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Text of the page (random words):
amazing son he is the light of my life my miracle baby he is worth every tear every doctor s visit every needle every surgery every early morning wake up he is absolutely worth everything i know many people who go through much worse than me and never get their babies i know how blessed i am the past year and a half makes it easy to forget i struggle with infertility i ve been basking in baby bliss and smothered in baby kisses we didn t plan on even starting to try until my son was at least a year old and then i was a few days late i ignored it since new years was here and really what were the odds we tried for 6 years without any positive results surely one night in december couldn t result in anything i took a test 4 days ago it was positive my mind was blown and my world literally felt like it was spinning i keep thinking it s too soon but omg i am having a baby all on our own i immediately start googling age gaps in children and imagining them playing together and being best friends because they will be so close in age i began mourning the alone time i ll have with my son but envisioning another little squish in my arms i m sure i went through all the crazy thoughts fertiles have when they first find out they are pregnant and it is not planned my lines were not as dark as they were when i was pregnant with my son i chalked it up to not really knowing when conception happened a luxury i have never had before i made an appointment with my doctor but something inside me said this is not real this is not your story we couldn t see anything on the sonogram the doctor said it s probably too early they took my blood and said to come back in two days again i heard myself saying this is not your story this morning my line was barley visible i took three tests all with the same results my beta came back at 21 and my progesterone was 1 they like to see it at 10 i know many people on ttc boards will say things about test dye and water intake and it s not over until it s over but this is my story i know where we go from here and i know the ending and i m angry i did not ask for this i was not trying i was happy and content and i did not ask for my fertility or lack thereof to be a player in my life at the moment i am angry that the universe decided to drag this issue to the forefront i m an angry i have not had more time to forget i am not fertile i am angry to be grieving a child i am losing i guess most of all i am angry my fertility issue didn t magically go away i guess if you ever try to forget your story the universe will find a way to remind you and i m angry about that infertility unicornuateuterus this entry was posted in uncategorized and tagged infertility unicornuate uterus on january 6 2016 by bebepaulo finally out 4 replies this was the photo we posted on facebook making it official i made sure to note our 6 year struggle it was important to me to acknowledge our longest wish finally coming true technically we are a week early making the announcement but we re not worried after we took the picture the hubs was so excited to share i couldn t tell him no the due date is a little bit of a gray area i think our official due date is march 1st but it varies depending on how the ultrasound is measured plus with my unicornuate uterus i ll most likely go into labor early so we just put february it feels good to finally be able to share the news with family and friends this entry was posted in uncategorized and tagged infertility ivf unicornuate uterus on august 9 2014 by bebepaulo 10 weeks 13 replies thought i d stop in and give ya ll an update since it s been a few weeks pregnancy has definitely been immediately calming for me i know not normal i m not on pins and needles waiting for my next ultrasound or test result i m not a bag full of nerves i m mellow so that s cool as for symptoms i ve been pretty exhausted the last few weeks but i m lucky enough to sleep when my body tells me i need to sleep i ve been a little nauseous before meal times but i haven t had any food aversions really as far as first trimesters go i think i got the long straw at first this concerned me but everything has been fine i m thinking this is really just god saying girl you ve been through enough here is a present from me you re welcome i feel truly blessed at this moment everything seems to be falling into place one thing i ve certainly learned from the past year or so is you re exactly where you need to be and to acknowledge the moment live it feel it respect it i m not sure why i went there let s just chalk it up to pregnancy glow through words our last appointment was with our ob the baby was dancing around and looked so freakin cute even the doctor who was dry as toast lit up when he saw the baby doing a jig they took a ton of blood i m talking 7 10 vials of blood apparently it s standard to do genetic testing at their practice one cool thing although not really relevant to us is that they took a swab of the hubs mouth and can determine the sex of the baby this was last week so they can find that out at 9 weeks crazy we decided not to find out the sex of the baby we d like at least one thing in this process to be old fashioned plus we can t think of a more exciting moment than to find out the sex on our baby s birthday i ll leave you with a picture of my view for today enjoy this entry was posted in first time mom ivf and tagged infertility ivf unicornuate uterus on august 5 2014 by bebepaulo 7 weeks 12 replies i know i haven t posted in a while most women in my position say they have been in pregnancy land but i don t know what that is and it sounds scary honestly there just isn t as much going on as there was during my cycles there are less doctor appointments less drugs and less anxiety at least for me from my understanding that isn t totally normal my life is just calming down and it feels amazing i think i just consciously made the decision not to be a stressed out anymore it s like i could see the stress and anxiety in my hand and i just set it down and walked away now don t get me wrong i have moments of worry but they are brief moments rather than the obsessive hours they use to be infertility literally sucks the life out of you it s all you can think about talk about and dream about there s no sugar coating it it fucking sucks and no one can even possibly begin to understand unless they live it like any disease i imagine it s for this very reason i will not be starting a new blog this community has been more helpful than i could ever imagine and i am permanently invested in your stories and continue to follow them as i hope you do mine on the pregnancy front things are progressing beautifully the heart beat jumped up to 131 i m still amazed that this miracle is growing inside me i thought we were out for sure after the betas clearly this baby is not a showboater just like its parents as for me my symptoms have been minimal i feel so blessed i ve had bouts of nausea but nothing to complain about my pimples are gone my rashes are clearing up the gas on the other hand ya that s getting worse i have to say that s not fun when i m around other people and um movements have been non existent for 5 6 days so there s that i wanted to post some pictures of my poas obsession i know i really appreciated comparing them to other people s when i was obsessed unsure what i was looking at so here you go 4dp5dt 8dp5dt 9dp5dt over 5 weeks before i threw them out the hubs questioned me to make sure it s what i wanted to do he also wanted to make sure i knew i was throwing out over 100 worth of sticks enjoy this entry was posted in first time mom ivf and tagged first time mom ivf pregnancy on july 14 2014 by bebepaulo first ultrasound 28 replies and we have a heartbeat people our little baby was measuring 6 weeks 2 days i thought i was 6 weeks 1 day and had a heartbeat of 107 you could even see it flickering on the screen the technician thought this was great news i of course cried everyone at the clinic was congratulating us even the billing coordinator and i m not even sure how she found out she said news spreads fast for the patients they like i m feeling relatively calm i m not obsessively looking into numbers nor am i interested in comparing i was told the normal range was 90 110 and my doctor likes to see anything over 100 so i m trusting him there is so much out there that can get us wrapped into a ball of anxiety and i want nothing to do with it no matter how hard the world tries i think the stress of the betas floored me and i just can t i m done with that anyone with if has learned they can t control shit even with science on your side you can t control shit this baby will either grow and be born into arms that loved and fought for it long long before it was born or it won t and there s nothing i can do about it but love it at this very moment as for symptoms i get a little queasy here and there but i have a pretty high protein diet and that seems to help my face is broken out like a 16 year old girl in fact it s worse now than when i went through puberty i pee constantly i m gassy bad but enough on that my boobs are huge and tender but what else is new i m getting rashes in unsightly places like my eyelid i m also still thirsty as hell and have metal mouth oh and i m moody besides all that i m really enjoying being pregnant the last time i posted i think i talked about wanting morning sickness well screw that i don t have it and i don t want it the universe owes me that i think lol this entry was posted in first time mom ivf and tagged first time mom ivf pregnancy on july 8 2014 by bebepaulo in laws 5 replies that title probably made you think there s a bunch of juicy drama in this post lol funny how words carry connotations sorry no drama here i got the sweetest package from my mother in law today i can t wait until i m sick enough to need those ginger gummy things until then sees candy it is the necklace in the pic is actually a unicorn necklace my sister in law sent me a few weeks ago can you believe she found a unicorn necklace i wore it during conception lol i bet she loves knowing that here s a close up i m pretty blessed to have these people in my family my sister in law feels more like a sister than an in law and that s not an easy thing to accomplish since she lives on the opposite side of the country as for how i m feeling i m feeling pretty good and i m hating it i d love to be puking my brains out right now although i ve read morning sickness does not equate to a healthy pregnancy and i m about a week or two early for that still i don t care i wanna puke i m pretty petrified that things are not progressing the way they should and i don t know it because of the progesterone i m taking i know feeling that way is normal but knowing that doesn t make me feel any better i ve been on an emotional freakin roller coaster the past 6 years ttc that climaxed over the last 9 months during treatments i thought it would subside once i got a bfp but no no that would be a little too fair of life wouldn t it the wait for my ultrasound isn t anywhere close to the wait for beta results but i wouldn t say it feels like i m in disneyland either i m sure my anxiety will go up the closer we get to it i m trying to not google i m sure i ll be better at that now that i ran out of hpts yes i ve been taking them daily and chasing the obsession to understand the results for hours on end lame i do not recommend doing this for now i m trying to enjoy the sun the holiday weekend and tan like it s my job this entry was posted in first time mom and tagged first time mom infertility ivf pregnancy on july 2 2014 by bebepaulo way way wanted june 28 2014 2 replies beta 3 34 replies i m going to make this short and sweet because i m more interested in your thoughts please don t hold back positive or negative i m just glad to be done with betas that past week was the most stressful and anxious week of my life and i ve had some stress in my life let me tell ya 9dp5dt 73 11dp5dt 123 13dp5dt 284 this entry was posted in ivf and tagged infertility ivf on june 27 2014 by bebepaulo beta limbo hell 5 replies first thank you everyone for the support yesterday while i am staying cautiously optimistic i most certainly wasn t there yesterday i m trying not to get too hopeful but know i m not out of the game either here s a chart i found that shows me slightly above average it doesn t mean much to me at this point it s just so damn early to have anything mean anything it s times like this that make me pissed off at infertility i mean if i were a casual reproducer i wouldn t be hanging onto beta results every two days or peeing on sticks daily and brining them way too close to my face so i can analyze the darkness of the lines if i was a casual reproducer i would take a pregnancy test get a positive maybe take a blood test to confirm then see my doctor at 7 or 8 or 10 weeks apparently i am much too high tech for that nonsense my frer tests have darkened every day but the last two days they ve stayed basically the same darkness that could be because i switched methods to peeing in a cup so i can also do a wondofro test yes i am that obsessed at this point and yes peeing in a cup daily is kind of gross and yes it brings me an ounce of peace so i do it don t judge so while my frer have stayed about the same my wondofro test was quit a bit darker today i ve also felt a bit queasy today i m still thirsty as hell and have metal mouth does all that make me feel better no it does not i m in beta limbo hell it s a good thing i booked a massage for my birthday today that s at least an hour i can t be on the internet obsessively researching crap this entry was posted in ivf and tagged infertility ivf on june 26 2014 by bebepaulo beta 2 27 replies first beta 73 second beta 120 i have to go back friday personally i m preparing for the worst this entry was posted in ivf uncategorized and tagged infertility ivf on june 25 2014 by bebepaulo post navigation older posts search for recent posts if you ever forget the universe will remind you finally out 10 weeks 7 weeks first ultrasound recent comments sondra on if you ever forget the univer lauf91412 on finally out jillian on finally out awaiting autumn on finally out elisha on finally out archives january 2016 august 2014 july 2014 june 2014 may 2014 april 2014 march 2014 categories first time mom hpt iuis ivf side effects testing testing 123 uncategorized meta create account log in entries feed comments feed wordpress com create a free website or blog at wordpress com unicorns and baby dust create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed unicorns and baby dust join 82 other subscribers sign me up have a wordpress com account log in now privacy unicorns and baby dust view site in reader manage subscriptions sign up log in report this content collapse this bar loading comments write a 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