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Text of the page (random words):
otional it can be political of course but shouldn t have to be many people with ocd experience fears of illness and these people at times including myself are particularly susceptible to this type of scare and media hype luckily i have not been unreasonably worried about ebola this year it should be noted however that for someone with ocd media hype isn t even necessary those of us with ocd often develop fears based on stimuli which would hardly even affect normal people let alone scare them sometimes it seems people think it is necessary to over state or exaggerate something to make an impression on others at all sometimes i wonder if this had to do with my childhood fear of germs and hand washing compulsion at school teachers emphasized hand washing they showed us videos about germs the normal kids went on not washing their hands but i decided to every day before lunch it separated me from the other kids it was a ritual no one else did yet i only washed my hands once every single day before lunch not that that was the only time i washed my hands but the only unusual time i washed my hands at school would i have been this way if teachers hadn t treated me like every other kid assuming i would not listen well enough or take the concern of germs seriously i don t know would i have had other ocd fears and compulsions probably but is it right to overstate what we say to kids assuming they will only mind half of it tagged contamination ebola ebolavirus fears germs hand washing learning obsessive compulsive disorder ocd teaching kids 5 comments september 29 2014 by willitbeok the last or first time i m kind of in a hurry right now so i could probably do a better job on this but i m kind of in a hurry with this blog in general lately so i m just going to go with it this is a parody of that the last time poem for parents that s been going around facebook lately it s called the last or first time it s about ocd and i originally meant for it to be funny but it s kind of funny and sad but mostly i intended it to be funny the last or first time from the moment you realize you have ocd you will never be the same you might long for the person you were before when you had freedom and time and nothing in particular to worry about or you may not remember not worrying at all you will know tiredness like you never knew it before and days will run into days that are exactly the same full of counting and tapping ruminating and crying repeating things over and over it might seem like a never ending cycle but don t forget you never know exactly how many times any one thing will happen there will come a time when you will feed your baby for the second or third time they will fall asleep on you after a long day and it will be the fourth or fifth time you ever hold your sleeping child one day you will carry them on your hip then set them down and pick them up that way again nine times to make it even then wonder whether you should count picking them up and putting them down as one or two you will scrub their hair in the bath one night and from that day on they will want to bathe alone because you made them wash their hair four extra times they will not hold your hand to cross the road not because of germs but because if they touched your hand you would have to touch their other hand 2 times and then repeat it once so it makes 4 but not just do it 4 times in the first place because that s different it has to be two sets of two they will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles and because it s 12 am and am seems like an odd number and pm seems like an even number it s not ok to do anything at 12 am 1 am is ok because 1 is an odd number and am odd number even number it doesn t have to make sense it just feels right one afternoon you will sing the wheels on the bus and do all the actions then never sing them that song again because the number of syllables in the title adds up to an odd number they will kiss you goodbye at the school gate the next day they will kiss you goodbye two times because the first time didn t feel right you don t always have to add up all the totals to be even it just depends on how it feels you will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face they will one day run to you with arms raised for the third time or maybe it s the fourth or the fifth you will send them back across the playground to run towards you again and count the number of steps they take while running and maybe that will make it better the thing is you won t even know how many times all of these things happened until you spend your entire life counting and even then you won t be able to account for the times you were too young to have memories and can t be sure whether you in some way knew how to count things back then so while you are living in these times remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone you will yearn for just one more day of them so you can stop counting tagged mental health awareness mental illness mental health obsessive compulsive disorder ocd awareness ocd poem ocd poetry poems poetry 2 comments september 20 2014 by willitbeok the 30 things post apparently there s this thing going around now where you post 30 things about your invisible illness that others may not know what else may you not know i m up late and very tired right now but always very tired as i m taking care of a newborn lately anyway you can thank invisibleillnessweek com for this post and here s the beginning of this whole trend also apparently note i could ve made this about ocd chronic tic disorder or hypothyroidism or idiopathic immune depending on which doctor you ask thrombocytopenic purpura but in the interest of simplicity and not making anyone pronounce any new words i picked ocd will i do others in the future if i get bored maybe 30 things about my invisible illness you may not know 1 the illness i live with is obsessive compulsive disorder 2 i was diagnosed with it in the year 2013 3 but i had symptoms since as long as i can remember 4 the biggest adjustment i ve had to make is realizing that my brain frequently tells me something is wrong when it s not 5 most people assume that ocd just means i like having things neat and am particular 6 the hardest part about mornings are that i often wake up immediately thinking about something that really bothered me from yesterday which i had tried to stop thinking about 7 my favorite medical tv show is um i don t really have one i ve seen a few episodes of house that i liked but i doubt there is such a thing as a medically accurate medical tv show unless it s a documentary of some kind in which case it s probably not a show this was a really long answer anyway medicine is a strong interest of mine so i have a feeling the inaccuracies in popular dramas would frustrate me though this would actually have nothing to do with my ocd i just made the long answer even longer 8 a gadget i couldn t live without is my ipad mini but only because it s the last present my dad got for me before he died 9 the hardest part about nights are trying to stop thinking about everything that s been bothering me 10 each day i take 2 pills vitamins no comments please 10 5 i really really wanted to add a comment to 10 and that is i take 0 pills vitamins that have anything to do with treating my ocd 11 regarding alternative treatments i this depends on what you mean by alternative if you mean homeopathy or seeing a chiropractor no but i am open to lots of other things i am a skeptic and i believe in modern medicine and science 12 if i had to choose between an invisible illness or visible i would choose visible because then i don t have to explain to people what is wrong as much maybe 13 regarding working and career fortunately my ocd has not interfered much with this except for sometimes making me tired from being up all night being upset about something for nights on end 14 people would be surprised to know that me being detail oriented and meticulous is probably a completely different facet of my personality unrelated to my ocd 15 the hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been actually being diagnosed was a big relief for me and i think i faced more struggles when i didn t know or tried to hide my problems since i ve most likely had ocd my whole life if this question means a contrast between life before ocd and life after i really can t answer that 16 something i never thought i could do with my illness that i did was um stopped thinking about something that bothers me because that s pretty much simultaneously the most stupid and simple sounding accomplishment yet also the most difficult one raising children is pretty tough though 17 the commercials about my illness i don t really see any 18 something i really miss doing since i was diagnosed is worrying no i don t miss worrying plus i still do it anyway otherwise i do the same stuff 19 it was really hard to have to give up a feeling of trust in my poorly wired instincts 20 a new hobby i have taken up since my diagnosis is blogging about my diagnosis 21 if i could have one day of feeling normal again i would since i ve always had ocd i always feel normal but um i would probably accomplish a lot more if i didn t have to spend so much energy trying to ignore my own thoughts so i would probably just go out and do a lot of stuff 22 my illness has taught me that i have the power to ruin my life by creating problems because i m worried that they will exist 23 want to know a secret one thing people say that gets under my skin is that i m worrying about something little or not a big deal if i felt like it wasn t a big deal why would i be worried about it oh thanks that thing i thought was a big deal is suddenly not a big deal just because you said so without stating any other reasons or even trying to find out why i think it s important thanks 24 but i love it when people help me restructure my own thoughts instead of rebuilding them for me for example do you really think washing your hands again will make you feel finally sure that they are clean or will you maybe just want to do it again in five minutes versus you re worrying too much stop washing your hands all the time why are you making a big deal out of nothing 25 my favorite motto scripture quote that gets me through tough times is um i need to find one i do think being able to laugh in the face of adversity is important though being able to laugh at yourself and your situation not like laughing cruelly at your enemies that s not what i mean 26 when someone is diagnosed i d like to tell them to expect people to make a bunch of assumptions and give nonsense advice constantly and just to be pleasantly surprised when it doesn t happen 27 something that has surprised me about living with an illness is i can t really answer this because i ve probably always had ocd 28 the nicest thing someone did for me when i wasn t feeling well was treated me as though my thoughts feelings and concerns were valid and important 29 i m involved with invisible illness week because i have an invisible illness i m bored and need to update my blog 30 the fact that you read this list makes me feel special tagged 30 things invisible illness invisible illness week mental illness mental health obsessive compulsive disorder ocd ocd awareness 4 comments september 17 2014 by willitbeok coming back an ego centric post i love to be doing better but going too long without writing is not a good thing and i tend to only realize a problem is ocd after it s too late this means my mindfulness could use improvement the more something bothers me the more it gives me that something bad is about to happen if i don t resolve this feeling and the more i feel compelled to think about it it sounds simple to be aware of this basic cycle but ocd is good at tricking us here s another problem should i still be open about my ocd will new people i meet judge me if they learn it too soon i don t force bringing it up but i don t hide it either i figure this is the best approach it s an embarrassing but true part of who i am and i feel that trying to hide it would be bad in the long run i have to be honest with others and myself about who i am it s been a while since i ve regularly updated this blog i need to take a good look at it and make sure i don t write too much about things i ve already covered but then isn t that what ocd is all about tagged cbt cognitive behavioral therapy mental illness mindfulness obsessive compulsive disorder ocd leave a comment july 17 2014 by willitbeok ocd desert lately i ve been in a desert where i have few ocd symptoms or the ones i have don t bother me as much as they used to and i m grateful for that part of me is sad i haven t had much to write about but i m glad that i don t feel ocd is controlling my life i feel more aware of the anxiety in my life and more able to control it i feel more aware of my own fears and worries and that helps me cope with them a lot better i still struggle with others assuming when i express concern that i have been over worrying and that s probably something i ll struggle with my whole life once a worrier others will tend to naturally assume you are just worrying too much but right now that s the worst part i hope that one day those close to me will trust when i express concern about something that yes it is valid and no i m not just worrying too much at the very least consideration that my concerns might be valid would be appreciated i know we are all capable of error sometimes but i would prefer it if the default assumption is no longer she must just be stressing out over something silly i guess i will just have to work to get to that point tagged dealing with people family mental illness obsessive compulsive disorder ocd ocd stigma ocd symptoms worrying 3 comments march 25 2014 by willitbeok what s ocd and what isn t to help people understand ocd a little better here are some simple ocd and non ocd examples not ocd washing your hands frequently ocd washing your hands because you looked at a bottle of poison and worry that poison particles might have floated onto your hands not ocd keeping a clean house and being tidy to a fault ocd cleaning your house even though you don t want to because of an object that touched something that touched something that touched something else that might have touched something dirty months ago that has since been cleaned and now all of these objects are probably contaminated not ocd being conscious and careful about germs ocd worrying that germs can travel in ways they actually don t or believing that certain numbers or colors are associated with the spread of germs i e if i looked at something blue the number x i ll probably get sick not ocd enjoying routines and following rules ocd following routines and rules that you hate because you feel like if you don t something bad will happen not ocd keeping objects straight and neat ocd readjusting an object ev...