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nonprofit organization that specializes in supporting families with traumatized children it includes online support groups for siblings moms dads and a retreat that was already known as the orlando mom s retreat started by corey waters we do have some spots left for that if you are interested we regularly have guests post on our blog and are always looking for new ones i would love to reconnect with you all over there www momsfindhealing com posted by tudu at 5 29 2013 02 10 00 pm no comments monday march 18 2013 yes of course absolutely when my sibling group of six moved in 7 years ago i devoured any and all books about trauma attachment and adoption i could find i had thought i was prepared from my experience being a live in houseparent for teen girls and working in a residential facility for children with predatory behaviors i was no where near prepared for the level of defiance aggression peeing sexual acting out and violence that was now my every hour of every day life i quickly found that not all the wisdom i was reading would work for us i began to pick things from each of the books and come up with my own thing in other words i have no idea where i got this from or if i am a genius like the moms say don t burst my bubble i m going with the genius thing one of the many things that became apparent with the kids besides their inability to trust anyone their need to destroy anything of value and the clear need for boundaries was that they would lose their crap when i would tell them no being frustrated and completely thoroughly exhausted i had a hard time saying yes about anything i wanted to scream no at the simplest requests that began the cycle of no me giant tantrum of destruction them sobbing mostly me and then the i hate you always them that and the year long lice infestation we were struggling i don t remember exactly how or when it came about but i made a conscience effort to stop saying no i was determined to find a way to say yes to everything surprisingly it wasn t that hard i found they were much more willing to do the things i needed them to do if i was agreeing with them they also were beginning to like me just a little while i am aware that is not a part of parenthood try being hated truly and deeply by the children you are willing to sacrifice your sanity for this was a perk that made life worth living i began to feel like we were going to make it i m sure you re thinking good parents can t just agree to everything you are right i always add my own spin to the request yes of course absolutely you can watch tv as soon as your chore is done we both win it works for all sorts of things it is simple but it works even for my kids with extreme control issues before i knew it i was agreeing to all sorts of things staying up 30 more minutes wearing shoes without socks and even having dessert before dinner and no one was getting hurt i was stopping to think about why i wanted to say no to something and figure out a way to say yes who is it going to hurt if they draw with chalk on the porch it can be washed off why not eat all the halloween candy in one day sick for one instead of two can t every mom use a makeover from their 5 yr old and have pictures to prove it i began to relax my expectations and they began having fun i decided to give them choices when i needed them to do something the worst thing first to catch them off guard and the thing i want last my kids always pick the last option regardless of what it is because they can t remember the other options would you please clean the entire kitchen or would you rather just unload the dishes or i need someone to clean up all the dog poop in the yard or scrub the toilets which do you want to do when mine started to catch on they were healthier so now i make it more of a joke instead of cleaning up the dog poop i can tell them to clean up squirrel poop i have only had one kid spend an afternoon looking for squirrel poop i was more than happy to scrub the toilet that day for them while they looked and looked i needed a place to regroup so i could keep a straight face anyway posted by tudu at 3 18 2013 10 38 00 am 2 comments friday january 04 2013 sharing my secret to survival there are a few openings for our yearly trauma mama retreat in orlando this year i would love to see a few of you there i m happy to answer any questions about it but i can promise you it will be life changing it has been for all of us it s getting close so don t wait you can check out the blog about it here posted by tudu at 1 04 2013 12 29 00 pm no comments friday november 16 2012 i haven t forgotten about you patches was discharged from rtc last friday and is doing very well she has been trying to help kiki learn some control over her emotions even writing that makes me giggle a little who would have thought patches and i had a moment at the beginning of summer that we both decided to learn from we had reached the end of line for her violence and threats i am so proud of her for choosing to be an active part of our family she smiles giggles and tries so hard to do her share even when her brain is telling her i m trying to ruin her life michael is coming for a day visit sunday first one since february we are all excited and nervous i d love to say he is progressing but the fact is he is the same it is beginning to look like life will be very difficult for him we have chosen to fight for him to remain a part of our family even though no one is sure he will ever be safe enough to live at home ruthie has a boyfriend she is a hormonal mess she is a mouthy teenager some days but still complies with me while yelling at me it is too hard not to laugh and that is not helping cyr is doing virtual school and helping with my mil my mil has taken a turn for the worse and needs round the clock care cyr loves going to help her a few days a week i don t know of many 16 year olds that could or would be willing to help like this i am so proud that even thinking about it i tear up emma s mom is staying with us until christmas emma is thrilled she also is obsessed with one direction it is annoying she took up the clarinet and loves it it sounds great from about a mile away ella and ava were placed in the same 5th grade class they are starting to blossom at school socially it s very sweet watch out boys these 2 are gorgeous and if they ever work up the courage to talk back to you you will fall in love they are both so sweet and caring little girls can t forget kiki she is still a hot mess we couldn t love this more i believe she saved patches she is the only real connection she has been able to develop she loves that child and kiki adores her we have a lot going on with her lately she met her first father a few weeks ago when we first told her about him she asked how come he didn t know about her until now then she answered aww it s probably because he isn t smart like me he has turned out to be a really nice guy he told his parents that he discovered true love after his first visit with her his parents are smitten too she is an emotional roller coaster but the best snuggler ever i m nearly finished with my holiday shopping i am so glad about that i did it all online what did we do before the internet posted by tudu at 11 16 2012 09 20 00 am no comments sunday july 29 2012 home visits life is quiet here patches and michael are both living in different facilities we are waiting for michael to be moved to the one patches is in patches has already begun weekend visits home because she shows absolutely no signs of anything she is perfect she happily cleans reads showers and participates in therapy they know she has issues they have seen her interact with me on video and were shocked she was so hostile she is honest with them about her behaviors at home too and that helps they were able to see how much work it is for me to help her maintain her deep anger towards me it is work for me because she makes no effort i had to dance and distract constantly right before she entered the rtc she began an anti depressant called celexa we have tried others in the past and didn t see much difference we were more focused on her psychotic symptoms at the time now her symptoms are under control and the biggest issue is her aggressive homicidal crap that she focuses on me anyway new med took a few weeks but we are seeing a huge difference it seems a lot of her anger may have been coming from anxiety we have always worked on naming their feelings and she could only name sad happy and mad turns out she was nervous too once the anxiety was calmed she is able to think through with help situations when other big emotions happen twice last weekend she was able to take criticism from me and respond like most people do you know without having an urge to kill their mom lol she approached me several times for hugs too she admitted she just wanted to hug me that never happens school starts here on the first yes you read that right we start wednesday kids are thrilled and so am i cyr will be doing online high school at home for 10th grade patches is entering 9th grade ruthie 8th emma 6th michael 6th and ella and ava 5th kiki is finally old enough to enter pre k but we were unable to get her enrolled here because we thought we d be moved before school started she will go into a program as soon as we move she is writing her name already and insists she is ready i know i am we are still waiting on the irs to give us our money i swear they are the slowest of slow they agree we are owed yet still resequencing our file i m irritated but there is nothing we can do this could go on forever it better not bc i have big plans to go visit my stalker in ny in a couple weeks i think we have decided to buy our home off the courthouse steps it s so much cheaper but requires so much more work upfront it s a risk i think we can manage i have been learning how to do title searches so we won t have that financial burden risk on a side note patches is reading to kiki no one asked her to and usually this is a huge trigger for her watch out folks the sky is falling posted by tudu at 7 29 2012 10 28 00 am 3 comments thursday june 07 2012 the waiting game why is she still mad at me when i gave her what she asked for i can not win she refuses to be happy she refuses to believe i have her best interest at heart she refuses to accept me as her mother she refuses to accept her birth siblings as family so i know it isn t me all of my other children issues or not know i will love them and protect them no matter my personal cost she loves her school psychologist and says she is the only safe person except my hubby i show her more kindness patience and understanding than both combined i am still shit i wish i could count the days until she is in rtc but we still don t have a date my girls need a break from her constant chaos i doubt they will miss her and then i will have to convince them to try again when she is released i think i need to consider having a stiff drink posted by tudu at 6 07 2012 08 07 00 pm 2 comments sunday june 03 2012 happy birthday son today my son turned 12 i remember sharing his 6th birthday with him shortly after he became a part of my family the difference in him is nothing short of amazing yet he still isn t safe enough to live at home with us we went up to the rtc to visit him today we brought cupcakes and wrestler figurines for him we stayed an hour and left he is always sweet but couldn t care less when we leave he says bye but never looks back he is more interested in the things we bring the rn i signed him out with praised me for being such an amazing and accepting mom i didn t know what to say since i haven t seen her before i had no idea what she was talking about she clarified when she saw how confused i was she told me we have spoken on the phone many times she is the one that calls after my son has been injured or had a violent episode remembering some of our brief conversations i smiled she went on to explain that most families are defensive and nasty to her some even blame the rtc for the events she said it is so nice to call and be thanked for trying so hard she said my son has spoken many times about how i love him no matter what choices he makes and i am the only one that can really keep him safe she said he told her he knows he can t love right but he has the right mom bc i love him him enough for both of us i almost cried he does hear me it is so hard to tell sometimes but now i know we had some big emotions around here after the visit i had stepped out to get tp and had to come running back to help the hubby i got the kiddo to take her night meds and do some breathing w me she regained control after a bit and the day is winding down i can hear 4 or 5 of my girls having a burping contest in their room life is good posted by tudu at 6 03 2012 10 00 00 pm 3 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom finishing off my family this is about my life loving a bunch of crazy people we are searching for ways to cope and heal from an alphabet soup of diagnosis i am proud to be the mother of the bravest people i know about me tudu deep south united states i am the mother of 10 children 6 are part of a large sibling group we adopted through foster care in 2006 2 are our grown foster daughters 2 are from independent infant adoptions in 2001 and 2008 every one of them have their own issues to work through from schizo affective disorder generalized anxiety disorder complex ptsd reactive attachment disorder sensory integration dysfunction adhd and cerebral palsy most of our children have been victims of sexual abuse by a close family member most acted out sexually or exhibited predatory behaviors we are currently trying to figure out where the trauma ends and mental illness begins in each of their lives view my complete profile subscribe in a reader followers links baggage and bug big mama hollars blah blah biddy blog busy intersection family times forever family jensboys kristina p large family momma marthavmuffin mega family living mom of 3 mongoose musemoon my friend lisa not the real momma our family happenings parenting the hoovers postcards from insanity process raising alyssa thoughts from a foster family blog archive 2013 3 may 1 come see what i ve been up to march 1 january 1 2012 18 november 1 july 1 june 2 may 3 april 1 february 5 january 5 2011 46 december 5 november 1 october 9 september 13 august 7 july 6 june 5 2010 123 october 8 september 7 august 14 july 12 june 8 may 8 april 9 march 16 february 24 january 17 2009 242 december 15 november 18 october 28 september 38 august 13 july 31 june 23 may 5 april 8 march 21 february 14 january 28 2008 280 december 16 november 15 october 21 september 22 august 23 july 29 june 25 may 22 april 26 march 30 february 29 january 22 2007 155 december 28 november 12 october 15 september 8 august 15 july 13 june 4 may 13 april 14 march 12 february 6 january 15 2006 93 december 15 n...