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ours later during a press conference at his new york office the audl is thrilled to welcome the manhunters to the fastest growing semiprofessional disc sport league in this world or any other said commissioner gordon we re confident that the manhunters will be a great addition to the league the announcement comes as a slight surprise since the general consensus in recent weeks among pro ultimate insiders has pointed toward possible franchise locations in either boston or beantown with an outside chance of north north north east providence i ll admit this comes as a bit of a shock said evan lepler on his daily ultimate talkshow on espn radio we all thought boston for sure with the whole connecticut rhode island thing well in the rearview mirror now i would ve thought the audl would finally be getting into in boston lepler was referring to the aud s legal trouble during its first season back in 2012 the league sued two of its founding teams the rhode island rampage and connecticut constitution over the rights to the boston territory which the league had previously sold to those teams the league asserted the legal principle of habeas dibsus and argued that its contracts were in technical terms shittus bulli the teams settled and exited the league rather than pay fees and fines out of their ample profits since then despite widespread speculation and hope the league has repeatedly declined to expand into boston or challenge mlu for control of one of the east coast s prized markets for 2016 the league has once again passed over the city of brotherly sports entitlement to the disappointment of untold dozens of boston area audl fans at the press conference commissioner gordon addressed the choice of mars over boston for the 2016 expansion manhunters we considered every possible market boston was seriously considered as were many others including st louis denver and co finalist anchorage we feel like we ve done our homework and we re confident that 2016 is exactly the right time to tap into the emerging martian market are there some logistical issues to work out sure i don t really know how low gravity and minimal air pressure will affect the disc but let s face it mars is hot right now nasa s announcement about liquid water matt damon s new movie i mean if the dude from dogma can get tens of millions of americans to pay to sit through a two and a half hour movie i m sure we can get twice that to come watch an actual live sporting event early response from outside parties seems promising from a business standpoint the manhunters have reportedly received interest from potential corporate sponsors including spirit airlines red bull and 21 st century fox and from possible fan service partners spacex and virgingalactic a political strategist for gop presidential front runner donald trump has confirmed that the candidate has inquired about naming rights to the manhunters stadium nonetheless many are skeptical about the league s decision to place a franchise on mars including ultiworld s 2015 women s club player of the year leila tunnell who criticized the league s choice in a phone interview saying it just smacks of opportunism and sensationalism they re cheaply cashing in on the buzz right now i mean seriously boston is clearly a great ultimate town that could support a franchise we brute squad just won the usau title and i m sure ironside finished second or third or something this is the place to be for ultimate but the audl picks mars over us that s just plain shortsighted but even some critics have admitted the expansion plan has a certain sense of logic i m not totally sold on mars said ultiworld s 2015 men s club player of the year cassidy rasmussen it sounds like a difficult location what with public transportation being such a concern for residents but if that s what it takes to grow the sport and reach new audiences it s probably worth it plus it can t be any worse than salt lake city commissioner gordon insists that the move is fully in line with the league s philosophy about monetization and expansion as drivers for growing the game we are innovators in business and in sport said gordon we push the boundaries and expand aggressively we believe in the potential of free enterprise and in the value of spreading this great sport we ve always said that there s a market for this game even if we have to make that market ourselves if you build it and if you advertise it they will come asked whether the league plans on experimenting with a women s division any time soon martian or otherwise gordon immediately replied no given current market forces it just doesn t make business sense posted by unknown at 9 43 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday april 1 2014 usa ultimate hires moneyball statistician bill james to run advanced metrics bureau oh wait that last one is real tuesday afternoon usa ultimate announced that it has hired legendary baseball statistician bill james of moneyball fame to spearhead the new advanced metrics bureau aimed at taking the ultimate fan experience to the next level ultimate has made huge strides forward in terms of media exposure and fan viewership over the last few years said usa ultimate ceo tom crawford at the press conference but we ve been lagging behind in terms of pretentiously complex statistics now usau is thrilled to announce that bill james father of baseball s sabermetrics movement has joined the team and will be providing us with extensive new statistical models for the game we all love james whose approach uses advanced numbers to find hidden value in players spoke to reporters about his decision to quit his lucrative career in baseball statistics and join up with ultimate priorities well frankly baseball sucks confessed james nothing happens i ve made an empire out of inventing a thousand ways to count precisely just how much nothing will happen in any given baseball game i just took a look at one more opening day i had to get out but james is nonetheless happy about the potential for advanced stats in ultimate said james well yeah of course i m excited i mean when you consider how boring baseball is it s kind of a miracle we just got people hooked on the stats and the fools flocked to the games by the millions just imagine what we can do with a game that s actually mostly sports the new statistics which james and usau plan to start tracking this summer with the 2014 club season aim to find all sorts of hidden value that ultimate players have never known their teammates had some reporters raised concerns about usa ultimate s limited resources and how all these new statistics could possibly be in place in time for the club season but usau officials seemed confident in reassuring the crowd don t worry it ll be fine said crawford we re just going to make a new tab in score reporter buckle up moneyflatball is coming posted by unknown at 2 30 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday march 6 2014 oh just get a room already declares frustrated ultimate nation the charged and awkward tension between major league ultimate and usau has reached nearly unbearable levels in the last few days and exasperated players across the country are telling the two distraught bureaucracies to just get it over with and screw before everyone else goes crazy geeze i wish they would just get it out of their systems already said atlanta ozone captain alison douglas it s so obvious that they re into each other but neither one of them wants to admit it it s getting really uncomfortable around here and we can all see where this is going definitely 3x hornier than before the social heat has been escalating gradually over the last year and half as mlu and usau have been forced by mutual friends to spend a lot of time together dancing around the uneasy and inconvenient truth of their clandestine carnal desires lately it just seems they turn every little thing into an argument said unc darkside captain christian johnson in a post tournament interview at the stanford invite last weekend well now it looks like a condom wrapper someone gives a friend a couple of shirts someone double books the friends for the weekend everything turns into some overblown fight and all of a sudden it s character attacks all out of proportion i wish they would just do it already so we can go back to normal it s really uncomfortable to hang out with them right now apparently usau and mlu have been struggling with these secret feelings since late 2012 when mlu broke up from an intense but unstable year long relationship with another league still the barely concealed lustful glances and outright self denial are starting to bother even some of the leagues dearest friends yeah this is getting ridiculous said tiina booth newly retired coach of amherst ultimate i mean i taught high schoolers for decades and never once did i see anything this bad crazy stupid teenagers and their hormones and none of them were as oblivious or as hung up as these two mlu and usau just need to set pride aside and go for it because this is frankly unsustainable it remains unclear when or if the two leagues will ever finally give in and share a night of spirited exchange one can only hope they ll find some high release before their relationship is irreparably damaged the ultimate nation waits with bated breath update 2 35pm et mlu released the following statement via twitter within minutes of this story s publication i don t know what you guys are talking about it s not like that at all usau is just a jerk and annoying and gets on my nerves all the time i mean maybe usau is into me but there s no way i d go there not a chance usau responded seconds later oh shut the f k up mlultimate get over yourself go back to the gym and lift some more jackass and when you re done go ahead come back stretch shirtless in front of everyone like you always do like anyone wants to see that posted by unknown at 2 32 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday february 27 2014 the ultimate academy awards preview today we bring you the ultimate academy awards preveiw for each category we ll tell you the favorites to win and give you our pick for who we think is likely to go home with the award best performance in a championship role scandalously dominant was frank underwood behind this the favorites team usa world games scandal drag n thrust revolver our pick scandal team usa was dominant and revolver reminded everyone of how truly outstanding they are but we have to go with scandal the ladies from dc not only upset fury to end san francisco s unprecedented run of titles but absolutely destroyed the seven time defending champs seriously they doubled them up 14 7 best performance in a semifinal role the favorites wild card the ghosts sockeye scandal again our pick the ghosts sockeye was excellent scandal steamrolled and t he sentimental pick is probably wild card a second year team that made it to semis but the huge rally the ghosts put up in the semis deserves recognition they went from down 13 7 to down 14 13 before drag n thrust closed the door that takes some crazy undead focus powers and if the ghosts take home the tosscar jeff graham should give the acceptance speech best dramatic roster move the favorites beau kittredge to san jose spiders peter prial to dc current lindsey hack to chicago nemesis our pick hack the knee jerk reaction is probably to say beau since he s widely recognized as the best player in the game but mlu works on one year deals so it s not that weird we re going with the shocking mid season transfer of raleigh phoenix founder and captain lindsey hack to chicago nemesis even if people put on nice faces to the public you know it would have made one heck of a tlc reality show behind the scenes best performance in a comedic role the favorites mlu jesus ultiwhirled usu altimate sludge our pick ultiwhirled nepotism is a bitch good luck next year guys best performance in an unintentionally comedic role the favorites rhino chasing frisco blackbird back in black the philly spinners screw you guys we re going home our pick rhino rhi nooooo rhino faces tough competition in this category from the philly spinners who in 2013 went off to start their own pro league mlu after demolishing the 2012 audl only to finish in last place against better competition pretty darn funny if you ask us but in the end we think rhino s epic end of season saga will prove too much to overcome a last second change to score reporter to snag streetgang s bid only to have furious george play a questionable last second tournament against voodoo to become series eligible and ultimately steal rhino s bid that s some dark ironic comedy right there best performance in a leading troll the favorites ultiwhirled the mercy rule brandon malecek muffingate nexgen a league of their own our pick malecek we were pretty proud of ourselves for getting the audl to respond seriously to a fake tweet but even we acknowledge that we fell short of the masters when muffingate swept smartphones across the country most people took malecek s criticism of the pulsar at face value behind closed doors however muffin actually loves the pulsar the entire blog post explosion and subsequent suspension was just a ruse to get publicity for the league team and new innova disc a flawless performance by malecek with a strong supporting performance by jeff snader and the mlu best bureaucratic clusterfuck the favorites usau the nationals format change mlu muffingate the audl 36 teams lol our pick usau although mlu and the audl each had some compelling cases this year we re still going with the last minute usau club championships format changes usau also nominated in this category for the northwest bid allocation disaster managed to deliver an astounding performance in this category this year despite an overall well managed first tct season best animated short we re thinking julia roberts as ng the favorites josh markette ironside whitecaps brett matzuka ring of fire michelle ng phoenix allison maddux scandal our pick michelle ng matzuka s quick precise on field performance is almost as amazing as his charlie white like hair but michelle ng brings the balance of on field awesomeness and off field activism better than anyone else she travels the country making the world better for women ultimate players this story just shouts academy award best gender mixing the favorites team usa all of them our pick team usa this award isn t really in doubt the us went undefeated in all three gender divisions of u23 worlds as well as in the mixed only world games who cares if we suck at hockey best original score the favorites tyler kinley sockeye lisa pitcaithley u23 worlds jeff graham whitecaps cara crouch showdown our pick pitcaithley crouch did great to land hands first and graham gets some serious bonus point...