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description=A Bizarre Unpublished Novel by Rick Walton;

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Text of the page (random words):
on i wondered what it would taste like pretty horrible i guessed would you like the extra salty or the extra greasy i was sitting at a lunch counter in front of me on the wall was a neon sign dubuque fried pigeon claw lickin good come on i haven t got all day said a large tabby cat behind the counter would you like the extra salty or the extra greasy this was too much this early in the morning i d like to be home i yelled and there i was i was sitting on my bed with my sandwich my heart was racing and i was sweating i got up and stumbled to the phone i called 911 posted in 01 the discovery on tuesday leave a comment 2 doctors and tycoons posted on march 21 2011 by rockcanyon he s just fine said the doctor to uncle melvin as he scribbled notes on his clipboard but i was hallucinating i said there was this big cat mel didn t say anything just stood there yawning the doctor ignored me and hung his clipboard on a hook on the emergency room wall all i know is what i see he s in great shape he s not sick you say his parents are on vacation he probably just wants them to come back but my heart i was sweating the doctor kept talking to uncle melvin he just needs reassuring he s fine take him home with you i have people to see who really are sick mel and i left the onks memorial hospital and began walking the hospital had insisted on calling him they d needed someone to sign papers for me since i was a minor we didn t say anything until we got to his place so what exactly happened anthony said uncle mel as i lowered myself onto his dusty couch i told him about dubuque and the cat too much television said uncle mel mel stood in front of the couch and flicked his wild blond hair out of his eyes or maybe drugs are you on drugs of course not just had to ask he sat down in the only chair in the house that wasn t covered with things the couch would be covered too except uncle mel sleeps on it his bed is hidden under a pile of the dirty jeans and sweaters he always wears melvin never has time for housework he s too busy figuring out ways to get rich well then why are you hallucinating asked melvin i don t know if i knew i wouldn t be here asking you to help me figure out why i m hallucinating okay tell me what happened before you started seeing things well the first time i d been sleeping so i m not sure what happened but the second time i was sitting at the kitchen table thinking how i d like to try some dubuque fried chicken and there i was again hey you if you re not going to order i m going to have to call the dogs on you the tabby cat hissed at me then turned to help a small persian that was sitting next to me melvin where are you there he was right in front of me on the chair and i was on the couch there it happened again that hallucination my heart was beating wildly and i was starting to sweat this time though i knew better than to call 911 melvin looked nervous i don t know about hallucinations boy but i do know one thing you disappeared you were here one minute then zap my couch was empty and then a minute later there you were again was melvin losing it melvin i think you were hallucinating too i never hallucinate i dream but i never hallucinate and i bet you weren t hallucinating either i think you actually went somewhere wow melvin sat quietly for awhile thinking then his eyes grew wide and he stared past me he rested his elbows on his knees and covered his mouth with both hands he was in his famous scheming pose he stayed in the pose for maybe five minutes then he lowered his hands smiled and looked straight at me two questions first when you took your trips and i believe they were real trips because i don t know what else they could be you disappearing and all were you in any danger the first time a house almost fell on me besides that well not really except the big cat was going to call the dogs on me besides that didn t seem to be good second question can you do it again do what again go to dubuque i don t think i want to i said why not asked melvin because i don t if i go back again that cat ll sick the dogs on me can you go somewhere else instead i don t know well try it boy this is important melvin wasn t going to drop this but i don t know how i do it look every time you went to dubuque you were thinking about dubuque before you went right uh i think so the first time i d probably been dreaming about dubuque because my parents were there so think about going someplace like where to anyplace it doesn t matter to the first place that pops into your head melvin wasn t being much help one of our challenge spelling words in english last week had been albuquerque how about albuquerque i said get out of the way you obnoxious biped yelled the cow as he swerved his milk carton on wheels around me i was standing in the intersection of albuquerque boulevard and albuquerque way cows were recklessly driving milk cartons all over the place i want to be back with melvin i said before one of these things hits me before what hits you asked melvin from his chair the milk cartons oh never mind i did it i went someplace besides dubuque excellent said melvin and he jumped up and began to dance around the room we re going to be rich rich rich rich rich rich what i didn t see how my problem was going to make us rich melvin sat back down in his chair and leaned toward me this is what we re going to do first we ll figure out how you do this traveling thing then we ll open up a travel agency we ll provide tours no one else can offer we ll make billions i ll be able to hire a housekeeper but mel i almost got killed both places i went that last trip i landed in the middle of an intersection you can t take people on trips where they might get killed did you get killed no did any of these places seem more dangerous than where we live now after all things fall on people here cars hit people here but so all we have to do is figure out how to keep people from landing under falling houses or in busy intersections besides that mel i have no idea how i take these trips come on boy what s your problem what s your hesitation i know you you love new experiences i hate new experiences everyone knows that and you ve just been given the royal key to new experiences you ll love it as for figuring out these trips trust me we ll do it i was not as excited as mel i was not excited at all i just wanted to go back to bed and start the day over normal with no traveling and no disappearing and no cats and cows now listen carefully said mel this is what we re going to do i m going to make a few phone calls go to the library read some journals you go home and practice traveling see if you can figure out what s going on concentrate you can do it i ll call you tomorrow he began making notes on a scrap of paper he found on the floor i don t think he noticed when i left posted in 02 doctors and tycoons leave a comment 3 still tuesday in the mountains posted on march 21 2011 by rockcanyon at home i made a sandwich for lunch as i crunched it down i thought about mel i shouldn t have told him anything but i did and now i was trapped when mel gets a scheme in his head he never lets it go i considered my options i could do what mel asked and try to figure out what was going on and if i did and if we could duplicate it for other people mel would have me leading tours and dodging falling houses and avoiding collisions with cows for the rest of my life no thank you or i could just ignore mel then he d be calling me every half hour and nagging me and pushing me and cajoling me and just bothering me for the rest of my life until i gave in mel does not give up not a good idea again i had to settle this somehow i decided my only chance of having a normal life was to just bite the bullet figure this thing out and hope hope hope hope hope that there was no way uncle mel could make any money off of it then maybe he d ignore me and let me live my life again besides the first few trips had taken me by surprise i could just imagine being surprised like that off and on for the rest of my life being tossed here and there without any idea of where i was going and why i could never talk about think about or hear about anyplace in the world again or i d be zapped off to some weird distortion of the place that was just a bit more excitement than i wanted in my life so i d have to do it i d have to figure out what was going on and make it stop so my life could get back to normal and that meant i d have to take another trip probably more than one trip i d be more careful though my next trip would be to someplace peaceful and safe someplace where i d have time to try to figure out what was going on i d like to be camping in the mountains i thought i was by a mountain lake the lake was green i tasted it avocado dip i love avocadoes i looked around for a place to pitch my tent then i remembered i hadn t brought a tent or a sleeping bag or anything else for that matter well this was a well planned camping trip this was going to be a day hike a fish leaped from the lake and onto the shore he was wearing overalls across the front of them were the words murphy s trout farm got a match he asked in a high squeaky voice i guess i shouldn t have been surprised that a fish wearing overalls and walking on its tail fins could talk if cats can why not fish sorry no i said in a higher squeakier voice i don t smoke i also don t usually talk in high squeaky voices who said anything about smoking asked the fish who appeared to be a plaid trout what do you think i am a salmon filthy habit no i just wanted to find out if you had a match because if you did you d have to leave you see things burn quickly up in this high altitude all the helium you know light one match and the whole mountain would go up in flames helium all my life i d had show off friends who d inhale the helium from balloons and then talk like ducks i d always thought it was funny but i never tried it didn t dare i think i was afraid that the helium would ignite and blow me inside out at least i was afraid until i found out in science that helium doesn t blow up it s hydrogen that blows up like in the hindenburg are you sure helium burns i asked i thought it was hydrogen that burns are you sure pretty sure i don t think helium burns at all you know you may be right said the fish and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a match and struck it on a rock i held my breath as the flame flickered then died guess you re right said the fish in that case go ahead and light all the matches you want oh yeah you don t have any well here have some of mine he pulled a finful out of his pocket and handed them to me now you enjoy yourself here and remember not to eat any of the rocks unless you want an assault charge laid against you then he touched a fin to his nose gave me a wink and jumped back into the lake he d disappeared too fast i d wanted to ask him where i was maybe get an idea of what was happening i went to a nearby tree to sit in its shade the fish had been a surprise but he hadn t appeared dangerous nothing here seemed dangerous i began to relax lake rocks sky mountains everything was lovely there were also a wide variety of plants all blue thousands of rich shades of blue they contrasted nicely with the clear red sky besides the odd colors and the avocado lake and the fish things seemed almost normal yesterday this would have all been very unsettling but after this morning i leaned back against the tree it fell over and knocked over two trees behind it which knocked over four more trees which knocked over twelve more and on and on until the entire forest was one large jumble of fallen logs and then from holes and piles and bushes everywhere came the animals of all sorts squirrels rabbits foxes a couple of deer some robins all of them were wearing overalls and they were furious they were all talking at once but i think they were saying something about how i d destroyed their beautiful forest and how they were going to rip me into small pieces and feed me to the bears and i d always thought that forest creatures were peaceful things like bambi i prepared to wish myself home but before they could lay their paws and beaks on me a spotted trout shoved his way through with my friend the plaid trout following they stopped in front of me and stood glaring didn t he tell you not to lean against the trees said the spotted trout now didn t he tell you and you did it anyway no he didn t tell me that i said he told me not to light matches because everything would go up in flames and he also told me not to eat the rocks and i haven t eaten any rocks but he didn t tell me to stay away from the trees i wouldn t have made all the trees fall down if i d known trees don t fall down where i come from oh said the spotted fish he looked a bit confused at least he had calmed down the other animals were looking at him with puzzled expressions waiting for him to make some decision and clear things up for them apparently he bore some weight in the forest he turned to my friend the plaid trout is that right the plaid trout twitched nervously i i guess so oh he said again anyway it may still be a good idea for you to leave before the animals feed you to the bears they do have the right you know it s the law and the bears haven t eaten since that last girl scout troup i didn t want to hear about the girl scout troup and hundreds of little furry creatures were baring their teeth and inching towards me i d like to be home i thought and i was well my first major expedition hadn t exactly been a trip to disneyland and it hadn t been as peaceful and safe as i d wanted but at least i hadn t been eaten that did make me feel a little better three times i d been in danger and three times i d escaped just by wanting to the adventure was a bit much for me but maybe it wouldn t be as dangerous as i thought maybe i could survive this until i figured out what was going on and put a stop to it but i d had enough for the day no more traveling i don t like days where the best thing you can say for them is that you weren t killed i watched tv until i fell asleep i dreamed of fish posted in 03 still tuesday in the mountains leave a comment 4 wednesday with the universe posted on march 21 2011 by rockcanyon so did you figure out what s going on asked melvin when he called me up wednesday morning i have no idea mel i said then i told him about my very short camping trip so have your visits had anything in common anything that could give us clues well the animals talked but i don t see how that has anything to do with my traveling any other similarities come on think it might be important i thought for a moment sorry melvin nothing oh yeah the animals were rude nothing else nothing oh and this time i thought myself home i didn t have to say anything okay i ll see what i can do with rude animals and with the relationship between thinking and speaking but you just keep practicing i m convinc...