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tiny pineapple skip to main content tiny pineapple ananas comosus l minimus home the latest archives the archives gallery a plethora of pineapples nurse books career romances about what s all this then down to the bottom south pass posted may 23rd 2011 the author the following day obviously still deeply traumatized by the incident at south pass the fact that we had to make an emergency roadside bathroom stop at south pass only 30 miles outside of farson wyoming was entirely my fault we d stopped in farson of course because well we always stopped in farson when we were driving to my grandparents house in lovell wyoming because the farson mercantile offers two irresistible enticements to the weary traveler the last public restrooms for a hundred miles ice cream cones with scoops of ice cream as big as a five year old s head my mother always required us to make use of the former before we could partake of the latter so i dashed into one of the stalls rather than using one of the urinals since i was a shy modest young man deposited 1 2 oz of urine into the toilet so i could say that i d gone splashed some water on my hands in the sink so i could say that i d washed them and then dashed back to receive my massive frozen dairy orb half an hour later my ice cream cone was empty and my five year old bladder was not my father pulled the oldsmobile vista cruiser over to the side of the road and we all piled out my aunt carol and her kids who were caravanning with us also stopped and the adults stood chatting by the cars as the kids scattered into the brush beside the highway apparently i wasn t the only one who had rushed his visit to the restroom roadside bladder relief is a tricky business under the best of circumstances but the desolate high plains of wyoming offer their own unique set of complications for one thing there are no trees to be found and while there s an abundance of sage brush on the side of the highway the specimens closest to the road are quite scrawny so if you want any privacy at all you have to venture farther out where the brush is a little taller but it s a delicate balancing act if you don t go far enough you re still perfectly visible from the road but if you go too far your odds of encountering a rattlesnake or being mauled by a prairie dog go up exponentially on this particular occasion being sensitive to my aunt s presence i opted for distance over safety i knew i was taking a chance venturing so far from the road but i figured that if i was fast i could heed nature s call and still sprint back to the car ahead of any rabid antelope that might be in pursuit in my haste to finish however i didn t how shall i put this ensure that all my items were properly stowed in the overhead compartment and to fully appreciate this story one must keep in mind that the zippers of 1968 were not the teflon coated wonders of sartorial engineering that we enjoy today with their perfectly aligned microscopic teeth and smooth flawless action no back then zippers were primitive contraptions with jagged teeth the size of your fist that were smelted from raw iron ore and crudely forged by amateur vikings in factories that manufactured zippers during the day and razor wire at night since little or no retooling was necessary the zippers of 1968 were also prone to getting stuck if you didn t zip them up in a single swift motion with plenty of follow through they d get stuck halfway up and you d have to wrestle them back down and make a second run at it i wasn t sure what the national park service s rabid antelope threat level was that day but i wasn t going to take any chances i knew that i had to get it right the first time so i gave the zipper on my pants a firm decisive yank and me aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh my mother had been standing next to the car talking to my aunt carol but my first blood curdling scream brought her running unfortunately it brought my aunt carol running too the women running toward me what s wrong what s wrong as i mentioned before i was a shy modest young man so i was not about to let a female relative see me with shackleton trapped in the pack ice if you will so as they ran toward me i turned and hightailed it in the opposite direction me running aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh the women chasing where are you going what s wrong me still running aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh the women still in pursuit stop running what happened me not stopping aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh at this point i realized that i was a good 25 yards from the road and suddenly remembering the rabid antelope threat i executed a wide arcing turn that would take me back toward but not too close to the road unfortunately my mother and aunt followed me on my new trajectory and i grew increasingly frustrated that these seemingly intelligent women couldn t seem to take a hint the women stop running me finally able to form words nooooooooooooooooo the women come back come back me go awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay go awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the women tell us what s wrong me nooooooooooooooooo go awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay after executing a few more broad sweeps through the brush i looked back and was relieved to see that the women had finally stopped chasing me but they hadn t given up instead they were pointing to either side of me and making sweeping gestures as they conjured up some diabolical plan for my capture it was like something out of an african nature documentary where two lionesses single out the the weakest member of the herd in this case the baby wildebeest with the crocodile clamped to its loins and conspire to take him out i knew i had to think fast and it suddenly occurred to me that if they could not be deterred perhaps they could be deflected me get daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad the women what me go get daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad i need daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad thankfully this had the desired effect after conferring for a moment they walked slowly back to retrieve my father and i found a mercifully tall clump of sage brush to stand behind while i awaited rescue back at the car there was a brief animated discussion between the two women and my father as they recounted the tale up to that point though if you ask me their haphazard serpentine gestures didn t do justice to my brilliant evasive maneuvers in the brush after which my father started hiking out to my location as he approached i stepped out from behind the sage brush looked down at my fly then back up at him and announced i m stuck my father was a fighter pilot during the cold war and it is a testament to his military training that not a flicker of emotion crossed his face as he crouched down and surveyed the situation he made a few attempts to dislodge the zipper but the tiny pull tab on my size 5 jeans was difficult to grasp with his large man fingers so after fumbling with it for a few minutes he put his hand on my shoulder and said i need to go get something from the car i ll be back in a minute will you be ok i sniffed and nodded and he returned to the car where my my mother and aunt were huddled waiting for news my father is nothing if not a man of discretion so i was confident that he would provide the ladies with enough general information to put their minds at ease without revealing the exact intimate details of my predicament whatever he told them they seemed to take it well but i could still tell that they were deeply moved because they turned their faces away from me and i could see that their shoulders were shaking slightly after rummaging around in the back of the station wagon for a minute my father closed the tailgate and began hiking back to my location it wasn t until he was about twenty feet away that i saw the pair of pliers in his hand and it was then that i contemplated abandoning the life and people i had come to know and love and taking my chances on the open range i imagined that one day shoshone tribal elders would tell their grandchildren stories of a mysterious feral child who roamed the plains howling at the moon wearing nothing but a pair of ill fastened blue jeans who knows maybe i would have gotten a cool native american nickname out of it but before that scenario could play itself out in my head my father had the pliers on the zipper s pull tab and a firm grip on my waistband most likely for leverage but also i think so i couldn t make a break for it are you ready he asked i wiped the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand put my hand on his shoulder to steady myself and nodded my head resolutely ok here we go he said gripping the pliers tightly we both took a deep breath one two thr as you can see from the photo above i suffered no long term ill effects from my self inflicted and might i add totally redundant high country bris but if you re ever driving through south pass i would encourage you to pull over to the side of the road turn off the engine step outside for a moment and listen of course you ll hear the wind as it whips across the continental divide and depending on the threat level you might even hear the distant frothing of a rabid antelope but even decades later if you listen very very carefully in the upper registers you might still hear the faint echoes of the plaintive howl of the pathetic creature who if things had gone differently the shoshone tribal elders might still be referring to as little pronghorn posted in life pineapples ready to ship florida posted january 3rd 2011 posted in gallery del monte pineapple grapefruit drink posted january 2nd 2011 neatest trick in years and del monte did it like the sunny juice of pineapple the refreshing tang of grapefruit you ll say they re twice as much fun together in this great del monte discovery here s flavor made to order for tots teenagers old timers everybody and besides being differently delicious del monte pineapple grapefruit drink is fortified with healthful vitamin c have a glassful soonest it s the best reason you ll ever have for being thirsty while the entry for citrus fruit juices canned in the fda defect levels handbook specifies maximum acceptable levels for mold aoac 970 75 and insects and insect eggs aoac 970 72 it is strangely silent on the subject of clown backwash waka 970 79 think about that before you have a glassful soonest posted in gallery nurse at burford s landing by peggy dern 1966 posted january 1st 2011 the isolated island needed a doctor and a nurse desperately lea decided it was just the place for her overworked widowered father to relax and still keep his practice she accepted their peaceful life until love walked in you are so obsessed with the thought of being a martyr that you will sacrifice anybody and anything to that goal noel harper s words stung nurse lea malvern she was torn between two loves her love for her father and the islanders and her love for noel the handsome writer who came to burford s landing to research the island s history and search for buried treasure lea s days became strained as she secretly wrestled with her conflict amid the gossip and suspicion on the isolated island apparently valentine book employed rob petrie s sleepwalking brother stacey in its titles department also by peggy dern posted in nurse book collection n organus prime posted october 3rd 2010 while i was sitting in the conference center yesterday i saw something and now that i ve seen it i can t stop seeing it posted in lds older entries elsewhere instagram feeds subscribe to posts 1999 2026 grettir asmundarson all rights reserved back to the top