at one point threatening to expel me but sarah defended me saying that teasing was a sign of affection which dick and i have discussed on numerous occasions i also did what i believe is called king pigeon pigeon with a back bend and taking your back foot in hand i had to use a strap for my foot but it was really a lovely pose once home i rode my bike for 4 5 miles then walked stitches in the belly boy for a half mile would have gone the other half but it was starting to lightning into the light rain so i decided against it there is no insight for me today to share with the world sometimes life is about the everyday this day was a good one uncategorized uh mom i think i have a virus may 26 2011 may 26 2011 meg 1 comment have you ever encountered malware protection it is a horrible computer virus that prevents any connection to the internet thus prohibiting downloading of any anti viral software i tried to download the software to my computer and then transfer via thumbdrive to my daughter s computer nope couldn t do that either for two reasons one is that my windows 2000 yes i did say stegosaurus was so hopelessly outdated that i could not access any software for her windows vista operating system the second reason is that the malware virus she had blocked any uploads to her computer from an external thumbdrive ugh after four yes four hours on the phone with the good people at stopzilla an anti virus software that i love i got the virus off her computer my only complaint was the one indian guy who after i had been disconnected from the phone and called back made the mistake of trying to sell me another service ah listen can we please just get on with fixing this computer i am not buying anything else so just connect me to someone who can help me he apologized and asked me was i crying almost but more like trying not to curse at him and told me it was okay and he would help me just be patient it wasn t patronizing i think he genuinely concerned that he had upset me then we tried to connect to the internet wirelessly and were not able to tried again the next day and then realized that the virus appears to have fried the wireless router also my old computer was actually at one time my ex husbands work computer and i rarely used it when we were together if he was home he was on it most of the time i just wasn t in the habit of using it now of course i rarely bother with the television most of my information and media is computer generated i have slowly gone through my life and removed any painful reminders of my ex seems the only thing i cannot seem to shake is his girlfriend my daughter thinks she is stalking me and the constant reminders on the computer it was actually emotionally painful as though it was my only interaction with him was to see his title and ownership of this or that the car the computer files the wireless router the whatever particularly considering i basically was the one paying for most of it i guess to make a long story short i bought a small efficient laptop that is silver with textured and swirling racing stripes and a new sleek and sexy wireless router yes i said sleek and sexy it is very sexy rarr now when i log in with my nook i see my name not his also the files on the new computer everything will be completely and utterly in my name he is not associated with it in any way it feels like a freedom but wow what a mess i found when i started unplugging everything power strips plugged into power strips a mess of wires that was outrageous i realized that by unplugging all the various little things he had patched here and there that my electric bill will undoubtedly go down probably 20 25 bucks a month i am still not done with cleaning up and organizing my little workroom sewing room office but already it feels better in here cleaner roomier it was 87 degrees today and this room is quite comfortable typically with the computer and all the flashing and power on accessories this room was like a sweat shop on days like today i reduced three overloaded power strips down to two one of which is just for the sewing machine and a lamp the other power strip actually has outlets to spare i held onto this thing this old dinosaur of the computer because i thought i needed it because i didn t think i could get this new thing because i thought i would just make do with what i had but when i finally replaced it i found that what had been there was a hot mess cobbled together in a fashion that was irresponsible expensive what is left behind is a cleaner more workable place to express my creativity i took this problem and made it into something better so much better cooking healthy eating nature new york state parks small joys treasure and uh erm may 25 2011 may 25 2011 meg leave a comment i am so into where i am and what i am doing standing tall and happy hand on one hip surveying the land i have written about this so many times it should be old news my phone rings and after a few brief words i am returning to the parking lot i bend a corner and there he is photographing a buttercup and bearing a begged water bottle we turn back around and walk the way i have just come from he asks you have your map don t need one i say like the back of my hand we do the long trail extension and keep walking past the end of trail signs and into turkey territory he informs me of this in a soft voice i am subtly impressed that he knows this part of the trail and i do not we bend around under the power wires and then catch up the official trail where i had answered the phone i say look there it is by that stump there and then lead him down the trail to the other entrance to the long power wire scar on the trail he talks softly about looking for animals and after a few minutes makes a soft whistling noise with his mouth that i know instinctively means come here i go and there is a small red newt he picks it up and tries to take a photo but his hand is too close so i take the delicate baby in my hands where it rests quietly until the photo is taken when we are out in the long desolate byway he points down to the swamp where two deer are walking in the grass then i see a fawn then we see and hear a male and female cardinal the male on a dead branch brilliant scarlet against the bright blue sky gorgeous i find myself loving this quality in him of sighting the animals calling attention to them and photographing them i have walked for two and a half hours down the long steps and back up what would typically be my usual 40 minute trek through the tougher trails and then back around again i feel a strange sense of being so comfortable with this companion i hug him tightly and he hugs back promising more time spent together i couldn t ask for more i couldn t ask for one single thing more dinner one vidalia onion one yellow pepper three cloves of garlic and two small stalks of celery sauted in olive oil til tender a couple chicken breasts sauted til done salt add a small jar of sofrito a few dashes of salt and a small can of fire roasted tomato then one cup of white rice mix stirring for a minute or so then add two and a half cups of water two tablespoons green olives and two nearly ripe plantains yellow not brown bring to a boil then turn down and simmer twenty minutes arroz con pollo a la la pajarita latin fusion with a meggy twist delicious i ate it for breakfast and lunch today too musings and now for something completely different may 24 2011 meg leave a comment i am in a weird place i find it hard to put words to it find it hard to name it but it is not my usual place at all it feels almost like that point in the giving birth process this point of transition i am struggling with some of the things that people tell single women the if you give up it will happen thing so should i pretend to give up so it will happen so if i give up and it doesn t happen what then oh honey you need to learn to love yourself really what makes you think i don t love myself i have a lot to offer i am of good character am attractive intelligent and have a good job do you see something i don t yes i need to lose about 40 pounds oh no you don t honey you are juicy you are hot yes but listen i do need to lose 40 pounds apparently acknowledging that you need to lose weight is admission of not being in love with yourself as i guess is saying i am pretty and attractive but i am not beautiful because i am a pretty good judge of beauty and i know i am not its okay with me that i am not beautiful i do have a drop dead gorgeous smile and beautiful eyes but you are beautiful okay i guess being honest with myself is another way of admitting i am not in love with myself ack i run circles around myself but the fact is that the guy i really like is making it pretty clear he doesn t really like me i wish people would just bust out and say it i for one and confused by the signals and as shy as a kid around him so i have to throw my hands up and the prospects elsewhere are slim to none so what is a girl to do this girl is cranky i am tired of it all to be honest i am tired of dwelling on these issue i am tired of looking i am tire...