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will eventually see it will still be 3wwaw ie irreverent and peppered with swear words see you soon posted by the border collies at 8 25 pm 25 comments labels sport sunday march 07 2010 do you believe in magic so your food lady has a part time job working for a magician yup you ve read that correctly i spend a couple of days a week at the beck and call of a magic man it s rather fascinating stuff last week i spent several hours making things out of fimo i can t tell you what i made or i d have to kill you also i m still not really sure what it was i was making cuz it s awful secretive this magic business there are some downsides to this job 1 it s kind of like working for a congenial and slightly less creepy david blaine 2 i m a captive audience for all these magic tricks that make me shit my mind but there are also some real perks to this job 1 he feeds me lunch that sometimes includes cake 2 he pays me in real dollars not magicbucks 3 i get to see one of my favourite things every time i walk into his house remember this fine old gentleman oh yeah it s the world s most demented canine tyrant his majesty sporticus now eighteen and a freakin half years old sport refuses to die probably just to be obstinate or the most likely explanation is that it s some kind of magic at work how else can you explain how sport going on 19 years old still shuffles around this earth making people do his bidding it s gotta be magic this week sport is staying with me and my crew while my boss and his wife have disappeared into the magic box and reappeared in the middle of nyc sport rattled and squeaked his way into my living room collapsed himself into a heap of dusty old bones on a big fluffy pillow and has been making me do his bidding ever since sporty is much as i remember him serious sweet and bossy as fuck you peon bring me some food i will eat except i won t eat anything that i have eaten before so be creative but not too creative for i won t like that one bit in fact maybe i m not even hungry at all you ll never know will you why are you just standing there get to work this is one old dog my friends he is on a million medications to keep his heart beating his joints passably mobile and the grim reaper at bay every time i pick him up which is shockingly often and usually because he has gotten stuck somewhere he wheezes and coughs and i m sure the end is nigh he has a very special eating regime that i apparently suck at because he completely refused to eat his dinner last night a dinner i might add that involves several steps about 40 minutes of cooking and a very specific presentation until i peppered it liberally with slices of ham and for a dog who gets stuck in corners he s remarkably adroit at removing strategically placed ham bits from the rest of his food this morning he woke me up at 6am by peeing on my carpet i love having sport here because well because i love sport but i also hate having sport here because i am nursing this 24 7 dread that he s going to die on my watch his owners have assured me many times that if he dies while they are gone they won t blame me because he s eighteen and a freakin half years old and he s bound to pop off eventually but i d much rather he waited until they come back from nyc and if he must kick it he does it in their house and not mine of course if he doesn t stop with the refusal to eat anything i make him i may kill him myself perhaps i ll kick him until oh never mind a day with sport goes kind of like this he wakes me up at an ungodly early hour by pissing in my floor so i leap out of a dead sleep hustle him at a snail s pace to the front door and shove him outside then i crawl around cleaning up the trail of pee crying because 40 seconds ago i was asleep and now i m the opposite and i m confused he wanders around outside sniffing stuff and trying not to get lost at the pace of 0927 miles per decade then waits for me to reappear because he can t get back up on the deck i lift him up he coughs and wheezes i squint my eyes shut and repeat the phrase don tdiedon tdiedon tdie until he stops coughing then we sort of propel ourselves through the house until we re back in the big room where sport whines until someone gets off his big fluffy pillow where he promptly collapses i make a meal he won t eat replace it with something else he won t eat lie down on the floor in front of him with a spoon and beg him to eat kick his bowl across the room and hurl invectives at him for not eating then i give him several slices of ham and some liver cookies which he will eat at least which he will eat today who knows about tomorrow i finally sit down with my coffee and sport decides he needs to pee again so we repeat the shuffle lift cough wheeze don tdiedon tdiedon tdie whine collapse routine and then it s time for one of his many medications delivered sneakily in a liver cookie i can do magic too you know repeat several times daily go through the whole eating thing at dinner time again eventually go outside with him for the last pee lest he inadvertently wander into the mouth of a coyote move his fluffy pillow into the bedroom go back to the big room to convince him that the pillow can in fact move rooms and he doesn t have to stand where it used to be and stare at nothing eventually lift him up and carry him to the pillow cough wheeze don tdiedon tdiedon tdie sleep sport is a lot of work but having him here and working with saints has really gotten me thinking about when and how our old dogs should die and how much and for how long should we be keeping them alive sport can scarcely move these days and spends much of his time either asleep or staring blankly at nothing like a wall who knows what s going on in his little pea brain is he thinking you bastards let me go or is he going ow ow ow ow ow in his head or is he grateful that he s still here to rule the house from his pillow don t get me wrong i am in no way second guessing his owners decisions about his well being i won t pretend that having him for a week is like having him for my very own and i know without a shadow of a doubt that they are doing everything for him they can and with his best interests in mind i m definitely not suggesting that sport should not still be with us and besides it s not like he s actually alive anyway he s in a state of suspended semi animation thanks to magic it s just that i ve never had a really old dog myself and having this decrepit old house guest just i guess makes me think about this stuff i try to imagine say piper at eighteen and a freakin half years old she is such an animated lively busybody of a dog what would she be thinking if she were really old and couldn t do any of the things she loved to do and couldn t really move or walk or make mad teeth tm at her friends would she hate every blessed minute of it or would she just be happy that she was still hanging around being a puny little witch kill me and i will haunt you and so will my sidekick bitch and when do they tell us that it s time for them to go do they know briggs never told me my vet told me but did briggs want to die i ll never know all i knew was that he was going to die in a matter of days possibly hours and i didn t want him to hurt anymore and there was nothing else we could do for him his imminent death was inevitable and as much as it pained me i don t think i let him go too soon at all but a dog like sport who is dying by degrees just because he s old when is it too soon or too late how do you know part of me hopes tweed lives to be as old as sport and part of me hopes he doesn t at all mostly because as long as there is breath in his body he will bark at me and i cringe at the thought of 9 more years of his incessant barking wootie will undoubtedly live to be about 43 years old just to torment me having sport here this week is like a living at saints they make life and death decisions all the time it must be heartbreaking for them and sometimes i imagine the dogs make the decision themselves about when it s their time to go which must also be heartbreaking for them it s so easy to get attached to these little lives isn t it yesterday i took my dogs for a walk but not sport that d kill him for sure and tweed stepped on a whole branch of thorns he was wearing a thorn shoe and he limped right over to me poked me in the knee with his nose and when i looked down he held his paw right out to me to remove them for him can you imagine we ve finally reached that place he s my old dog and he loves me are you still on about that dog you re boring posted by the border collies at 10 04 am 39 comments labels dexter piper sport tweed older posts home subscribe to posts atom become a fan of tdbcr on facebook that ll do border collie rescue on facebook 3 woofs a woo can come to you posts atom posts all comments atom all comments cool photo blogs search me enter your search terms web www threewoofs blogspot com submit search form blog archive 2010 25 march 5 so long farewell you may not remember me see sport run do you believe in magic life s a beach february 13 january 7 2009 97 december 10 november 7 october 8 september 7 august 7 july 10 june 10 may 5 april 6 march 9 february 7 january 11 2008 89 december 7 november 7 october 8 september 8 august 8 july 10 june 7 may 7 april 7 march 8 february 5 january 7 2007 122 december 12 november 21 october 13 september 13 august 14 july 15 june 16 may 8 april 6 march 2 february 2 we love threesomes blogs i like terrierman s daily dose bcxfour little lamb who made thee i am joyfully anticipating lambing and the upcoming spring green grass sprouting in the pastures happy fat lambs racing to and fro life beginning ane 12 years ago behind the behavior to bite or not to bite teaching puppies to bite safely peggy adams myers ccs the initial phone intake with a client whose dog has bitten and done damage can be emotionally charged what caused their beloved p 13 years ago bike snob nyc new radio show owing to cascading back to school schedules i make my return to typing words into the internet incrementally and to that end here s a short post alerting 6 years ago bikesbirdsnbeasts a few critters and some thoughts about juvanescence i missed the h and i posts for abc wednesday s meme but it looks like i j ust might make it into the j post since i have lots of critters to sh 9 years ago buzz buzz full o fuzz twenty ten hello dear readers i come to you today to let you know that buzz is done with blogging i started this blog as a personal little thing to record my growin 16 years ago cake wrecks we moved cake wrecks has moved you are being redirected to the new site if the redirect doesn t work please go to either cakewrecks com or cakewrecks squarespac 14 years ago cavedog one picture per week 2010 i started too late to do one per day one per week should be quite doable dinner at marche with misha january 4 2010 olympus e p2 25mm 1 4 angenieux 16 years ago f my life overfamiliar today i felt comfortable enough to finally call my stepmom mom she politely asked me not to call her that fml by anonymous 2 days ago food for founder i forgot to add that i would not have a job in this ideal world which is non ideal 15 years ago fractions of time we are statues we peoople have the ability to model by commanding our common emotions 16 years ago fuck you penguin still fuck you after all these years happy fifth anniversary you crazy son of a bitch 12 years ago g nerdy vaping is a wonderful and beautiful thing and a fantastic way to vaping is a wonderful and beautiful thing and a fantastic way to help you stop smoking traditional cigarettes you need to be careful when vaping as nast 9 years ago gretchen drew photoblog just another dog blog 12 years of waiting if the collie types are good at anything it s waiting self control may need to be encouraged as a youngster but the stand and stare thing is there al 11 years ago macromutt com dog photographers dog photography men who look like old lesbians fess parker actor famous for playing davy crockett and originating the role of max in the broadway production of bent 16 years ago nevernacatamale windows live for a child named santos in my bedroom in pittsburgh pa the flimsy white cross seems out of place on my bookcase it is fragile and home made so simple among my richly glazed ni 12 years ago nicaragua redux the sarna dog chronicles cat tv a triad of hyper adolescents and a giant evil clown head sprouts from the pavement this is a roof cat i think it s actually some one s cat that just hangs out on the rooftops and not an actual terrifying squalling wild beast that makes 12 years ago postsecret the new postsecret book see postsecret videos discover new postsecret links pre order the new postsecret book visit the world of postsecret 11 years ago psychotic letters from men plfm says goodbye it s been a great ride folks and we d like to thank you for joining us on our little year long adventure into the bizarre world of highly unstable individ 16 years ago ruby the maynard parker collection image photobucket image photobucket image photobucket image photobucket image photobucket image photobucket maynard l parker 1901 19 15 years ago stuff white people like 136 my so called life though very specific to white people who were going through an awkward phase in 1995 basically anyone between eleven and forty my so called life s reson 15 years ago tazimodo tough toughhound collars a few weeks ago i was approached by the folks at toughhound to test out their dog collars they sent me a toughhound all sports dog collar to try it s a 13 years ago the daily coyote the charlie calendar lives on hello out there it s been a while a long long long long while last fall i decided i wasn t going to do a charlie calendar this year which felt ver 1 year ago vet on the edge sleep sweet sister well hey there i m not your usual host i m her older sister stepping in to bring you up to date if your usual vet were here she d surely say i m so 12 years ago more photos of my dogs photos of piper photos of red dog photos of the fabulous mr woo photos of tweed because well really what people think of three woofs and a woo i don t want you to go back to work either because i imagine this means you won t be updating your blog quite as often waaaah i admit it i am addicted to your blog i always have it open on a tab in my firefox window mahnamahna you are obviously a very engaging writer you take great pics and your dogs well words barely describe their wonder have you ever thought about taking these antics and making them into childrens books something to the idea of 3 woofs and a woo fifa goes missing or 3 woofs and a woo look out hollywood just a thought sweetceana rdm you get some of the greatest photos ever just love looking at your blog pics my enjoyment is much enhanced by your commentary naturally but the pics would certainly be enough on their own ak dog doc finally on your blog there is a spot to look at all...