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description=Our journey into Domestic Discipline to make our marriage wonderful.;

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Text of the page (random words):
me in the last day looking at and reading some of the old posts in this blog both those i published and those that are only in my draft file what i have understood from that reading reinforces my conviction that a heightened strict way of organizing our relationship is exactly what i want both from you and from myself as i look back on what is in my files it is remarkable to me how little my thinking on this has changed it shows that not just now but last year 2 years ago 3 and even more years ago i wanted you your guidance and most importantly your follow through and consistency on punishment i hope this is the time that all of this will truly sink in and you will embrace this lifestyle both for me but also for you what i also learned from reading my files is that this is not going away for me i truly believe i will always want this and i truly hope that you can really accept that and me and take this ride with me the past two months have been hard for both of us the problem is that we both let what was happening externally affect us we both let the dynamic fall away we pretty much quit having sex not good you didn t call me out on anything and i didn t follow through on my rules at all i have been way too snarky and rude to you in the the last two months and the last month absolutely i understand that respect is vitally important to how you and most men feel love being spoken to in a civil non sarcastic way is what you deserve you are the reason our family is what it is you deserve to be spoken to with respect and i have not shown you nearly the respect you deserve lately please don t put up with it respect is one of the core tenants of this dynamic and something i have promised you if i am not speaking to you with respect then i am not honoring you and all you do for me and for our family and i deserve your reproach as i said in my public post there are so many times lately that i would have punished me i have to believe that more than once you wanted to call me out and demand my respect but because of people around you let it go please don t please at least say something at the end of the day or take me aside and call me out let me know i am at or over the line i really cannot know what you find acceptable if you don t tell me i don t want us to not joke and tease but i think we both know many times i am just snarky and mean and that is not ok i also know that with our son around all the time that we both will have to get creative silent punishment or non spanking punishment will be needed just because we are not alone does not mean i don t want to live this way i need to be respectful maybe even more when our son is around and watching we need to model for him how we think a husband and wife should act around each other i never want him to know that we are d s but i do want him to see a couple who is deeply in love and a husband who is in charge and a wife who follows it is almost more important to expect my respectful speech when he is around for instance i should never back seat drive but doing it in front of him makes it doubly bad i hope you agree and act accordingly i let other things fall away as well i definitely let my housekeeping chores fall away and did them when and how i wanted not on any schedule or to any particular standard sometimes i did this out of laziness and sometimes i did it to test and see if you would notice you didn t and so i continued the behavior it really is a circle for me when we have let things slide i am committing to you now to return to the published housekeeping schedule everything must be done for the week or i must talk to you and get an extension or exemption checkin is on sunday or monday which ever is best for you the everyday things are non negotiable my clothing is another area that i have changed i don t know if you even noticed today is the first time i have worn a skirt or dress for a long time skirts do much for both of us i think if i am ruling my own life especially in the winter i would wear pants every day and so i have been but skirts are more feminine they are an outward sign of my submission to you and this dynamic we choose they give you immediate access and make me much more available pants are essentially a sign of defiance if i want to wear them on a particular day going forward i will ask your permission lastly i feel like i completely got away from using the honorific sir i think using it is important for several reasons it demonstrates respect and you appreciate it that alone is enough but it does more i have to do it with intention it is not a natural thing so every time i use it i do so on purpose we have both decided it is important and i hope you start to expect it of me whenever we are alone thank you sir for having me write this it does make me examine myself and our dynamic and i hope it helps us both yours share this share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print like loading new year old us 01 31 2016 02 03 2016 zoe 9 comments i m writing again i m writing again if i say it and do it enough i hope it will be an i think i can i think i can and then an i knew i could i knew i could kind of thing anyway like i said before hello it feels good to typing again let me tell you a little about the me of 2016 i m still here and i would love to say that we are going great gangbusters in our dominance and submission but you know this is about being true and frankly our dynamic is a bit lacking lately for reasons mostly having to do with privacy and time we have been pretty vanilla of late i wish i didn t need his dominance so much i wish i could give him submission all the time and at the same level as i want to even when we are vanilla and busy and i m not getting dominance from him i have thought so much about this i want to do things for other people i want to make other s lives easier especially for my family and most especially for my husband when i am open and giving and focused on doing everything i can to smooth the way for him it makes me truly happy i don t know why i am wired this way but i am it took me a long time to recognize it and a long time to put a name to it but i am a submissive not out in the world and not as my public persona at all but in my home and with my husband i want to be his help he does so much for me and for our family i hope i have said this before but i will say it now he truly is the best man i know he deserves my devotion he deserves my best i wish i were strong enough to always give it but i do need his help to allow that submissive side to come out and more importantly to stay out i need him i need to feel his presence i need to feel structure and walls and limits i so like the safety i feel in rules i like knowing where the line is and that he is watching i like the visibility of rules and while i don t like punishments themselves i do need punishment i have thought so much about this and i think that is really what it boils down to for me in order to punish someone you must care it is a very active thing you have to set the boundaries pay attention to the behavior and then actively get involved by taking action when punishing you cannot be passive and punish for me it is not so much about the spanking itself but about the time attention effort resolve and commitment that he must demonstrate in order to punish and it doesn t have to be spanking it can be time out corner time lines really anything he comes up with the point is for me that he took the time to notice and then had the fortitude to impose himself on me as i write this i feel my grown woman modern self cringing in many ways i don t know that i will ever loose that struggle of wanting this kind of discipline and attention even in our modern world i know it is not pc but that doesn t diminish this want and need in me so i will say it again i want and need his rules and more importantly his punishments i want and need his rules and most importantly his punishments i don t think i have a spanking kink as much as i have a punishment kink the problem for me and for us comes in that implementation even after 4 years of this we are at different levels i want and need this so much more than him i just do so there s the struggle there are so many times that i would punish me if i were in charge i would not put up with some of the things i do and definitely some of the things i say and how i say them when i start to feel like that my submission and my doing things for him with a happy and humble heart really diminish i wish i could say i was stronger than that but i can t i need to feel him actively participating it is a constant struggle anyway i think that might be a good start for writing again admitting your issues is always a big start i hope i need his attention and for me that means punishments i will show him this latter it is nothing he hasn t heard before but maybe it will stick this time share this share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print like loading is anybody out there 01 31 2016 zoe 2 comments i really can t believe it has been 14 months since i wrote anything here it s funny when i first started blogging and were new it was really pretty all consuming that feeling of wanting to put all that i was thinking and feeling down in a post i m a very verbal person but this is not something you can talk about with anyone you know at least for me and so i wrote i wrote here and i wrote on my private blog just for alex but after awhile it began to feel like i was saying all the same things and feeling all the same things we are up we are down we are good we are struggling the kids are home so we have pretty much put the dynamic away for a bit the kids are gone so i think things will improve i really want this does he really want this we talked we are trying again on and on and on broken record who wants to read that who wants to see the same thing over and over but probably more significantly for me why would i want to write that it became a graphic representation of our stagnation and so i quit writing but lately i have been feeling like even if that is the case i should write again i need to process things now just as much as before and this is still an excellent way to do that so i am going to do that i am going to write i am going to make myself write i would love to tell you that everything is going strong but as always we are a work in progress and i continue to be in a position of pushing or pulling him along with me but maybe this introspection will help that process along anyway hello again is there anybody out there i hope there is someone still there but even if you have all gone away i m still here and beginning again my next post will be a full update and some thoughts on where i am but i wanted to start with hello share this share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print like loading happy new year 12 31 2014 12 31 2014 zoe 7 comments h appy new year one and all later tonight we will gather with friends for a lovely meal and fireworks to ring in the new year i hope you and yours have a fun and safe new year wishing you blessings and good fortune in 2015 share this share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print like loading merry christmas 12 26 2014 12 26 2014 zoe 2 comments it is just past midnight on december 26th but it still feels like christmas so i hope i m not too late we had a wonderful day here full of family and friends and good food we wish for you and yours that you had the same merry christmas one and all share this share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print like loading and now for the update 11 15 2014 11 15 2014 zoe 9 comments first i want to thank all of you who commented on my last lol post it means more than i can say that there is anyone still reading after all the time i have spent away from the blog thank you all i never planned to stay away for any length of time you know how it goes first it was summer with all the challenges that brings extra kids extra eyes and ears means less privacy and a lesser dynamic then school started again and we were more active but i feel like i have written the we are starting again post more than once and so didn t feel there was much new to say it felt like we were doing well kind of chugging along and then it just stopped well that s not exactly right he just kind of stopped we were doing submission exercises and he was checking in on me and doing maintenance pretty regularly and then it just stopped i was confused and concerned he had experienced a pretty significant disappointment at work and i know it bothered him and shook his confidence and i now know that was the trigger i tried to be patient and wait it out but after almost three weeks i couldn t any longer and confronted him all the specifics are not that important but ultimately he said he wanted us to take a break i was completely devastated how could he want a break what did that even look or feel like you have to go back many many years to find a point that we were relating well on a vanilla basis it was spanking and that exchange of power which put us on a path of healing what was broken and i truly didn t and frankly don t have a good picture in my head of how we would relate without it after three years in this lifestyle i am a firm believer in a leader for the family someone who has the ultimate power to decide things for the good of the family but it goes beyond that for me there are so many times i consciously ask for his approval or make a decision myself based on what i think he would prefer i m not sure he even really appreciates the depths of this from me but it is conscious for me if we are not going to live in this dynamic then i think i could get a lot more selfish in...